New York Islanders hire Pierre McGuire as Sr. VP of Telling Scorp Not To Trade Picks

[TheScorpion]

UNIONDALE — The New York Islanders announced Monday morning the hiring of longtime hockey commentator and Stanley Cup champion Pierre McGuire to assist GM TheScorpion.

McGuire's role will be an advisory position. He will be in charge of telling TheScorpion not to trade his high picks in this year's draft.

"We felt this position needed to be created and filled expeditiously," said Islanders co-owner Jon Ledecky. "TheScorpion is kind of an idiot around his picks, but we admire him all the same."

"I CAN believe I'm joining the Islanders," said Pierre. "I'll be able to use this long stick to swat Scorp's phone away from him whenever he gets too jumpy."

McGuire's official hiring dispelled rumours he was set to join the NHL's Ottawa Senators in an executive role.

"What, those guys? Nah," said Pierre. "Besides, the Islanders were able to offer me a better deal than NBC."

Sources indicated the Islanders are now working on a strategy to sign Dustin Tokarski in the free agency period next month.

[Goffie]

This is awkward….I have always thought that Scorp and Pierre were the same person.

[Hanna Sniper]

Let’s hope the owner doesn’t let McGuire buddy up to him. Hate to see Pierre undermine Scorpion and get him fired

[TheScorpion]

Update: Pierre has officially vetoed an Islanders deal for the first time! We were gonna trade a fifth-rounder for McDavid. However, as Pierre's title makes clear, it's his job to prevent me from trading ANY draft picks.

When reached for comment, Pierre said "Oh boy" in an excited voice and hung up.