I feel helpless. I feel marginalized. I feel hated.
What do I do? Being a good person for my entire life doesn't seem to matter. Getting an education and being the first person in my family to go to college doesn't matter. Working hard and keeping my head down doesn't seem to matter. Hell, I got ####ing stabbed protecting a white co-worker.
What do we have to do to be treated like human ####ing beings. What? Please tell us. because we would love to know.
I have no idea how to fix this, but I feel awful about it. It's wrong.
Know that if I ever see you, you're viewed as nothing other than a human and my equal, and I'll raise my kids to do the same.
If I ever see anyone doing anything otherwise, I will speak out. If there is anything else I can be doing, I'd love to know so I can help.
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I have something I want to see what Acey and Crown think of and if its consistent with their lived experiences...
Growing up in the small town midwest as I did, there usually was a small amount of minorities in communities. You would often have that stereotypical 1 or 2 black families that allowed the community to think they had diversity and weren't racist. However, the one thing about those minority families, is they had to lead a very 'white' life. They had to keep quiet, keep their head down, not cause trouble, stay in line with cultural norms, etc.
Then what you would see in towns that actually ended up with a large influx of minorities was pretty severe racism. I am familiar with a few towns that had meat processing plants that ended up bringing in large amounts of minorities as cheaper labor. Those communities would turn ugly when they had to deal with minorities actually having their own culture and way of life.
This is all anecdotal of course, but it just seems like we have a large portion of society that thinks they are cool with minorities because they know a few but those few have always had to tiptoe through life to stay off the radar.
My situation is different than Crown's in that I was not the first in my family to go to college. I am blessed out of this world in that my dad is a medical doctor and my mom a professor. To that end, it was important that my brother and I behave ourselves so as to not compromise their careers... though that's not really race specific. It's maybe the case that us misbehaving would be more detrimental to their careers than it would be for white kids doing the same thing, but I have no evidence of that nor did I test out the theory.
I went to high school in Lethbridge and in grade 11 we had maybe 4 black people out of 1,400... so my brother and I were half the contingent. A girl moved away and then he graduated leaving 2 of us for my grade 12 year. In grade 12 I had a teacher who was just blatantly racist and would kick me out of class for no reason, a computer class. A few times she just said, "I don't want to deal with you today... get out." I was happy to have a free period, but then other kids went and complained to counselors. Ended up in a meeting with principals, her, a few school board people, and my mom, while the teacher tearfully somehow tried to justify her actions. She thought I was mounting a mutiny against her by trying to get the other kids to turn on her. Given my spotty attendance in every other class, it was easy to explain that I would have had no motive to do that.
My mom was the head of the history department of U of L and my vice-principal's son was in her class and said she was the best prof he's ever had, so school admin was on my side from the start. It was obvious to everyone that she was racially biased against me, but as she never explicitly said anything racist nothing came of it. I ended up losing because they switched my timetable a bit so I could be in a different computer class, but it pulled me out of my Math 30 class with all my friends.
It's weird sometimes because stories like this and the one about being barred from seeing a girl by her father... they seem abhorrent, but I have to realize that a disproportionate number of minorities do not come from upper middle class scenarios as I did and have nobody to swoop in and whoop ass whenever it's necessary.
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My situation is different than Crown's in that I was not the first in my family to go to college. I am blessed out of this world in that my dad is a medical doctor and my mom a professor. To that end, it was important that my brother and I behave ourselves so as to not compromise their careers... though that's not really race specific. It's maybe the case that us misbehaving would be more detrimental to their careers than it would be for white kids doing the same thing, but I have no evidence of that nor did I test out the theory.
I went to high school in Lethbridge and in grade 11 we had maybe 4 black people out of 1,400... so my brother and I were half the contingent. A girl moved away and then he graduated leaving 2 of us for my grade 12 year. In grade 12 I had a teacher who was just blatantly racist and would kick me out of class for no reason, a computer class. A few times she just said, "I don't want to deal with you today... get out." I was happy to have a free period, but then other kids went and complained to counselors. Ended up in a meeting with principals, her, a few school board people, and my mom, while the teacher tearfully somehow tried to justify her actions. She thought I was mounting a mutiny against her by trying to get the other kids to turn on her. Given my spotty attendance in every other class, it was easy to explain that I would have had no motive to do that.
My mom was the head of the history department of U of L and my vice-principal's son was in her class and said she was the best prof he's ever had, so school admin was on my side from the start. It was obvious to everyone that she was racially biased against me, but as she never explicitly said anything racist nothing came of it. I ended up losing because they switched my timetable a bit so I could be in a different computer class, but it pulled me out of my Math 30 class with all my friends.
