12-17-2012, 02:11 PM
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#1
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Likes Cartoons
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Kijiji Hilarities
Saw some hilarious ads while surfing the beyond forum. Here's a few from the missed connection section. I think these 2 are related lol.
http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-community...AdIdZ433409580
Date Listed 21-Nov-12 Location Calgary
You... were wearing the pants, or maybe some sort of skirt. You had the hair, and those eyes.
Me. I'm middle aged, balding, and kind of fat. you undressed me with your eyes. Blue I think.
Either way you were looking for a good time. And I am ready to give it to you. Plz respond with picture so I know it was you.
http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-community...AdIdZ436057792
Date Listed 30-Nov-12 Location Calgary
To the woman on Kensington who helped me run away from the man who was following me, thank you! I was in shock and didn't know how to react so thank you for stepping in and helping me get away. I made it home safe.
Feel free to post what you find.
Only rule when posting is make sure you include the ad as well as the link, as the link tends to expire after awhile.
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12-17-2012, 02:16 PM
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#2
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: South of Calgary North of 'Merica
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It's like the TLF's in University papers
__________________
Thanks to Halifax Drunk for the sweet Avatar 
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12-17-2012, 02:29 PM
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#3
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Franchise Player
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It's not up anymore, but I found one months ago that was a woman trying to trade mattresses with someone because she caught her husband cheating in their bed
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12-17-2012, 02:41 PM
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#4
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Likes Cartoons
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This is a really good deal for a psychic if anyone is looking for one. Healiongs and dis-haunting a building included!
http://alberta.kijiji.ca/c-services-...AdIdZ439972121
Date Listed 13-Dec-12 Address Calgary, AB T2A 6N4, Canada
View map
I am a psychic and I am offering my services for $25 an hour. I work for the lord, and feel so blessed to do so. I will be giving money to the church from my job. 70% - keep - %30 - church.
I am an amazing psychic. New to the gift, but got it somehow and cant shut it off. I am a very spiritual person. Also, can assist in other spiritual rituals. Healiongs, dis-haunting a building, etc.... email to find out what other things i can assist with. EMAIL ME and you will get my number from that and set up a time.
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12-17-2012, 02:44 PM
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#5
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: On your last nerve...:D
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Well then. Healiongs all around, for xmas!
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12-17-2012, 02:45 PM
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#6
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First Line Centre
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Oshawa
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http://ottawa.en.craigslist.ca/mis/3485089323.html
they guy thats driving the snow plow that parked at the river - m4m
u parked and seen me an my friend doing something in are car tell me what car an what u did when u walked out an who pulled up to after wards
__________________
Quote:
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Somewhere Leon Trotsky is an Oilers fan, because who better demonstrates his philosophy of the permanent revolution?
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12-17-2012, 02:54 PM
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#7
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Likes Cartoons
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I don't know. Is this normal? Do people party in garages all the time? I'm asking a serious question here. Also, no perverts cause I guess garage parties have a lot of those:
http://alberta.kijiji.ca/c-real-esta...AdIdZ429158296
Date Listed 06-Nov-12 Price Please contact Address Medicine Hat, AB T1A 4H9, Canada
View map
Me and two of my friends are throwing a party this weekend and we need a garage to party in. It will have 20 people maximum. Alcohol but no drugs. If you have a place then message me and you can ask for more details. You are welcome to party with us and bring some of your friends! ~no perverts please.. thanks!
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12-17-2012, 03:01 PM
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#8
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: On your last nerve...:D
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheyCallMeBruce
I don't know. Is this normal? Do people party in garages all the time?
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Wasn't that Okotoks town councillor's daughter killed at a garage party a few months ago? And some kid got axed at one of these? I'll have to go google. Can't recall for sure.
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12-17-2012, 03:10 PM
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#9
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Realtor®
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Calgary
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minnie
Wasn't that Okotoks town councillor's daughter killed at a garage party a few months ago? And some kid got axed at one of these? I'll have to go google. Can't recall for sure.
