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Old 12-22-2014, 11:53 AM   #1
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Default Tis the season to yell at kids

I guess this is mostly for people who have kids, but how do you deal with kids acting up when you are visiting people or in public? Are you OK with other people giving them heck? Is it only OK if the other person is family or known to you? What if it is a stranger... would you be offended if someone told your kids to stop doing something destructive or annoying (even if you agreed it was deserved)?

There are so many rotten kids out there and it seems like the holiday season amplifies it. As an adult, sometimes I feel like I have the right to put my foot down when it is in my own home, but in public it seems taboo, at least in North American culture. It's tempting sometimes though.


For full disclosure, I am a bit of a prude in this regard. My parents were fairly strict, especially when it came to doing things that annoyed people. There is also the fact that I do not have kids so I probably haven't developed the same tolerance level as people who are around it constantly. If I had kids, I imagine my tolerance level would be different.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:05 PM   #2
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The other day I was cleaning the locker room at the pool and one kid had locked her sister in a locker. I was in the middle of telling them how unsafe it was and unsticking the lock and Mom comes out of the stall and gives me heck for reprimanding her kids.

Fine. Have fun trying to get the locker open yourself.

I usually talk to the parents about the behavior first (Hey! Your kid is pulling my dogs tail.) so they can be the one to tell the kid to smarten up. Although when I'm at work, I'm the one in the "Position of authority" and the kids will likely listen to me more than their parents. I've even had parents ask me to reprimand their kids for them.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:14 PM   #3
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I don't have a problem telling friend's kids that they probably shouldn't be doing what they are doing, and I hope that my friends will do the same to my kids.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:16 PM   #4
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I'm all for the general public telling my kids to not do stupid stuff if they are being little wieners. It actually seems to be more effective if a stranger or some other kid's parent reprimands them.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:20 PM   #5
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If I'm already giving my kids the gears for misbehavior, and dealing with it, I don't think I need to hear from anyone else, whether they're related (obviously my husband is a different story), or whether they're a perfect stranger. My uncle used to start in on us in the middle of my parents disciplining us/having a discussion with us, and it drove me nuts. My parents would just let him wade in - and 9 times out of 10, he hadn't even been around to see/experience our misbehaviour, he just happened to wander into the picture at the disciplinary stage. I used to get in more trouble because I'd tell him to butt out, lol - I figured my parents were doing well enough on their own, why was he poking his nose in?

He tried it when my kids were little. I pretty much told him that I was their mother, I'd witnessed the misbehaviour and I was dealing with it and dealing with it appropriately. Since he was neither their parent, nor was he even around to be witness to what my kids were in trouble for, he could mind his own business and let me take care of disciplining my own kids. Also told him, if I'm not around, and he witnesses misbehaviour, then I had no issue with him getting after them, and letting them know they were out of line and needed to smarten the hell up. But if I was there and already dealing with it, it was really none of his business. He never married, never had kids, and his idea of discipline was to beat on a kid, so yeah, no thanks.

I think it really is dependent on the situation too. Is the situation destructive or dangerous, like you said? Is the parent clueless to what is going on/not around? How are you speaking to the kid? If you're name calling or using swear words, then yeah, I think the parent can be offended. It's fairly easy to tell a kid to knock it off without being a hosebag about it.

I've done it - two 11 year old boys tearing around Sobeys, no parent in sight, and they nearly knocked a couple of elderly ladies down, nearly ran me over, bumped into carts and displays (very lucky nothing came tumbling down). The next time they did a round by me, I just said loudly enough to get their attention "Hey! STOP!" and they ground to a halt a couple of feet away from me. I told them they needed to stop doing that, they were going to hurt someone or cause damage to the store - and the choice was theirs - either they knocked it off, or I would call the manager over to find them and their parent and they could deal with the store management.

They walked off calmly and then started ripping around the store again as soon as they rounded the corner. So I just went and spoke to a manager, who went to speak to the boys, by which time they'd just hooked back up with their mother, and the manager spoke to both of them. Mom made the boys apologize and boy was she pissed at them. The boys gave me the evils when they saw me, but frankly, I don't care. What they were doing was irresponsible, and they could have been hurt and they could have hurt someone else, which they very nearly did. In that instance, if mom was mad that I narc'd on the kids to management, I very much wouldn't have cared that she was pissed. Pissy mom versus store patron with broken bones? Mom might have just been spared a lawsuit.

I don't think there is a one size fits all answer to this. I really do think it depends on the situation, and how you are speaking to the kids, and whether or not the parents are already dealing with it. And I wouldn't ever dare even touch a kid, even to put a hand on their shoulder type thing. Not opening up that kettle of fish. If my kids were acting like ####s when my back was turned to get stuff off a shelf and I failed to see it, and what they were doing was incredibly destructive, then I don't have much of an issue if someone just utters a quick "Hey, knock that off kiddo."

