Family - What do I do?

[RedHot25]

Ok, I need some advice. Even if it's just some solace...

My sister in law, her husband and child (under 10) returned to Calgary from living out of country for a very long time. We let them live with us until they could find a place, get settled, etc. They came in spring- early summer, and lived with us (entire basement) until early fall.

My problem is this: they moved out probably 6 or so months ago, yet a lot of their stuff did not. And when I say a lot of their stuff, I mean most of it. They live in the city yet left their 2 bedrooms at our place a mess, half drank pops, bed unmade, clothes still in dressers, closets full hanging with their stuff, etc etc...

So, what do I do? Its the point now that they even joke about it...yet their stuff remains. I have 2 rooms in my house that are useless because of their stuff. They even joke about the space they have at their new place, if I wanted to bring some of my stuff over to store. They didn't ask if they could leave their stuff behind at our place, they didn't put it nicely in a corner, etc...they literally just got up and left, and left their stuff randomly wherever it was. Its most bizzare...

Is there anything I can do? Or since its my wife's family just grit and bare it until they randomly one day take all of their stuff. I find it very disrespectful, lazy and selfish (they have renovated their new place no problem, and have way more space then us). I Just don't understand.

[blankall]

I'd have your wife give them a deadline. Then put it in boxes. Drop it off on a random friendly visit.

[GGG]

Let them know you are cleaning out the rooms on X date and if they want any of there stuff have it gone by then.

If you want to be nice you could disguise it as a whole house purge of junk.

Anything they leave is sold or goes to the dump.

The big thing is you have to get your wife onside with however you want to approach it.

[RedHot25]

Originally Posted by blankall

I'd have your wife give them a deadline. Then put it in boxes. Drop it off on a random friendly visit.

I've thought about that. But then I've done all their work for them. Packing it up, cleaning it, moving it, etc.

[Nancy]

Just phone them and ask them what time they will be home tomorrow so that you can drop their stuff off. Speak calmly and no feeling will be hurt. It's all in the delivery.

[CaptainCrunch]

Tell them that they have until a date two weeks from tomorrow to get their shyte out of your house and clean up their mess, because they're disgusting slobs.

Tell them that if they don't do it, you will call the salvation army to come and pick through their stuff to find anything useful, and a cleaning company to clean and sanitize the rooms, and you'll be sending the bill to them.

Being family doesn't excuse bad behavior, and you don't have to be nice or sympathetic because they're family.

Especially now that they're joking about it.

I'm sure your wife will understand, and if she doesn't then threaten to cut off the sex until the rooms are cleared, I'm sure your wife will find a sense of urgency over that.

I would literally kill for my family, but that doesn't mean that I have to accept them taking advantage of me, or acting like savages.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

I wouldn’t bring it to them. They want their stuff, they should come get it. Tell them you’re doing some early spring cleaning. If they don’t pick it all up within 48hours it’s all going into the garbage or being donated to goodwill.

[N-E-B]

Yeah, I echo the deadline sentiment. Be polite but firm. Hopefully they respect your wishes.

If not we're having a CP bonfire.

[RedHot25]

Not sure about the bonfire, but maybe a CP garage sale?

I don't know how they are practically doing it. If I left as much clothes behind as they have I would have been spending most of my days wearing nothing. Its crazy.

[Amethyst]

They are never going to feel the same way about the situation as you do. Clearly they don't think it's a big deal, since they are joking about it.

Is your wife on the same page as you? Because it's her family, if she agrees with you, you can do something. If it will cause issues with her, maybe you just put up with it.

Then you need to decide how much time and money you want to put into it. Either box up their stuff yourself or hire someone and then drop it off on their door step or a storage unit. You could send them a bill, but their speed at paying it will likely match their speed at clearing out their stuff. You could also sort it and give the good stuff to charity, but please don't dump boxes at the salvation army if half the stuff in them is junk. That just wastes their limited resources sorting and disposing of the stuff they can't use.

[zamler]

Originally Posted by RedHot25

I've thought about that. But then I've done all their work for them. Packing it up, cleaning it, moving it, etc.

That's why you sell their stuff to recoup as much as you can from the whole process.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by RedHot25

Not sure about the bonfire, but maybe a CP garage sale?

