Places to get help for mental health

[Cecil Terwilliger]

IMO Diet, exercise, hydration, sleep and even socialization via strong friendships/family, satisfying work are all vital natural fixes, or at the very least part of a more holistic solution. “Normal people fixes” may not be enough alone, just like medication and therapy may not be either.

You’re actually better off to try several things, often in stages as it can be everwhelming to change so much at once.

Cutting down or out drinking and drug use is also important.

Often no amount of medication or therapy will solve your mental health issues unless there are some other changes as well. Social/family/friends/work being huge factors.

[CaptainCrunch]

People here have given some great answers, so I can't add on to it. I've struggled for the last couple of years with a lot of different issues, despondency, real anger issues, self loathing and self blaming.

The important thing is to realize that you're never alone in your fight if you don't want to be alone. There are lots of resources that have been talked about here in terms of finding resources. But don't be afraid to talk to friends or family, just so you have a friend in this battle, and man it is a battle.

It doesn't hurt to go see your doctor if you have one, because honestly it goes towards getting a complete picture mentally and physically, plus your doctor can make references as well.

If you're thinking about harming yourself, dial 911 right now, don't feel shame about asking for help or more importantly assistance. Don't allow things to spiral because you're scared to ask for help because you believe that people will judge you, man they won't judge you, your friends want to help you.

You need to be a little selfish as well, that's my advice, if you're struggling, you have to put you first and prioritize you.

Trust me, people will be grateful to you if they can help you and prevent tragedy. We realized it too late a couple of years back, and lost a really cool family member because its not like we ignored the symptoms, but because he was a great actor and he didn't ask for help, and the sad thing is when he did what he did, his struggle was over, his pain was over and all of ours were just starting and it blew my whole family apart, and every day we wished that he would have just said "Guys, I need to talk" or "I don't feel right and need help" or even "I can't cope and its not getting better"


I want to add on, and it gets personal, but things really spiraled for me, I lost a family member to suicide, I had a close friend and his wife murdered and I lost a job that I had been with for 7 years because the company literally disintegrated over night. I was angry and it kept getting worse. I blamed myself for a lot of things and nobody could convince me that it wasn't my fault. I gave up on a lot of things that I liked doing in life because they became Grey and unimportant. I literally stopped sleeping, I couldn't do it.


I didn't ask for help, I even gave into a delusion I came to this board very much like you and asked for suggestions, but I very much took that really solid advice and buried it because I believed that I would reach out and get laughed at, that's how off I was. I was a great actor, when I got my new job, it didn't break the spell, honestly it added to my problems, because even though I was doing really well, I was waiting for the shoe to drop and I expected to fail, and probably even wanted to fail. I know it sounds weird.

The funny thing is that because I was such a great internalizer, and a good actor that nobody that I knew personally really picked up on it. I withdrew from family and friends for a long time and found reasons to stay away because I didn't want to face them and keep lying to them, because the lie was exhausting.

I didn't actually realize how bad things had gotten until this summer when I went to a company conference and one of the HR people ran a seminar on mental health, and we all partnered up and ran through these exercises, and the partner I was working with saw that there was something really wrong with me for a lack of better words and pulled me aside with the HR person who started talking to me, and then asked me if I needed help, and the whole wall came down.

They did it with some great discretion so my other co-workers would never know and got me help through the benefits company, and while I'm not all the way back, I'm not in a the pit I was.

Anyways I'm rambling on.

Anyone that realizes that they're struggling is taking the right first step, even reaching out here for ideas is a tough first step and saying that you can't live like this anymore is a great first step, a lot of people can't, won't or will never take that step and it always ends badly. We don't want you to be that guy that just vanishes and one day we wonder what happened to you. You've taken the first step, now you have to take the next step and that's to do something with the advice you received and talk to someone and say, I need some help here.

Anyways I'll stop here, suddenly this became really personal, and I'm not vying for sympathy or attention, but more along the lines of you knowing that you're not alone, you have nothing to be ashamed of and you don't need to fear taking steps.

I don't know if I phrased any of this word salad right.

I'm still not feeling normal, but I'm better and I was lucky because I decided that I couldn't fight this thing, this feel, the shadow by myself.

