Kijiji Hilarities

[sketchyt]

Just posted in the hockey section:

Slightly used Defence Men
I am wondering if there is a hockey team out there that would be willing to trade a complete set of defencemen for a slightly used set that we currently have. Dont get me wrong our guys are fairly reliable, excessivly hairy ( at least one of them ) have exceptionally large scrotums ( again at least one of them ) and after 1 more year of hooked on phonics will be able to hold a relatively mature conversation. These guys are a lot of fun in the shower and at xmas time hold an exclusive to D-Men coloring competition which from the outside looks like a lot of fun.
hahahahah merry Xmas D-Men !!!!!!!

[Shaggin Wagon]

Originally Posted by Rudee

Fake fake fake fake fake.....

Not a fake, it's a troll. An epic troll. E-mails from an A-hole. I don't think he really wants to buy the shovel but but he did put in the effort of trolling the hell out of a lot of people.

I found the site funny but I could see how it can infuriate people.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/


This one is a classic:
http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=84

[HOOT]

I can't find the link to post because the ad expired but found the text for it in an old email.

OK, let me start off by saying this jeep is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this jeep would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn’t let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don’t even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It’s got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you’re operating on yourself. The jeep also has an automatic transmission so if you’re being chased by Libyan terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It’s saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There’s a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $9950, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $5,000 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There’s only 142000 on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I’ll get back to you. And when I do, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I’m throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can’t fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.

[gargamel]

Originally Posted by Shaggin Wagon

I found the site funny but I could see how it can infuriate people.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/


This one is a classic:
http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=84

There's some great stuff on there, but this one especially made me lose it. http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=103

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Awesome!

http://alberta.kijiji.ca/c-community...AdIdZ440872394

To the 2 girls who responded to my screams and helped me fight poltergeist activity in my house! Thank you! If you see this ad, I would like to buy both of you dinner in appreciation for helping me stop the activities in my house!

[AR_Six]

Originally Posted by Chingas

Fake or not, some of the stuff on don't even reply is freaking hilarious.

This one's my favourite.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=53

[Coach]

Originally Posted by HOOT

I can't find the link to post because the ad expired but found the text for it in an old email.

HAHAHA My boss showed that to me a month or so ago. I was howling. So good.

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-s...AdIdZ441043764

[Dion]

Sometimes a marriage needs a "cooling-off" period before resolving issues. How better to cool an overheated relationship than with a twenty-dollar garage refrigerator? This Kijiji Winnipeg icebox could be the answer.

STOP FIGHTING WITH YOUR LADY - ONLY $20 (fridge, refrigerator)

Price $20.00
Address Winnipeg, MB, Canada

Listen, we know you've been fighting with your lady. Some arguments have been reasonable, some not-so-reasonable. So, you're often confined to your cave. These days, the basement is now often the child-sanctuary, or, it's where your lady spends her time scrap-booking, and you're forced to find refuge elsewhere: the garage.

This is where I swoop in, like a masked superhero, except I'm better. How? Let me explain. You're sitting in your garage, blasting Journey's Greatest Hits, slamming back a few brews with your buds. Except that tiny little Coleman cooler isn't anywhere near enough to hold the amount of beer you guys need...you need a fridge. A garage-friendly fridge. One that must be uglier than the one in your kitchen (because, if it's nicer, there will be hell to pay).

Listen, we know you've been fighting with your man. He forgets to clean the gutters. He never puts the toilet seat down. He's a man...he's just gross...and you don't want him contaminating the basement while your kids are playing, and you clearly don't want him getting his car-oil covered hands all over your scrap-booking supplies, so you send him to the garage. Cold in the winter, too hot in the summer.

This is where I swoop in, like a bare-chested Fabio on a white horse, hair flowing like willows in the wind. You want your man to know he did wrong...but you don't want him to suffer...so he needs a fridge. An UGLY fridge, to know that you care, but not too much. Definitely not one nicer than the one in your kitchen, because, let's face it...a garage fridge should not cost more than $20. Oh, look! What am I carrying with me on my horse?

Yes, that's right, ladies and gents. I have that garage fridge for you. Cheap enough so your wife doesn't get mad that you bought it, and ugly enough that your husband will know that you're angry at him.

