Destination Weddings - Need help!

[Hi-Psi]

Originally Posted by Sliver

That's exactly correct. The bride and groom are having a large beach-side wedding that their guests are funding. The bride and groom will pay $4000 and the remaining $146,000 it will cost to have everyone attend will be divided amongst the 75 guests.

You're welcome to your opinion, as misplaced as it is.

Most couples spend quite a bit more than $4k for their destination wedding. In fact, most say to expect between $10-15k for a decent budget destination wedding.

What you also seem to be missing is that this is the couples choice to get married wherever the hell they want and can invite whoever the hell they want. And as such, people can decide for themselves whether they want to come or not. All of our close family and most of our friends WANT a destination wedding, especially after the last 2 years of Covid.

I've seen the various threads on various forums and sites regarding peoples opinions on whether or not to have a destination wedding. If I wanted your opinion or anyone else's opinion on whether or not I SHOULD have a destination wedding, I would have asked for it. But alas, I didn't. So feel free to troll elsewhere please.

[Fuzz]

One big positive out of a couple I went to was it served as a week long family rerunning. It was super nice to be able to spend meaningful time with family members you tend not to see all that often. Far more valuable than a brief conversation at an evening wedding.

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by PaperBagger'14

I can only speak from personal experience, but there was no expectation from my wife or I for anyone to show up. Whoever wanted to and could make the trip were welcome and there were no hard feelings for anyone who couldn't. Those who couldn't make it were never treated any differently afterward.



Any issue of someone being upset they couldn't come is 100% that persons problem and not mine.

Exactly. Unless you're immediate family, who even cares about attending a wedding THAT badly anyway? If one of my friends was all pissy with me because they couldn't attend my destination wedding I'd probably laugh at them lol. Weddings are overly rigid and awkward, and now you have zero obligation to buy me a gift either. I did you a favour..

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Hi-Psi

You're welcome to your opinion, as misplaced as it is.

Most couples spend quite a bit more than $4k for their destination wedding. In fact, most say to expect between $10-15k for a decent budget destination wedding.

What you also seem to be missing is that this is the couples choice to get married wherever the hell they want and can invite whoever the hell they want. And as such, people can decide for themselves whether they want to come or not. All of our close family and most of our friends WANT a destination wedding, especially after the last 2 years of Covid.

lol, imagine typing that and not seeing the selfishness. Sure, anybody can do whatever the hell they want whenever the hell they want. Usually people with that attitude are #######s, though. The attitude is certainly consistent with the type of people who would expect their loved ones to drop $200,000 for their special day, though.

Originally Posted by Hi-Psi

I've seen the various threads on various forums and sites regarding peoples opinions on whether or not to have a destination wedding. If I wanted your opinion or anyone else's opinion on whether or not I SHOULD have a destination wedding, I would have asked for it. But alas, I didn't. So feel free to troll elsewhere please.

"Troll elsewhere"? I don't think you know what trolling means. Providing sincere input 100% on topic with the thread is not trolling.

[Northendzone]

for this money - the people that attend get value out of the spend in terms of getting a tropical vacation.

Seems to me you are looking at the money paid as the cost of a ticket to a concert or other event and i don't think that it the proper way to frame it

Originally Posted by Sliver

lol, imagine typing that and not seeing the selfishness. Sure, anybody can do whatever the hell they want whenever the hell they want. Usually people with that attitude are #######s, though. The attitude is certainly consistent with the type of people who would expect their loved ones to drop $200,000 for their special day, though.

[bossy22]

We got married in Maui. Our Inlaws go every year and we were going to be there at the same time. We chose Maui because we originally wanted Fernie, but my side of the family was bitching about that. We then just said we are getting married in Maui. And don't worry about coming. We just told everyone that it was getting too complicated. In the end we had 4 other families ask if they could come, and we said of course, and had a small wedding. It turned out awesome. We told them no gifts of course, and because it was small, we decided to splurge and booked the Ritz for the wedding reception and had an amazing time. We all had a great vacation together. I wasn't offended by anyone that didn't come. I really don't know anyone that enjoys going to weddings.

