How many 5 year olds....

[Incogneto]

I saw this on another board, and I thought you guys would like to debate it:
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Good drunken debate from a few nights ago.

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

I set my magic number at 30, but upon reflection, I think I could take on a few more. How many could you take on?

[stuckinchuck]

gonna be much less than 30, any self defense expert will tell em to go for the family jewels, given their size. I say 10 tops, before the #'s get overwhelming.

[Otto-matic]

Well I could take 15 before they start to swarm. Like bees! I hate bee's

[RougeUnderoos]

With recent advances in nutrition, dentistry and home entertainment, I think 5 year-olds are getting tougher to handle every season.

The standard-issue cup is a godsend, but it can't protect other vitals like ankles, ACLs and BKT's (behind knee things). Any Child Attack Swarm Specialist worth his salt will train the little fighters to go directly for those vulnerable areas. While you are trying to "Foreman" your way out with haymakers, they'll be all over your legs. Once you go down, they will use sheer weight to smother you.

I don't think I could handle more than 8 or 15. The first 3 or 4 would be in real trouble but I wouldn't be able to keep up the pace for long.

[Incogneto]

I think you guys are a bunch of wussies! Bring on them little brats! I could take down a good 40 before I would be overwhelmed.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

2 or 3

let's be honest here, I'm not a big guy, and they'd be in better shape. While I wouldn't get knocked out, I'd definately tap :P

[JiriHrdina]

The key would be if you can throw them. If you are able to chuck them around you can toss one into another, or even a group of them - thus disabling a swarm of them at once with minimal energy loss.

But some of the 5 year olds I've seen nowadays are little porkers. Not sure how easy it would be to toss them around.

if I can throw 'em - 30 max.

if I can't - no more than 10

[snappyk]

What a bizarre thread, I'd say I could take on about 15, they are kind of shifty in large groups and I figure they would just swarm you and take your legs out, then the dog pile would start. It would be a matter of staying on your feet long enough.

[Claeren]

Fighting like that, without a weapon of any sort to knock out the little bas**rds, would be incrediably tiring, more so then i think one might imagine.

I can see literally tearing through 10-30 pretty quickly but the body would start to tire all at once and your ability to avoid some kids well crushing the heads of others would get harder and harder pretty quick....


Claeren.

[octothorp]

I've taken on about ten between the ages of eight and twelve (plus one fifteen year old), and these were highly-motivated, wiry gypsy kids. The thing about swarming, they stop you from running, but there's never more than five or six of them right around you at once. All you have to do is keep kicking, and spinning somewhat so they don't get attached. With five-year-olds, I'd say I could comfortably handle about 25.

[Calgary Flames]

I'd say mid 30's but i'd feel bad with every 5 year old i'd upper cut, or round house to the head Street Fighter 2 style.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

realize you actually have to hit them... they're quick little bas**rds that never stop moving. And will kick you in the shins, and punch in the junk.

Picture Starship Troopers where the base is over run by aliens. While the humans had guns and bullets, man oh man those things just kept coming. Imagine a pile of little people hopped up on chocolate and pop screaching at the top of their lungs

[Neeper]

I could probably kick the crap out of 50 before I get tired.

[JBR]

One of those kids sees me kick the 1st kid in the face as hard as I can and I'm sure they won't remain as brave.

71.

[zarrell]

If you're talking about the kind of 5 year olds that wouldn't be afraid to take on grown man then I think a lot of you are delusional. Most would run away but those that would actually attack I don't think many could handle more than 10.

[Kidder]

What's my motivation?

Is it just to see how many kids I could knock out before they collectively knock me out? Might only be a handful then.

However, If I get a nice cash prize for 'winning' those little buggers are in trouble. Or the worst, what happens to my body if they knock me out? Am I degraded in any way? Prison inmates turned loose on me? You could very well see a scene similar to the Neo vs Agent Smith in Matrix 3. I'd be going ape on their little behinds.

Is the skull fully formed at age 5? Perhaps all you would need is a good poke to the soft part of the head and they'd be out for the night. I'd also try grabbing one by the legs and swinging around 360 degrees, especially if they swarmed.

Make sure you don't send this idea to Fox... they're probably looking for new ideas for sweeps week.

[RougeUnderoos]

Originally posted by Kidder@Apr 1 2005, 06:28 PM
I'd also try grabbing one by the legs and swinging around 360 degrees, especially if they swarmed.

I thought of that as well but that is a surefire way to tire yourself out and quick.

I practiced in the yard with a 40 pound bag of cement mix and believe me, it's tough. Can't do it for more than a minute or two before you are completely exhausted. That is probably when they would strike hardest and take you down without too much trouble.

Funny thing -- the neighbour lady asked me what I was doing out there and I said "practicing for a fight with some 5-year-olds" and she gave me quite a look.

[Superfraggle]

Originally posted by zarrell@Apr 1 2005, 06:12 PM
If you're talking about the kind of 5 year olds that wouldn't be afraid to take on grown man then I think a lot of you are delusional. Most would run away but those that would actually attack I don't think many could handle more than 10.

children that young are remarkably fragile. I haven't done any tests , but I'm pretty sure most adults could do 10 fairly easier. Once fatigue sets in and you're overcome by the swarm, you'd be in trouble, but I actually think a lot of these estimates are pretty low. Even with the training, they just wouldn't be able to coordinate well enough to take you on until you tire.

[Winsor_Pilates]

I'm not sure a 5 year old could hit you hard enough to knock you out. I have a five year old cousin who always tries to hit me his hardest and even on the head it barely hurts. Plus if you're standing they won't be able to reach your head so they'll have to drag you down or destroy your legs until you can't stand. I really don't think this would be as hard as it seems. My guess is that almost any adult male could clear the whole gym.

[Flames89]

I am thinking in the 50 range.

Definitely keep picking up one as a weapon. See how the other kids like their buddies skull swung into their face.

... Bet they didn't teach that move at Barney camp!


<edit>
Now if these are super-intelligent 5 year olds who would actually be able to be cognisant of the training they receive and therefore attack in an organized manner then I would say in the 30 range.

If they were like me when I was 5 (but still would not be put off by the violence) then at least 50. When you need a break you could just jog in circles. Then turn around and begin the banger kicks.

Now I am going to be wary of 5-year olds in the street. Sneaky little scheming bas**rds ...