Friendships?

[flamesfever]

I think volunteering your time and talents to help others is probably the best place to meet good friends. For example, community associations, hospitals, senior homes, are all places looking for volunteers. Service clubs, various fraternities, and church are also places to consider. There are also walking groups, which meet regularly, and are a good way to keep fit and meet others.

[BigBrodieFan]

This.. I am going through the same thing. I moved from KC to Houston two years ago. Hubby has a cattle ranch here and I was going back and forth for two years prior, and when my youngest kid graduated high school and went to college I had planned on moving here. I had so many wonderful friends in KC, and I have zero here. The only people I interact with are at work. I just have hubby and my dog, and I feel the city is too big to make sustainable friendships. Hell I drive 35 miles to work in the city and that's a short drive compared to my last job.

It's hard. And you're not the only one. I think a big reason I haven't made new friends is because I hang on to the old ones, going to visit them whenever I can. I definitely need to get out more.

[undercoverbrother]

Start drinking heavily and doing hard drugs.

Pursue this until it becomes serious issue in your life. So much so that an intervention is held for you, those people that attend are your friends.

Added bonus, new friends from rehab through a common bond & experience.

Double added bonus, if sobriety turns out to be less enjoyable than being lit up, you know have friends to get stoned and drunk with.

Win Win Double Win.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

Start drinking heavily and doing hard drugs.

Pursue this until it becomes serious issue in your life. So much so that an intervention is held for you, those people that attend are your friends.

Added bonus, new friends from rehab through a common bond & experience.

Double added bonus, if sobriety turns out to be less enjoyable than being lit up, you know have friends to get stoned and drunk with.

Win Win Double Win.

Well.

That got dark.

OP, have you considered enlisting in the Military? I have been led to understand that joining the Army is a great way to see new places and meet new people!

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Locke

Well.

That got dark.

OP, have you considered enlisting in the Military? I have been led to understand that joining the Army is a great way to see new places and meet new people!

and kill them


#### man you left out the best part.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

and kill them

#### man you left out the best part.

I figured I'd leave that part up to individual discretion.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Locke

I figured I'd leave that part up to individual discretion.

Individual discretion.....................ain't got none in the H'army.

[flamesfever]

As far as friends are concerned I usually put them in 3 categories. There are close friends, friends and acquaintances.

I have always believed that if you manage to make a few close friends in your lifetime, the ones you can 100% rely on, and will always be there for support whenever you need them, then you have arrived as far as friends are concerned.

I think it's particularly beneficial to be associated with large numbers of people, most of whom I would put in the friends and acquaintance category, especially when it comes to business. I think there are also health benefits to be associated with having many friends, however, it may not be necessary for everyone.

I think technology, especially things like Facebook, has redefined the word "friend", and one sometimes equates their success in life to how many so called friends they have. I recall a cartoon where a man and woman were standing over a person's casket. It was the person's funeral and no one else was there. The woman said, "But she had 150 friends on Facebook".

I recall a long time ago someone joking about the subject who said, "I have so many friends, I have friends I haven't even used yet".

[KevanGuy]

Originally Posted by MelBridgeman

Don't post excessively and obsessively on an online sports forum

I wish you'd take your own advice.

[MelBridgeman]

Originally Posted by KevanGuy

I wish you'd take your own advice.

Please do tell sire!

I stand by that statement - plenty of science backing that up

and i do neither of those things - so i don't know what prompted you to make this about me -

[KevanGuy]

Tell what? My post was pretty clear.

[MelBridgeman]

Originally Posted by KevanGuy

Tell what? My post was pretty clear.

Request DENIED!

[DuffMan]

Hang out at the neighborhood pub

[MelBridgeman]

Originally Posted by DuffMan

Hang out at the neighborhood pub

this is true

[djsFlames]

Originally Posted by rayne008

Join a sports team as a single. calgarysportsclub.com

It's good to put yourself out there meeting people you wouldn't normally encounter.

On the teams I played with in the past, people were quite competitive, even in the rec level leagues, to where they cared more about the games than about bonding. And conversation would revolve around what was occurring in the game, and you don't really get to know people that way. That was the only issue I've found with doing CSSC from a social standpoint.

Also I wasn't entirely in shape, so the physically dying while trying to chat was also not easy lol.

Great club to join for physical activity though.

[djsFlames]

Try Meetup.com

There's a wide variety of clubs, find something to do with an interest of yours, or even just join to do something you'd like to try.

There's no shame in it though, at all. There's not nearly enough mingling among adults today, because we live such segregated lives without much crossover with the same people. Often we don't really even know our neighbors on a personal level these days. Anybody do 'block parties' still?

I find you really have to step out and create those social opportunities by hosting small events, and just encouraging the few good friends you have to do something regularly, then get them to invite their new friends, and keep expanding that way.

If someone in this day and age could figure out a good way to help people come together and mingle more, or create a workshop for friending as an adult 101 they'd make a killing off all the millenial hermits with no book on how to do this #### in the digital age.

Way back when, people HAD to physically come together for everything. Now it's "we don't work/school together any more? Well I'll wish you a happy birthday once a year on social media and that'll still qualify us as friends I guess."

Sad times for human connectivity.

[Lanny_McDonald]

Originally Posted by 81MC

Pretty pathetic I suppose, but how do you all go about creating friendships in your adult years? Since I’ve moved to the City (almost a decade ago) the only friends I developed were through work, or the ex. So with a job change, those work buddys gradually started becoming more like fond memories. 10 years now, and (as bad as this sounds), I had two friends who live here...and ones my ex and the other is a bit of a particular situation.
I really like my own space and time, but sometimes I do miss having real adult relationships just for the fun of them.

