Don't kill yourself

[GreenLantern2814]

I know this time of year can be emotionally difficult. I know the economy sucks, politics sucks, the hockey team sucks, the weather sucks, I get it.

Don't kill yourself.

Call 911, call your mom, call kids help phone, call Domino's, hell, PM me if you think it'll help - I don't have a job, I'll talk to you.

Don't kill yourself.

An acquaintance of mine lost her 15 year old boy this morning, and I can't comprehend how this woman is going to move forward.

God damnit. Please, nobody kill themselves.

[rain_e]

A friends husband did this last month. No one expected any issues and it's unfortunate he couldn't reach out to anyone. There is always someone out there to listen and I hope people struggling know this and know it's ok.

[blankall]

I now have 5 friends on Facebook that have now passed away due to suicide. I have a lot sympathies for your friend that lost a child, but suicide also seems to be a huge problem for men as they reach their late 30s/early 40s. I really do dread this time of year sometimes, as it seems like it's almost inevitable that I hear another tragic story.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by blankall

I now have 5 friends on Facebook that have now passed away due to suicide. I have a lot sympathies for your friend that lost a child, but suicide also seems to be a huge problem for men as they reach their late 30s/early 40s. I really do dread this time of year sometimes, as it seems like it's almost inevitable that I hear another tragic story.

It is a huge thing for men in the 30/40's.

I can tell you the exact time and place that I found out my friend had taken his life, leaving a wife and two kids.

I still struggle with what he did, I can't even wrap my head around his kids.

I will say that a core group of my friends all got together after it and pledged to look after each other. There are dudes I don't see much, but I will text them every few months and they will do the same to me.

We decided to turn his death into something more than a tragedy.

So far it seems to be working. I'm much more vulnerable with that group of friends and they are with me.

GL, well done on this.

[TheScorpion]

Absolutely tragic, I'm so sorry this happened. Mental health, depression, suicidal thoughts... it's so hard to live sometimes, with every day being exhausting and draining sometimes. But no matter what, as long as you have empathy, compassion, and the willingness to grow, you have something to live for, no matter what's happened in your life. It's something that I tell myself every day and I wish others could hear sometimes.

Hopefully you and your acquaintance find peace, GL. I'm so sorry about this.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by rain_e

There is always someone out there to listen and I hope people struggling know this and know it's ok.

People like to say this but there often isn't. Mental health services in this country have been woefully inadequate for decades and, if you've ever been in this situation, you quickly find out how ill-equipped or interested most people you care about are at helping you through your problems. That's not an indictment of anyone either. People are often consumed with their own problems, busy lives, etc., expecting them to take on someone else's is a lot.

That's not to say that people shouldn't still try to reach out, but people often do and quickly find that their support systems aren't as strong as they thought they were.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by rubecube

People like to say this but there often isn't. Mental health services in this country have been woefully inadequate for decades and, if you've ever been in this situation, you quickly find out how ill-equipped or interested most people you care about are at helping you through your problems. That's not an indictment of anyone either. People are often consumed with their own problems, busy lives, etc., expecting them to take on someone else's is a lot.

That's not to say that people shouldn't still try to reach out, but people often do and quickly find that their support systems aren't as strong as they thought they were.

Yeah, particularly with ongoing issues like depression. I think you can expect people to be there for you when you're feeling well and want to go out. Like, a good friend will say, yeah, let's go for a beer. But it's a lot to expect of someone to be there for you for months and years propping you up. I don't know anyone with a free enough schedule to be able to do that, not to mention the willingness to take on the emotional burden of doing that for someone.

If you can't afford professional help, it really does put you in a tough spot, I'm sure.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Yeah, particularly with ongoing issues like depression. I think you can expect people to be there for you when you're feeling well and want to go out. Like, a good friend will say, yeah, let's go for a beer. But it's a lot to expect of someone to be there for you for months and years propping you up. I don't know anyone with a free enough schedule to be able to do that, not to mention the willingness to take on the emotional burden of doing that for someone.

