The Baby Thread

[Flamesguy_SJ]

Hi CP!

I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of my first child, and I thought it might be fun to start a thread to compile baby-related advice or tricks, or even potentially have a place to vent should it be needed. I did a quick search, but didn't find anything that was quite what I was looking for.

My partner and I have been together just over a year. We knew of each other in high school and matched on a dating app last summer, had COVID together at Christmas, found out she was pregnant in the middle of January, she and her 3 & 4 year old daughters (now 4 & 5) moved in with me in March, and baby is due in 10 days. Oh, and the oldest starts Kindergarten two weeks after that.

It has been a whirlwind of a year, but I'm so excited to add to our little family!

Parents of CP, give me your wisdom and good vibes!

[bc-chris]

pro tip on how to not have to change diapers at the hospital (i did this when my son was born)....

i was shown a number of times by the nurses how to change my boy's diaper without ever having to actually change a diaper.
1 - remember which nurse shows you how to change the diaper
2 - when you have a different nurse bring up the diaper thing and 'get them to show you' again

do this as often as possible! ha!

my wife had a c-section so we were in hospital for a bit (both our kids had issues so we spent lots of time in the NICU early on)... the diaper trick worked for me!

i can't speak for the hospitals in calgary (although i have heard tons of good things), but here in kelowna the staff were absolutely amazing.

**and take tons of pics of your baby - they grow up sooooo fast!

[malcolmk14]

Congratulations! Our daughter is 16 months old and she is the best thing ever!

The 4 and 5 year olds will probably want to "help" a lot! Include them as much as possible in caring for the baby, and try to be careful what kinds of phrases you use when you're busy with the baby and they are wanting attention. Try not to say things like "the baby needs this right now" but rather "I need your help for a few minutes doing this, then I'll be able to play with you". It'll make them not resent or be jealous of the baby for taking attention away from them. Luckily, they have each other to keep occupied.

Make some frozen meals - lasagna, casseroles, stuff like that, and toss them in the freezer now. You won't want to think about cooking when the baby arrives.

One thing that helped quite a bit is my wife pumped breastmilk and we kept a bottle in the fridge, that way I could do one or two feeds a day and she could get out of the house for a few hours without feeling trapped. Sounds like your partner has done this a couple times before so she'll probably have some good strategies already.

Babies sleep a lot - pay close attention to wake windows and try your best to stick to a consistent nap schedule. Before I had kids I kind of scoffed at it but... I get it now. Haha.

Honestly there are hundreds of things I could tell you that I learned over the last year. If you have any specific questions or want to PM me, feel free!

We delivered at Rockyview and the staff in Antepartum and L&D were exceptional. Post-partum felt a little like they were understaffed, honestly, and we couldn't wait to get out of there and get home. Hopefully should be fairly straightforward since this is your partner's third child.

[manwiches]

Congrats! We recently had our second, having a COVID baby 8 years after our first. lol

You guys already have children in your life, so really nothing that will surprise you too much. All kids are different. My two are night and day, but so good in their own respects.

- We had our first in Calgary, and our second here in Regina. My wife went through 2 emergency C-sections, so that was tough on her emotionally during and after. Be there for her regardless of whatever the outcome (natural, c section, etc). She will have self doubt for months. It's not your job to fix her, just listen and provide support. Be her rock.

- I'm not sure your relationship with the other kids, but be there for them too. Make them feel special, and involved in their own way. It will prevent feelings of jealousy and neglect.

- Don't listen to everybody on their opinions. Your partner had 2 kids already, so she probably already knows what to expect when your baby is born, for feeding, napping, etc. Too often, too many cooks in the kitchen (MIL, mom, aunts, friends, etc etc etc) and it can get overwhelming. I found just letting say their peace, then saying thanks, i'll consider, then move on. Don't fight too much. I still struggle with that, and it gets me in trouble. But i'm a stubborn a-hole. lol

- Sleep training. Everybody is different, but honestly, I think it's worthless. Let your baby figure it out. Especially the first couple months, when they're up every 2-3 hours to feed. Your kid will figure it out.

- Let your kids adapt to you, not you adapt to your children. My wife and my thoughts are, let your children adapt to your schedule. Don't be the panicked parents and have to have this strict schedule where your kids HAVE to be in bed by 7pm, otherwise they lose their minds. It's stupid, and makes your kids more anxious IMO. Just go with the flow. Let them be kids. They're not going to die if they don't have strict structure.

- Further to above, have a loose structure still. Routines are important. Bedtime around 8:30-9? Cool. That comes earlier sometimes or later other days? So be it. But keep the routines the same. When i know he's ready, I give my baby a bath, read him a book, then his mom puts him to bed. This sometimes happens at 7:30, or even 10:00. we don't care.

