Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[flamesfever]

8+

Sorry to hear so many are feeling down. I'm sure as bad as things may seem now, they will get better. My wife always said that me saying that to her was what helped her the most when she was in depression.

I keep wondering why I am so smart, and all the younger people are so dumb. Perhaps it's my inability to accept that the world is changing. Whether it's for the better or worse, I'm not quite sure.

Financial well being, and lack thereof, seems to have the most impact on how people are feeling these days. I'm grateful I don't have that worry.

I recently lost my wife. We were together for 68 years. She suffered from MS and 25 episodes of major depression over a 20+ year period. We fought it together and learned through experience that life can be good in spite of mental illness.

I am happy and grateful to have my oldest son living with me and doing all the heavy lifting. I hate to think where I would be without him. They say you should always be good to your kids, because they are the ones that are going to choose the nursing home you'll be in.

[Muta]

Originally Posted by shermanator

One thing I'll say about Cavalry is the community that have popped is so awesome. It's a group of folks that I genuinely enjoy seeing and that for the most part really care about each other.

I'm gutted that I can no longer commit to the group the way I was able to that first year, building that scene was so rewarding.

Knowing that Calgary is now part of the international football world, including transfers, is such a satisfying feeling. The Cavs have really been a fun highlight for my life in the last five years.

Originally Posted by Ped

I think I'm just a placeholder to most people - someone they can turn to when they have no other option, but as soon as they get that better option, they're gone. It's gone on long enough that I know the issue is with me, but every time I try something, I fail at it. ANd it's not just one or two people, it's everyone.

Ped - this is not the advice you're probably expecting, but try saying 'no' more often. In fact, a lot more - including to to these fairweather people. Not only is it more honest, it's a major stress reliever to your mental well-being. You're not obligated in life to cater to other people like a floormat. Once I started saying 'no' more often to almost everyone and freed up time and obligation from others, the quality of my daily life significantly improved.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

8+

Sorry to hear so many are feeling down. I'm sure as bad as things may seem now, they will get better. My wife always said that me saying that to her was what helped her the most when she was in depression.

I keep wondering why I am so smart, and all the younger people are so dumb. Perhaps it's my inability to accept that the world is changing. Whether it's for the better or worse, I'm not quite sure.

Financial well being, and lack thereof, seems to have the most impact on how people are feeling these days. I'm grateful I don't have that worry.

I recently lost my wife. We were together for 68 years. She suffered from MS and 25 episodes of major depression over a 20+ year period. We fought it together and learned through experience that life can be good in spite of mental illness.

I am happy and grateful to have my oldest son living with me and doing all the heavy lifting. I hate to think where I would be without him. They say you should always be good to your kids, because they are the ones that are going to choose the nursing home you'll be in.

Oh man, sorry about your loss. Sixty-eight years is really neat and it sounds like you were an amazing husband.

[MoneyGuy]

9.5

I sold my business three years ago which eliminated stress from my life. I’m semi-retired. Could have retired years earlier financially but then a succession plan fell into my lap. Health is excellent (late-‘60s) and finances are strong. We literally can do anything we want, which makes life great. Out adult children are great people independent from us. We’d help them but they don’t need it.

We travel a lot and have a big trip in February to the Amazon. Did 100 days last winter down under. I wish my sports teams were better but their success or lack there of don’t affect my well being.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Honestly, I don't know.

I could use a vacation, and a little more stability in terms of work (while busy, different clients and not knowing where the next client is coming from plays on me from time to time, despite it always working out).

Baby isn't sleeping through the night, which affects me depending on the day.

However, two great kids, my parents and in-laws are all healthy, my brother has a serious illness but you'd never know he's managing that well, great wife, love our house and neighbours, great group of friends who I don't see nearly enough.

And hey, I saw one of my two favourite sports teams win a league Championship for the first time two weeks ago. Woke up my oldest for him to witness it. Hearing him tell my wife the story of me doing that the next morning was actually better than seeing the win itself.

Joined the gym after putting that off for over 2 decades and that has improved my physical and mental health.

All in all, pretty damn great. 8? Maybe?

Perhaps if I win the lottery that'd bump up to a 9. But apparently I have to buy a ticket in order to win... foolishness.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by MoneyGuy

9.5

I sold my business three years ago which eliminated stress from my life. I’m semi-retired. Could have retired years earlier financially but then a succession plan fell into my lap. Health is excellent (late-‘60s) and finances are strong. We literally can do anything we want, which makes life great. Out adult children are great people independent from us. We’d help them but they don’t need it.

