The Jokes and Riddles Thread

[dash_pinched]

A guy was in a small town, downriver from a dam. There were heavy storms and the area started to flood. It was up to the first step in front of his house when the Sheriff paddled by in a canoe. The guy was on his porch and the Sheriff called out - "Hey, that dam may not hold. This area's gonna flood. Get in, I'll take you to higher ground."

Guy called out: "Nope. I have faith the Good Lord will save me."

Few hours later, the dam is close to bursting, the flood waters are up to the second floor of the guy's house. He is leaning out a second story window when the Sheriff comes buy in a speedboat. "Hey, the dam isn't going to hold. Get in, I will take you to higher ground."

"Nope. I have faith the Good Lord will save me.

Few hours later, the dam has burst. House is underwater. Guy is standing on his roof with the water up to his chest. Sheriff comes by in a Helicopter. "LAST CHANCE, Still rising, get in and I can save you."

"NO! The Good Lord will save me. "

So the guy drowns. He gets to the gates and he's upset. He looks at God and says:
"Hey, I had faith that you would save me, and you just let me die!"

God replies, "I sent you two boats and a Helicopter, what more did you want me to do?"

[mrkajz44]

Did you know that the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Skookspeared?

[Maritime Q-Scout]

What's the difference between a Canadian bee and an American bee?

A Canadian bee has wings on its back, and has hair all over its body




As compared to:

Spoiler!

a USB

[dash_pinched]

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Monday.

[Dion]

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar and a half and deer nuts are under a buck

[calf]

Why do Norwegian battle ships have bar codes on them?

So when they come to port, you can scan da navy in.