So many other things, but those are what come to mind right now

Good luck!

[Looch City]

Congrats! Our son is 10mo old now and biggest success for us was moving him to his own bedroom after 1 month. We all slept better and he started sleeping straight through the night at a very early age (I think 6-7 weeks…we were/are very lucky).

Maybe a different situation as our bedrooms are literally next door and we could hear any cries/monitor through camera but that was the biggest win for us.

Even travelling now, we separate his pack-n-play/crib from the bedroom.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Kids are awesome man, you get to fill their heads full of your crazy theories and beliefs and laugh and laugh when they become brainwashed (eg: my signature)

Do as much as you can for your partner. We just had #2 last month. I do the last feeding of the day, and am up early on weekends. She handles the over night stuff (after 11/12 when I go to bed) so I can sleep for work.

Change the diapers, do the feedings. This is bonding time, not work time.

Honestly, I never read one parenting book. Toss them aside and read leadership books. It's about empowering them as they grow.

Encourage them to develop the skills you with you had. My oldest is an extreme extrovert. Both my wife and I are introverts (I've worked hard to be more extroverted and am around friends but not if I don't know you). It's uncomfortable for me when I'm out with my son and he's talking to strangers but I work through it as it's a skill that will serve him well.

I'd also reccomend finding someone to go splits on the NHL Centre Ice package that way you can watch the Flames during the late night feedings... but I know you've got that covered already

If your partner wants to breastfeed, cool. They want to formula feed, cool. They want to do both, cool. As long as the baby is fed that's all that matters. If anyone gives you grief about how the baby is being fed you can tell them that I said to f*** off.

Lastly, be careful. Make certain that they learn the way of the Flames. I see too many people that drop the ball thinking they have more time to teach their off spring. You do not. The baby sitter will make them a Leafs fan (happened to a buddy of mine who is a huge Habs fan) or a Habs fan, or God forbid an Oilers fan. Be careful, put a jersey on them now!

[photon]

• It's ok to ask for help, your well being is important to ensuring their well being
• Never underestimate how hungry they can be. You'll pull out your hair trying to figure out why they're crying, and a lot of the times it will be yes they're hungry AGAIN.
• Enjoy the early stages as much as you can, it's cool when they start to be little people and do things themselves but you'll miss the earlier stages.
• Parenting classes can be fun and a good source of social interaction and meeting other new parents while also providing a source of potential information on dealing with new stuff.. because you're constantly going to get thrown new things just as you figure you've got something figured out.
• Parenting classes can also be a good source of nonsense, one class I went to ended up telling me my son's Aspergers was due to red dye and that they could help with chiropractic adjustments. I treated classes as a source of possibilities or ideas, not authority.
• Journaling can help when struggling with something. Too often it's easy to think "we're trying this approach" while in fact you're doing something else, our memories are not that great. Every so often we'd journal events when trying to deal with something so we could a) make sure we were doing what we'd planned consistently and b) make sure we're on the same page. There were a few times when it really helped.

[Sliver]

If you don't enjoy babies, don't worry about it...doesn't make you a bad person. Looking after a wailing menace whose every crap and leak they have to take being your problem is a fataing nightmare. Constantly interrupted sleep is hell. They're not even any fun for a super long time.

After about four they become fun and get progressively cooler. Not sure when or if that stops, but I like mine more every day and they're 14 and 16 now. I shudder at the thought of going back to when they were little and so much work.

Good luck. Hope you get through it without wanting to jump off a bridge. If you are in hell, remember that it gets orders of magnitude better in time.

[photon]

Hah yeah a good mantra for the first while is "this too shall pass".

[CroFlames]

Originally Posted by Sliver

If you don't enjoy babies, don't worry about it...doesn't make you a bad person. Looking after a wailing menace whose every crap and leak they have to take being your problem is a fataing nightmare. Constantly interrupted sleep is hell. They're not even any fun for a super long time.

After about four they become fun and get progressively cooler. Not sure when or if that stops, but I like mine more every day and they're 14 and 16 now. I shudder at the thought of going back to when they were little and so much work.

Good luck. Hope you get through it without wanting to jump off a bridge. If you are in hell, remember that it gets orders of magnitude better in time.

Good points.

I'd add that don't worry if you don't instantly fall in love with your baby when it pops out. And also, you might not feel like a dad right away and automatically engage dad-mode. And that's ok too. In fact, I think that kinda stuff only happens in the movies.

It takes time getting used to the fact that no one else is coming to pick up this baby. It's yours. Forever.

There will be a ton of work at the beginning, but you'll get used to it and it'll be rewarding watching them grow.

One further thing too: Keep it simple. Babies aren't overly complicated and there are a billion products out there to "help" you, but it's mostly not necessary. Baby needs a safe place to sleep, keep her sufficiently warm and fed, and that's basically it. The rest will come. You can try out a few things like a play-pen or swing to give yourself a break, but again I'd say just keep it simple.

