The Ongoing "Am I the %^&hole?" Thread

[Textcritic]

Originally Posted by WhiteTiger

That sounds like the opening to a "Fear Thy Neighbor" episode

This kinda sounds like an ESH situation. You injected yourself into another family's situation (rightly or wrongly) and brought about embarrassment and humiliation to them, too. They aren't reacting well, but few folks do. Hopefully everything'll cool down and you'll just be distant to each other.

To be clear, the people that showed up at my doorstep yelling and demanding that we send home their kid are not the same people as my neighbours. But you are right—my son's friend's parents were certainly embarrassed and extremely frustrated with us. In that instance I was really uncertain about what to do: my son's friend is welcome in my home, and we are happy to have him here, and I was not about to force him to leave in the middle of the afternoon to go home with his erratic (abusive?) parents screaming on our doorstep.

[Oling_Roachinen]

But the idea of your neighbours waiting at the door for the basketball to cross the line, running out to grab it before it's able to be retrieved, and scurrying away with it, while a funny image, just not sure how that could be a real thing lol.

Originally Posted by WhiteTiger

That sounds like the opening to a "Fear Thy Neighbor" episode

This kinda sounds like an ESH situation. You injected yourself into another family's situation (rightly or wrongly) and brought about embarrassment and humiliation to them, too. They aren't reacting well, but few folks do. Hopefully everything'll cool down and you'll just be distant to each other.

I did not read that the same as you. I thought the cop situation had nothing to do with the neighbours and was another family. They just brought up as some type of "you're the ones bringing the cops here!" argument.

If it was the same family for both incidents, then I think he is the #######.

[Dion]

We had a neighbour like that when I was growing up. Footballs that landed in their yard were scooped up and never returned. They wouldn't listen to the parents on the street when they asked that the balls be returned.

My dad had a way of dealing with the bad neighbours. He'd watch and wait till they let their cat out and then he would let the family dog out, which in turned chased the darned cat up a tree. It finally got to a point where the neighbours got tired of seeing thier cat get chased and returned the footballs. Dad would just grin and laugh when het let the dog out.

[Oling_Roachinen]

Dion's dad terrorizing an animal for ####s n giggles makes him an ####### too.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Oling_Roachinen

Dion's dad terrorizing an animal for ####s n giggles makes him an ####### too.

It was an effective way of getting the balls back. No harm came to the cat other than giving it some exercise.

To be clear the bad neighbours would yell at my dad for what he did and he gave them a choice.

[Oling_Roachinen]

Probably would have got the balls back if they kidnapped their children too. But that doesn't make it right. Laughing at a animal in distress, makes him an #######, being the one to put the animal in distress intentionally, makes him worse.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Oling_Roachinen

Probably would have got the balls back if they kidnapped their children too. But that doesn't make it right. Laughing at a animal in distress, makes him an #######, being the one to put the animal in distress intentionally, makes him worse.

Okay, so he was an ####### for what he did.

[WhiteTiger]

Originally Posted by Textcritic

To be clear, the people that showed up at my doorstep yelling and demanding that we send home their kid are not the same people as my neighbours. But you are right—my son's friend's parents were certainly embarrassed and extremely frustrated with us. In that instance I was really uncertain about what to do: my son's friend is welcome in my home, and we are happy to have him here, and I was not about to force him to leave in the middle of the afternoon to go home with his erratic (abusive?) parents screaming on our doorstep.

Ah, my apologies for the mis-read then. I had read it as "parents = neighbors". M'bad.

In that situation...there's very little you can do, and you handled it about as best as you could. I have no advice, that situation just sucks all around, and I'm sorry that you and yours had to be a part of it.

Your neighbors then, freed of the 'parent' drama...seem to be the 'neighborhood grouches'. Looks like you are doing about all you can there, too. Grumpy neighbor seems to be the ***hole here.

Originally Posted by Oling_Roachinen

I did not read that the same as you. I thought the cop situation had nothing to do with the neighbours and was another family. They just brought up as some type of "you're the ones bringing the cops here!" argument.

If it was the same family for both incidents, then I think he is the #######.

Yeah, I misread it. Dang pre-coffee reading.

[Oling_Roachinen]

One thing though Textcritic, and I don't like even really implying that it may be the case but it is the purpose of this thread, but one family believes your son is an instigator of trouble, while another family is getting into yelling matches with him while you're trying to diffuse the situation. It certainly could be simply bad luck. It could also be that your son is...well a typical 16 year old. They aren't always the most Saint-like.