But the biggest hurdle, was getting over my damn stiff necked stupid pride of not asking for help because I would be judged as weak, or needy or whatever.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

Sorry jayswin but you’re way off. Diet, exercise, hydration, sleep and even socialization via strong friendships/family, satisfying work are all vital natural fixes, or at the very least part of a more holistic solution. “Normal people fixes” may not be enough alone, just like medication and therapy may not be either.

You’re actually better off to try several things, often in stages as it can be everwhelming to change so much at once.

Cutting down or out drinking and drug use is also important.

Often no amount of medication or therapy will solve your mental health issues unless there are some other changes as well. Social/family/friends/work being huge factors.

Not way off, Cecil. Yes, it will help if you can get there, but the problem is if you have depression as mental illness you likely won't get there, hence needing to be properly diagnosed and going through the subsequent treatment that eventually attacks proper nutrition, exercise etc.

I've been through all this as a patient. Probably too drunk to have explained it properly which is a bat signal to Cecil, but point being that someone suffering from depression as a mental illness will likely not be able to attack proper nutrition, exercise etc without diagnoses and then treatment.

If they can then of course it will help them to get better, obviously, but patients mostly can't overcome mental illness by doing the right things, hence needing proper diagnoses and treatment.

[jayswin]

The bulk of your post is something that someone not suffering a mental illness could attack, but although you're bang on with what needs to be addressed, the caveat goes back to my point that if someone is suffering an undiagnosed (or diagnosed but not properly treated) mental illness then the right program is key.

And this is where my original point stands, that if you can steer your son towards Calgary South Health Campus you'll be in really great hands (I was one community out of their zone but strongly asked for it and got in there).

[longsuffering]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

But the biggest hurdle, was getting over my damn stiff necked stupid pride of not asking for help because I would be judged as weak, or needy or whatever.

This X 1000

Swallowing one's pride and letting friends and/or family know whats going on can be the toughest hurdle to recovery.

As I learned, wishing that things will change doesn't work but you have people in your life who will help you.

[WhiteTiger]

Originally Posted by longsuffering

This X 1000

Swallowing one's pride and letting friends and/or family know whats going on can be the toughest hurdle to recovery.

As I learned, wishing that things will change doesn't work but you have people in your life who will help you.

Yup. Realizing that you aren't the only person going (ever, in the entire history of people) through this and that there is help, but you have to ask for it, is very, very hard.

[PaperBagger'14]

Most of what I have to say is purely anecdotal, and I'm sure lots of it you've heard or seen before so apologies if it comes across as preachy.

The most important things I did when I was having similar issues were:

1) Alcohol consumption almost entirely cut out. I cant state that enough.

2) Making goals. I started off with very small and easily attainable ones (go fo a 10 minute walk, make a good meal). The goal itself wasn't important for me, it was having a sense of accomplishment even if it wasn't significant. Building confidence was a major factor in my healing.

3) Medicine and Therapy. I found a drug that worked for me on the 2nd try, the side effects of the first drug were too much for me and not worthwhile. My therapist was recommended to me through my family doctor who had known me my whole life.

As far as the medication goes, it is important to know how it affects your mood. They arent happy pills that make everything better. The effect they had on me was cutting off the extremes of emotion. The highs you get in anger or happiness as well as the lows of depression all get diminished. If you think of emotion as a graph, the medicine acted as a bandwidth.

Best of luck Ed

Edit: About family counseling, it would really depend on the situation. With me, I know it wouldn't have been beneficial given the situation I was in, but there is no blueprint for mental health. If he ever reaches out asking for family counseling I would jump all over it.

[OMG!WTF!]

I took part as a subject in a 12 year long study on ptsd at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix. The final and best direction for treatment? After 12 years? Get a dog.

It might be something to look into here...

https://www.ementalhealth.ca/Calgary...=heading&ID=74

[CaptainCrunch]

I want to actually touch on the alcohol thing, because its hugely important. Its almost the ultimate self medication tool, and that's why its so important to quit.


For me, and I don't know about anything else, but I drank to literally forget what I was going through and numb myself to it. I went far beyond the slightly drunk to drunk thing, I was never the happiest drunk around even when I was young. But I drank to that point of being numb and not caring about anything, and also because I had that belief that it would help me get much needed sleep.


