Marriage Counselors

[undercoverbrother]

Thoughts, recommendations, information?

[8sPOT]

We went to Lifepath Wellness in Chestermere around 2012.

I found it to be very enlightening and well worth the $125 or so, in fact after that one session I knew my marriage was over. Which may not be considered a success, but in hindsight it absolutely was.

[Scimitar]

Therapy didn’t work for me and my ex. In retrospect, I would definitely prefer to have kept the $3000-$4000 I spent on it. Having said that, it depends where you two are in terms of your relationship problems. If it’s just small-ish things that are just starting, maybe you have a chance. Major trust issues couldn’t be fixed in my case at least. There is also a chance that the other person is just going through the therapy exercise to buy themselves time and gather courage to leave.

Gottman method therapy is based on research, so I would recommend therapists that work in that area. Good luck!

[surferguy]

No recommendations just a note that I hope you can find a way to work through it.

[troutman]

My experience as a divorce lawyer and a divorced person: Counseling can be very effective in improving relationships if started early enough. Even "happy" couples should consider going to improve communication, and resolve small problems before they become big. Even if it is too late to save the marriage, counseling can help you to separate amicably and with respect, allowing you to become effective co-parents.

[peter12]

So yes I am divorced and we never attended therapy because my ex refused to go. It wasn't a good relationship and it was going to end no matter what.

My current partner and I attend counseling every 6 months ago to resolve small problems and improve communication etc... I'm pretty hot-headed and she is pretty cold-shouldered so it can be challenging at times.

That said, counseling has given us perspective and definitely made our relationship better.

[rotten42]

https://brendaparkinson.wixsite.com/corecounselling

[Dynamic]

Lots of good advice so far. Marriage counselling is too often used as a last resort after it is too late. Trying to fix huge issues with marriage counselling is almost like throwing a last second Hail Mary pass to the end zone. It’s worth a shot, you feel like you gotta try....but it’s probably not going to work.

Me and my ex did do marriage counselling but looking back it was already over. Both parties must be 100% invested and committed for it to work. All too often I’ve partner is really committed to try to work through it and the other partner is moved on and is just doing the counselling to say “ at least I tried”.

In retrospect I wish I would of went straight to individual counselling and not wasted my time and money on marriage counselling. Your situation is different so all I could say is good luck.

[Tron_fdc]

Don't be in a big rush to jump at the first recommendation. I've seen around 5-6 different counselors over the years with my wife, and they all have different strengths/weaknesses. You will need to try and identify what it is plaguing the marriage, and match a counselor that has the specific skills to drill into it.

In my case we started off with the kid glove approach, and it didn't work. We needed a heavy handed, no nonsense old lady that told us what's what. No sugar coating.

Also consider a marriage contract. It likely won't hold up in court, but the fact you are both committing to signing an agreement with specific boundaries and expectations at least gives you something to fall back on when things go sideways, which they will.


Hopefully it works out for you.

[Ozy_Flame]

Originally Posted by Dynamic

Lots of good advice so far. Marriage counselling is too often used as a last resort after it is too late. Trying to fix huge issues with marriage counselling is almost like throwing a last second Hail Mary pass to the end zone. It’s worth a shot, you feel like you gotta try....but it’s probably not going to work.

I hear you on the fix huge issues deal. On a similar note I've seen two couples I know try and use having kids as a "fix" to their relationship problems but has turned out worse than before. That is absolutely the wrong course of action for anyone reading this thread and think having children will bridge gaps. No one I have ever met has said doing so has fixed a relationship. Counselling first!

[afc wimbledon]

I would suggest you both go seperatly at first and then only go as a couple when you both know what it is you want, counselling isn't supposed to 'fix' a marriage it is supposed to help you discover what you as a couple or as individuals want or need, often that means breaking up

[Northendzone]

does your or your friends employer offer an employee assistance plan - you can contact them to get the names of counselors close to you as a starting point.

hopefully, things work out positively but most importantly peacefully/rationally

[hatty]

Research your counselor, as some marriage counselors specialize in certain things, and that may not be what you need. Me and my wife attended sessions and one thing it helped with was opening up communication a little more, and actually listening. I think my biggest lesson I learned was even if the other person is wrong, or what they are saying is wrong, listen, because there is something in what they are saying that is true to them, and that's what needs to be addressed, as it was for me and my wife. I always jumped to prove how what she was saying was wrong and how it actually should be without listening to what was wrong.

Can be beneficial, but like everyone has said, both have to be invested in it.

Definitely research you counselor, I was not entirely happy with ours as I felt he was a little more biased towards my wife then be impartial but yeah.

[troutman]

Michelle Obama:

"I was one of those wives who thought, 'I'm taking you to marriage counseling so you can be fixed, Barack Obama.' Because I was like, 'I'm perfect.' I was like, 'Dr. X, please fix him,'" she said with a smile. "And then, our counselor looked over at me. I was like, 'What are you looking at? I'm perfect.'"

She continued: "But marriage counseling was a turning point for me, understanding that it wasn't up to my husband to make me happy, that I had to learn how to fill myself up and how to put myself higher on my priority list."

https://www.businessinsider.com/mich...barack-2018-12