So is the family just paranoid? Do they have this view of all their kid's friends, or just your son? If just your son, why?

Are your neighbours really that crazy that they're waiting in the shadows to grab the ball before your sons can even get to it? And willing to escalate this all simply because a ball was in their driveway for a second?

Might be worth it to approach your neighbour without your children there to see what really happened from your neighbours' perspective. It might be as simple as they are absolute nutcases who stole a basketball from some kids because it landed on their driveway. Which at least you get your answer confirmed, you're not the #######, they are.

But if they have a different perspective, like simply for example, your children mouthing them off before this incident or continuously entering their yard after being told not to, you might not want to dismiss it completely.

[monkeyman]

Originally Posted by Textcritic

To be clear, the people that showed up at my doorstep yelling and demanding that we send home their kid are not the same people as my neighbours. But you are right—my son's friend's parents were certainly embarrassed and extremely frustrated with us. In that instance I was really uncertain about what to do: my son's friend is welcome in my home, and we are happy to have him here, and I was not about to force him to leave in the middle of the afternoon to go home with his erratic (abusive?) parents screaming on our doorstep.

If you honestly believe his parents are abusive, what did you do to follow up?
Because, you probably didn't do him any favours by confronting his parents knowing he will have to go home eventually.

[Oling_Roachinen]

Originally Posted by monkeyman

If you honestly believe his parents are abusive, what did you do to follow up?
Because, you probably didn't do him any favours by confronting his parents knowing he will have to go home eventually.

Called the cops...Not sure how much else he could do.

Probably much else would be overstepping his bounds and he could face legal issues.

[activeStick]

I'm not a parent myself, but I imagine I'd find it very hard to get involved in another family's affairs unless someone is in danger, which may be the case. There may be details omitted here to respect the other kid's privacy, which I respect, so there could be more to the story on why involvement was needed.

[Sliver]

If the ball went onto the neighbour's property twice in one game, I wonder if the hoop is set up in a place that is too close to their house or angled poorly. I mean, I'd find that pretty disruptive in their shoes to have teenagers scampering all over my property while playing basketball. Seems like they could have been more polite, but it also seems like maybe they were fed up. I'm leaning toward an ESH. You may need to look for a better spot for the kids to play.

Also, I kind of remember being that age and getting bigger. You're used to climbing fences when you're younger and it doesn't matter, but a 16-year-old male can totally fata up a fence climbing over it. He should definitely have used the gate.

[Jason14h]

Originally Posted by Sliver

If the ball went onto the neighbour's property twice in one game, I wonder if the hoop is set up in a place that is too close to their house or angled poorly. I mean, I'd find that pretty disruptive in their shoes to have teenagers scampering all over my property while playing basketball. Seems like they could have been more polite, but it also seems like maybe they were fed up. I'm leaning toward an ESH. You may need to look for a better spot for the kids to play.

Also, I kind of remember being that age and getting bigger. You're used to climbing fences when you're younger and it doesn't matter, but a 16-year-old male can totally fata up a fence climbing over it. He should definitely have used the gate.

We all know you were never a child !

[nfotiu]

Originally Posted by activeStick

I'm not a parent myself, but I imagine I'd find it very hard to get involved in another family's affairs unless someone is in danger, which may be the case. There may be details omitted here to respect the other kid's privacy, which I respect, so there could be more to the story on why involvement was needed.

Keeping a minor child in your house and not letting the parent come retrieve him is putting yourself is a pretty precarious legal position, I'd think. Sounds like the cops handled it reasonably, but that seems like a situation that could have gone really sideways, and not turned out very well for TC.

[Fuzz]

Originally Posted by Jason14h

We all know you were never a child !

an adult.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Textcritic

I have two boys in high school, and another who just turned 21—he is still at home, but working. About six weeks ago one of my boys's friends came to our house because he was fighting with his parents. We have attempted to build a relationship with these people for the last year, but have found it extremely difficult because of how paranoid they are of everything, and because they are convinced that my kid is an instigator of trouble. Anyhow, they insisted that their 15-year-old son come home. He did not want to go. They were exasperated at us for not sending him away, but in our minds we thought he was most likely better off in our house than he would be wandering around the streets. They threatened to call the police, and then insisted they were coming over to get him. The father stormed up to my door and demanded his kid come home. My wife told him not to enter the house. They screamed and complained for 25 minutes, and again threatened to call the police. At this point I went ahead and called 9-1-1. Three squad cars showed up with lights and sirens to diffuse the situation, and everyone on my block noticed. It was embarrassing.