If you can't afford professional help, it really does put you in a tough spot, I'm sure.

Exactly. I mean most people will snap to it if you say "Hey, I'm gonna kill myself," but at that point the die is kind of cast.

[CMPunk]

Benefits are woefully inadequate for mental health. Going to talk to someone uses them up in 2-3 visits. How are you expected to get help that way? I can't afford hundreds of dollars an hour? Any friends and family, like Sliver said, they have their own issues. There's been plenty of times I've reached out for help and gotten the brush off. At that point, why even talk to anyone??

[CaptainYooh]

Originally Posted by GreenLantern2814

I know this time of year can be emotionally difficult. I know the economy sucks, politics sucks, the hockey team sucks, the weather sucks, I get it.

Don't kill yourself.

Call 911, call your mom, call kids help phone, call Domino's, hell, PM me if you think it'll help - I don't have a job, I'll talk to you.

Don't kill yourself.

An acquaintance of mine lost her 15 year old boy this morning, and I can't comprehend how this woman is going to move forward.

God damnit. Please, nobody kill themselves.

I was just in a car with a colleague, whose 15-yr old daughter texted her about this; they were friends. I am pretty sure this is the same kid... Such a senseless tragedy...

[RichKlit]

I have had 2 acquaintances decide to end their lives this month and a good friend diagnosed with a type of jaw/face cancer and had a large portion of their jaw removed...he is obviously not doing well physically but is struggling far worse with the mental aspects of his new "normality".

For some this is the hardest time of the year, like the op said don't give up keep searching for someone, anyone, who is willing to listen, as often that's all it takes someone to listen to them.

This will be my first Christmas in 14 years I'll be by myself(wife left me, I posted a thread asking for some advice, thanks CP) and im not looking forward to it all. I haven't decorated, put up a tree, nothing, I cant bring myself to do it. All that being said there is to much in life to live for.

Im not a prolific poster at all, but I reached out to CP(with many reservations this place can be like rabid wolves on a injured animal at times) and im thankful I did. It helped me start taking the necessary steps to take care of myself and all it took was a few of you to reach out me. Like I said earlier that's all I wanted a connection, a feeling that someone cared.

If anyone out there is struggling and feels like you are not getting the help you DESERVE please reach out to me by PM or post a thread, there are so many good people on this board that will reach out to you.

Don't stay in silence speak up be heard ask for help.

[Tiger]

I was a pallbearer at my cousin's funeral after he committed suicide. I'm still haunted by the sound of my aunt crying "my baby" as we carried him out of the funeral. The second saddest thing I've ever witnessed in my life personally. I think many people commit suicide because they think everyone will be better off without them. People just don't know how much they mean to others really, So especially in the holidays, let people know you care.

[Sliver]

I think we can sometimes make it really difficult for people who commit suicide or are suicidal. Talking about it being selfish, how you have to stay, how people love you. For some people, life is miserable and there isn't the mental health available to alleviate the minute-to-minute second-to-second struggle that is life. Days, weeks, months, years, decades of wrenching turmoil.

As we become more knowledgeable about mental health struggles and with growing acceptance of euthanasia, which became legal in Canada a few years ago, I wonder when assisted suicide will be available for people struggling with permanent and incurable mental health disorders.

A family member of mine ended their life and it was merciful for them and a relief for us to see an end to horrible suffering. Everyone saw it that way, including his mom. Insanely devastating, obviously, but also an end to the permanent torture. I would have much preferred he had the option of a loving goodbye with the support of his family - which he would have had - versus the lonely and sad ending he experienced. That's actually the hardest part these years later - picturing him being by himself. I wish it could have been with some medication for a more peaceful experience and all of us there. If he would have rather been alone, I would have respected that, too, but I'd still have wanted him to have a more peaceful experience than having to DIY it.