[Scroopy Noopers]

Originally Posted by btimbit

Of the 7 weddings I've been invited too in the last few years, I've went to 1. People overthink this ####

People expecting you to go is the “sitcom story” part of this whole thing. It doesn’t exist in real life, but you need it to make the complaint work.

I too have skipped several of my very close friends weddings due to distance/expense. We’re still as close… of course, because they’re normal humans.

[powderjunkie]

Originally Posted by Northendzone

for this money - the people that attend get value out of the spend in terms of getting a tropical vacation.

Seems to me you are looking at the money paid as the cost of a ticket to a concert or other event and i don't think that it the proper way to frame it

But most likely none of the attendees would have booked a similar vacation on those dates otherwise. Compared to giving up a single Saturday that would otherwise be spent locally doing chores/leisure.

I think it should generally be as simple as don't go if you don't want to go for extended family/friends, but I'm not sure it's quite so simple for closest family/friends (e.g. bridal party)...there should at least be some consideration there.

Originally Posted by Scroopy Noopers

People expecting you to go is the “sitcom story” part of this whole thing. It doesn’t exist in real life, but you need it to make the complaint work.

I too have skipped several of my very close friends weddings due to distance/expense. We’re still as close… of course, because they’re normal humans.

I'm sure conflicts happen often enough, but in reality it's just a wake up call to re-evaluate your relationship with that kind of person.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by Hi-Psi

You're welcome to your opinion, as misplaced as it is.

Most couples spend quite a bit more than $4k for their destination wedding. In fact, most say to expect between $10-15k for a decent budget destination wedding.

What you also seem to be missing is that this is the couples choice to get married wherever the hell they want and can invite whoever the hell they want. And as such, people can decide for themselves whether they want to come or not. All of our close family and most of our friends WANT a destination wedding, especially after the last 2 years of Covid.

I've seen the various threads on various forums and sites regarding peoples opinions on whether or not to have a destination wedding. If I wanted your opinion or anyone else's opinion on whether or not I SHOULD have a destination wedding, I would have asked for it. But alas, I didn't. So feel free to troll elsewhere please.

Based on your information, Sliver's probably kinda mad you aren't taking out a second mortgage to fund the thing for friends... but also thinking that taking out a second mortgage for a party like this is silly as well. I'm joking, I'm joking.

Based on your OP, the size seems too big. One of the great benefits of a destination wedding is the chance to have more of a chance to have a fun and intimate time with the guests that show up. Also, if you get married in a foreign location, there's a small risk that Canada doesn't recognize that marriage. That's why some people will do a destination wedding which is basically a combination of stag/stagette party/honeymoon and intimate time with these "closer guests" and then do a relatively basic wedding/reception at home for those that couldn't make it to the destination part (ie: city hall registration then meal sort of thing). bossy's suggestion is a good one. Try to keep the numbers down to 20-30 if possible on a first come first serve RSVP basis. It'll be way more fun that way. For those that couldn't make it, just have a dinner reception at your home city or whatnot. Those that want to blow a ton of money can and those that do not don't have to feel pressured or worried they'll miss such an important milestone event of yours.

For the destination wedding (cruise) I attended, there were around 20 something people that went over 3-4 days. Then there was a 2 day reception in Calgary for something like 200-300 people a month later. It was great for the bride and groom to have their own time to play, then time for them to play with different groups and/or bigger everyone events. The bride and groom chose to pay for the meals and a few excursions so that it would be easier to see everyone on a regular basis during the whole thing. We young people would party, the parents would go and do their own thing. I'd be mindful of ensuring that everyone meets together relatively regularly, but also that not everyone needs to be together all the time.

The bride and groom also requested info and then coordinated between guests and partially through a travel agency. This for stuff like people who wanted their own room/wanted to upgrade the quality of the room, didn't mind sharing (would be drunk as a skunk anyways), had points they wanted to redeem/extra buddy passes they'd like to share with someone, yes/no on different excursions etc.