But the next day reality would really crash in and I would feel worse not just for the expected hangover, but the guilt of drinking 3/4 of a bottle of Jack (Brown liquor is bad).



It got to the point where I had this f'd up notion that I was only doing this on Friday or Saturday night at home alone while watching a movie, or playing a video game or whatever, and on top of it I had this utterly f'd up notion that I was no different from my parents back in the day when they could come home on Friday after work and polish off a bottle of Rye.



Now I won't say that as I've gone through this mess and got the help that I need, that I had to completely drunk, since I decided to get off of this roller coaster of self blame and worry and loathing, I can count on one hand when I've had a beer or a glass of whine or a drink of hard liquor.



But drinking and drinking heavily is such a major warning sign that something is really wrong and you need help.

[Dion]

If a person wants to talk, just listen and let them say whatever is on his or her mind. It's not necessary to have any answers, all they want is someone who will listen. To them it can feel like the weight has been lifted when they are finally able to talk about what's been bottled up inside them.

[Ducay]

As much as we give each other a hard time about sports, politics, you name it, on these forums, great to see when we have real issues, all that gets put aside. Great advice for the most part in this thread; Ninja, I would just say your physician and 211 are great resources to start with. Feel free to vent here, but depression is a complex M-Fer, and like any illness, needs a well thought out plan (mental & physical) to address. Always remember it isn't just "being weak" or something you can "man up" to get through.

[powderjunkie]

Originally Posted by Dion

If a person wants to talk, just listen and let them say whatever is on his or her mind. It's not necessary to have any answers, all they want is someone who will listen. To them it can feel like the weight has been lifted when they are finally able to talk about what's been bottled up inside them.

A million times this, and it's actually really, really hard to do.

3 minute version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

20 minute version:
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brow...ty?language=en


A few more suggestions to the parents of the 20 year old:

1. Try to get your expectations out of this as much as possible. Try to let them know that it's okay to feel how they feel today, tomorrow, and as long as necessary. Obviously you want them to feel better, but try to unburden him of the shame spiral he likely feels from 'letting you down'.

2. SAD Light - quick and easy "win", though don't expect any of you to actually notice any results (though they are clinically proven). The placebo effect and ease of developing the habit are the key thing here. The timing of this crisis is probably no coincidence. Do a little research - be wary of using it very much past noon, though it might be okay if it's part of gradually shifting his schedule backwards (big assumption on my part...teens are generally wired to stay up late and sleep in late - if he's anything like me, it can be a darn hard thing to shake until well into your twenties).

3. On that note, try to forget any expectations on sleep, hydration, diet, exercise, social, etc. - those are critically important for maintaining wellness, but overwhelming obstacles at the moment. Start small with a walk outside and or/a shower + change of clothes. Can't fall asleep? Up all night playing video games? No, it's not healthy, and you shouldn't necessarily enable it, but those might also be the only hours of the day where he feels 'normal'. Baby steps/compromise - no violent video games, really try to limit social media (seeing everyone else living their pretend 'best lives' is not helpful), and hopefully not to heavy on the porn (you're fine to stay blissfully ignorant on this one).

4. As far as sleep goes - clean sheets, a good mattress, pillow, and blankets can go a long way. Of course, healthy sleep habits are important, too, but make sure the low hanging fruit is taken care of first.

5. If he's in uni, strongly consider taking winter block off, and seeking a delay on some of his course-load now (ie. 'drop' any course that is offered again in the winter, so he can pick it up in March and deal with the exam then). If he's working + living at home, strongly consider cutting hours way back, taking a leave, or just quitting.

Obviously #4 is going to depend very much on the situation, but reducing burdens/stressors is a good idea IMO. The bad news: this is probably with him for life. It will probably come back on several occasions. It is worth taking the extra time now to get to the root of the issue and start building the understanding + toolkit that will serve him when the black dog appears again in the future. It only gets harder as real-world commitments accumulate, but it is a life-long journey.

Lastly, he's not alone, and you're not alone. This is waaaaaay more common than people think.

[Coach]

Originally Posted by OMG!WTF!

