High-Profile Sexual Abuse Epidemic

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by Mr.Coffee

Which part of the texts did you think were emotionally abusive?

Telling the person he was already dating, who was both a surfer and a model, that she couldn’t model, surf with men, or be seen in a swimsuit if she wanted to be with him.

Telling the person he was already dating who she could and couldn’t see, or under what terms she could see them.

Mocking models and the modelling profession, when she’s a model, and then accusing her of taking him for granted.

Trying to manipulate, control, and diminish your partner’s value is emotional abuse. What he’s listing off is not remotely a case of healthy boundaries.

[PepsiFree]

He chose to date a surfer and then demanded she take down photos and videos of her surfing because she was in a swimsuit, which is what people surf in.

There’s no way to excuse that as being a little controlling or trying to stop “hollywood” from getting hold of it. She’s a surfer.

[OptimalTates]

Oof. I'll start by being fair to Hill and say that nothing I saw was anywhere close to illegal.

But it's all the hallmarks of an emotional abusive relationship. He wants her to change to his whims, he wants her isolated from her friends, he's overprotective against other men even colleagues of hers, he emotionally manipulates her with talks of breaking up if she won't listen, he insults her and belittles her with sarcastic quips while making himself out to be a martyr and victim and trying to get her to be completely reliant on him. And you can't say this is about personal beliefs because he was the one DMing her because of those "sexy photos" to start the relationship, it was about control and insecurity on his part.

And he also sleazy did it by bringing in faux therapy talk about "boundaries" and "triggers" while actually insulting her therapist.

Anyone who reads those text message and thinks those resemble any sense of a healthy relationship should probably have some self-reflection.

With that said, it was an unhealthy relationship that ended. Hopefully they both grew as people and Hill has matured and is in a healthy relationship with his new girlfriend.

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

Telling the person he was already dating, who was both a surfer and a model, that she couldn’t model, surf with men, or be seen in a swimsuit if she wanted to be with him.

Telling the person he was already dating who she could and couldn’t see, or under what terms she could see them.

Mocking models and the modelling profession, when she’s a model, and then accusing her of taking him for granted.

Trying to manipulate, control, and diminish your partner’s value is emotional abuse. What he’s listing off is not remotely a case of healthy boundaries.

Yeah I see where you’re coming from to a degree but I think there is some nuance to the word “abuse” here. The controlling stuff yes, he definitely comes across as controlling and that is a bit over the top but he cages it in this sort of veiled “this is how I want things” type thing so to the extent she is not okay with it, it is in a way telling your partner what your boundaries are before the relationship goes too far and so- does boundary setting constitute “abuse”?

I didn’t see the mocking modeling stuff, might have missed that.

I would agree with you he is not setting healthy boundaries, and that certainly isn’t how I would conduct myself, but I guess my main contention is that really abuse? People get in arguments and try to figure out where they stand in relationships all the time. People say stupid stuff all the time or maybe things they regret, or they disagree and get passionate in such disagreements, but do those things really equal “abuse”? Because if so- I’m willing to bet like 50% or more of all relationships are emotionally abusive. Like, are you going to tell me that you’ve never been in a fight in a relationship or you’ve never gotten emotional? Because this is kinda more like what this looks like to me than “emotional abuse” which I would chalk up more to a massive power imbalance and a longer-term continual manipulation of a person.

Like, this discussion literally ended the relationship. Or are you saying that anytime a relationship is in a fight it constitutes emotional abuse?

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

He chose to date a surfer and then demanded she take down photos and videos of her surfing because she was in a swimsuit, which is what people surf in.

There’s no way to excuse that as being a little controlling or trying to stop “hollywood” from getting hold of it. She’s a surfer.

Sure but it can be categorized as an idiotic request and unrealistic expectation as much as it is emotional abuse.

[FormerPresJamesTaylor]

Only here to thank the brigade

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by FormerPresJamesTaylor

Only here to thank the brigade

Thanked for being funny but this post could nearly be interpreted as emotionally abusive as what Jonah Hill did. Stop mocking, wah.

And honestly quite frankly, posts like this are only proving my point.

[DownInFlames]

April Richardson posted some great insight into the Jonah Hill situation on her Insta stories. She was in an emotionally abusive relationship and thankfully got out. Hill's use of therapy language was abusive if only in a minor way.

https://instagram.com/stories/aprilr...c4MmM1YmI2Ng==

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by Mr.Coffee

Yeah I see where you’re coming from to a degree but I think there is some nuance to the word “abuse” here. The controlling stuff yes, he definitely comes across as controlling and that is a bit over the top but he cages it in this sort of veiled “this is how I want things” type thing so to the extent she is not okay with it, it is in a way telling your partner what your boundaries are before the relationship goes too far and so- does boundary setting constitute “abuse”?

