Marriage Councelling

[RichKlit]

I thought I’d just drop a quick update to everyone that I have signed myself up for continuous therapy sessions. I’m also considering going to my local church for some companionship and just trying to get out there again. I used to be a very social person and I considered myself pretty funny but I’ve definitely let those muscles go soft.

I’m going to get a few sessions in before I book marriage counselling so I can rebuild myself a bit before I have to deal with her and a marriage therapist. I started a new job today and that’s exciting but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t distracted and at times I got overwhelmed and felt like it was pointless but I stiff upper lipped it and got through.

It’s only been 7 days and it’s still incredibly raw and heart wrenching but I’m trying to take the steps I need to help myself. It’s either that or grab a few cans of beans some booze head into the mountains and become a hermit. I’m a long way from feeling better but I feel a modicum of pride im taking steps to heal.

I wanted to reiterate how grateful and genuinely appreciative of every response and pm sent to me. Your kindness in this time of need will never be forgotten, your all amazing people!

Thank you all so very much.

Rich

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by blankall

We weren't even all that long term of a client. Regardless of financial incentive, marriage counselors are generally of the view they want to make your marriage work. Realistically some things just aren't meant to work. People change. People get older. 25 year olds having fun at university parties aren't the same people as 35 year olds stressed out by real world problems.

Helping two people, that happen to be together, stay together, isn't always the right answer. Marriage counselling is fundamentally biased.

To be frank blankall you just went to a really crappy counsellor, I cannot imagine any half competent counsellor suggesting that you work through anything but infidelity, the job of a counsellor is to help you work out what you want/need to be healthy and then help you try to and enact strategies to make that possible, in most cases what marriage counsellors do is facilitate a better break up, they know it and that is part of their job.

[annasuave]

Richkilt man, I'm sorry you're going through this.

I'm going to echo what others here on the board have said and try to offer a bit of wifely advice and tough-love.

Your world is falling down around your ears and you feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. That sucks, and I'm sorry. Hard as it is, you've got to pull yourself together and take care of yourself before you can move forward, make anything better, or have any kind of meaningful discussion with your wife.

When was the last time you drank a glass of water? If you don't know, don't care, or don't remember - go and drink a glass of water right now. Just chug it and get it done. I'm not even kidding. Go do it. Now.

Have you eaten in the past four hours? If the answer is "no", go and get something to eat right now. A banana, a sandwich, canned soup, a glass of milk - whatever you can stomach that's "real food". Chips and candy don't count. Not eating is punishing your body and it's digging your hole deeper, clouding your thinking and making it even harder to do anything else.

Did you take a shower today? Are you wearing fresh clothes? If the answer is "no", go and get in the shower right now and then get dressed in fresh clean clothes. Things hurt right now. I get it. But that's no excuse to act like you're not worthy of basic self-care.

How much sleep have you had in the last 24 hours? If the answer is "less than six" you need to get some rest. (But eat and shower first). Can't sleep? Just lie down in bed, with blankets, in the dark for 15 minutes and see what happens. Turn on some white noise. Don't even bother trying to think or not-think about anything in particular. Just lie down in the dark and give it 15 minutes.

Yeah, I'm just some stranger on the internet and all, but I really want you to do this. Drink some water, eat some food, take a shower and lie down and rest. These are the basic steps in building yourself back to being a functional human being. That is to say, treating yourself with care and dignity even if you don't feel like it right now.

After that, you can address some intermediate self-care like "have you been outside today?" and "have you spoken to another adult human today?" Some of us here on CP actually do count as "adult humans", by the way. We all need a little help sometimes, and we all need to share our stories with others. Sometimes just being heard is enough to get us through the day and bleed off enough stress to start thinking clearly again.

Without sleeping or eating, or getting the basics covered you just aren't in a state of mind to think clearly, act rationally, or think about your future. So go drag yourself to the kitchen by your teeth if you have to and get started.

Beyond that, others have already covered the salient points of getting some help for yourself quickly - be that employee assistance, your family physician, or some counseling just for you before you address it together with your wife.

Hang in there, and check in. Best of luck to you.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

There is a somewhat medium level chance I might end up in your fair city this spring.