Make each other happy in the middle of this miserably hot summer! Who knows....I might have just saved your relationship.

Asking $20. Or, an unwanted, unopened bottle of alcohol (because I have also been confined to the garage).

http://www.yousuckatkijiji.com/2012/...riage-631.html

[First Lady]

There must be someone on CP who can do this job.


Wookie needed!! ASAP

Date Listed 22-Jan-13
Location Calgary

I need a wookie for my starwars crazed sons birthday party! Job interview is very simple, just call and make the best wookie noise you can. If you get the voicemail just leave a message. If I like what you got I will give you a call back. Call anytime, anyday. Pay is 500$ for an hour and a half.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

LOL!! Just had this passed along to me!

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-jobs-gene...AdIdZ450133211

Need like 20 witches to stand outside of a house in the South East. Must have own witch uniforms. If you can chant stuff that would help. Will pay $20 each for 30 mins work.

[ratech]

Craiglist... Superbowl ad

http://deadspin.com/5978500/who-want...ium=socialflow

[FireFly]

Originally Posted by TheyCallMeBruce

LOL!! Just had this passed along to me!

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-jobs-gene...AdIdZ450133211

Sounds like someone doesn't know a coven only has 13 witches in it.

[return to the red]

Originally Posted by FireFly

Sounds like someone doesn't know a coven only has 13 witches in it.

are you applying?

[FireFly]

I don't have the required costume. Plus, I'd rather be a wookie for $500 than a witch for $20.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by FireFly

I don't have the required costume. Plus, I'd rather be a wookie for $500 than a witch for $20.

[Regulator75]

It's in the cleaning / housekeeper category.

http://lethbridge.kijiji.ca/c-resume...AdIdZ451294635

Looking to clean up cook work supply groceries pay the rent and watch movies cuddle and potientelly get married, Im 23 single 220 pounds sit at home play games if this sounds like you Then please email me. I do like going in public and on dates im a gentle man

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Kijiji is also used for ranting about how overpriced things are sold by others lol

http://alberta.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-s...AdIdZ459533920




Date Listed 24-Feb-13 Last Edited 24-Feb-13 Price Swap / Trade Address Calgary, AB, Canada
View map



Pedals and amps here are laughingly overpriced...at least about 95% of em. I have bought or sold amps pedals for many many years...I always sell within a day...cause I price things fairly... when they are new it means NEVER left the store period. If it has it is used not new...second it doesnt matter what you save.. pedals are only worth half to 60 % of new max!! Gigged or not doesnt matter to a real musician hahaha... i laugh at that..."never been gigged" who the f*&^ cares! A pedal new is 90 so sellers think it is worth 80 used? Idiots... if it was 90 new ...people..dont pay more than 50 used. I see used stuff in stores marked up and still cheaper than used here. Check your pricing for sure before you buy.Frig no wonder some things sit here for 8 months...

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by TheyCallMeBruce

Kijiji is also used for ranting about how overpriced things are sold by others lol

http://alberta.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-s...AdIdZ459533920

Date Listed 24-Feb-13 Last Edited 24-Feb-13 Price Swap / Trade Address Calgary, AB, Canada
View map

Pedals and amps here are laughingly overpriced...at least about 95% of em. I have bought or sold amps pedals for many many years...I always sell within a day...cause I price things fairly... when they are new it means NEVER left the store period. If it has it is used not new...second it doesnt matter what you save.. pedals are only worth half to 60 % of new max!! Gigged or not doesnt matter to a real musician hahaha... i laugh at that..."never been gigged" who the f*&^ cares! A pedal new is 90 so sellers think it is worth 80 used? Idiots... if it was 90 new ...people..dont pay more than 50 used. I see used stuff in stores marked up and still cheaper than used here. Check your pricing for sure before you buy.Frig no wonder some things sit here for 8 months...

In all fairness there are some ridiculously overpriced items in that category i.e. the guy who is trying to sell an entire pedalboard with 25 pedals and refuses to part it out for $1600. (I did not post the bitching ad)

[OffsideSpecialist]

I want but am too lazy to get two pillsbury milk chocolate cookie doughs in the roll in metro on carling and bring it to my house #### richmond road. In exchange, I am offering a tommy hilfiger large shirt for men.

http://ottawa.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-se...AdIdZ462210378