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I assume you are talking about this as the second incident...
http://www.canada.com/calgaryherald/...21653b&k=39837
It wasnt a garage party...the unfortunate situation played out in the garage though.
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12-17-2012, 03:13 PM
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#10
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First Line Centre
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Calgary
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Good thread to start. I'm always finding funny (or creepy) stuff on there.
Case in point (which I posted in the funny pic thread)
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12-17-2012, 03:21 PM
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#11
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: 127.0.0.1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheyCallMeBruce
I don't know. Is this normal? Do people party in garages all the time? I'm asking a serious question here. Also, no perverts cause I guess garage parties have a lot of those:
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I know a lot of people who socialize in garages. Being as no one smokes in their houses anymore, it's the place to be.
One friend has a tv, beer fridge, stereo etc.
Another guy I know has a couch plus all of the above.
I was actually at one guys place out in the country after snowmobiling once and he had a 4 car garage full of toys, snowmobiles, atv's, etc, plus a huge fridge completely full of beer a couple of couches etc. Really cool garage.
No perverts though.
__________________
Pass the bacon.
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12-17-2012, 03:36 PM
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#12
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First Line Centre
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NM the fun police took it down
Last edited by Gundo; 12-17-2012 at 03:56 PM.
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12-17-2012, 03:53 PM
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#13
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Likes Cartoons
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gundo
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It says the ad is no longer available. Probably want to copy and paste it next time.
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12-17-2012, 04:04 PM
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#14
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First Line Centre
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Oshawa
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1982 volvo shihitbox left tire still has air
Price $17.00
Long ad, so I just took part of it.
driving:
we took it for a test spin today before i left to work and found 5 persistent problems.
1) often times, the car will stall. to fix this, turn off the car, turn the steering wheel all the way to the left and start the car while doing that, rev to 3000 in neutral and pop it into 2nd right after. it should take off
2)sometimes, instead of stalling, the car will take off like a rocket. in this case, stop the car, turn the steering wheel all the way to the RIGHT, turn the car on, put it into 5th gear with the clutch still in, rev to 2000 and blast the heater then take off, it will be a bit rough but its only for a few seconds. once you start going MAKE SURE YOU TURN OFF THE HEAT, and shift back into 2nd.
3)too much throttle response(ie 5% press=5k rpms) in this case, turn the car off while holding the clutch and gas pedal and turn it on the same way. wait about a minute while flooring it and then blast heat or ac for about half a minute. when you can smell something burning, turn off the heat/ac and you should be good to go.
4)too little throttle response. usually happens after getting too much throttle response a few times in a row. in this case, start the car normally, make sure heat and ac are off and keep car in neutral while doing periodic revs to 4k for about a minute. when youre ready to go, shift into 5th , go up to 20kmph and then go down to 2nd gear.
5) unresponsive brakes. this will only happen in emergencys so its fair to use this method. shift in one of the non functional gears (1,3,4, R) and floor it while pulsing on the brakes. pull up the handbrake and keep holding it or it will fall back down , steer to go off the road. after you do this, the car will not start for a few minutes and the engine will be sizzling hot. don't worry if you smell burning, this is normal.it is the powersteering fluid and brake line fluid and oil mixing in with the gas tank exposed to high revs.
*discovered on dec 15*
6) engine catches fire if the body is suddenly moved in some way. if the engine catches fire, shut the hood start the car and rev the engine. make sure heat and ac are off because the buildup of co2 and co will put the fire out naturally. once again dont worry if you smell burning its expected.
7)wheel axles shift around on sharp turns. by this i mean that the body of the car is in reality shifting left and right depending on the turns. if its stuck to the left and car is flipped over, push the wheel axles in until they look semi aligned to the eye and flip it back over. if the car hasnt turned over yet then make a sharp turn in the same direction that the car is leaning on, then opposite less sharp turns until it feels centre.