I didn’t see the mocking modeling stuff, might have missed that.

I would agree with you he is not setting healthy boundaries, and that certainly isn’t how I would conduct myself, but I guess my main contention is that really abuse? People get in arguments and try to figure out where they stand in relationships all the time. People say stupid stuff all the time or maybe things they regret, or they disagree and get passionate in such disagreements, but do those things really equal “abuse”? Because if so- I’m willing to bet like 50% or more of all relationships are emotionally abusive. Like, are you going to tell me that you’ve never been in a fight in a relationship or you’ve never gotten emotional? Because this is kinda more like what this looks like to me than “emotional abuse” which I would chalk up more to a massive power imbalance and a longer-term continual manipulation of a person.

Like, this discussion literally ended the relationship. Or are you saying that anytime a relationship is in a fight it constitutes emotional abuse?

I think you’d be surprised how few healthy relationships exist where this kind of language and this kind of manipulation is used by either partner.

Outside of that, it doesn’t really matter what you think emotional abuse is or what your personal definition is, as there is plenty of literature out there that can enlighten you to what it actually is if you care to learn. Suggesting that 50% of relationships contain this same level of emotional abuse and that someone just bringing up your “brigade” comment also constitutes emotional abuse tells me you’d probably benefit from just a basic reading about it. I don’t entirely see the value in not knowing what it is and then trying to point out situations where it does or doesn’t exist.

[Locke]

Wow. I just looked up a recent photo of Jonah Hill...

That is a man who should be living alone, in the woods, in a trailer, drinking low-brow beer that he brewed himself in the bathtub that was abandoned in his yard.

[OptimalTates]

Originally Posted by Mr.Coffee

Yeah I see where you’re coming from to a degree but I think there is some nuance to the word “abuse” here. The controlling stuff yes, he definitely comes across as controlling and that is a bit over the top but he cages it in this sort of veiled “this is how I want things” type thing so to the extent she is not okay with it, it is in a way telling your partner what your boundaries are before the relationship goes too far and so- does boundary setting constitute “abuse”?

And this is the issue with his faux therapist talk about boundaries. It's not setting boundaries that is the issue, it's the boundaries themselves that are red flags. I mean if I said my boundary is that "if the Flames get blown out by the Oilers I reserve the right to get drunk, angry, throw and hit things or you" like that's not a "boundary", that's just me being an abusive ####.

And then how he communicated with sarcastic quips, profanity laced tirades, and the whole playing the victim that becomes manipulative further exasperated by leading her on after the breakup. What you want to define that as I think is pretty much semantics. But I agree there is nuance which is why I started off with saying that no one is accusing him of anything actually remotely illegal. I almost said it shouldn't be in this thread and maybe a "Jonah Hill was a toxic partner" thread would be more fair.

But I think we reach the same point, I assume you would agree that you wouldn't want your daughter, son, or other loved one dating someone who requires that they:

• give up their dreams
• end their profession
• cut ties with friends and family
• never talk to the other gender
• control what they post on social media and other forms of how they communicate

All of these are hallmarks of the abuser playbook with isolation and dependency. These are like THE red flags of the beginning of an abusive relationship and Jonah's "boundaries" were pretty much matching those.

But then what's the end goal? Like I'm pretty much "good thing she dodged that bullet" but for her she felt the need to speak out to inform other people of emotional abuse she suffered whether for her own mental health and/or the opportunity to help others. Jonah probably believes this is an invasion of privacy and I could agree with some of the sexting stuff.

https://au.reachout.com/articles/sig...e-relationship

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

I think you’d be surprised how few healthy relationships exist where this kind of language and this kind of manipulation is used by either partner.

Outside of that, it doesn’t really matter what you think emotional abuse is or what your personal definition is, as there is plenty of literature out there that can enlighten you to what it actually is if you care to learn. Suggesting that 50% of relationships contain this same level of emotional abuse and that someone just bringing up your “brigade” comment also constitutes emotional abuse tells me you’d probably benefit from just a basic reading about it. I don’t entirely see the value in not knowing what it is and then trying to point out situations where it does or doesn’t exist.

Hang on, I wasn’t really arguing they had a healthy relationship, but not having a healthy relationship does not auto equate to emotional abuse.

My reference to the brigade being emotional abuse is every bit as sarcastic as your rampage the last day or so about me pointing out (correctly) that you are a bully on this website. I find it quite interesting the juxtaposition between your rush to point out injustices in the world and then how you operate on this forum. Now go prove me right again rally the troops in search of thanks and mock me some more. Winning?

