07-11-2013, 01:09 AM
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#1
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GOAT!
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Funniest Twitter User? (Potentially NSFW Language)
Who's the funniest person you've found on Twitter so far?
I haven't exactly gone searching or anything, but so far I've only really found one person that makes me laugh with (almost) every tweet. I have no clue who she even is, either, which is annoying the heck out of me (not really)...
https://twitter.com/Schmoodles
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@Schmoodles
My friend texts "ur" instead of "you're" but puts extra letters in "so" because she's "soooo happy." This is why everyone hates you, Julie.
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@Schmoodles
If you tell me to make myself at home, don't be surprised when I take my pants off and drink all your vodka.
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@Schmoodles
It's totally amazing how cars run on dinosaur poop or however the #### fossils work. I'm not a dinosaur scientition over here. ####'s sake.
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@Schmoodles
If you've never had a 4 hour conversation about which cartoon character gives the best blowjobs, then I question your commitment to tequila.
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@Schmoodles
Kurt Cobain shot himself because he couldn't live with the guilt of drowning 18 babies to get 1 usable photo for an album cover.
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@Schmoodles
Misplaced apostrophes are just as annoying as the question mark I've used here?
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@Schmoodles
"Cheese cannon!" "Terminator eyes!" "Solar powered cat translator!" I'm the reason genies limit you to 3 wishes.
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@Schmoodles
I like to stand next to someone else's screaming baby, call an ex boyfriend, and tell him, "We need to talk!"
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@Schmoodles
I copied my Match.com bio from a used car website. - White. - Good condition. - Reliable. - Cheap. - Some evidence of rear end damage.
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@Schmoodles
You can lead a horse to water but you can't be a vegan and shut the #### up about it.
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@Schmoodles
Some men like to attach their wallet to their cargo shorts with a chain, and some men like not being virgins.
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@Schmoodles
If you're not cupping its imaginary balls as you eat a banana, then that banana will find someone who will.
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@Schmoodles
If you're friends with a midget & don't introduce them by saying, "Say hello to my little friend!" in a Cuban accent, then go #### yourself.
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@Schmoodles
One tequila...
Two tequilas...
Threee tuquilas...
Cuatro teqiulas!!! haha...
I ####in' love you teqilaaass...
Hahahahaaaaha fukc lolz8...
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Who are some of the people you've found?
Last edited by FanIn80; 07-11-2013 at 01:17 AM.
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The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to FanIn80 For This Useful Post:
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07-11-2013, 07:24 AM
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#2
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Ben
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: God's Country (aka Cape Breton Island)
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@antijokeapple has its moments, mostly really dumb humour
@heardatcbbars is a twitter account of things overheard at bars in Cape Breton. If you follow you should note the Capri is the sleazy dance hookup bar with underage teenagers. It's referenced a lot.
__________________
"Calgary Flames is the best team in all the land" - My Brainwashed Son
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07-11-2013, 07:40 AM
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#3
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Powerplay Quarterback
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@RobDenBleyker One of the writers of Cyanide & Happiness....good stuff
__________________
"The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity" -Abraham Lincoln
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07-11-2013, 07:45 AM
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#4
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Monster Storm
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Calgary
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@DadBoner is an ongoing story that is generally pretty dark but always worth a giggle.
__________________
Shameless self promotion
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The Following User Says Thank You to surferguy For This Useful Post:
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07-11-2013, 08:21 AM
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#5
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Franchise Player
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Marseilles Of The Prairies
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Jon Hendren
@fart
David Thorpe
@arr
and a shameless plug for @commentselsun
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMastodonFarm
Settle down there, Temple Grandin.
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07-11-2013, 08:30 AM
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#6
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First Line Centre
Join Date: May 2012
Location: The Kilt & Caber
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I'm following God (@TheTweetOfGod) and he sure is awesome.
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The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Nyah For This Useful Post:
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07-11-2013, 08:39 AM
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#7
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Calgary, Alberta
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The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Joborule For This Useful Post:
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The Following User Says Thank You to Sidney Crosby's Hat For This Useful Post:
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07-11-2013, 08:56 AM
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#9
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Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Winebar Kensington
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07-11-2013, 09:07 AM
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#10
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maryland State House, Annapolis
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__________________
"Think I'm gonna be the scapegoat for the whole damn machine? Sheeee......."
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07-11-2013, 09:11 AM
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#11
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Retired
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Pacific Ocean
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The Following User Says Thank You to socalwingfan For This Useful Post:
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07-11-2013, 09:23 AM
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#12
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Voted for Kodos
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I have an affinity for the type of humor that @kenjennings posts
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to You Need a Thneed For This Useful Post:
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07-11-2013, 10:46 AM
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#13
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Scoring Winger
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Another vote for @fart. In addition to him, my other favorites are @JoeMande and the banter in between @JakeFogelnest and @AndyLevy is pretty hilarious
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07-11-2013, 10:50 AM
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#14
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Dances with Wolves
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Section 304
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@robdelaney remains my favourite for being so damn good at dirty humour. @kenjennings is remarkably funny considering he's not a comedian by trade (come to think of it I have no clue what his job is aside from trivia guy).
I try to make http://www.happyplace.com/tweet-picks a daily visit. Excellent curated list of funny twitter posts.
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07-11-2013, 04:34 PM
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#15
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GOAT!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sidney Crosby's Hat
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Haha, thanks. I followed him almost within seconds of clicking on that link. Great find, for sure!
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@BadBanana
That awkward moment when it puts the lotion on its skin but you kinda wanted to use the hose again.
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@BadBanana
"Empty box, empty box, empty box, 8, empty box." - Excerpt from my new Sudoku book, out this fall.
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The Following User Says Thank You to FanIn80 For This Useful Post:
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07-11-2013, 05:13 PM
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#16
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First Line Centre
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joborule
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@DrunkKane
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07-12-2013, 02:40 PM
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#17
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#1 Goaltender
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@DownGoesBrown is hilarious hockey humor
@boring_as_heck is really funny despite being a Canucks fan
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07-12-2013, 03:03 PM
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#18
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#1 Goaltender
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Back in Calgary!!
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I used to follow @notacop, but it got old really fast.
@honesttoddler is good for a few "heh" moments
I have no idea who @lazerdoov is, I'm pretty sure he's just some guy. But the funny or die guy said to follow him so I did, he tweets a lot and is usually good for a chuckle.
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07-12-2013, 03:40 PM
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#19
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Calgary
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@KimJongNumberUn for all your North Korea hilarity!
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07-13-2013, 03:27 PM
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#20
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Pitt Meadows
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheerio
@DownGoesBrown is hilarious hockey humor
@boring_as_heck is really funny despite being a Canucks fan
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That boring as heck guy used to post on the Canucks forum back when he was like 13-14. He was actually pretty funny back then too.
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