People like me shacked up in the cheapest rooms got away with paying around $800 ish for flight and accommodations because of the amount of rooms on the cruise we were booking simultaneously through the agency. There was no requirement for anyone to spend anything else unless they wanted to since the bride and groom comped the meals + a few excursions. Others who wanted more opulence and privacy were probably closer to around $2500 for flight and lodging. The average spent on flight and lodging for most people who went was probably $1500-1800/person and most of us typically spent an extra $100-300 in spending on other random stuff. These numbers are a decade old though. IIRC, the bride and groom said they themselves spent around $50-60K total on both the destination wedding as well as their Calgary reception. Approx half to 2/3 of that was their destination wedding (and they paid for immediate family to go + meals + excursions for all guests). I do believe this number included other stuff like their wedding clothes and a few other things as well.

IMO, there's nothing wrong with destination weddings. But I can agree with some of the other vocal posters that there definitely is a way to do it incorrectly or in a way that is very bad optics wise.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by Scroopy Noopers

People expecting you to go is the “sitcom story” part of this whole thing. It doesn’t exist in real life, but you need it to make the complaint work.

I too have skipped several of my very close friends weddings due to distance/expense. We’re still as close… of course, because they’re normal humans.

Weddings are just supposed to be big parties for a big milestone event. Those that never lose sight of the fact it is a party, things are good and friendships prevail whether or not people show up. For those that treat it like a production, there's always drama and friendships often do not prevail.

Honestly speaking, it's not the cost. It's the attitude.

I attended a $400,000, 3 day destination wedding this summer. There were like 200 people that attended and only a handful of us spent less than $1K on hotels and travel. The bride and groom actually discouraged people to attend if the cost to go was too high for them. They also said that they were not expecting a gift from anyone who attended. Nearly every damn portion of that whole thing was covered by the couple. The couple respected that many took time off and spent lots in resources to show up and thus they wanted to ensure anyone who showed up would have a good time. Meals, snacks (late night), taxi/shuttles, parking, drinks (private bar), photo shoots etc. were covered by them. They never once lost sight of the fact this was their own selfish party to celebrate this milestone. But they were also careful to be intentional to ensure the wedding was a party, not a production. However, this couple was the type of couple that regularly hosts 50-100 people holiday dinners with their friends. They regularly throw parties that are huge. This one was going to be their crown jewel for parties. It honestly was one of the most intimate and fun weddings I've ever attended and I honestly can say we spent like 20-30 hours total with the bride/groom and around 1-2 hours of truly personal time with them.

Others who put together productions with over the top stag/stagette parties... I don't think my wife and I stayed in touch with anyone that pulled that kind of self masturbatory and narcissistic of an event regardless of whether $40K or $200K was spent. Seriously, you sit there cringing because you know their vows are pure lies and horrific stuff like that. Luckily, we have had less than a handful of these situations because the vast majority of our friends are not ####ty people.

[Fighting Banana Slug]

To me the destination stag/stagettes are far more egregious. From my experience, there is an actual expectation that the invitees show and pony up. Destination Weddings? It seems like a good way to cull the numbers and no one really cares if some one shows up. Bulit-in excuse to keep it small.

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by Fighting Banana Slug

To me the destination stag/stagettes are far more egregious. From my experience, there is an actual expectation that the invitees show and pony up. Destination Weddings? It seems like a good way to cull the numbers and no one really cares if some one shows up. Bulit-in excuse to keep it small.

I could see that, especially because in that situation you're expected to also 100% cover the spouse to be's flight, accommodations and most of the food/drink/excursions you do. Which isn't too too bad if there's a bunch of you to share it. But if it's a very small group going, yikes..

[Hi-Psi]

Originally Posted by Sliver

The attitude is certainly consistent with the type of people who would expect their loved ones to drop $200,000 for their special day, though.

"Troll elsewhere"? I don't think you know what trolling means. Providing sincere input 100% on topic with the thread is not trolling.

I love how the cost of the wedding goes up every time you post, as if that somehow supports your irrelevant point.

And, sincere input on topic with the thread? I'm sorry, can you point out where I asked your opinion or anyone else's opinion, on whether or not destination weddings are a stupid idea?

