Destination Weddings - Need help!

[showtime]

Originally Posted by Scornfire

Elope and do a small gathering back home after. Seriously, I don't want to dog pile, but unless you ONLY want immediate family, this is a dumb thing to ask of your friends/extended relatives

Really? I have been to a few destination weddings recently. All of them had extended family and several friends, at least.

I definitely didn't lose all respect for the people choosing how to do their wedding. I'm not sure why this is such a decisive topic.

[8sPOT]

I've only ever been to one destination wedding, and was in the Dominican.

I thought it was awesome, had the benefit of being a nice tropical resort but with a bunch of my closest buddies. It was blast the entire week.

I'd say there were about 25-30 people there in total, and obviously was more than a typical all-inclusive would be. I think it was like $2600 per person if I recall correctly, back in 2007.

We mainly stayed on the resort, other than going deep sea fishing the one day.

Congrats, and good luck! Don't listen to the naysayers, if this is your dream wedding then go for it.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by 8sPOT

I've only ever been to one destination wedding, and was in the Dominican.

I thought it was awesome, had the benefit of being a nice tropical resort but with a bunch of my closest buddies. It was blast the entire week.

I'd say there were about 25-30 people there in total, and obviously was more than a typical all-inclusive would be. I think it was like $2600 per person if I recall correctly, back in 2007.

We mainly stayed on the resort, other than going deep sea fishing the one day.

Congrats, and good luck! Don't listen to the naysayers, if this is your dream wedding then go for it.

Ahh, my math was a little low, I suppose. Okay, I guess this one will probably be closer to a $195,000 wedding. Good thing OP is the main character in their friend group.

[Wormius]

So do you refuse to attend any out of town weddings too? I don’t see the big deal. If I was planning on attending someone’s wedding that lived far enough away from Calgary that it wasn’t just a day trip, I’d rather it be somewhere fun, and not Podunk-backwoods-ville Saskatchewan.

[Weitz]

Don’t listen to the whiners. Find a resort and have your wedding there. It will be a blast.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Wormius

So do you refuse to attend any out of town weddings too? I don’t see the big deal. If I was planning on attending someone’s wedding that lived far enough away from Calgary that it wasn’t just a day trip, I’d rather it be somewhere fun, and not Podunk-backwoods-ville Saskatchewan.

Ugh I barely feel like talking about this, but I guess I'll finish what I started.

I don't like putting pressure and stress on people.

I think a destination wedding two countries over puts a lot of stress on people - financial stress, work stress, holiday stress, organizational stress.

I think it penalizes people of lesser financial means - I value fairness. I wouldn't want to share an important life experience with the people I care about based on their wealth; I prefer - and plan - events that don't exclude people with less money than me.

I think if you want to do a group thing that's fun, you can plan a fun trip. People don't mind saying 'no' to those if they can't afford it or if they have stresses in their lives (sick relatives, bad timing at work, limited vacation time, other commitments, etc.). As soon as you tie it to a milestone or unique event like a wedding, though, it's harder to say no and it's uncomfortable to be excluded, so you've now put stress onto people where it didn't need to exist.

I also don't like the 'main-character' mentality of planning a weeklong celebration of yourself. I mean, everyone is there for you. You're the guest of honour and it's not just a day and a night like a typical wedding. You are the "celebrity" for a whole week and I think it's selfish, tacky and lacking in class to elevate yourself in such a manner.

If you want to go away with your friends and family somewhere, then by all means put out an email saying, 'hey guys, trisha and I are going to Mexico in May 2023 and we were thinking it'd be awesome if a whole ####-ton of us went. trish found a smokin' deal on an all-inclusive in Mexico and if we book as a group it'll be $1850/person. who's in!?!?!?!'

But to get the resort's wedding package where you and trish are in a villa while everyone else is in the standard poolside room and the guests have to kiss your feet and trish's for the entire week, you've literally lost all my respect.

I don't mind going out of town on a little road trip to a wedding and I think two nights somewhere isn't a big expectation to place on people. That's a weekend.

[Monahammer]

Don't expect everyone you invite to attend, and don't expect many wedding gifts. Their gift is their attendance at this event. If you are ok with those parameters, then enjoy your destination wedding!

[Weitz]

Sliver you sound like you have never been to a destination wedding before.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Weitz

Sliver you sound like you have never been to a destination wedding before.

I have.

I also had my wedding at Chateau Lake Louise, so I guess that's an out-of-town wedding/destination wedding in some respects.

It was more of an elopement, though, and I did pay for all my friends' room and all the meals because I think that's classy. People were out gas money and nothing more.

I wouldn't have had a wedding at the Chateau and then expected my friend to pay an outrageous amount for a hotel room. I think if you're going to go lavish, then you can cover the costs. Choosing an expensive destination and then making your friends pay is horribly selfish to me.

I really don't get how you guys don't see my perspective here.

If you went to a wedding at - say - The Ranche in Fish Creek Park...what would you think if the couple charged you for your supper? Like, if they said, 'okay, our wedding is on May 7, 2023 and it'll be $200 a head to attend (don't worry, that includes the venue and your meal...can't wait to see you there!)' Wouldn't you be horrified and think it was the tackiest thing you have ever seen? That's literally what a destination wedding is.

[pylon]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Ugh I barely feel like talking about this, but I guess I'll finish what I started.......

I have never agreed with Sliver more than this. You hit the nail on the head.

[PaperBagger'14]

Originally Posted by Weitz

Don’t listen to the whiners. Find a resort and have your wedding there. It will be a blast.