I can't think very many things that would make me angrier than the parents of a kid I didn't like not giving me my kid. Like, you're upset they were angry with you, but they had an insanely legitimate reason to be angry with you. And they got angrier the longer you stonewalled them? Well yeah, you continued doing the thing to them that would make literally any parent on the planet super angry.

Was there evidence of abuse or something that led you to believe it was rational of you to withhold their child? If so, you should have called the police right away. If not, how could you think it was reasonable to not give their kid back?

Finally, when you say the police diffused things, how did it resolve? If it resolved by them returning the kid to the parents, it was your behaviour that needed diffusing. Curious to know what the resolution was here because I think that will be telling with respect to who was right and who was wrong from the perspective of an objective party that was actually there (the police).

[Sliver]

Kind of reminds me of this time I was about 21. I had bought a bunch of Pez. Like a bunch a bunch. Dozens of packages. My friend and girlfriend at the time thought that was more Pez than any human should consume under any circumstance. Whether or not that was true is irrelevant - I was an adult who wanted to eat his weight in Pez. Well, they took it away from me and hid it to "save me".

I'm all, very funny guys, now give it back. They wouldn't. For real, give it back. They still wouldn't. Okay, give me my fataing Pez now. Nope. GIVE ME MY GD MOTHERFATAING PEZ RIGHT FATAING NOW. Negative.

It was infuriating. It's my Pez and I can eat it if I want. I don't recall if I ever got it back, that's how long this went on.

Anyway, I think I know that's how the parents felt based on that experience.

[Textcritic]

Originally Posted by Sliver

I can't think very many things that would make me angrier than the parents of a kid I didn't like not giving me my kid. Like, you're upset they were angry with you, but they had an insanely legitimate reason to be angry with you. And they got angrier the longer you stonewalled them? Well yeah, you continued doing the thing to them that would make literally any parent on the planet super angry.

Was there evidence of abuse or something that led you to believe it was rational of you to withhold their child? If so, you should have called the police right away. If not, how could you think it was reasonable to not give their kid back?

Let's be clear here: I was not withholding a kid from his parents. He was in my house, and did not want to leave. This was a simple choice that I gave to a 15-year-old who is regularly at my house: Did he want to stay, or did he want to leave? He made the choice to stay. I think my handling would likely have been a little different with a younger child, but kids at that age have to be afforded the opportunity to make some of these decisions for themselves. If my kids decide to leave and go live somewhere else, at this point in their lives there is not a lot I can or should do to stop them. They stay because this is their home: it's a safe place with loving parents who treat them with dignity and respect.

As to whether or not I made the right choice by calling the police when I did, all I can say was that it was an incredibly stressful period of hours, and in the end I believe we made the right decision. I don't know these people well, and I certainly did not feel equipped to be the go-between in the moment. It seemed at the time that the police were much better equipped to mediate, and they resolved things pretty satisfactorily, I think.

Finally, when you say the police diffused things, how did it resolve? If it resolved by them returning the kid to the parents, it was your behaviour that needed diffusing.

NO. My son's friend was asked where he wanted to go, and he decided to spend time at his grandmother's in Surrey. A family friend of his picked him up and drove him out there.

[Leeman4Gilmour]

Originally Posted by Textcritic

Let's be clear here: I was not withholding a kid from his parents. He was in my house, and did not want to leave. This was a simple choice that I gave to a 15-year-old who is regularly at my house: Did he want to stay, or did he want to leave? He made the choice to stay. I think my handling would likely have been a little different with a younger child, but kids at that age have to be afforded the opportunity to make some of these decisions for themselves. If my kids decide to leave and go live somewhere else, at this point in their lives there is not a lot I can or should do to stop them. They stay because this is their home: it's a safe place with loving parents who treat them with dignity and respect.

As to whether or not I made the right choice by calling the police when I did, all I can say was that it was an incredibly stressful period of hours, and in the end I believe we made the right decision. I don't know these people well, and I certainly did not feel equipped to be the go-between in the moment. It seemed at the time that the police were much better equipped to mediate, and they resolved things pretty satisfactorily, I think.
.

Sorry man, if that kid wasn't in any kind of danger, but just didn't want to go home because he was pissed at his parents and you backed him....gotta go with YTA on that one.