This is something I definitely need to work on. One of the things I catch myself doing a lot is responding to the question of "what did you get up to this weekend?" with "nothing much" or some other generic phrase. In reality, I did a number of things and while they might not have been stand out to me if I took the effort to expand on my answer a little bit that would probably make for some better small talk.
As for the question in your OP, when I get asked how my day is going I sometimes respond with "best day of my life." This is something I subconsciously picked up from a friend and it always leads to further discussion. I'll get asked if I am being serious or what exactly is making the day so great. I kind of enjoy saying that because it puts me in a positive frame of mind and also sets me up to think about what exactly is going on that day.
it's hard, sometimes you're just walking by each other and there is no time other than 'goodandyou'. even the 'andyou' is too slow.
or else somebody has to stop which makes the other person awkwardly have to stop.
I just tell all my friends, colleagues, customers, and salesman that if I see you downtown its just a high five as we walk by. Ain't no one got time to say hello.
I've been trying for a while now to eliminate "how are things at work" while in conversation. Talking about work - when not at work - is a very North American thing to do. I find your conversations can become a bit more light-hearted and easier when you're asking about weekends, holidays, hobbies, family, sports, etc. instead.
I like this, I have a few friends and other acquaintances whos standard go to when we meet up is 'how was work?'. I'll respond with the standard 'okay..' and I'll get a 'just okay?' back. Yes, it was just okay... I've known you for over 10 years, have I ever had a 'good' day at work? no, never, but we're not at work now and it's better, do you want to start off our time together every time with a 30 min recap of how work sucks and I'd rather do pretty much anything else with my life but the money is pretty good which allows me to enjoy the rest of my life like hanging out with you right now so let's not waste it talking about work!
I find myself less interested in people's professional lives as I get older. Starting out as a young buck in tech I was always interested to hear about what people were doing, perhaps with a competitive instinct so that I may better myself.
Now, unless you changed careers or have a zany work story that is move material, I'm not that interested. I love chatting instead about family, ideas, community, etc.
I find myself less interested in people's professional lives as I get older. Starting out as a young buck in tech I was always interested to hear about what people were doing, perhaps with a competitive instinct so that I may better myself.
Now, unless you changed careers or have a zany work story that is move material, I'm not that interested. I love chatting instead about family, ideas, community, etc.
totally agree, I have actually distanced myself as well as most of my other friends from one particular guy who only talks about work. Just non-stop about work which the rest of us couldn't care less about. It seems like the only thing going on in his life.
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I agree with the work discussion - I am not at all interested in that, unless you do something super cool, like being an astronaut haha. I'll talk about anything else happening in this world.
I try to think of it in terms of engaging people.
Even the cashier at the grocery store.
If I interact with the premise that he/she is someone I am interested in getting to know, my response is far different than if I am not engaged in the dialogue.
We have an opportunity to be a positive blip in the day of each person we interact with. I enjoy being that.
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I actually like this. I always give the bs generic answer. When I was younger (25ish years ago) I'd say "####ty" just to see what people would do. Most got really uncomfortable, like they just wanted the generic answer and I through a curveball they didn't expect. This tells me they don't really give a damn if you are good or not. Nobody ever asked what was going on or if I was ok, they'd just walk away.
Anyways, I think it's time I put some mindfulness into my speak, but at my age, I think a shock collar might be the most effective way to get me to change.
I try to think of it in terms of engaging people.
Even the cashier at the grocery store.
If I interact with the premise that he/she is someone I am interested in getting to know, my response is far different than if I am not engaged in the dialogue.
We have an opportunity to be a positive blip in the day of each person we interact with. I enjoy being that.
I'll frequently say something like: 'How's your shift going?' or 'Store been busy today' just as a means of recognizing them and the work that they do.
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Ask your friends and close co-workers to point out every time you do it. I did that with the R-word. It still slips out but I've nearly removed it entirely from my vocabulary.
I'll frequently say something like: 'How's your shift going?' or 'Store been busy today' just as a means of recognizing them and the work that they do.
Exactly this ^
It doesn't take a lot of thought or effort to acknowledge something/someone like that, and it may perhaps be a small positive in their day.
I was at am IT conference checking out the booths in the vendor hall. One particular booth had a network rack setup with a few pieces of network switches and a UPS. The rep for that particular company didn't say "How's it going today?" She opened with "Nice rack, hey?". I agreed and commented how it is nicely organized compared to our own network closets. Then she laughed and said she just realized what she said and then we both laughed once I realized how clueless I was. It was a great opening though and we talked about what her company does and it opened up a business relationship. We wound up using her company a couple of months later.
The next day I heard her use the same line as I was passing by again. Either it was planned or she thought it was funny enough to try again. The other guy was just as oblivious as I was.
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I was at am IT conference checking out the booths in the vendor hall. One particular booth had a network rack setup with a few pieces of network switches and a UPS. The rep for that particular company didn't say "How's it going today?" She opened with "Nice rack, hey?". I agreed and commented how it is nicely organized compared to our own network closets. Then she laughed and said she just realized what she said and then we both laughed once I realized how clueless I was. It was a great opening though and we talked about what her company does and it opened up a business relationship. We wound up using her company a couple of months later.
The next day I heard her use the same line as I was passing by again. Either it was planned or she thought it was funny enough to try again. The other guy was just as oblivious as I was.
It's cute that you thought that was spontaneous. Girls are much smarter and craftier than we give them credit for. They can pull that kind of stuff off and make it seem genuine. If I tried that it would be obvious that it was a line and not some accidental double entendre.
She knows what she's doing. She's presenting at the conference for a reason.
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Originally Posted by ResAlien
If we can't fall in love with replaceable bottom 6 players then the terrorists have won.
So because of this thread I totally froze when answering the phone today and someone said how are you doing. My brain stumbled between generic greeting and thinking about what to say. I ended up just asking the question I called about. Total brain freeze.
But I was totally unaware how autopilot I was through the first 5 min of a conversation.
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