I went and read the definition of emotional abuse. I think actually to a certain degree both of us are right. The definition of emotional abuse can be pretty darn far reaching which I would only contest seems so watered down that essentially any minimalizing of others constitutes emotional abuse and so here we are Pepsifree, guess we’re both just in an emotionally abusive relationship on this website together. Now, does that make sense to you?

[OptimalTates]

But it's probably the new accusations that deserve to have a Jonah Hill discussion in this aptly named thread anyways.

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by OptimalTates

But it's probably the new accusations that deserve to have a Jonah Hill discussion in this aptly named thread anyways.

100% correct. Why do you say that?

Also, this was my main point from the get go.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by OptimalTates

But it's probably the new accusations that deserve to have a Jonah Hill discussion in this aptly named thread anyways.

Yeah, that's why I posted about this here - The addition of the latest allegation.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by Mr.Coffee

Hang on, I wasn’t really arguing they had a healthy relationship, but not having a healthy relationship does not auto equate to emotional abuse.

My reference to the brigade being emotional abuse is every bit as sarcastic as your rampage the last day or so about me pointing out (correctly) that you are a bully on this website. I find it quite interesting the juxtaposition between your rush to point out injustices in the world and then how you operate on this forum. Now go prove me right again rally the troops in search of thanks and mock me some more. Winning?

I went and read the definition of emotional abuse. I think actually to a certain degree both of us are right. The definition of emotional abuse can be pretty darn far reaching which I would only contest seems so watered down that essentially any minimalizing of others constitutes emotional abuse and so here we are Pepsifree, guess we’re both just in an emotionally abusive relationship on this website together. Now, does that make sense to you?

Man, your opinion of who is or isn’t a bully couldn’t mean less. Let’s just skip your need to make it personal and stick to the conversation, okay? Nobody is calling a “brigade” to come get you, you weirdo lol.

Anyways. For one, we’re not in any kind of relationship.

Two, I don’t think you actually looked it up or at least spent more than a minute on it, because you’re missing the entire motivation and situation that makes emotional abuse what it is.

This abuse occurs when someone uses words or actions to try and control the other person, to keep someone afraid or isolated, or try to break someone’s self-esteem.

You can argue whether verbal abuse between strangers really constitutes “emotional abuse” or not, but when in a relationship and the motivation is control (you can’t do this), isolation (you can’t see these people), or lowering self-esteem (modelling is dumb!) then it becomes pretty clear.

I’m not sure what you think the difference between this and “real” emotional abuse is? What’s a detailed example of “real” emotional abuse to you?

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

Man, your opinion of who is or isn’t a bully couldn’t mean less. Let’s just skip your need to make it personal and stick to the conversation, okay? Nobody is calling a “brigade” to come get you, you weirdo lol.

Anyways. For one, we’re not in any kind of relationship.

Two, I don’t think you actually looked it up or at least spent more than a minute on it, because you’re missing the entire motivation and situation that makes emotional abuse what it is.



You can argue whether verbal abuse between strangers really constitutes “emotional abuse” or not, but when in a relationship and the motivation is control (you can’t do this), isolation (you can’t see these people), or lowering self-esteem (modelling is dumb!) then it becomes pretty clear.

I’m not sure what you think the difference between this and “real” emotional abuse is? What’s a detailed example of “real” emotional abuse to you?

That last question is a good one. I’d have to think about that.

Also LOL about “we aren’t making it personal, you are!” After mocking half the ####ing website for the last 5 years.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by Mr.Coffee

That last question is a good one. I’d have to think about that.

Also LOL about “we aren’t making it personal, you are!” After mocking half the ####ing website for the last 5 years.

I’m not sure who “we” is or what the last 5 years has to do with this conversation about Jonah Hill, but if you want to steer the conversation that way this much then you can go it alone.

[Itse]

For me personally, people being shi**y in a non-criminal way in their personal relationships is ultimately not really anyone else's business. Even if that person is a celebrity.

Obviously there's a gray area there (patterns of abusive behavior etc.), but that behavior by Hill people are discussing there seems mostly off topic in this thread.

[Erick Estrada]

Yeah I don't see anything here that doesn't pop up in a lot of bad relationships. I have known plenty of people that were in relationships where one side was overly controlling or manipulative. It's no surprise the guy is a entitled celebrity but this seems like sour grapes to me. Just look at the guy. He looks and comes off at times as a massive dbag. Any woman that dates him should probably go in with her eyes wide open.