Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[afc wimbledon]

I will add something that may help you younger guys, I suffered a bit from 'is that all there is' in my late forties, I was happy with my life but weirdly wandering around Southlands in Vancouver, some of the most expensive land in Canada, I realized even though I was doing ok my chance to own a house like these was wholly gone, that foster parent/youth worker/middle class was all I would ever be.

The odd thing was I never aspired to being wealthy and was content with my life, it was just the realization that my life was set, that this was who I was, that my age meant I no longer had options was a bit sobering, I was clearly going to carry on for another 15 or 20 years then sell my house and retire up the valley or out onto the Island, this was set in stone.

Cut to 15 years later and I have an adopted 15 year old so I aint retiring and there are so few foster parents left due to Covid and house prices in Van that I can't spend the money they pay me to stay working, I mean I'm never buying a place in Southlands but I am way way better off than I could ever have dreamed 20 years ago, the assumptions we make at 45 that tend to be a bit morbid and can be way way off

[Russic]

Originally Posted by TheIronMaiden

I work with a lot of seniors and with out a doubt the ones who are the happiest are also the ones who have the best mobility. Strength for aesthetics is over rated, but strength as it relates to mobility is super underrated.

It's interesting that (it feels to me, at least) pretty much 90% of the fitness industry's message is essentially "workout so you're bangable or everyone is jealous of your sweet, sweet ass." In reality, it makes far more sense if the message is "one day you may struggle to get off the toilet, and you're gonna want to avoid that."

I think we've all probably had the experience of working out to lose weight, it not happening, and that being frustrating. In reality, moving the body around is a straight-up win every single time regardless of what happens to your weight.

Originally Posted by DoubleF

...Not to be morbid or fatalist, but I've started trying to live life as if I am going to die one day...

I get that some people don't like to think certain ways, but I've found this to be very powerful. Meditating on the fact that nothing in this life will ever stick around can be existentially crushing, or it can be fuel to do great things.

I've seen many quote that line from The Office where Andy Bernard says says "I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them." A lot of people I've seen quote that treat it as a sad, nostalgic thing, while others treat it as a reminder that (for many) these are the good old days. My friends are alive, my kids are healthy, I can walk around the neighbourhood whenever I want and not worry about my body failing catastrophically... in a certain circumstance, the day may come when you'd give every penny you have for another today.

I find that mindset enormously powerful, but it all comes from the very dark place of knowing that everything changes, breaks down, and dies.

[photon]

I haven't mastered the art of channeling the existential dread into motivation to achieve, it seems to divert to "what's the point of achieving or experiencing anything when that memory is going to disappear into entropy" instead.

But yeah I do find I'm taking more of a perspective of "you can't take it with you" so shifting the balance of future vs. now. Which I guess is probably expected as future gets shorter and now keeps going.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by photon

I haven't mastered the art of channeling the existential dread into motivation to achieve, it seems to divert to "what's the point of achieving or experiencing anything when that memory is going to disappear into entropy" instead.

But yeah I do find I'm taking more of a perspective of "you can't take it with you" so shifting the balance of future vs. now. Which I guess is probably expected as future gets shorter and now keeps going.

I struggled for a while with that. Lost some friends young in pretty quick succession to things nobody could really have seen coming. It caused a lot of time wasted worrying that my own time was right around the corner, in a fated sort of way, a lot of really dark days (that turned into months and years). Then it slowly shifted to acceptance, but under the terms that everything was pointless.

Now I realize that all of this is the point. Whatever you do, living is the point of life. The only way for me to feel comfortable with the inevitable (whenever and however it comes) is to ensure I reach it knowing I lived my life on my terms, as who I wanted to be, and that I got every bit of joy I could out of it. I just do my best and take joy where I can find it and tell my friends I love them. There’s not much more you can do than that, I figure. I don’t want to die wondering if I could’ve enjoyed my time more or wondering if the people around me know how much they mean to me.

It sounds stupid and cheesy I’m sure, and it’s not any kind of advice, it’s just how I make it through every day happy.

[Sr. Mints]

Originally Posted by TheIronMaiden

I work with a lot of seniors and with out a doubt the ones who are the happiest are also the ones who have the best mobility. Strength for aesthetics is over rated, but strength as it relates to mobility is super underrated.

So underrated. I also interacted with elderly individuals through work, but the people I encountered tended to be quite mobile and I never fully grasped the profound impact that mobility could have on one's sense of happiness.

In 2018 I had to relearn how to walk again, and had to use a walker and then canes until about 2021. But I could only go, I don't know, one or two blocks - and forget about uneven terrain. Also lost my licence at that time (doctors or nurses don't actually take your licence, just "take your licence." Okay. But I digress . . .)

Initially, I don't recall being tethered to a ball and chain overly bothersome as I was likely focused on health issues. However, as time passed, the restricted mobility and consequent lack of freedom or personal agency became progressively more distressing. I regained the ability to drive around 2022, albeit restricted to daytime hours. The last few winters where darkness hits as early as 4:00 p.m. can be pretty miserable times.