So, how did you meet your ‘friends’, and do you actively seek out new people? Are you so busy you don’t have time for them, or do you wish you had more? Yada Yada Yada.

You're not alone in this challenge. I hear it all the time as I talk with people, and I've faced it myself after relocating from city-to-city a number of times over the years. It is increasingly difficult to find "friends" for a number of reasons.

First, I think framing is important here. I think you need to identify what you consider a friend? Are you looking to that close confidant that you can tell all your troubles to, or are you looking for more of an acquaintance who you can go to the movies or the bar with and have a few laughs? There is a major difference.

Personally, I consider most of my relationships to be acquaintances, people who you can have dinner or drinks with, but not people you get very close with. To me a friend is someone who is giving and supportive in your relationship at all times. A friend will be the first to say yes when you need to move, or check on you when they hear you're sick, or offer to go out of their way in your time of need. A best friend is someone who would put your well being ahead of their own - someone that would lie down in traffic for you. These are few are very far between, and you may have two or three of them in your life time, so treasure them when you have them. They are not easy to find, but you have them for life, even when you drift apart.

The making friends thing is a challenge and does get more difficult as we get older. I think it is part of the aging process. As we get older we get a little more jaded and distrustful of people. We tend to focus in on our own pursuits and interests and get distracted from working on relationships with others outside our immediate sphere. Once you get married your focus tends to be on your spouse, so they should become your best friend. Once you have kids, your focus starts and ends on them. For me, that is when many friendships drifted apart or flat out ended. The child bearing years makes developing friendships very difficult, especially if you don't have kids or kids the same age.

Psychologically, we are driven to find people who are like us and share the same ideals as us. Our in-group membership is driven by this innate need. This will make friendships easier to establish and much stronger, so do a little bit of introspection and then decide what is most important to you and what values you hope to find in people. This may seem a little too analytical, but it will ultimately decide where you are most likely to find those friendships you are looking for. For example, if you think that faith and temperance are important qualities, then a church group is probably a better place to go looking for friends than the local pub.

I think some people have put out some really good ideas to follow through on. Get involved in a club where your interests are. Having something in common with the other person will make initial interactions easier and bonding quicker. Consider taking a class of interest at the local community college. You will be surrounded with people with the exact same interests as you. A great place to meet interesting people is a cooking class, and they are perfect situations where you have time to chat and get to know the other people. Plus, as you talk about food and great places to eat, you will likely have opportunity to invite others, or yourself along, to adventures in epicurean exploration.

The most important thing to do when trying to make new friendships is to make sure you put yourself out there. Be open and be trusting. As I mentioned earlier, it is tougher as we get older as we naturally become less trusting as we age, but you must show others you are willing to make the effort. And don't judge a book by it's cover. Some people may appear to be one way on the surface, but once you get to know them they be the greatest of people and become some of your best friends. Sometimes the best friend is that wallflower staring at their feet and doing their best not to make eye contact.

Thank you for making this thread as it reminded me just how important friendships are, and that we have to work to keep them alive and healthy. Now I have to go and send some emails to some really important people who I have not made enough time for lately and be a better friend.

[Itse]

Gaming is actually a really good way to meet people. I know tons of people who have made lasting friendships with their online gaming groups or tabletop RPG groups.

Tabletop roleplaying especially is a great way to make friends at any age, as it tends to involve meeting regularly and through gaming you actually learn quite a bit more about the people you play with than in most other ways of socializing. Older players pretty much always treat newbies well, so you don't really have to worry about that. There's usually some online communities where you can ask around for gaming groups.

Meeting people and making new friends is actually one of the main things that these days attracts me to roleplaying.

Online RPG's also create longlasting friendships, but also tabletop games in general. Especially if you're the kind of person who buys the new games and brings snacks, you're off to a good start.

I find it funny that the stereotype of a gamer is kind of a loner, when most lifelong gamers I know these days complain they have more friends than they can keep up with.

From what I've heard, poker players are also often ready to take in a sucker who's a good loser

There's a reason gaming has been a thing for thousands of years, and it's not just gambling. It's a really easy way to meet people, and works just fine even for people who aren't that great at mingling in general, because there's you can just focus on the game when there's nothing to talk about.

[Locke]

If you're planning on any home renovations try getting someone to give you a hand installing a Well in your basement! Its a great way to cement a life-long friendship through mutual secrets and occasional gatherings.

[burn_baby_burn]

Originally Posted by MoneyGuy

Stuff like this.

I’ve never found finding friends difficult. I’m an extrovert. I reached out to a guy in my community through Twitter and invited him to a junior hockey game and he invited me over for a beer. I interacted with a guy on Facebook and I invited him for coffee. Friendships made in both cases.

My wife and I have friends from churches we’ve attended and I have several from my community volunteerism. I sit on a community board. Oh you like junior hockey? So do I; let’s go together. We’ve hosted neighbourhood parties.

Be imaginative.

it's easier for extroverts. My brother can start up a conversation with anyone. Me, I'm analytical. If people start up a conversation with me out of the blue in public, I think their crazy. I need time to analyze and observe. I'm aware of it, but it's still hard to change that behavior. If someone asked me for coffee or a beer online that I didn't know? I'd think that was really weird and shy away from it. Leads to a lonely existence though.