It's weird sometimes because stories like this and the one about being barred from seeing a girl by her father... they seem abhorrent, but I have to realize that a disproportionate number of minorities do not come from upper middle class scenarios as I did and have nobody to swoop in and whoop ass whenever it's necessary.
Did we both go to the same high school (Go Rams)? Obviously several years apart... or are you young enough for the Westside high school?
Last edited by Crown Royal; 07-10-2020 at 05:03 AM.
Did we both go to the same high school (Go Rams)? Obviously several years apart... or are you young enough for the Westside high school?
Indeed we did. West side school opened 2 years after I graduated.
My grade 11/12 years seemed to be a real low for the number of black people. In my grade 10 year there were 10+ total, and after I graduated more came in.
Indeed we did. West side school opened 2 years after I graduated.
My grade 11/12 years seemed to be a real low for the number of black people. In my grade 10 year there were 10+ total, and after I graduated more came in.
I was one of three in 10th grade, then one of two after that. So when you said 4, I thought it sounded about right haha.
Thanks a lot Crown Royal and Acey. I really appreciate your being so open with your experiences and sharing them with us. It has really opened my eyes a fair bit and has caused me to think a lot about what your experiences have been like. I think about both of you getting pulled over last weekend a fair bit. Whenever I have been pulled over I have deserved it but I still get a panicked feeling in my chest. I never have to worry about what I am wearing or if I am about to die though. I am so sorry you guys have to go through this.
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Thanks a lot Crown Royal and Acey. I really appreciate your being so open with your experiences and sharing them with us. It has really opened my eyes a fair bit and has caused me to think a lot about what your experiences have been like. I think about both of you getting pulled over last weekend a fair bit. Whenever I have been pulled over I have deserved it but I still get a panicked feeling in my chest. I never have to worry about what I am wearing or if I am about to die though. I am so sorry you guys have to go through this.
I appreciate that Titan. The more people understand what people of color go though, the better chance of change actually happening.
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You need to read his book: Born A Crime. Equal parts fascinating and eye-opening. Some truly crazy stories from his youth, but he's so funny and engaging with his story telling. You can get a sense of him being an authentically great human being from his stories, especially when he talks about his mother. Great read. I think it's a must for anyone reading this thread.
I have his book but I haven't gotten a chance to read it yet, but I saw him do standup a couple of years ago and he comes across just as likeable in person. Charming, intelligent, and man, I left with a headache from laughing so hard.
He has a really fantastic bit about the n-word, and how it's much different for him, as someone who grew up in South Africa, because that's not a word used there. I cannot possibly do it justice, but it was phenomenal. When sometime life gets back to some form of normal, if you can see Trevor Noah live, I highly recommend it.
Also Crown and Acey, as mentioned before in this thread, thank you both for sharing your experiences. There are definitely some crappy parts about being a woman and I've most certainly found myself getting overly involved and emotional in some of those discussions here before. It's hard not to show emotion when for some people it's just a topic of discussion but for you, it's life.
That said, I also realize more and more just how privileged I truly am. Just the commentary about something I would never have to think about: cutting your hair a certain way to avoid suspicion, or needing to have a hat in the car to cover up your hairstyle in case you're pulled over, wearing long sleeves to cover tattoos, etc...that is a gutcheck. It's utterly infuriating that these things ever happened, much less that it's freaking 2020 and it's still happening.
My best friend felt terrible about me getting pulled over, so he planned a special friday for me..... it is so politically incorrect and yet awesomely perfect at the same time.
Movie marathon of Boyz in the Hood, Menace II Society, Above the Rim, Friday & Juice.
Dinner of fried chicken with watermelon and grape soda.
Sometimes what you need is to be a stereotype for a night.
Now I should say, if you don't know someone very well, this is probably a really terrible idea. But we've been best friends since high school and he knows that I fit that particular stereotype and fully embrace it. We used to have weekends like this in college and they were the best.
Now back to the movies! Have a good night and be well ladies and gents.
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My best friend felt terrible about me getting pulled over, so he planned a special friday for me..... it is so politically incorrect and yet awesomely perfect at the same time.
Movie marathon of Boyz in the Hood, Menace II Society, Above the Rim, Friday & Juice.
Dinner of fried chicken with watermelon and grape soda.
Sometimes what you need is to be a stereotype for a night.
Now I should say, if you don't know someone very well, this is probably a really terrible idea. But we've been best friends since high school and he knows that I fit that particular stereotype and fully embrace it. We used to have weekends like this in college and they were the best.