We travel a lot and have a big trip in February to the Amazon. Did 100 days last winter down under. I wish my sports teams were better but their success or lack there of don’t affect my well being.

#### you?

Nah I don't actually mean that.

Congrats.

[Slava]

Originally Posted by MoneyGuy

9.5

I sold my business three years ago which eliminated stress from my life. I’m semi-retired. Could have retired years earlier financially but then a succession plan fell into my lap. Health is excellent (late-‘60s) and finances are strong. We literally can do anything we want, which makes life great. Out adult children are great people independent from us. We’d help them but they don’t need it.

We travel a lot and have a big trip in February to the Amazon. Did 100 days last winter down under. I wish my sports teams were better but their success or lack there of don’t affect my well being.

I'm happy for you for all of this, including the lack of success for your sports teams!

[CMPunk]

Today? Maybe a 5...right in the middle. I've talked about my struggles here before. I still struggle with finding a purpose for the rest of my life and if there was a way to give my years to to someone with an incurable disease and no future, I would. I'm in serious need of a holiday. Since my folks sold their place in Phoenix, I haven't had a place to escape too. I work 6 days a week and my one day off is usually errands.

I haven't been to the gym in over a month because I was sick and that seemed to sap my will to go back. My body is falling apart with joint and hip pain and I may have to quit playing goal because of it. I wish I had more friends that actually cared about how I was doing, but most don't want to get into it.

I just have alot of days where I wonder what I'm doing here....

[MoneyGuy]

Originally Posted by Slava

I'm happy for you for all of this, including the lack of success for your sports teams!

My unhappiness about the futility of my teams is balanced by the futility of yours.

[Cappy]

I'm in a good place. Let's say a 7.

I have a new job that pays well. I get to essentially do my work unsupervised and can choose to work from home or office. I recently married the love of my life overseas with my closest family and friends. My wife makes good money, and we both want for nothing. My family all lives within the city and we are very close - i see them at least once a week.

What keeps it a 7 is truly my career choice. I loathe my job. I'm good at it (as good as the average in the profession at least), but i truly cannot fathom doing this for another 30 years. I have contemplated leaving several times; but haven't been able to find something I want to do without taking a major risk moving forward. My wife and I have just started to get to the point where we can enjoy the incomes we are making, so it's a struggle to contemplate giving that up as well.

Work is high stress and high conflict with super high anxiety. Sleepless nights, constant thoughts about files and work. While largely unsupervised, i have moved to a company that is just getting into my line of work and so there is a level of stress of it actually being profitable. More profits, more files, more stress, more anxiety. My wife is in the same line of work and equally struggles with the above which offers some support, but also doesn't allow us to switch it off in the way some others can.

I've coped with the above horribly. I started using video games as a way to engage my brain to keep the anxiety at bay. A more active way to pass the time than TV which offers little solace. This obviously doesn't help, and my fitness has certainly diminshed. My wife also isnt too happy when i am glued to a computer screen conquering Europe a couple hours each night. I'll play it to cope and then feel horrible that i wasted an evening, day, weekend sitting around playing video games.

I dream of an uncomplicated life. One that I grew up detesting (i was too smart for that, after all). Owning a little coffee shop in some provencal town making enough money to keep a wife and two kids happy as we blissfully waste away the years. I guess I could do it, but how long would that last before I start missing the money/status?

Then it hits me. #### Cappy, what do you have to be worried about? you haven't had a struggle in your life. Imagine having real loss, real struggles? could I even cope? My life has been pretty easy, all things considered. I truly do not think I could handle the inevitable death of my parents. A life of ease is built on a fragile foundation.

But therein is another rub. I have had an overly privileged life. The true definition of privileged. There is zero reason not to be successful outside of my own faults. I get too angry when it's insinuated that I am lazy (probably because I am) and constantly fear that I won't be able to actually take advantage of every random generic gift I have received. Most of my friends are successful, and seeing them succeed (while awesome) makes me question my own successes.