I took part as a subject in a 12 year long study on ptsd at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix. The final and best direction for treatment? After 12 years? Get a dog.

It might be something to look into here...

https://www.ementalhealth.ca/Calgary...=heading&ID=74

This is very interesting.

I've never been diagnosed with any sort of mental health issue, but I do feel like I've gone through bouts of depression in my life. I've had a dog for the past 7 years and I can't imagine who I would be without him. I am never without love or compassion. They really can feel your emotions and for some reason know exactly what face to make to pick you up no matter what.

I know I have anger issues. I can lose it over very inconsequential things. Having my dog around mitigates my anger to a noticeable degree. He thinks I'm mad at him, so I end up having to comfort him to make sure he knows he's not a bad boy, and poof my anger subsides.

They are not a responsibility to be taken lightly, especially if you are a young person that wants to be mobile. I've had mine from 22-30 and it's definitely affected the direction my life has taken, but they will go with you to the end no question.

You could try fostering them to try it out. Anyways. A plug for the dog therapy I guess.

[PaperBagger'14]

If you're not looking for committment and have time, volunteering at the humane society / AARCS is a great way to spend some time with animals and do some good.

[troutman]

For a loved one, severe depression was a product of faulty brain chemistry. Medication and cognitive behavioural therapy has saved a life. In this case, I would attribute survival 80/20 on medication/therapy.

[flamesfever]

I was a volunteer with the CMHA family support program for 5 years. We offered help and support to those dealing with family members who were suffering with various forms of mental illness. Often when a person first came to us, they were completely overwhelmed with their situation. We brainstormed all that was going on in their life and offered suggestions to help both them and their family member. We usually saw a marked improvement in their situation after a relatively short period of time. We also offered a course on depression in general.

My wife has MS and has suffered from major depressive disorder for 20 years. She is in depression about 1/3 of the time and in remission 2/3. Two of the things that she said helped her the most, while in depression, were my constant telling her that she would be better soon, and that the depression was not her fault.

Some of the things I learned along the way were:

1. It wasn't my job to cure her.

2. By somewhat disengaging with my wife's depression, and having a life of my own, I was not only helping myself, but also my wife.

3. There is much to learn about the medications. Because everyone's body chemistry is unique, the same medication can affect people very differently. Finding the right medication can take a considerable amount of time and patience, but when you finally do it can be a life saver. We have found that there is a greater chance of a drug's success if a close relative is using that particular drug successfully.

4. It helps to document details of each depression, in order to keep the doctor fully informed.

I hope this helps and that you get the care you need as soon as possible.

[afc wimbledon]

My quick take, first hope things get better (they will)
second there is nothing wrong with taking meds, they work, it usually takes time to get the type and dose right, ask your dr if has the time and experience to work with you to get it right, if he doesn't ask him to send you to someone who knows what they're doing.

Meds work, and taking them isn't a weakness any more than me taking blood pressure meds.

[Snuffleupagus]

I read somewhere that reaching out to long lost best friends that you grew up with is one of the best things to do, not contacting them to ask for help per say just contacting old friends with positive memory's can be very helpful. good luck mate.

[Scorch]

A mental health rating I just ran into

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by edslunch

I need some help. Our twenty-year-old is suffering from depression. He has had no success with medication so far and hasn’t found a therapist that works for him. I feel like he is looking for a silver bullet and is increasingly despondent about it. We talk to him about the importance of sleep, food, hydration and exercise but he can’t break out of his funk to focus on any of those. We keep reminding him but are wary of going too far and him tuning us out altogether.

I feel like we need to find the right person or support to get him turned around but also to help us figure out how we can help more effectively. Obviously we can’t be in his sessions but I’m wondering if family counselling would also help. I feel helpless on the sidelines but don’t want to overstep either.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

I know your focus is on your loved one, but don't forget yourself and family members either. If things are really weighing on you, a call/online chat with distress centre is IMO worth doing.

Many cases are different, but IMO physical communication is something worth pursuing and sometimes it's even stronger than verbal. This especially if you don't want to overstep bounds (sometimes you may have to though). Just a smile in the morning, a big strong hug can be just as strong as verbal communication.

Rooting for you! I know exactly what you're going through, but I know this type of stuff isn't easy at all.