I honestly couldn’t do it because some of the stuff is just too hilarious.
I’m curious. Do Sub guys irl actually do the things they talk about on the phone?
Do they really like genital torture? Hot wax on their privates? Penetration by spike heels?
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Oh absolutely, funny at a private coffee meetup with some of the elders in the community this was discussed a fair bit, how much of the younger 20's people are quite different from the old guard. Lots of submissive men, far more young women becoming Doms, many of them are switches (Dom and Sub).
I see a lot of new young men on fet who are into being humiliated, dominated, degraded, ####old seems pretty popular too, lots more trans boys and girls as well.
Diversity is good I think, certainly as long as they are getting a lot out of these experiences.
I thought of Hatari immediately and just saw you brought them up in the original thread, haha.
Heard they spoke to and learned a lot from actual BDSM communities in Iceland, so I guess my question is — you weren't in their less-than-SFW Spillingardans video, were ya?
Haha they are awesome, no I wasn't but a friend Maggi was, he's awesome one of the most out and open elders in the local community, absolutely the coolest guy you'll ever meet, always wears a leather kilt wherever he goes.
__________________ Allskonar fyrir Aumingja!!
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Since the Fifty Shades of Grey craze began, FetLife has grown from 1.2 million members at the beginning of 2012 to 3.6 million today. This leads us to a second challenge: the existing culture has been overwhelmed by a flood of newcomers.
Newcomers could previously be welcomed, integrated and pick up on the written (and unwritten) rules (“don’t act a BDSM role, be a real person”) from existing members. It’s harder to do this when there are thousands of newcomers joining every day. They learn from each other, not the established members.
Imagine you go to the same pub every week. You know the regulars and they know you. Then Time Out publishes a terrific review of the pub and it’s overrun. You recognise fewer people, they don’t know you and it’s much busier.
A core component of a strong sense of community is the feeling of influence. Members only participate in an online community if they feel they can influence it. Once a community reaches a certain size, members lose that ability. This creates the drive to join a smaller group, where you can exhibit greater influence.
Another problem is blurred boundaries. For an online community to succeed, it needs to carefully maintain a strong boundary between insiders and outsiders. This is usually the shared experiences or attributes of the audience. Once the boundary begins to blur, as happens when a flood of newcomers arrives, the sense of community dissipates. If everyone’s a member, membership becomes meaningless.
As a result, veterans of BDSM sites are leaving to create their own private communities, using WhatsApp groups and protected Twitter accounts. Each new member can be carefully screened and removed if he or she violates the accepted norms. Private groups also allow for greater levels of sharing and self-disclosure – a key tenet of a successful community.
Haha they are awesome, no I wasn't but a friend Maggi was, he's awesome one of the most out and open elders in the local community, absolutely the coolest guy you'll ever meet, always wears a leather kilt wherever he goes.
Oh that's so cool!! Love that he's happy being true to himself both in private and public.
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Oh and since this is often one of the most intense types of BDSM relationships and has grown hugely in popularity, is VERY misunderstood by the vanilla people, thought I would share what a Daddy Dom is, DDlg (Daddy Dom little girl) is all about. There are people that like to roleplay incest things in Kink, but this one ironically is rarely like that.
Just what is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dom. He chooses the subcategory of “Daddy” within the lifestyle of dominance and submission (D/s). Let’s get one thing out of the way right at the beginning. A Daddy Dom does not promote incest or pedophilia as the kink may be misunderstood by ignorant people. Rather, in this specific subcategory, the dynamic is set up for the male dominant to be called “Daddy,” and the female submissive (sub) to be called “girl,” “little girl,” or “babygirl,” etc. Rarely is she called “daughter,” as this evokes too many parallels to incest, which Daddies and their girls detest. And while some doms and some subs may have been victims of family violence, incest, or other abuse, Daddy Doms and their girls are not overrepresented in these categories any more than the general population.
Also for those of you curious about your own kinks, the BDSM test is a great way to see where you might stand, its not flawless but it will give you some idea if you want to explore your more secret or hidden desires.
Good on you Thor. It's amazing to see someone so comfortable in their own skin that they can disclose something so personal, especially when it is taboo to much of society. You're an inspiration to me.
I'd like you to clarify something about BDSM. Is BDSM about sex - or more accurately getting laid - or is there something more to the act and culture? People do not engage in BDSM to have sex, do they not engage in BDSM to meet a particular desire or need, which ultimately allows them to achieve pleasure and a release?
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Good on you Thor. It's amazing to see someone so comfortable in their own skin that they can disclose something so personal, especially when it is taboo to much of society. You're an inspiration to me.