What can we take from the above? First, Cappy has some major First World Problems! Second, our society as it is currently constructed is crushing on everyone's mental health, and I do not think we are societally set up to handle it; nor have we actually identified the issues to even try to solve it. We are definitely better at recognize this as "mental health" but nothing has actually changed rather than a few extra days off and the omnipresent late stage consumerist ideology of "self care" which usually involves consumption. Third, I think there is some benefit to "positive thinking" that maybe I always considered hogwash

[Kiran403]

6.5

The Good
Health is good. I've actually consistently maintained a work out regimen all year and feel great. Just gotta improve the diet as I'm a slim guy so I eat whatever I want. Have to learn that no gained weight doesn't equal no health problems. Generally I'm happy most days and have learned a lot with age about what I really value in life.

I have an awesome wife and two daughters. Truly lucky to have them and couldn't imagine my life without them.

I was able to take a bucket list trip to Italy earlier this year with just my wife and I to celebrate our 15 year anniversary. It went off without a hitch and was even better than I thought it was going to be.

Outside of work, I have a creative outlet writing and producing indie film/tv projects. It's challenging but I truly love it. My partner and I got a short film streaming on CBC Gem this year so that was a big win. Working on some other projects too which is exciting.

The Bad
I got let go from my job at the same time as my wife did (couple weeks ago). We've already started searching but having to cut expenses, and scale back life to make sure we have funds to stretch is a bummer. I grew up poor and told myself that I would never let that happen to my kids so this is one of my worst nightmares potentially unfolding in front of me.

The job search itself is tough. I had already been looking for a job prior to being let go and I was having no luck even getting to the interview stage. I left an industry that I absolutely hated but the money was decent. I'm also finding out that a lot of recruiters/employers don't seem to like that industry either. Reading some of the stuff on here about people being out of work for extended periods is scary. I hope nothing but the best for everybody that's trying to find work.

Worst case, I have to go back to my old industry which is disheartening. I don't enjoy it. The hours are long and the people can be frustrating. It is soul sucking because I feel like I maybe sold myself short by choosing this career path because the money was good but the year-after-year grind has become brutal. The other side of it is that I really don't know what I want to do as an alternative. I just want a decent paying desk job that's not 50-60 hours a week. Ideally, I would just write/produce for a living but there is no money in that.

Also, it's winter and getting dark early is depressing.

[Lubicon]

I'd say 5.

I have a good paying job and a good family life, hard to complain about that.
However work is consuming an ever increasing amount of my life to the point where it's 24/7, there is no getting away from it. I feel trapped in it, I'm too old to start over and too young to retire. And it's not a job I particularly enjoy anymore, not that it was ever a passion. Covid (the effect on society) has removed my desire to get out and do anything. I'm an introvert and the shutdowns took me out of society almost entirely and I'm finding it extremely difficult to get back into it, nor do I have a desire to. But that means I just stay home now doing mostly nothing and that is not good either. No hobbies, no interests, and I don't even know what I like or would like to do as a hobby or distraction to life.

[monkey brewery]

I don't know, 6.5?

Family is healthy, successful (or getting going) with their own lives, and happy. And that's a big relief as a parent. My son-in-law is an absolute moron, but a harmless one. I don't think he knows the difference between AA and AAA batteries. Can't have it all.

With the exception of a couple cardiac events the last two years, I am reasonably healthy for a 60-something T1 diabetic. Career has mostly wound down except some consulting. No idea what I am going to do with my free time. My wife will keep working until she's dead, I suspect. Probably can't do her after that (heeeeeeey-ooo!!)

[SeeGeeWhy]

4-5, up from a 1-2 at the beginning of the year so that's positive.

I'll try to articulate the difference between my feelings, mental fitness, and mental health as I write this as a few have certainly touched on some distinctions being helpful.

The last 3-4 years have exposed me to levels of stress I've never encountered which burned me out. I never thought I could have a breaking point like that. They also exposed me to extreme levels of narcissistic abuse, which it turns out, I am quite susceptible and vulnerable to. Another fun surprise. Still coming out of that burnout, still working on developing better tools to protect and cope with these things.

So, my mental FITNESS for the environments that I have been in was poor. I was not well suited for success in these places. That led to a tremendous amount of bad feelings and stress, which contributed to severe downgrades in my mental and physical HEALTH. That gap... between what I am suited for and what I've been trying to do... had been in my blindspot for my entire life. I think mostly because I was able to do well enough with school tests that I had convinced myself I was smart, and had the tools to be mentally, socially and emotionally fit for most circumstances I would insert myself into. What a huge error.

Further to that, it feels like Covid made me less competent mentally, but I lack the words to describe how. As in having Covid literally made me dumber. Now, this could just be greater self-awareness of my own limitations and accepting my track record of failures as what they are - a pattern with me as the common denominator. Another hit to mental health AND fitness.