I have spoken to a mom dealing with a fractious kid, who looks like she's just at the end of her rope and just quietly told her she was doing a good job. I feel bad for parents sometimes, in the public eye - there are times where it's like they can't win for losing. And sometimes, there's just so much more than meets the eye - some kids are special needs, and it brings up a whole other level of issues we can't possibly know about, and what would work for the rest of us with typically abled kids, in regards to discipline, isn't going to work the same way, or at all, with a SN child.

Anyway, I'll quit rambling now.

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Old 12-22-2014, 12:29 PM   #6
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When my two daughters 5 and 8 are misbehaving in public I have no issue at yelling at them. Not at the top of my lungs but a stern warning. Kids need to learn respect their elders and that dads not afraid to embarrass them in public.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:30 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calgarygeologist View Post
I'm all for the general public telling my kids to not do stupid stuff if they are being little wieners. It actually seems to be more effective if a stranger or some other kid's parent reprimands them.
I recall one time when I was a kid and I littered on the ground. Some random man yelled at me for it. I was terrified, but I never littered again after that.

I did receive attitude from a woman in Wal-Mart before though when I told her son it was "bad" that he was screaming. I asked him to please stop, and he asked why, and I said because it's bad. The mother started yelling at me "don't tell my kid he is bad". After that I became a little more shy about bothering and just bite my tongue.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:30 PM   #8
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I wouldnt approach the kids but its worth telling the parents. Some people are oblivious to their kids poor behaviour. You can make a serious comment or take the approach of "Wow. I feel sorry for you. It must be embarassing to have your kids acting like that and you having no control."
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:31 PM   #9
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I'll yell at other people's kids if they're being little #######s. Either that or give the parents a "WTF are your idiot kids doing?" stare.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:34 PM   #10
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Good luck disciplining other people's kids. People think that because they were able to figure out how to procreate they also now know everything on how to raise a perfect person as if the two things were analogous and how DARE you have to nerve.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:41 PM   #11
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I just told a kid to knock off some crappy behaviour the other day, had the parent attempt to give me crap over it and threw it right back on them.

I was exiting a store in the South Trail area when I saw a kid kicking at some bushes. As I got closer I saw that there was a rabbit cowering underneath. I yelled "Hey, cut that out!" at the kid. He gave me a typical sh!11y kid look and almost instantly his dad who was by the car told me to mind my own business. I said "Your kid was trying to kick a defenseless animal. I'm making it my business." Of course, the dad tells me to F off and puffs out his chest like he's a tough guy. He starts strutting over to me like he's going to fight me and I stated "I don't think your kid is old enough to drive you to the emergency room." His face drops and I can see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to think of a retort. Before he can speak I say "Abuse of animals is a warning sign that a kid is on the road to being a sociopath. Parent your kid." I got in my car and drove away. I'm pretty sure the guy told the back of my car to F off when I was pulling away.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:43 PM   #12
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I recall one time when I was a kid and I littered on the ground. Some random man yelled at me for it. I was terrified, but I never littered again after that.

I did receive attitude from a woman in Wal-Mart before though when I told her son it was "bad" that he was screaming. I asked him to please stop, and he asked why, and I said because it's bad. The mother started yelling at me "don't tell my kid he is bad". After that I became a little more shy about bothering and just bite my tongue.
Yeah dude, that's not cool. Unless the kid is doing something directly to you, or is dangerous you should probably mind your own business. Or I guess if your working there.

Not to say you are wrong, the 'please stop' part seems ok. But you ddefinitely crossed the line by saying it was bad. In the grand scheme of things, a screaming kid is hardly new or unusual anyway. Never been on a plane? Toy store at Christmas? Etc.

Often the parent is not oblivious anyway (though some are, or just lazy) and they have their own ways of disciplining that they know works. By stepping in, you might be undermining that.

Lastly, though I know it didn't happen in this case, but it's in your thread title; yelling at a kid is rarely acceptable. There are ways of reprimanding, and yes, even reasoning with children, that don't involve raising your voice. And they often work better.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:44 PM   #13
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I dont speak to other people's kids.

If at all possible I tend to avoid speaking to children in general.

Have you ever tried talking to a kid? They're idiots. Its like 1stLand runs a school and they all go to it.

However, there should be a mechanism in place so that people who have other people's kids forced upon them in public places can give them a little electric shock right in the face if they're being little jerkfaces.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:50 PM   #14
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It's more like the prime directive, you don't want to interfere with the species.