If that's the case, and the worst case scenario happens and you do become a hermit, I will ask that you shower, put on some clean clothes, and venture into the city for a beer... if the worst case scenario doesn't happen, venture out for a beer anyway. How often do you get to drink with a sarcastic, dad-joke telling, friendly drunkard Maritimer? (actually, probably any time whatsoever in Alberta, but still!)

[annasuave]

Richkilt man, I'm sorry you're going through this.

I'm going to echo what others here on the board have said and try to offer a bit of wifely advice and tough-love.

Your world is falling down around your ears and you feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. That sucks, and I'm sorry. Hard as it is, you've got to pull yourself together and take care of yourself before you can move forward, make anything better, or have any kind of meaningful discussion with your wife.

When was the last time you drank a glass of water? If you don't know, don't care, or don't remember - go and drink a glass of water right now. Just chug it and get it done. I'm not even kidding. Go do it. Now.

Have you eaten in the past four hours? If the answer is "no", go and get something to eat right now. A banana, a sandwich, canned soup, a glass of milk - whatever you can stomach that's "real food". Chips and candy don't count. Not eating is punishing your body and it's digging your hole deeper, clouding your thinking and making it even harder to do anything else.

Did you take a shower today? Are you wearing fresh clothes? If the answer is "no", go and get in the shower right now and then get dressed in fresh clean clothes. Things hurt right now. I get it. But that's no excuse to act like you're not worth of basic self-care.

How much sleep have you had in the last 24 hours? If the answer is "less than six" you need to get some rest. (But eat and shower first). Can't sleep? Just lie down in bed, with blankets, in the dark for 15 minutes and see what happens. Turn on some white noise. Don't even bother trying to think or not-think about anything in particular. Just lie down in the dark and give it 15 minutes.

Yeah, I'm just some strange on the internet and all, but I really want you to do this. Drink some water, eat some food, take a shower and lie down and rest. These are the basic steps in building yourself back to being a functional human being. That is to say, treating yourself with care and dignity even if you don't feel like it right now.

After that, you can address some intermediate self-care like "have you been outside today?" and "have you spoken to another adult human today?" Some of us here on CP actually do count as "adult humans", by the way. We all need a little help sometimes, and we all need to share our stories with others. Sometimes just being heard is enough to get us through the day and bleed off enough stress to start thinking clearly again.

Without sleeping or eating, or getting the basics covered you just aren't in a state of mind to think clearly, act rationally, or think about your future. So go drag yourself to the kitchen by your teeth if you have to and get started.

Beyond that, others have already covered the salient points of getting some help for yourself quickly - be that employee assistance, your family physician, or some counseling just for you before you address it together with your wife.

Hang in there, and check in. Best of luck to you.

[RichKlit]

Originally Posted by Maritime Q-Scout

There is a somewhat medium level chance I might end up in your fair city this spring.

If that's the case, and the worst case scenario happens and you do become a hermit, I will ask that you shower, put on some clean clothes, and venture into the city for a beer... if the worst case scenario doesn't happen, venture out for a beer anyway. How often do you get to drink with a sarcastic, dad-joke telling, friendly drunkard Maritimer? (actually, probably any time whatsoever in Alberta, but still!)

If you make it to Calgary definitely hit me up!

[GreenLantern]

If you find yourself in a jam, things are getting dark, can't remember the numbers posted here or have access to the website, 911. Mental health is a HUGE part of policing these days and all western Canadian police agencies have access to mental health social workers, most have one on staff 24/7 riding with a constable ready to respond at a moments need.

There are a lot of great options between you and 911 though, so I implore you to explore those first. But don't forget, no matter what, when all else fails, those three numbers are very easy to remember.

You are never, ever alone.

[afc wimbledon]

Thing that really saved my mental health was playing soccer, I hadn't played since I was a kid, my mate pulled me into rec 5 a side, it got all my aggression out in an appropriate way, gave me a group of guys to bitch about my wife to, we all bitched about our wives or ex's.

if you played a team sport I would see if you can find some drop in or rec league games to jump into, I'm still playing 20 years later