This website is a great resource: https://www.healthyparentshealthychildren.ca/

(Note it's a government website. Stay away from mom-group sites).

[Hemi-Cuda]

Originally Posted by Sliver

If you don't enjoy babies, don't worry about it...doesn't make you a bad person. Looking after a wailing menace whose every crap and leak they have to take being your problem is a fataing nightmare. Constantly interrupted sleep is hell. They're not even any fun for a super long time.

After about four they become fun and get progressively cooler. Not sure when or if that stops, but I like mine more every day and they're 14 and 16 now. I shudder at the thought of going back to when they were little and so much work.

Good luck. Hope you get through it without wanting to jump off a bridge. If you are in hell, remember that it gets orders of magnitude better in time.

I felt zero real emotional attachment to my first daughter when she was born, I just knew that this was a small human that I now had to take care of. It wasn't until she was around 3 months old, and she smiled at me for the first time when I went to take her out of the crib. Suddenly a switch flipped and she changed from "small human I have to keep alive" to "my flesh and blood that I will devote my life to". That only got stronger the more she grew, and the first time I came home from work and she ran up to me screaming "Daddy!" I think my heart almost exploded

[Twitchy15]

This is great to read! Me and my wife have been trying for the last two years with trouble. Soon to be possibly going the ivf route but we just found out she is pregnant and hoping for the best this time!

Great info in this thread

[GGG]

Congrats you are on zone defense. Managing the older two might be rough. I found that with the second baby far easier than the toddler. But this is your first so you will have all of the first baby anxiety and other young kids.

You’ll do fine. Trust your instincts, make sure your partner and you make time for each other together and for alone time with no kids. Those breaks are important

Have fun.

[troutman]

How is babby made?

[Winsor_Pilates]

Originally Posted by Twitchy15

This is great to read! Me and my wife have been trying for the last two years with trouble. Soon to be possibly going the ivf route but we just found out she is pregnant and hoping for the best this time!

Great info in this thread

Good luck & stay positive!
Our son is 2 months old and we tried for years before he was born with 3 miscarriages.
In the end, he's all that matters and the difficulties from before don't even feel like they happened.

My best general advice as a new dad:
-Take as much help as you can from grandparents, family etc.

-But also tell those same people when you've had enough of them and want some quiet family time

-Get sleep whenever you can

-We use a mix of formula, breast feeding and pumped milk. I know this is a personal decision each mom makes but I can't imagine being breast feed only parents.
Me being able to take shifts while my wife catches up on sleep is priceless.
This also makes things like going out to restaurants, patios, friends houses so much easier.

-Take only the advice you want to take. Everyone in the world will have opinions, some will feel helpful and others will be annoying.

[surferguy]

Make sure you have easy and available food for yourself when you are up at 4am. You’ll be hungry and likely holding a baby - take that into account you will only have one arm to “prepare” something.

Also people will want to come see the kid immediately. Put a food tax on your front door, you want in, bring something for us to eat. Cooking and thinking about meals can be tough to do when you are baby focused and sleep deprived.

[calf]

Babies and kids are awesome, but also hard work.

1) Babies are little people...they're all different, so good or bad, try not to compare to the experiences of others or you might drive yourself crazy. Keep trying things until they work, and sometimes the first thing you tried is what will eventually work

2) Enjoy the snuggles as long as they'll let you. One day they'll stop

3) Find a friend with a baby 6 months or so older than yours who's willing to give you hand-me-downs. They'll be glad to get rid of their stuff, and you can save some serious cash on clothes.

On the clothes front, the cutest outfits are the hardest to get on. Err towards stretchy neck-holes on shirts

4) Only get zip-up onesie pajamas, never snaps (2am diaper changes become an adventure with the snaps)

5) Keep wipes or burping cloths handy, as there will always be some bodily fluids to clean up

6) The first few months are hard for you, your partner and baby. But especially your partner, emotionally and physically. Pick up the extra chores, do as many of the diapers, looking after the baby, etc as you can do she can recover.

[mivdo]

Just remember, it is normal to feel overwhelmed. You are not a bad parent to be frustrated. Communicate with your partner when you feel overwhelmed and vice versa. It is common knowledge how tough it is with a newborn but you dont know how you will react until you are actually going through it.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by photon

Hah yeah a good mantra for the first while is "this too shall pass".

I came here to post this exact thing.

Nothing lasts forever, remember that and enjoy your time.

I loved, well still love babies. I think they are amazing.

[Puppet Guy]

you know more than you think you know - evolution has given you instinct.

That said, be prepared for the sudden onset of the "protector instinct" - it's wonderful and terrifying at the same time.