It's not your job to be informative, corrective or a manners police. 90% of the case of a misbehaving children have to do with the parents and their skills and expectations of their kids in public places. I.e. those parents who treat their children like prima donna's.

We have friends who are calm and relaxing and also instructive. Their children are mostly perfectly behaved.

The other 10% it's just a sugar high, tiredness or a pure child moment which you have to sympathize with. Adults act out like this all the time in their vehicles and malls, etc.
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:52 PM   #15
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People are pretty protective of their disciplining methods so chances are your help will not be appreciated.

As far as I'm concerned, though, tell my kids what you want, just don't touch them. That's pretty easy to understand, I'm sure. But also, it's not your problem if I'm right there. That one I never understood, when an adult feels entitled to reprimand a kid when the parent is standing right there. What do you really think you're accomplishing?
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Old 12-22-2014, 12:56 PM   #16
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my wife and I am most of our friends have no problems disciplining each others kids if they deserve it (hands off except for your own kids rule).

if a stranger disciplins my kid I'd quicky tell them to mind their G.D business. just because a kid hasn't been disciplined yet doesn't give someone else the right to insert themselves into the upbringing of other peoples children. For all they know it was about to happen or they get disciplined at home.


That WRGMG

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Old 12-22-2014, 12:56 PM   #17
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Yeah dude, that's not cool. Unless the kid is doing something directly to you, or is dangerous you should probably mind your own business. Or I guess if your working there.

Not to say you are wrong, the 'please stop' part seems ok. But you ddefinitely crossed the line by saying it was bad. In the grand scheme of things, a screaming kid is hardly new or unusual anyway. Never been on a plane? Toy store at Christmas? Etc.

Often the parent is not oblivious anyway (though some are, or just lazy) and they have their own ways of disciplining that they know works. By stepping in, you might be undermining that.

Lastly, though I know it didn't happen in this case, but it's in your thread title; yelling at a kid is rarely acceptable. There are ways of reprimanding, and yes, even reasoning with children, that don't involve raising your voice. And they often work better.
Maybe it wasn't cool.. I wasn't trying to be cool though. You are right though, I would have approached it differently now. It wasn't just typical screaming though. He was screaming at me for some reason I couldn't understand. I think I was in his way or something.

I should clarify that "yelling" is just a colloquialism in this sense. It is easier to write in a thread title than "stern talking to" or "rational conversation regarding etiquette". Surely you have heard it used in that sense before. I don't think we should literally "yell" at children.
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Old 12-22-2014, 01:02 PM   #18
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my wife and I am most of our friends have no problems discap;lining each others kids if they deserve it (hands off of excetp for your own kids rule).

if a stranger disciplins my kid I'd quicky tell them to mind their G.D business. just because a kid hasn't been disciplined yet doens't give someone else the right to insert themselves into the upbringing of other peoples children. For all they know it was about to happen or they get disciplined at home.


That WRGMG
I kind of think if your kid is doing something that's directly irritating to other people around him/her, those people are entitled to tell the kid to knock it off.
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Old 12-22-2014, 01:04 PM   #19
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"I don't think your kid is old enough to drive you to the emergency room."

Good for you for stopping the kid from potentially kicking a rabbit, but if thats what yo really said that Balsy!

Not sure i'd be flat out calling people out and antagonizing them to punch you in the face or worse. either you have a extremely high sense of your physical capabilities or your not quite sane.
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Old 12-22-2014, 01:04 PM   #20
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Yeah dude, that's not cool. Unless the kid is doing something directly to you, or is dangerous you should probably mind your own business. Or I guess if your working there.

Not to say you are wrong, the 'please stop' part seems ok. But you ddefinitely crossed the line by saying it was bad. In the grand scheme of things, a screaming kid is hardly new or unusual anyway. Never been on a plane? Toy store at Christmas? Etc.

Often the parent is not oblivious anyway (though some are, or just lazy) and they have their own ways of disciplining that they know works. By stepping in, you might be undermining that.

Lastly, though I know it didn't happen in this case, but it's in your thread title; yelling at a kid is rarely acceptable. There are ways of reprimanding, and yes, even reasoning with children, that don't involve raising your voice. And they often work better.
Just a question, as I don't have kids so I don't know how this feels from one side. But I've coached young kids for a long time so I have much experience reprimanding other's kids (obviously this is accepted in that forum):

What if he had used different language? ie: "Hey buddy can you please stop?" "Why?" "Because other people don't like it."

Is it just the "bad" in his words? He didn't say the kid is bad, he said screaming is bad. Obviously a kid probably doesn't realize the difference, but the parent should. Should he first ask the parent to ask their kid? Or should we all just suck it up?
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