100% right here. The people bitching about destination weddings are probably the same people go to conventional weddings and eat $100 worth of food, $100 worth of booze and give you a $20 yeti mug with "PissBalls Fencing and Concrete" emblazoned on the side. At this point you have to feign gratitude even though it wasn't your choice to invite them, someone's parent just had to have them here. Oh and they were miserable the whole time because there wasn't a dedicated rascal parking spot for them.

[D as in David]

Originally Posted by you&me

Sliver thinks everyone should get married in a backyard (his backyard?) and snack on bags of chips. Total cost for 75 people off the top of my head would be about $400.

He will have an underground reception hall in case of inclement...err...events, though. A little dark and cramped for that size of wedding, though.

[Scornfire]

Originally Posted by PaperBagger'14

100% right here. The people bitching about destination weddings are probably the same people go to conventional weddings and eat $100 worth of food, $100 worth of booze and give you a $20 yeti mug with "PissBalls Fencing and Concrete" emblazoned on the side. At this point you have to feign gratitude even though it wasn't your choice to invite them, someone's parent just had to have them here. Oh and they were miserable the whole time because there wasn't a dedicated rascal parking spot for them.

Or it's just rude as #### to put that expectation on 75 god damn people /shrug. I mean, god forbid your friend might be saving up money/PTO for a trip they actually want to ####ing take amirite, nah, you're more important, always.

[Wormius]

^^ Well, if we’re talking about 75 people, there’s probably a good number that aren’t the closest and most dearest friends anyway. They could bow out and just not attend. No one would notice or be guilt ridden over it.

[Weitz]

Originally Posted by Scornfire

Or it's just rude as #### to put that expectation on 75 god damn people /shrug. I mean, god forbid your friend might be saving up money/PTO for a trip they actually want to ####ing take amirite, nah, you're more important, always.

I’ve been to 2 destination weddings and declined invites to 3 others. I’m still really good friends with all 5 couples. It’s weird how adults can operate that way.

[btimbit]

Of the 7 weddings I've been invited too in the last few years, I've went to 1. People overthink this ####

[Royle9]

Destination weddings are what they are.
You'll have people on both sides of the fence, with valid arguments going both ways.

Do what YOU want to do, but know that there will be a LOT of people who simply wont be able to afford to go (unless of course you and your friends are all well off)

1. $1500 minimum per person going for a 5-7 day wedding in Mexico @ a reputable resort.
2. Everyone has to put aside a weeks holidays (not always easy)
3. Anyone with kids has to either bring them (if allowed) or find alternate care which might not be easy
4. Weddings are already $$$ because the word "wedding" = cost but a premier resort in mexico + wedding = mega pricey, but if you have the cash then by all means do it if thats what you want to do

I get you have family there (parents on both sides) but perhaps you and your immediate families go down for a wedding and then come back here for a second "gathering" with extended family & friends? Not sure if that's an option but it could also work.

Perhaps sending out a pre-poll like question to a number of your guests and gauge their interest may work?

I've been to a few destination weddings including 1 in Mexico about 6 years ago, and truthfully given todays economy I don't think I'd be able to do another one, especially with having 2 young kids. The last one I did was Chicago with my wife and 1 kid (10 months at the time) and for 4 days it was we'll over $2500 CAD.

[PaperBagger'14]

Originally Posted by Scornfire

Or it's just rude as #### to put that expectation on 75 god damn people /shrug. I mean, god forbid your friend might be saving up money/PTO for a trip they actually want to ####ing take amirite, nah, you're more important, always.

I can only speak from personal experience, but there was no expectation from my wife or I for anyone to show up. Whoever wanted to and could make the trip were welcome and there were no hard feelings for anyone who couldn't. Those who couldn't make it were never treated any differently afterward.

Any issue of someone being upset they couldn't come is 100% that persons problem and not mine.

[bossy22]

Originally Posted by Hi-Psi

Hey everyone,

My Fiance and I are looking to book our wedding for 2023 and would like to do a destination wedding. Likely Mexico but open to other places (both our parents are living in Puerto Vallarta)

Likely 25-75 people depending on a few factors but we have a decent size friend group that are looking for a vacation so we figure it'll likely be in the 50-75 range if we can keep it affordable for everyone.

Looking for recommendations for a wedding planner (local to the area we are getting married or who have extensive experience in those areas), photographer, venue, resorts to check out, etc.

Ideally, everyone stays at the same place and we can get married at the same place (to save transporting everyone back/forth from resort/venue). Obviously we're open to ideas, anything to help make this easier to plan.

TLDR

- Looking for suggestions on anything destination wedding related.
- Timeframe: Anytime in 2023 but the more time for planning, the better for everyone else.
- Venue: Prefer Outside but open to ideas
- Location: Anywhere warm but Mexico is easiest due to family already being there.
- Cost: Reasonable for a group of 50-75 people?

ANY HELP would be greatly appreciated!

A friend of ours owns Casa La Villita. https://casalavillita.com/
It's a boutique hotel in Puerto Vallarta. You can rent out the whole resort. We've gone down with our friend group and it was fun. It has a pool, a couple of hot tubs. The staff was amazing. They get lots of weddings.



Sorry, the hotel only holds 30 people. But something like this is what I'd look for.

[Northendzone]

i too find this stunning how this topic is somewhat polarizing amongst of group of what i beleive ae mostly males

if i was invited to a wedding and the couple decided it was tropical and i could not afford to go, or take the time off, or just did not want to go becasue it did not fit my life - i would not care at all that was the decision the couple made. i might be dissapointed at the missed opportunity to go someplace warm with a large group of people - but life is full of chocies

if i really wanted to see them, then we would ahve lots of time to connect after they got back