8) all lights become very bright and start flashing fast. the lights may flash fast (like 15 times per second) and become bright when the radio volume is too low. the front passenger speaker is the only one left, all the other ones were stolen. to fix this problem, turn the car off , turn it on, switch into A.M and go to channel 580. blast the sound for a minute and wait until the lights start dimming down and the flashing slows down. there is some electrical problem because of the stolen speakers, the last thief crossed the lighting wires and speaker wires in the process.
__________________
Quote:
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Somewhere Leon Trotsky is an Oilers fan, because who better demonstrates his philosophy of the permanent revolution?
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The Following User Says Thank You to OffsideSpecialist For This Useful Post:
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12-17-2012, 05:11 PM
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#15
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Franchise Player
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Here is the best site for kijiji hilarities, even if they're not necessarily real.
http://dontevenreply.com/
This is the most recent one.
Original ad:
Pole hedge trimmer for sale - Homelite electric hedge trimmer. Great condition. $50 OBO. Email me at russ*******@gmail.com.
From Me to Russ *******:
Hey Russ,
That's a really nice shovel you have in the picture. Is it for sale?
Mike
From Russ ******* to Me:
Sorry guy. Only selling the hedge trimmer.
From Me to Russ *******:
I'll give you $10 for the shovel.
From Russ ******* to Me:
Cant you read? The shovel isnt for sale.
From Me to Russ *******:
You drive a hard bargain on the shovel. I'll give you $15 for it, and that is my final offer.
From Russ ******* to Me:
Here is my final offer: shut the hell up and leave me alone!
================================================== ======
Later, from another email account...
================================================== ======
From Me to Russ *******:
Hey I'm emailing you about the shovel. Your asking price of $10 sounds fair to me. And with the free extention cord, that is a steal. I'll take it!
From Russ ******* to Me:
What are you on about? The shovel isn't for sale.
From Me to Russ *******:
Excuse me? That's not what your ad says.
From Russ ******* to Me:
My ad says nothing about the shovel. I'm selling the hedge trimmer, not the shovel. Look again. Nowhere is a shovel mentioned.
From Me to Russ *******:
Quit dicking me around. This ad says you are selling the shovel!
I can assure you I am not Jewish so you can stop pretending you aren't selling the shovel.
From Russ ******* to Me:
Oh my god...I swear I didnt put that up. Somebody is messing with me!
From Russ ******* to Me:
Can you send me the link to that ad so I can have them take it down?
From Me to Russ *******:
Sorry, I can't find the link anymore. My wife needed to use the computer so I had to delete my browsing history because I was looking at porn earlier. It was somewhere in the stuff for sale section, if I'm not mistaken...so does this mean I can't buy your shovel?
================================================== ======
From another email account...
================================================== ======
From Me to Russ *******:
Dear Anti-Semite ######bag,
I got a bone to pick with you. I came across your ad in my search for a new shovel and it seemed like a great deal. Until I read your disgusting comment about not selling the shovel to Jewish people. How the hell do you think that is acceptable in this day and age? What does it matter what religion someone is for you to sell them a shovel? This is absolutely despicable and an outrage to the Jewish community. You make me sick.
Sincerely NOT buying your shovel of hatred,
Mordecai Goldstein
From Russ ******* to Me:
I don't have a problem with jews at all! Someone else put that ad up to mess with me and I cant find where it is! Can you send me the link to the ad please??
From Me to Russ *******:
Why don't you shovel your Nazi bull#### to someone else? This "Jew" isn't buying it!
================================================== ======
He finally decided to email my original account:
================================================== ======
From Russ ******* to Me:
Look you little prick I know you put that ####ing ad up and you need to take it the #### down RIGHT NOW. I'm not selling the ####ing shovel GET OVER IT and quit being immature you son of a bitch.
From Me to Russ *******:
I'm sorry, I thought I was doing you a favor. I wanted you to see how many great offers you could get if you decided to sell the shovel.
From Russ ******* to Me:
I'M NOT SELLING THE ####ING SHOVEL LET IT GO! Tell me this ####### if you were doing a favor then why did you put that #### about the jews in there???