I personally wouldn't put on anyone the "people love you" and "you have to keep trying" platitudes. I think you're burdening someone who is already overburdened as is with those lines and thoughts that aren't helpful.

The 15-year-old passing is heartbreaking. I'm talking about full-on adults that have tried everything for years and have not been able to find any respite from their difficulties. Also, just like with current legalization of euthanasia, you would of course need safeguards in place to ensure its use is informed and truly a last resort.

[AnonymousStranger]

Don't mean to pry but was the reason because the boy was being bullied?

[Slava]

Originally Posted by RichKlit

I have had 2 acquaintances decide to end their lives this month and a good friend diagnosed with a type of jaw/face cancer and had a large portion of their jaw removed...he is obviously not doing well physically but is struggling far worse with the mental aspects of his new "normality".

For some this is the hardest time of the year, like the op said don't give up keep searching for someone, anyone, who is willing to listen, as often that's all it takes someone to listen to them.

This will be my first Christmas in 14 years I'll be by myself(wife left me, I posted a thread asking for some advice, thanks CP) and im not looking forward to it all. I haven't decorated, put up a tree, nothing, I cant bring myself to do it. All that being said there is to much in life to live for.

Im not a prolific poster at all, but I reached out to CP(with many reservations this place can be like rabid wolves on a injured animal at times) and im thankful I did. It helped me start taking the necessary steps to take care of myself and all it took was a few of you to reach out me. Like I said earlier that's all I wanted a connection, a feeling that someone cared.

If anyone out there is struggling and feels like you are not getting the help you DESERVE please reach out to me by PM or post a thread, there are so many good people on this board that will reach out to you.

Don't stay in silence speak up be heard ask for help.

CP can be bad for some topics and there can be a lot of vitriol. But at the end of the day we’re actually a community and I’ve made some great friends here. I think people here are generally fantastic and incredibly supportive. It can depend on the thread/topic, but overall I rate CP really high for compassion and caring.

[OMG!WTF!]

It's a real misconception that mental health is under funded in Alberta. It's busy for sure but its actually never been better. There are extended up to 16 visit one on one counseling programs followed by on going psychiatric care until you say stop. I'm not sure if Kenney canceled this but it looks like it's still available through the South Family health care center. Just a matter of showing up.



Walk in mental health service to get started...


https://www.albertahealthservices.ca...lityID=1018206

[bigtmac19]

This is a really great thread.

[Jiri Hrdina]

While not fool proof there is a lot of information out there about recognizing the signs of suicide. I volunteered at the crisis centre for about a decade many moons ago, so some of this may be a bit rusty, but we had to do these assessments regularly. I would say some of the things to really pay attention to are:
- If someone has made specific plans to end their life. The more specific the more likely the attempt is carried through. Obviously asking about this can be a hard conversation and has to be approached with sensitivity and empathy. But if someone communicates specific plans it is a major red flag. One way we could do this is by asking a question such as "If you were to harm yourself, how do you think you would do that?". A specific or detailed response to a hypothetical such as that is a warning sign
- Similarly, if they have a specific means in mind for how they will do it. Again the more specific, the more danger the person is in.
- Expressions of 'hopelessness' or 'not having a way out'
- If they have done anything to prepare for the end of their life. This could manifest itself in them giving away belongings, and in particular things that are important to them. It could be them attempting to "make peace" with people (e.g. ex's, family, etc) or making apologies. It could be them getting their affairs in order financially.
- Lack of support structure in their life.

It's been a long time that I was doing this, so I don't want to pretend I'm an expert or anything. However, I think we should all have basic "mental health CPR" that we can apply so evaluate if someone is in trouble.

The most important thing is to look for signs, and be there for the person - and yes - intervene if necessary. If your gut is telling you they might be a danger to themselves....act. Acting and being wrong is something you can live with - but not acting and being wrong will live with you.

As others have offered, I too am a PM away for anyone that needs to talk.