The result is that coming out of these tumbles, I'm struggling like hell to understand what value I can generate or contribute to self and others. Fear of failure is not something I normally suffer from, and this is close to that. It's more like... fear of an inability to recover from another failure. I suppose there isn't much difference between the two as both prevent a sense of self-worth or confidence from forming and both reinforce an inability to act.

I've made a lifetime assuming risk and responsibility, and in hindsight this was likely an unconscious coping strategy that I was using to generate motivation to DO things, and it caught up with me.

My kids and life milestones with my wife this year kept me motivated to keep holding on, but I've stared at the suicide clause in my term life insurance for hours at a time in many of the darkest moments. They're pretty much the only things I have energy to dedicate to anymore, or generate the only sense of feeling like I'm doing anything well up until they also hit their struggles and then I just feel like I've cursed them with many of my own shortcomings which makes it all feel so much worse.

A lot of this is learning late in life I have ADHD, realizing what that actually means, and then was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I just don't know how to take care of myself very well given those facts.

Things that used to feel intuitive and natural to pursue, I now look at through a filter of doubt where I wonder what my disabilities are preventing me from seeing, or if my urges are old (bad) habits flaring up.

This is a very difficult epiphany to have when you're already a grown ass man with dependents, debts and promises. Waking up one day, realizing how incompetent/immature you actually are.

So... what turned it around? I've been quite fortunate to get support from some expected and unexpected sources. Your social network really does make a difference. Having the diagnoses... as hard as they have been to accept at least give me a fighting chance to reset, humble myself and try to rebuild.

I HAVE to do things like limit access to the internet, drink less coffee, stay away from booze and weed, because I see how I was using those things to access dopamine that my body does not produce on it's own like normal people. I am not a normal person, and it is hard to change to fit societies expectations, or find a little niche in the world where it's actually okay to just be what I am. Again... fitness. I am a mental misfit for our norms, and honestly I'm quite vulnerable to the games that get played out there. This CRUSHES my mental health. It takes SO MUCH energy to hold awareness of these things and act accordingly.

Having stimulants have helped with the energy and discipline problems. Embracing the reality that I need unfocused, creative time to recover from focused time to prevent fatigue or burnout has been really big.

Not neglecting exercise has been super hard as I get older and more pain is on the other side of most movements. Adapting how I put my mind and body under physical stress has been one of the strangest aspects of this journey. But... move every day is a must.

I did an Ayahuasca ceremony in BC with some old friends this summer, which immediately broke my depressive symptoms. I was not expecting that at all. I went in wanting to melt my ego, and meet my fears. I came out feeling worthy of life and love, and much less negative self talk. I came out remembering how important it is to sing and move to literally vibrate the stress out of all the parts of your body. Amazing, amazing medicine.

Therapy still hasn't and continues to not be very effective, but I'm still trying to build adult-grade organizational and self-management skills. Its a matter of survival. This does make me sad, though, and makes me feel like I'll always be behind in a world that just seems to be moving faster every day. It is physically painful to manage a calendar, or learn a new stupid update on yet another MS Office tool or low-code SaaS piece of garbage that still requires a huge amount of organizational capabaility to set up before using.

I haven't even touched on how messed up my financial situation has become going through Covid, and I have no one to blame but myself. This one is really hard to accept. I may never really "recover" or be in a good place, but who knows... I'm kind of a prince of magic beans and am a pure Albertan... I swear I won't piss away the next windfall (if it ever comes).

So... not a 1-2, but not an 8. It's a journey.

Be kind to yourself, rest, and keep moving. There's always a move, even when you think there aren't any left.

[vegasbound]

Eh, maybe a 6? I have a good job but in an unstable industry (O&G) but it's a mat leave contract. The job itself is stressful and at times have to put in serious OT. The fact that I may have to look for another job next spring is looming and a stressor.



I'm still living at home because I came off a job in the spring, expecting to go to another job in the summer and work away and surprise! Didn't happen but got offered this job within the company. Not all bad but I'm ready to move out but rent is so expensive. Can't buy a house right now either.



My best friend just moved to Australia, I have no friends within the city. All my friends live in BC or the US. And that's a real bummer. I really need a vacation too (at least I can go to Australia once she's settled, I keep telling myself)

[AFireInside]

Honestly I don't think I've ever really been above a 6 in my entire life.