From Me to Russ *******:
I detected some strong anti-Semitic undertones in our initial conversation...I just assumed you were an anti-Semite. My apologies.
From Russ ******* to Me:
TAKE THE AD DOWN
================================================== ======
I emailed him one last time, from another account.
================================================== ======
From Me to Russ *******:
Good afternoon!
I saw your ad for the shovel for sale. I'm more interested in the axe you have in that picture. Are you selling the axe? I'll give you $20 cash for it.
- Dave
Last edited by trackercowe; 12-17-2012 at 05:14 PM.
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12-17-2012, 06:16 PM
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#16
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Lifetime Suspension
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trackercowe
Here is the best site for kijiji hilarities, even if they're not necessarily real.
http://dontevenreply.com/
This is the most recent one.
Original ad:
Pole hedge trimmer for sale - Homelite electric hedge trimmer. Great condition. $50 OBO. Email me at russ*******@gmail.com.
From Me to Russ *******:
Hey Russ,
That's a really nice shovel you have in the picture. Is it for sale?
Mike
From Russ ******* to Me:
Sorry guy. Only selling the hedge trimmer.
From Me to Russ *******:
I'll give you $10 for the shovel.
From Russ ******* to Me:
Cant you read? The shovel isnt for sale.
From Me to Russ *******:
You drive a hard bargain on the shovel. I'll give you $15 for it, and that is my final offer.
From Russ ******* to Me:
Here is my final offer: shut the hell up and leave me alone!
================================================== ======
Later, from another email account...
================================================== ======
From Me to Russ *******:
Hey I'm emailing you about the shovel. Your asking price of $10 sounds fair to me. And with the free extention cord, that is a steal. I'll take it!
From Russ ******* to Me:
What are you on about? The shovel isn't for sale.
From Me to Russ *******:
Excuse me? That's not what your ad says.
From Russ ******* to Me:
My ad says nothing about the shovel. I'm selling the hedge trimmer, not the shovel. Look again. Nowhere is a shovel mentioned.
From Me to Russ *******:
Quit dicking me around. This ad says you are selling the shovel!
I can assure you I am not Jewish so you can stop pretending you aren't selling the shovel.
From Russ ******* to Me:
Oh my god...I swear I didnt put that up. Somebody is messing with me!
From Russ ******* to Me:
Can you send me the link to that ad so I can have them take it down?
From Me to Russ *******:
Sorry, I can't find the link anymore. My wife needed to use the computer so I had to delete my browsing history because I was looking at porn earlier. It was somewhere in the stuff for sale section, if I'm not mistaken...so does this mean I can't buy your shovel?
================================================== ======
From another email account...
================================================== ======
From Me to Russ *******:
Dear Anti-Semite ######bag,
I got a bone to pick with you. I came across your ad in my search for a new shovel and it seemed like a great deal. Until I read your disgusting comment about not selling the shovel to Jewish people. How the hell do you think that is acceptable in this day and age? What does it matter what religion someone is for you to sell them a shovel? This is absolutely despicable and an outrage to the Jewish community. You make me sick.
Sincerely NOT buying your shovel of hatred,
Mordecai Goldstein
From Russ ******* to Me:
I don't have a problem with jews at all! Someone else put that ad up to mess with me and I cant find where it is! Can you send me the link to the ad please??
From Me to Russ *******:
Why don't you shovel your Nazi bull#### to someone else? This "Jew" isn't buying it!
================================================== ======
He finally decided to email my original account:
================================================== ======
From Russ ******* to Me:
Look you little prick I know you put that ####ing ad up and you need to take it the #### down RIGHT NOW. I'm not selling the ####ing shovel GET OVER IT and quit being immature you son of a bitch.
From Me to Russ *******:
I'm sorry, I thought I was doing you a favor. I wanted you to see how many great offers you could get if you decided to sell the shovel.
From Russ ******* to Me:
I'M NOT SELLING THE ####ING SHOVEL LET IT GO! Tell me this ####### if you were doing a favor then why did you put that #### about the jews in there???
