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Old 05-15-2019, 08:15 PM   #1
TheScorpion
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Default If Calgarypuck was a book, what would its chapters be?

As a relatively new member of the site, it often amazes me when I hear about events that occurred here before my time or about memorable posters with crazy stories associated with them. For every PIMking or Gaudreauvertime story that I was here to experience, there seem to be a million more that I just never heard of.

Funny enough, I was reading the PIMking thread the other day and I saw a post about how said poster would go down as a chapter in the story of Calgarypuck. It got me thinking -- what else would be a part of this book? Stories about crazy meetups? Insane tirades? Excessive tipping-related asterisk binges?

So, what do you think? Who, or what, would go into a book about Calgarypuck? What memorable moments or people have endured through this site's 20-ish-year history? I can't wait to read up on the responses.
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Old 05-15-2019, 08:20 PM   #2
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The rants of a certain ranch-loving restaurant wait staff critic.

“YOU!! brought ME a refill ON my Diet Coke. I DID not ask for a REFILL!! YOU are WASTING time! NO TIP!!”
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Old 05-15-2019, 08:25 PM   #3
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All the battles Lanny MacDonald waged in the early days of CP were why I signed up on the board. Dude is a legend.

Wannamaker has to make it in there.

Dude who got outed/savagely beat down by his girlfriend who was posting hypotheticals and clearly it was for himself

Also, the guy who called Bingo a "CDC paste-eating Troll" gets some honorable mention!
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Old 05-15-2019, 08:29 PM   #4
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jhunt223 and bronzel made me laugh harder than anything else ever has on here.
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Old 05-15-2019, 08:31 PM   #5
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I like the plastic bag in the tub mystery. That was awesome.
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Old 05-15-2019, 08:35 PM   #6
Cecil Terwilliger
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You win some, you luge some.
That’s title material right there.
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Old 05-15-2019, 08:40 PM   #7
Cecil Terwilliger
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Also Ren (Ren?) ate his pubes once and posted a video of it. He put them on crackers I think. Possibly with another topping like peanut butter. It was weird. So weird I kinda feel like I’m making it up. It’s hard to remember, I’ve seen a lot of pube eating videos in my day.

He sure did!

Post 11 but he’s changed the hyperlink.

https://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=86160

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He would become a CP legend, and earn a lifetime of respect here. Unfortunately, the rest of the internet, without knowing the context of the pube eating, would simply know him as that disgusting pube eating guy, and the video would go viral. Ridicule would follow, you'd lose some friends, your family may dis-own you, and you'd probably lose your job. Suicide would probably be the only option at that point.

So I say, do it! A bet is a bet.
Lol. A legend indeed.

Last edited by Cecil Terwilliger; 05-15-2019 at 08:48 PM.
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Old 05-15-2019, 10:57 PM   #8
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Clearly the book would fall open magically at the chapter about chicken on the way, the pages well thumbed and grubby
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Old 05-15-2019, 11:29 PM   #9
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During my first couple years on CP I would occasionally see a reference to some Wannamaker thing. I eventually searched for the thread and went through everything. Wow, so epic, that would be a few chapters of a book.

More recently I recall how we got to learn of a poster's many personal details on their difficult but eventually successful attempt at losing their virginity. The gear grinders thread was shut down at one point and it started the whole "you should join the military" meme.
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Old 05-15-2019, 11:32 PM   #10
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The Pillsbury recipe contest thread should be a chapter.
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Old 05-15-2019, 11:39 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FireGilbert View Post
During my first couple years on CP I would occasionally see a reference to some Wannamaker thing. I eventually searched for the thread and went through everything. Wow, so epic, that would be a few chapters of a book.

More recently I recall how we got to learn of a poster's many personal details on their difficult but eventually successful attempt at losing their virginity. The gear grinders thread was shut down at one point and it started the whole "you should join the military" meme.

One of the greatest things ever


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Old 05-15-2019, 11:40 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by afc wimbledon View Post
Clearly the book would fall open magically at the chapter about chicken on the way, the pages well thumbed and grubby
As are the people coming up from the basement. o.O
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Old 05-15-2019, 11:48 PM   #13
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Bertuzzied. He was always hard on Kobasew and said he would change his name if Kobasew ever scored a hat trick. Kobasew did and Bertuzzied was then known as Kobatuzzied.
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Old 05-15-2019, 11:50 PM   #14
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I like the plastic bag in the tub mystery. That was awesome.



hahaha lol - when that guy called the cops about it I couldn't stop laughing.
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Old 05-16-2019, 12:35 AM   #15
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Chapter 1

Edmonton is no good
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Old 05-16-2019, 12:36 AM   #16
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The Snotboy story by our own Reggie Dunlop

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My public transport tragedy.....I think I will need therapy after this one. I have relayed it so many times that I am starting to pick up a flair for humour with it, but let me tell you at the time nothing was funny about it.

October 17th, 2000. I am in Ecuador, leaving the armpit of the earth QUITO (ecuador's capital). I amreally excited to leave regardless of the mode of transport. I was on the local bus, which cost like a buck for the entire 400km drive....I should have known.
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Then the gross part happened.

This kid got bored sitting in the bus for the long trip, so he started to entertain himself. This involved collecting copius amounts of runny snot on his finger/hand and eating it. Sometimes he would rub it in his ear or on the floor before eating it. There was so much snot coming out that I think a ShopVac wet dry vaccuum would have been in order. There was also a pole right in front of him that people would hold onto when getting on the bus. He saw this and decided to include it in his buffet. He would rub snot on his hand, or saliva, and then rub it on the pole. At that point (HONEST TO GOD) he would lean forward and lick the snot off the pole. Someone saw this and gave him an orange, but he quickly discarded this for the pole. I wanted to die.

This went on for over 2 hours. I wanted to move, but the bus was too packed. I wanted to climb over people to get back to my tour group but it was literally impossible to move. I started to panic. At that point this kid saw my right leg. He reached for it with a snot coated hand. I batted his hand away with my water bottle, and this was an apparent signal for some type of game. He became more persistent and eager to rub snot on my leg (in some attempt to tenderize it before giving it a good licking). The lady beside me screamed once or twice (seemingly on my behalf). His mother looked back uninterested (story of this kids life) once but that was it. I never hit the kid hard or even firmly with my water bottle, but I did have to start batting him in the head with it.
https://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=13593
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Old 05-16-2019, 12:37 AM   #17
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Official KevanGuy Burger Pledge Drive
https://forum.calgarypuck.com/showth...ghlight=burger

KevanGuy eats 15 burgers to help pay the cost of a server for CP
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Old 05-16-2019, 01:13 AM   #18
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It's not all comedy. calgaryboy's visits, okotoker being a member, Heckle In Eckville...
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Old 05-16-2019, 09:09 AM   #19
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The Girly Sports "drafts".

CP Live NHL Drafts and Softball teams.

Red Is A Color Often Misunderstood.
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Old 05-16-2019, 09:31 AM   #20
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hahaha lol - when that guy called the cops about it I couldn't stop laughing.

I'm not sure how to write the chapter though. I want closure but we never got it. Other than ending with a cathartic mantra of "I put the bag there" "No I put the bag there" "No I put the bag there" posts, nothing else works. Because in reality, we all put that bag there.
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