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Old 12-05-2006, 10:23 PM   #1
HalifaxDrunk
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Default CPHL Biography #9 - Hanna Sniper





HannaSniper - He doesn't just talk with the animals.



Explorer, Sailor. Born Douglas Vanderbelt Whalen in 1970 in Genoa, Italy. The only child of William Whalen a sanitation worker, and his wife Wilhelmina Whalen a Sanitation Truck Driver.

Due to Hanna Sniper’s allergy to pasta the Whalen family moved to Canada in 1971.

Hanna Sniper first went to sea as a child. He went on several solo voyages down the Bow River before his 7th birthday. The most dramatic of which led to his ship being sunk by a fleet of Edmonton rubber dingys near Morley in 1976. This led to his hatred to everything Edmonton.

With the support and permission of Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, in 1983 Hanna Sniper led a mission south to try and claim Michigan for Canada. During the mission Hanna Sniper was wounded once but had 17 horses mysteriously die under him. The injury to Hanna Sniper was very unfortunate. While traveling through some dense forest Hanna Sniper was hit in the face by a stray branch, it caught his left eyelid and completely tore it off. The mission had to be abandoned. When he returned to Canada doctors preformed a breakthrough surgery to repair the injury. They used a piece of his scrotum to successfully construct a new eyelid. It has led to his nickname amongst CPHL General Managers as “Old Bag Eye”.

In 1992 Hanna Sniper competed in Alaska's Iditarod Sled Dog Race. He did finish the race in 3rd place but what made it so miraculous is that Hanna Sniper did not participate as a “Musher” (driver) but was instead harnessed as the lead dog for his team. It was at the race that Hanna Sniper met his wife Nilak Uva Kinguyakki who was the Musher of the winning team. She now wears the mukluks in the relationship.

During the summer of 1993 Hanna Sniper moved to his wife’s hometown of Anchorage and opened a family cruise ship business sailing between Alaska and California. It was during layover time in San Jose that Hanna Sniper discovered his passion for hockey.

In 2003 the owner of the CPHL Carolina Hurricanes (Harold Stanky) was on a pacific cruise and suffered a massage stroke and serious brain damage. During his confusion Mr. Stanky hired Hanna Sniper as his new GM because he “liked the cut of his jib”. Hanna Sniper now has a lifetime contract and can not be fired, no matter how bad he is.











Stay tuned for the next CPHL Biography: HelloHockeyFans - Noob, fact or fiction?
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Old 12-05-2006, 10:35 PM   #2
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"They used a piece of his scrotum to successfully construct a new eyelid. It has led to his nickname amongst CPHL General Managers as “Old Bag Eye”."



Hilarious!!

Umm... not looking forward to the next one...
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Old 12-05-2006, 11:56 PM   #3
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Allergy to Pasta........
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Old 12-06-2006, 06:58 PM   #4
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I'm looking forward to Wu's biography. I admit he made for a good Asian drag queen.
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Old 01-12-2019, 09:49 PM   #5
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Old 01-13-2019, 12:03 PM   #6
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I always wondered what happened to my vision
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