AND, since YOU don't seem to know the definition of a troll, I've taken the liberty of copying a snippet of the definition from merriam-webster, just for you.

"2: to antagonize (others) online by deliberately posting inflammatory, irrelevant, or offensive comments or other disruptive content."

So it seems, you are indeed, a troll.

[PaperBagger'14]

Originally Posted by Fighting Banana Slug

To me the destination stag/stagettes are far more egregious. From my experience, there is an actual expectation that the invitees show and pony up. Destination Weddings? It seems like a good way to cull the numbers and no one really cares if some one shows up. Bulit-in excuse to keep it small.

Absolutely destination stag parties are ridiculous, my wife and I never had one and treated our destination wedding as it. I've since talked to my groomsmen and one of them suggested still doing a stag in Wacken Germany for a metal music fest in a few years. Everyone was receptive to the idea, but all of us are metal heads and it will be treated more like a guys trip. Other friends are going to be invited too but once again there won't be hard feelings if someone no shows.

My wife will probably do something similar with her girlfriends.

[Macman]

I would hope that anyone spending half a million or more to get married would also consider making a donation to some agencies that help the less fortunate. I get weddings are a big deal and special but if you’re spending this much money you either have too much or you’ve lost the plot.

[powderjunkie]

Originally Posted by Macman

I would hope that anyone spending half a million or more to get married would also consider making a donation to some agencies that help the less fortunate. I get weddings are a big deal and special but if you’re spending this much money you either have too much or you’ve lost the plot.

Nah, but I made sure to write it off my taxes as a networking event.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Hi-Psi

I love how the cost of the wedding goes up every time you post, as if that somehow supports your irrelevant point.

And, sincere input on topic with the thread? I'm sorry, can you point out where I asked your opinion or anyone else's opinion, on whether or not destination weddings are a stupid idea?

AND, since YOU don't seem to know the definition of a troll, I've taken the liberty of copying a snippet of the definition from merriam-webster, just for you.

"2: to antagonize (others) online by deliberately posting inflammatory, irrelevant, or offensive comments or other disruptive content."

So it seems, you are indeed, a troll.

I could argue you're trolling. No way anybody can be this thick. But if you are being sincere, it's better coming into focus the type of guy who invites 75 people to celebrate themself in Mexico and it's really not a good look.

And where did you solicit input? Um, in the original post you submitted to a discussion forum. If you wanted individual responses with answers you wanted to hear, maybe text your mom?

But anyway, I think you should do this. As you can see from this thread, there will be many people who will be excited about this (assuming you're as well liked as you think you are). But more importantly, because there will be a not-small number of people who had respect for you and will now think you're a narcissist with a comically over-inflated sense of what constitutes a reasonable celebration to throw oneself and they'll never forget it. I think those people - if not already - will awaken to a view of you more consistent with reality.

My opinion may not be the most popular one, but I'm not on an island with it, either. Your plan will cost you some respect you'll have to earn back. You're welcome for the warning. Nobody close to you will be able to say what I said as who wants to #### on their friend/cousin/nephew's wedding?

Best wishes to the happy couple.

[Weitz]

Originally Posted by Fighting Banana Slug

To me the destination stag/stagettes are far more egregious. From my experience, there is an actual expectation that the invitees show and pony up. Destination Weddings? It seems like a good way to cull the numbers and no one really cares if some one shows up. Bulit-in excuse to keep it small.

Wrong.

All this thread has shown is people are too Insecure to say no.

Or they are selfish in thinking an event is about them.

[Fighting Banana Slug]

Originally Posted by Weitz

Wrong.

All this thread has shown is people are too Insecure to say no.

Or they are selfish in thinking an event is about them.

Not true in my tangential experience with stagettes in particular. Insecurity and selfishness from the groom/bride, sure. But (and maybe you missed the “from my experience” part) there can be a weird pressure brought forth to take part in those stag junkets where way too much money is spent on crap you don’t want to do.

[RyZ]

Just dont be bitter at your family and friends that roll their eyes and turn your invite down.