I don't know how they are practically doing it. If I left as much clothes behind as they have I would have been spending most of my days wearing nothing. Its crazy.

There must be a charity organisation that would come and pick up the items. Maybe call the Salvation Army and see if they would be interested.

[afc wimbledon]

What ever you do it gets cleared with the wife first, 2 rooms full of crap are still better than a pissed off wife.

Second, don't sweat the work aspect, yes your inlaws are lazy self entitled ######s but you will have to live with them, hopefully if you pull this off right, for the rest of your life so no bad blood over clearing up a couple of rooms is worth it, it's just not important enough for a fight that will last for years if not decades.
If the wife agrees tell them your doing a dump run in a week and do they want you to take their stuff down, if not where can you drop it off as you're thinking off air b'nbing the rooms

[Crackmacs]

"oh yeah, about your stuff. Are you able to start picking it up soon? I'd like to use the space for something. Cool. Thanks"

Is how I imagine myself dealing with that haha.

Family dynamics though.. maybe not that simple.

[Rubicant]

1-800-GOT-JUNK unless they come and get it after a reasonable deadline.

[rbochan]

It
will
all
burn.

[Northendzone]

So have have not lived with you for more than three months, and there is some half drank cans of pop still laying around?

As far as I know many recycling depots are open today, pour out the pop, recycle the cans and take the money to them and tell them where it came from.

[OutOfTheCube]

Have you asked them to come get their things?

Your OP isn’t really clear if you’ve been reminding them or asking them to come get their crap or not. If you haven’t said anything, that would be the best place to start. If you’ve been bugging them every week with no response, then it might be time to start looking at some of the more dramatic options suggested.

[taco.vidal]

Originally Posted by RedHot25

Ok, I need some advice. Even if it's just some solace...

My sister in law, her husband and child (under 10) returned to Calgary from living out of country for a very long time. We let them live with us until they could find a place, get settled, etc. They came in spring- early summer, and lived with us (entire basement) until early fall.

My problem is this: they moved out probably 6 or so months ago, yet a lot of their stuff did not. And when I say a lot of their stuff, I mean most of it. They live in the city yet left their 2 bedrooms at our place a mess, half drank pops, bed unmade, clothes still in dressers, closets full hanging with their stuff, etc etc...

So, what do I do? Its the point now that they even joke about it...yet their stuff remains. I have 2 rooms in my house that are useless because of their stuff. They even joke about the space they have at their new place, if I wanted to bring some of my stuff over to store. They didn't ask if they could leave their stuff behind at our place, they didn't put it nicely in a corner, etc...they literally just got up and left, and left their stuff randomly wherever it was. Its most bizzare...

Is there anything I can do? Or since its my wife's family just grit and bare it until they randomly one day take all of their stuff. I find it very disrespectful, lazy and selfish (they have renovated their new place no problem, and have way more space then us). I Just don't understand.

They know what they are doing. At the end of the day, they are taking advantage of you. And if they are making jokes about, they think you are a sucker.

1) Yes, clear it with the wife. You may need to stress how its important to you or help her see that she is being taken advantage of as well. But get her on board.

2)I wouldnt play any games with passive/aggressive behaviour or making excuses for why you are doing this. You arent a storage facility. Pack their junk up today. Load it in your vehicle and drop it off at their place. Then its done and your not wasting any more energy thinking about this.

If you wanted to play games, then Id just toss that #### in the garbage. Its obviously junk that they dont need or use if theyve left it there for months. But then you open a whole can of worms with relations with the inlaws.

[#22]

I would say this is up to your wife to deal with. It's her family, so have her call them and ask them to please come over and clean / pick up their mess. If she has already done this with no results, then I would help her box everything up and bring it to their house.

After that, I would discuss with my wife calmly and supportively that perhaps we need to distance ourselves from these people as they obviously not healthy to be around for her. See them at the functions and that is it. They can go and live their lives, you live yours.

Lastly, don't hold a grudge. That **** causes cancer and it won't help your relationship with your wife. See it as an inexpensive lesson to learn what type of people you are dealing with. At least you didn't lend them $10,000 or something like that.