I'd like you to clarify something about BDSM. Is BDSM about sex - or more accurately getting laid - or is there something more to the act and culture? People do not engage in BDSM to have sex, do they not engage in BDSM to meet a particular desire or need, which ultimately allows them to achieve pleasure and a release?
So the simple answer is BDSM is about the mental experience firstly (mostly,) its far more about that than any physical part. Those that seek out BDSM might start out thinking its just to get laid, but they will quickly learn its a large mental effort and commitment, even for submissives which many of them learn quickly.
Having said that the umbrella of the "Kink" community has all kinds of people, but the authentic power exchange involved in all the various Dominant submissive experience is firstly all in the mind, that is what then makes the actual sex so intense and for many that's what keeps them in the lifestyle, even if they initially dipped their toes thinking it was going to get them laid.
On a public BDSM night where you see a lot of your local community, you will see very average looking men over 40 being approached by women who are usually much younger and very attractive. Because for them they want someone who knows what they are doing, the physical attraction is less important for many since the intensity of the experience can be so powerful.
Its also a very body positive community because of that, because vanilla life is obsessed with looks, body, our community is obsessed with the mind and those who have it, are sought out by reputation.
The "slut" type exists as well in BDSM, its a small group (all genders), but even they are often ones who ultimately seek a Dom, or become a switch or even submissive.
Also next to consent being at the top of the rules in the community, is also NMK, (not my kink), meaning if someone shares a kink they have that you are repulsed by or dislike, you never shame them. As long as things are between consenting adults, people are given the respect to ask and look for the things they most desire.
__________________ Allskonar fyrir Aumingja!!
Last edited by Thor; 06-22-2019 at 10:28 AM.
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I kinda always knew this about you, Thor. I still think you're the same kind of thoughtful, insightful, genuine, more-than-just-a-little intellectual kind of person I always did. That said, if me and Rico do meet up with you at Sundhollin sometime, I'd appreciate it if you kept a shirt on.
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Cool thing you're doing Thor. I hope these next questions aren't too silly. You speak of elders in the community. You also speak of the strength of the mental aspect of BDSM.
Are elders more based on experience/age, or more reputation/ability to nurture the community?
Also, for the elders that guide the newbies, is it more a written, oral or via experience in terms of the passing down of knowledge?
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I kinda always knew this about you, Thor. I still think you're the same kind of thoughtful, insightful, genuine, more-than-just-a-little intellectual kind of person I always did. That said, if me and Rico do meet up with you at Sundhollin sometime, I'd appreciate it if you kept a shirt on.
I have zero boundaries issues, and can't wait to hang out with more awesome CPers.
Cool thing you're doing Thor. I hope these next questions aren't too silly.
Literally not a thing in our community, as communication is hugely important and I mentor a fair bit so I hear and get asked anything and everything.
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You speak of elders in the community. You also speak of the strength of the mental aspect of BDSM.
Are elders more based on experience/age, or more reputation/ability to nurture the community?
So a bit tricky, as a rule, yes age breeds more mental strength, think of how you were at 25 dating, and how you know yourself at 35, 45.... So in BDSM where the mental part is so huge, imagine your mind at 25 and at 45...
There are of course people more naturally meant for it than others, some just jump in and find a home quickly, some take many years to find themselves.
But as a rule, if you hear anyone say "I'm a Master" and they are under 30 years of age, this is a huge red flag. Not just because of the older generation's obsession with titles and earning them but because the mental maturity to be that level of Dominant is very very hard, even for old timers.
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Also, for the elders that guide the newbies, is it more a written, oral or via experience in terms of the passing down of knowledge?
It's mostly online and in person advice, guiding. There are a few excellent youtubers, my friend (yes I know her), Evie Lupine is amazing, Morgan Thorne... So thankfully I can direct people to them, and so its not confused, when I and others mentor its to anyone who reaches out, regardless of gender, etc..
Although a bit on that, its always said that if you join the community as a submissive, you should find a 30+ female submissive if you are seeking a mentor. I do at times help submissives, usually just telling them where to find information, how to navigate Fetlife, yotube videos.. But I have a primal part of me that is at times hard to hold back if that sub is someone I desire.
I only recently joined a few FB groups, up until this last year it was Fet and local community only. We created a new FB group just tonight after being frustrated with how many thirsty people join these groups looking to harass the submissives.
__________________ Allskonar fyrir Aumingja!!
Last edited by Thor; 06-22-2019 at 08:07 PM.
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Thor: do you know anything about glory holes? I have an idea for them, but I'm not sure exactly how they're designed so maybe my idea is already out there.
Is there padding for your wang and the orifice on the other side, or is it typically just a hole bored out into a wall? If there is padding (kind of like a donut), is it covered in a washable fabric, or is it kind of nasty?
TIA
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