[fotze2]

I can’t read this thread. Only post. Hits too close. Thought mental health was nonsense. I have a heart valve I defect that since age 4 I’ve been told I’m gonna need open heart surgery, so I’ve lived like I’m gonna die at 50. Now I do 1 year tests MRIs and I absolutely terrified. Doctor appointment next week. I will not sleep and have not slept for months. I get tired way too easily but I’ll lie to the doctor because I’m a #####. Trying to sleep is a horror movie. There’s those three seconds when you wake up and your hard drive doesn’t load yet and the memories aren’t in there yet. Those are good minutes.

[fotze2]

Sorry for wall o text

[fotze2]

Sorry for wall o text

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by fotze2

I can’t read this thread. Only post. Hits too close. Thought mental health was nonsense. I have a heart valve I defect that since age 4 I’ve been told I’m gonna need open heart surgery, so I’ve lived like I’m gonna die at 50. Now I do 1 year tests MRIs and I absolutely terrified. Doctor appointment next week. I will not sleep and have not slept for months. I get tired way too easily but I’ll lie to the doctor because I’m a #####. Trying to sleep is a horror movie. There’s those three seconds when you wake up and your hard drive doesn’t load yet and the memories aren’t in there yet. Those are good minutes.

I feel ya man, I really do. I would give you coping advice but I sadly have none.

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I feel ya man, I really do. I would give you coping advice but I sadly have none.

I appreciate that more than journaling and exercise and cold showers and turn that frown upside down.

Go to counseling, fata off with that crap. Have you thought of journaling? Wake up and journal? That’s all you got?

[Geraldsh]

Originally Posted by fotze2

I can’t read this thread. Only post. Hits too close. Thought mental health was nonsense. I have a heart valve I defect that since age 4 I’ve been told I’m gonna need open heart surgery, so I’ve lived like I’m gonna die at 50. Now I do 1 year tests MRIs and I absolutely terrified. Doctor appointment next week. I will not sleep and have not slept for months. I get tired way too easily but I’ll lie to the doctor because I’m a #####. Trying to sleep is a horror movie. There’s those three seconds when you wake up and your hard drive doesn’t load yet and the memories aren’t in there yet. Those are good minutes.

My father was born with a defective heart valve. Open heart surgery has come a long way since his operation, done in 1965. He lived to his 80th birthday and I bet you will beat that record.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Geraldsh

My father was born with a defective heart valve. Open heart surgery has come a long way since his operation, done in 1965. He lived to his 80th birthday and I bet you will beat that record.

Not if I have anything to say about it...

[fotze2]

Yup, I was right. Is there a site you can check chance of dying from certain surgeries?

[Doctorfever]

Originally Posted by fotze2

Yup, I was right. Is there a site you can check chance of dying from certain surgeries?

I am sorry to hear that Fotze2.

I don’t know about any sites you can check, but the medical professionals are the best resource.

Hope everything works out for you and the people around you.

[woob]

Are there any laparoscopic options for your defect, or definitely open heart needed? They've defintely come a long long way in that field, which I know can be of little comfort when you're still stressed about it.

Only piece of advice I can offer (that I haven't always been the best at) is having to be your own biggest advocate when dealing with doctors, surgeons, etc. Telling them about your symptoms (especially important in recovery) and being as detailed and truthful as possible. Sometimes you have to get a bit rude/pushy with them before they'll really hear you. May not need that level with all nurses/docs/etc. but sometimes you do.

I'm in the middle of a multi-surgery endeavour to fix a health problem, and I'm absolutely terrified of the next one. It's like this big daunting mountain in front of me that I have no interest in climbing but know I have to. And beyond is completely unknown. There's the outcome everyone's hoping for but there's also the list things that could happen.

Hang in there man.

[photon]

The surgery I had last year was nowhere near as serious as what you guys are describing but I was still terrified of it. I'd never even been unconscious before in my life. It was freaking me out a bit.

Ultimately I just treated it all as if I was on a rail, I'd already made my decision I just had to follow the path that was coming, and the surgery itself was 50/50, either I'd wake up or I wouldn't.. and if I didn't I wouldn't know that I hadn't.

I will say that getting mental health help in the past did give me some tools that helped deal with it and stop myself from getting into an internal monologue loop, distract myself. And I didn't journal

[fotze2]

I have a crappy aorta, it’s got two flaps instead of the normal three, so I think I degrades quicker. As an engineer I assume it’s because more turbulent flow fatas things up and erodes more. No idea if lapro is an option but I don’t think so. Thanks fellas. Find out more deets on Tuesday.

I cringe what I’ve said to friends going through health stuff. Cause you want to make them feel better, so you recite some horse crap cliche you’ve heard.

3-6 months of dead man walking then 6 months useless if everything goes good.

You guys have to promise that I get at least a thread in the buy/sell forum when I die?