Now back to the movies! Have a good night and be well ladies and gents.
Those are such ridiculous stereotypes anyways. What sane person doesn't like fried chicken, watermelon, and grape flavored anything? Your story reminds me of one of my favorite comedy bits though
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Tucker Carlson’s top writer, Blake Neff, has resigned after he is shown to have frequently made extremely racist & sexist posts on a right-wing message board.
I'm going to guess it was more like when Bill Peters "resigned", where there was no choice in the matter, either quit and save some face, or be fired and raked over the coals.
Tucker Carlson’s top writer, Blake Neff, has resigned after he is shown to have frequently made extremely racist & sexist posts on a right-wing message board.
The question now is if his racism informed the politics of the show, or if the politics of the show informed his racism ... ‘cause it’s only one of those two things.
Those are such ridiculous stereotypes anyways. What sane person doesn't like fried chicken, watermelon, and grape flavored anything? Your story reminds me of one of my favorite comedy bits though
That was pretty funny, I'd never seen it before.
I think the important thing to take from his story and mine is context matters, intent matters, the relationship matters and the personalities matter. I know that creates a gray area that some are trying to eliminate, but life is one giant gray area.
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The question now is if his racism informed the politics of the show, or if the politics of the show informed his racism ... ‘cause it’s only one of those two things.
It seems more likely to me that it would be both and they feed off each other.
If someone tells me racism doesn't exist, I tell them to go to dinner with a black man/woman of the opposite sex, so people think you are on a date and if they do they will see it within minutes because there will be at least 5 people eye ####ing you for mixing the whites with the colors.
I know this post is a few days old, just reading back as I haven't been in this thread for a while. Do you think this only happens with black/white couples? My wife and I are interracial, white/Indian. I cant say that we have necessarily felt like this while we have been out in Calgary. The only place that we felt a little uneasy that I can think of was when we were out and about in Invermere, BC one time we felt like people were looking at us. The biggest think we have noticed is that strangers often assume that we are not together. Odd little things like if we are standing in line and someone calls next and we both walk up the clerk has sometime looked at us and said something like "sir, she was here first, your next". That has happened on a number of occasions, but we just find that funny.
Also Crown and Acey, as mentioned before in this thread, thank you both for sharing your experiences. There are definitely some crappy parts about being a woman and I've most certainly found myself getting overly involved and emotional in some of those discussions here before. It's hard not to show emotion when for some people it's just a topic of discussion but for you, it's life.
That said, I also realize more and more just how privileged I truly am. Just the commentary about something I would never have to think about: cutting your hair a certain way to avoid suspicion, or needing to have a hat in the car to cover up your hairstyle in case you're pulled over, wearing long sleeves to cover tattoos, etc...that is a gutcheck. It's utterly infuriating that these things ever happened, much less that it's freaking 2020 and it's still happening.
Thanks Witty, I appreciate it.
The BLM movement to me is not just about racism, it is about equality and human rights. It's about black rights, yes. But it is also about women's rights, gay rights, trans rights... etc.
I actually think many of the problems women face parallel that of the black community. Simply put, there is a subset of white men that believe they should still own us both.
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Why is it that guys like Blake Neff are always limp dweebs?
It's proving to be really dangerous when disaffected low social status loners are given massive political influence.
I know this post is a few days old, just reading back as I haven't been in this thread for a while. Do you think this only happens with black/white couples? My wife and I are interracial, white/Indian. I cant say that we have necessarily felt like this while we have been out in Calgary. The only place that we felt a little uneasy that I can think of was when we were out and about in Invermere, BC one time we felt like people were looking at us. The biggest think we have noticed is that strangers often assume that we are not together. Odd little things like if we are standing in line and someone calls next and we both walk up the clerk has sometime looked at us and said something like "sir, she was here first, your next". That has happened on a number of occasions, but we just find that funny.
I think it happens with every interracial couple, at least sometimes. I think the races do make a difference, as do locations. For example, when I had a Japanese girlfriend, we didn't get all that many cross looks. Same with dating a Hispanic woman.
Correct me if I am wrong, but I feel like Calgary has a fairly large Indian and middle Eastern population, so I think that would help with the normalcy of that type of interracial relationship. I also found I got fewer cross looks in Calgary than in Lethbridge, because in Calgary it is more common as there is a larger black population. I think what it comes down to in many cases, is people are scared of what is different and the more people are exposed to something, the less different it becomes.
I also think you finding the humor in something rather than choosing to be offended is an excellent way to handle things.
