How many 5 year olds....

[Locke]

Originally Posted by TurnedTheCorner

According to the site, I could only take 9.

It sounds like a 5 year old could take 9 of you.....

[maverickeastwood]

Originally Posted by Locke

It sounds like a 5 year old could take 9 of you.....

ouch!

[topfiverecords]

5 yr old 1 - $132k Statue 0

[Finger Cookin]

This thirteen year old thread could take at least 2.6 five year olds.

[monkeyman]

All those 5 year olds are teenagers now and looking for revenge.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by monkeyman

All those 5 year olds are teenagers now and looking for revenge.

With a touch of brain damage from having their faces kicked in!

This thread was gold.

[monkeyman]

Originally Posted by Locke

With a touch of brain damage from having their faces kicked in!

This thread was gold.

Its only a matter of time until one of them starts a “How many old men...” thread.

[bizaro86]

This thread is gold. The comment about running around to tire them out was clearly made by someone who hasn't interacted much with preschool aged children.

My 4 year old can run hard for 20-30 min in a row and still be ready to give me a piledriver for sitting down.

[indes]

This thread is awesome. 28 myself which sounds fairly accurate, I think I'd be pretty gassed after that. That being said if I got a few tries and really got a low energy technique going (maybe some swift head kicks?) I feel like I could take 50+ on the 3rd go round.

[TheScorpion]

0, because I am five years old myself.

[afc wimbledon]

You use the first one as a club to batter the rest, eventually you can pile the bodies up into some form of wall to hold them back, be there forever

[Incogneto]

I saw this thread, and my first thought was 'I started this thread????'

[foshizzle11]

That is gold Incogneto, hilarious.

I haven't laughed this hard at any thread on CP for a long time. We need more threads like this. I didn't even notice how old it was until someone pointed it out.

[BloodFetish]

Am I allowed a bucket of grease? I want to know before I give a number.

[Robo]

As a father of a 5 year old ...those things are relentless my god I don't think I could take on more than 10 plus just about any movement they make is a nut shot

[wookster]

So I decided to do some recon on this with my 5 yo daughter last night just to see what my number would be. First a little background on the contestants:

Me: 46 years old - Male - 220lbs - grew up on a farm and play hockey and baseball so quite active and no stranger to a battle. Although I've spent the last 10 years or so working in an office so I may have gotten a little 'soft'

5 yo: 5 years old - Female - 42lbs - Very active with 6 months of karate lessons and the proud owner of a red TimBits soccer shirt. Grew up in the city but to my knowledge has never worked in an office or otherwise soft environment.


I started by laying down the ground rules as pointed out by the original post of the thread, this is where it all started to go sideways. First off, they cheat!! You can say no weapons but it will fall on deaf ears. Even while I was saying it she was picking up a Disney's Frozen Princess Elsa Wand and started swinging it around like a gladiator. Then the conversation went like this:

Me: you can't use weapons
Her: Im not, im using my princess wand
Me: In this case its a weapon, so you can't use it
Her: Ok, but I just want to use it
Me: But thats not allowed
Her: Ok, but Im just going to use it
Me: Yikes

Our battle began and things went south for me in a hurry, I advanced slowly all the while being very wary of the princess wand, and didn't notice the piece of Lego on the floor until I stepped on it. As I raised one foot in the air in pain from the land mine I just stepped on she attacked my other shin with the wand and yelled "freeze ray" and gave me a whack. Now this thing is hard plastic and weighs in at what seems like 5lbs and really should be banned as a toy, but regardless she got me right on the shin and it dropped me. To make matters worse, every time you touch something with that stupid wand, it belts out a loud, evil robotic rendition of "let it go" which instinctively made me cover my ears and leaving me vulnerable.

Then in a blur she is flying off the ottoman WWE style with a landing on my now exposed ribs in a move that would have made the Hitman proud. She bounced off me at this point and I was able to get a hand on her back to pin her down. Then the dog moved in, obviously wanting to simulate an additional 5 yo, with a jump of its own right on to my back. Luckily I know just how to deal with the dog...scratching behind the ears...I know this pretty much puts him to sleep but I had to take my other hand away from pinning her down in order to do this. I hear a battle cry behind me and know I'm going to get hit but I need to focus on putting the dog to sleep in order to even up the odds. She jumps on my back just as the dog closes his eyes and I feel two little arms wrap around my neck in a choke hold. She had me dead to rights...then I thought what would Steven Seagal do? I let her momentum carry us forward and rolled my shoulder at the same time in order to flip her onto the couch. I then applied the only defense I know of against a 5 yo...tickling. She tapped out after 30 seconds or so of that.

I was able to win, but barely and at least I didn't get hit in the jewels. Armed with this knowledge I can now say that I could take out 5-6 at the most, maybe a couple more if luck is on my side.

[FireFly]

5 out of 5 stars. Would read again.


I will be back in 2 years with my own story of beating up a 5 year old.

[Sylvanfan]

2 years ago for my son's 6th birthday we rented part of a swimming pool. I had to hold back on the aggression piece, but I think I finally caved in when the 11th kid got the idea to kick out me knees' while I had 6 of them hanging off various parts of me, and four others beating me with pool noodles. Realistically though, it's the screaming that they can wrangle up, that will break me down. Lose focus, and expose my weakness.