From Me to Russ *******:
I detected some strong anti-Semitic undertones in our initial conversation...I just assumed you were an anti-Semite. My apologies.
From Russ ******* to Me:
TAKE THE AD DOWN
================================================== ======
I emailed him one last time, from another account.
================================================== ======
From Me to Russ *******:
Good afternoon!
I saw your ad for the shovel for sale. I'm more interested in the axe you have in that picture. Are you selling the axe? I'll give you $20 cash for it.
- Dave |
Fake fake fake fake fake.....
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12-17-2012, 06:38 PM
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#17
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Franchise Player
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rudee
Fake fake fake fake fake.....
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And you definitely needed to quote the entire 3 page joke to make your point....
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12-17-2012, 06:43 PM
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#18
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First Line Centre
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: About 5200 Miles from the Dome
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Fake or not, some of the stuff on don't even reply is freaking hilarious.
__________________
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Winston Churchill
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12-18-2012, 10:43 AM
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#19
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Franchise Player
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fake or not, the shovel exchange was most amusing
__________________
If I do not come back avenge my death
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12-18-2012, 10:52 AM
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#20
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Lifetime Suspension
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OffsideSpecialist
1982 volvo shihitbox left tire still has air
Price $17.00
Long ad, so I just took part of it.
driving:
we took it for a test spin today before i left to work and found 5 persistent problems.
1) often times, the car will stall. to fix this, turn off the car, turn the steering wheel all the way to the left and start the car while doing that, rev to 3000 in neutral and pop it into 2nd right after. it should take off
2)sometimes, instead of stalling, the car will take off like a rocket. in this case, stop the car, turn the steering wheel all the way to the RIGHT, turn the car on, put it into 5th gear with the clutch still in, rev to 2000 and blast the heater then take off, it will be a bit rough but its only for a few seconds. once you start going MAKE SURE YOU TURN OFF THE HEAT, and shift back into 2nd.
3)too much throttle response(ie 5% press=5k rpms) in this case, turn the car off while holding the clutch and gas pedal and turn it on the same way. wait about a minute while flooring it and then blast heat or ac for about half a minute. when you can smell something burning, turn off the heat/ac and you should be good to go.
4)too little throttle response. usually happens after getting too much throttle response a few times in a row. in this case, start the car normally, make sure heat and ac are off and keep car in neutral while doing periodic revs to 4k for about a minute. when youre ready to go, shift into 5th , go up to 20kmph and then go down to 2nd gear.
5) unresponsive brakes. this will only happen in emergencys so its fair to use this method. shift in one of the non functional gears (1,3,4, R) and floor it while pulsing on the brakes. pull up the handbrake and keep holding it or it will fall back down , steer to go off the road. after you do this, the car will not start for a few minutes and the engine will be sizzling hot. don't worry if you smell burning, this is normal.it is the powersteering fluid and brake line fluid and oil mixing in with the gas tank exposed to high revs.
*discovered on dec 15*
6) engine catches fire if the body is suddenly moved in some way. if the engine catches fire, shut the hood start the car and rev the engine. make sure heat and ac are off because the buildup of co2 and co will put the fire out naturally. once again dont worry if you smell burning its expected.
7)wheel axles shift around on sharp turns. by this i mean that the body of the car is in reality shifting left and right depending on the turns. if its stuck to the left and car is flipped over, push the wheel axles in until they look semi aligned to the eye and flip it back over. if the car hasnt turned over yet then make a sharp turn in the same direction that the car is leaning on, then opposite less sharp turns until it feels centre.
8) all lights become very bright and start flashing fast. the lights may flash fast (like 15 times per second) and become bright when the radio volume is too low. the front passenger speaker is the only one left, all the other ones were stolen. to fix this problem, turn the car off , turn it on, switch into A.M and go to channel 580. blast the sound for a minute and wait until the lights start dimming down and the flashing slows down. there is some electrical problem because of the stolen speakers, the last thief crossed the lighting wires and speaker wires in the process.
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those jokes are stolen from an episode of King of Queens.
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