[CaptainCrunch]

The year before last I had my brother in laws brother kill himself, he'd just gone through a divorce, lost his job and he had a drug problem that he hid well. He told us he had to go away to kind of be alone to fix himself and made this plan to go camping across Canada. We all stupidly thought it was a great idea. I mean he seemed ok at the time and bouncing back. We were all stupidly oblivious to it, but he was a good actor.



On the way home just outside of Winnipeg he steered his car into oncoming traffic and ran head on into a semi, and that as they say is that. Fortunately he didn't hurt or kill anyone else. But his pain was over, as a family ours just began. We all went through collective guilt, we should have seen some kind of sign. When he said he was ok, we should have suspected that he was lying. I remember when he left, he seemed to be happy and loose, maybe its because he'd made his decision.


That year for me was the worst in my life. I had a friend and fellow coach murdered by his step son. The company that I was with for 7 years imploded, and I partially blamed myself for it (Sales dropped when the economy dried up).


I got really angry about everything and I don't know if I was really all that close to hurting myself, but at times, and I remember I was talking to this girl that I was dating at the time, I said, yeah he took the easy way out, he's not suffering anymore, there's something really seductive about that. I started drinking heavily, I found ways to hide it from my friends and family, and when I couldn't hide it, I hid away from people and made excuses for not seeing people. I'm sick you shouldn't come around. I'd get together with you, but I'm going out of town for the weekend, but I didn't.



I lost interest in the relationship that I was in, and ended it in the most incredibly wrong fashion possible short of physical violence, just so I could be left alone.


The funny thing is, I was going through all of this when I was unemployed, and yet I managed this strangely effective really fast job hunt because I could put my mind into it. And when I got that job, I threw myself into it, because I wanted to feel something, anything beyond being angry, or sad or bleak.


I eventually actually got some really sound advice from a thread similar to this. And I swallowed my pride and I got some help. I got counseling, and I reached out to some friends and did the hardest thing ever and confided in them.


Look, I don't know if I was close or not to doing something drastic, there were long nights where I was sitting at home in the dark drinking heavy where who knows what would happen. When I had those dark thoughts though, I will honestly say, I never once gave a crap about how it would effect my family, I think at worst I thought they would be better off without me and they wouldn't have to deal with my shyt.


But talking to a professional really helps open some doors, and makes you confront yourself, talking to a professional gives you coping tools. Having a friend that you can confide in who maybe will just listen and not preach or lecture or say "I would do this".



Sometimes you have to empty yourself and your soul among other things.


Now I will honestly say, I am not even close to the same person as I was before all of this stuff hit me, and I doubt I'll ever be that guy from three years ago again. I still get upset, and I can still get into real negative spins, but at least with the coping tools I don't spiral like I did before.



The other thing that really saved me was keeping busy and not just with work. Getting back to being dedicated to coaching really shockingly helped. getting out and just walking or doing stuff helps. I didn't completely stop drinking, but its rare that I do, because that helps a ton.


If you're thinking about hurting yourself, or you suspect that someone is thinking of it and hiding it well, you as a friend, mom, dad, brother or sister have to do the bravest thing that you'll ever do and ask, and maybe don't believe them when they tell you they are when your every instinct is screaming that they're not ok. And if they want to talk, shut up and listen, really listen to what they're saying. Don't lecture, don't think that you're life experience is at all a story that you need to be telling at that point, but the best thing you can do is listen, and see if you can get them to talk to a true professional.



If you're really worried, its ok to call in help, the police, or EMS, or get an advice from a professional on how you should deal with you. I guarantee you that if you do go to that emergency step the person that you want to help will either hate to you, or lie to you after words. But you might save a life, and you might get them to confront what they're going through.



I think I'm kind of wandering here so I'm going to stop.

[troutman]

90% of people that survive their first suicide attempt do not die from suicide in the future.

Treatment can be very successful.