Right now, I'd say I'm probably at a 2 or 3. The thing is I don't really have much to complain about, and if you asked friends, or coworkers, I bet they would all put me at a 7 minimum. I have a good stable job, that I don't despise (I don't love it either), friends, great wife, great family, awesome parents, several hobbies, decent finanical position, health is pretty good as well.

Things definitely aren't perfect, but overall there's no reason I should always be low. I don't present that way, I even mentioned to a family member once that I "was" very depressed at one point in my life and they didn't believe me.

I go out a lot, to various events, but there's just something I've never been able to shake. Constant, never ending negative thoughts about myself is one of the things I've been trying to work on. It doesn't make much sense.

[AFireInside]

Originally Posted by SeeGeeWhy

4-5, up from a 1-2 at the beginning of the year so that's positive.

So, my mental FITNESS for the environments that I have been in was poor. I was not well suited for success in these places. That led to a tremendous amount of bad feelings and stress, which contributed to severe downgrades in my mental and physical HEALTH. That gap... between what I am suited for and what I've been trying to do... had been in my blindspot for my entire life. I think mostly because I was able to do well enough with school tests that I had convinced myself I was smart, and had the tools to be mentally, socially and emotionally fit for most circumstances I would insert myself into. What a huge error.

The result is that coming out of these tumbles, I'm struggling like hell to understand what value I can generate or contribute to self and others.

I've made a lifetime assuming risk and responsibility, and in hindsight this was likely an unconscious coping strategy that I was using to generate motivation to DO things, and it caught up with me.

My kids and life milestones with my wife this year kept me motivated to keep holding on, but I've stared at the suicide clause in my term life insurance for hours at a time in many of the darkest moments. They're pretty much the only things I have energy to dedicate to anymore, or generate the only sense of feeling like I'm doing anything well up until they also hit their struggles and then I just feel like I've cursed them with many of my own shortcomings which makes it all feel so much worse.

A lot of this is learning late in life I have ADHD, realizing what that actually means, and then was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I just don't know how to take care of myself very well given those facts.

This is a very difficult epiphany to have when you're already a grown ass man with dependents, debts and promises. Waking up one day, realizing how incompetent/immature you actually are.

I HAVE to do things like limit access to the internet, drink less coffee, stay away from booze and weed, because I see how I was using those things to access dopamine that my body does not produce on it's own like normal people. I am not a normal person, and it is hard to change to fit societies expectations, or find a little niche in the world where it's actually okay to just be what I am. Again... fitness. I am a mental misfit for our norms, and honestly I'm quite vulnerable to the games that get played out there. This CRUSHES my mental health. It takes SO MUCH energy to hold awareness of these things and act accordingly.

Having stimulants have helped with the energy and discipline problems. Embracing the reality that I need unfocused, creative time to recover from focused time to prevent fatigue or burnout has been really big.

Therapy still hasn't and continues to not be very effective, but I'm still trying to build adult-grade organizational and self-management skills. Its a matter of survival. This does make me sad, though, and makes me feel like I'll always be behind in a world that just seems to be moving faster every day. It is physically painful to manage a calendar, or learn a new stupid update on yet another MS Office tool or low-code SaaS piece of garbage that still requires a huge amount of organizational capabaility to set up before using.


So... not a 1-2, but not an 8. It's a journey.

Be kind to yourself, rest, and keep moving. There's always a move, even when you think there aren't any left.

You put this into words far better than I could. My situation is nearly identical to yours.

[dissentowner]

1. If it could go lower I would choose that. The fact I had kids is the only reason I continue to go on with this miserable existence. Even at that it truly is a struggle every day not to just take the easy way out.

[Ferarri]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

1. If it could go lower I would choose that. The fact I had kids is the only reason I continue to go on with this miserable existence. Even at that it truly is a struggle every day not to just take the easy way out.

Sorry to hear that. I don’t have much to offer other than say hang in there. I’m glad you have your kids to keep you grounded and I’m sure they appreciate having you in their lives. Hoping your situation improves and you can find happiness again. May sound cliche, but getting some professional help (if you haven’t already) could go a long way in improving your mental health.

[cKy]

2. Just got a bunch of anti-depressants from the doctor after dealing with some long stemming bad thoughts. Some tough financial issues with not having a job since I moved here. Christmas and 2 of the kids bdays in the next 2 months. Close family member is basically homeless and having mental issues of his own where I have little to no resources to help.

2024 will be better... right?