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I’m always amazed these sportscasters and announcers can call the game with McDavid’s **** in their mouths all the time.
Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin", and "Get Confident, Stupid.".
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I’m always amazed these sportscasters and announcers can call the game with McDavid’s **** in their mouths all the time.
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My favourite Troy McLure move title was alwaysLead Paint: Delicious but deadly.
The exchange between the kids and Homer on the way to parent-teacher interviews always cracks me up too (paraphrasing):
Lisa: What's for dinner tonight?
Homer: If you're good, pizza.
Bart: What if we're bad?
Homer: Poison.
Lisa: What if one of us is good and one of us is bad?
Homer: Poisoned pizza.
Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old. Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk.
Homer: And how!
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Bart After Dark was on Comedy last night, another one of my favorites:
Quote:
[Marge gives Homer instructions while she and Lisa are gone] Marge: Now the cat needs his medication... Homer: No problem... Marge: ... every morning and the furnace has been putting off... Homer: Can do. Right. Uh-huh. Marge: ... a lot of carbon monoxide, so keep the window open. Homer: Gotcha. Cat in the furnace. Marge: Ah, you know, I think we'll take Maggie with us.
Quote:
Marge: And if anything happens, just use your best judgemmmm... just do what I would do.
Quote:
Homer: A whole week of just father and son. See you at dinner. [he and Bart walk off whistling] Bart: What time? Homer: You know? I don't know. Bart: Shall we say... 10:00? Homer: All right, just wake me up.
Quote:
Bart: Dad, do I have to brush my teeth? Homer: No, but at least rinse your mouth out with soda.
Quote:
Bart: Dad? I think I need some fresh air. Can I go to the park? Homer: Do I have to sit up? Bart: No. Homer: Knock yourself out.
Quote:
Mr. Burns: I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there are too many fat children.
Quote:
[Homer answers the doorbell] Homer: Just a minute! [there are sounds of grunting and paper tearing; opens the door wearing only a paper bag as pants; sees Bart with Belle] Hello? Belle: Your son was trespassing on my property and destroyed a very valuable stone gargoyle and... are you wearing a grocery bag? Homer: I have misplaced my pants.
Quote:
[When Grampa visits the Maison Derrière] Grampa: [whistles & hangs his hat; sees Bart] Oop. [whistles again, turns around, picks up his hat and leaves; sticking his head in] Is your name "Bart"? Bart: [nodding] Mm-hmm. Grampa: What the... Does your father know you're working here? Bart: It was his idea. Grampa: In that case, I'll have a whiskey sour.
Quote:
TV Announcer: It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are? Homer: I told you last night, no!
Quote:
Belle: I'm sorry. This is all my fault. Bart was filling in for... Homer: I don't care if he was filling in for Mel Zetz, he's my son, and I don't want him working... [in the next room, Homer sees a sexy chorus girl doing a fan dance] ...so...late....that... Belle: Oh, I agree, kids need rules and boundaries. Homer: [in a trance-like tone] Yes, everyone loves rules. Belle: It's so tough to be a parent these days, what with all the gangs and the drugs. Homer: Oh yeah, drugs, you gotta have drugs. [goes in to see the fan dancer] Bart: Hey, he didn't pay the cover. Belle: Oh, Bart, he's your father. We'll comp him tonight, start a tab tomorrow.
Quote:
Marge: Homer, did you know it was a burlesque house when you sent Bart to work there? Homer: No, I only learned that four days ago. Marge: What were you thinking, sending Bart to such an awful place? Homer: I was trying to punish him exactly like you would. So in an way, you really dropped the ball on this one. This is your mess, and I'll be damned if I'm going to clean it up.
Quote:
Principal Skinner: Oh, there's no justice like angry-mob justice. Lenny: I'm gonna burn all the historic memorabilia Moe: I'm gonna take me home a toilet. Groundskeeper Willie: Well, there'd better be two.
Quote:
[At the Maison Derrière, Marge is doing a ventriloquist act with a doll that looks just like her. ] Marge: So, Twiggy, I hear you and your husband, Woody, just had a baby. What did you name him? "Twiggy": Chip.
[Rim shot. Nobody laughs.] Homer: Take it off! Bart: [as a bouncer] All right, Dad, you've been warned, let's go. [takes him away]
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I saw that too and to show how damn good that episode is, my favorite part is missing from your post!!
As a solution, Homer drops his boy in front of the mansion.
Homer: Now you're gonna do chores for that lady until you work off the
damage you did. It's called "responsibility."
[drives forward, and crushes the mailbox]
[screams, backs off and drives away]
Works better as a video clip.
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Lisa On Ice was on the other day, watched it back to back on two different channels. Such a good episode.
Lisa: Bart, just get out of here.
Bart Simpson: Hey, you get out out. It's a free country.
Lisa: That doesn't make any sense.
Bart Simpson: I know you are, but what am I?
Lisa: Get out, get out!
Bart Simpson: All right. But on my way, I'm going to be doing this...
[windmills his arms]
Bart Simpson: If you get hit, it's your own fault.
Lisa: Okay, then I'm going to start kicking air, like this...
[kicks up her foot]
Lisa: And if any part of you should fill that air...
[kicks up her other foot]
Lisa: It's *your* own fault.
[They shut their eyes and move toward each other, grunting as they flail or kick. Cut to downstairs in the kitchen, where Marge and Homer are. Their grunts soon turn to yells of pain, and sounds of fighting]
[Marge hears Bart and Lisa fighting upstairs]
Marge Simpson: Oh, I'd better go check on them. Now, Homer, don't you eat this pie.
Homer: All right, Marge.
[Marge exits]
Homer: All right, pie. I'm going to start doing this...
[makes chomping motion]
Homer: -and if you get eaten, it's your own fault.
[He shuts his eyes, and moves toward the pie, making chomping motions, but hits his head on the stove hood]
Homer: OW! AH! Oh, my... oh, to hell with it.
[eats pie]
Missing some quotes on the IMDB site but the part where Homer says AND TO THINK OF ALL THE TIME I WASTED ON YOU! *points at Bart* had my damn near pissing myself..
The light switch on and off for Fight Fight Fight! Showering the loser with boos and taunts until my throat is raw... ahh so many good ones.
__________________ "In brightest day, in blackest night / No evil shall escape my sight / Let those who worship evil's might / Beware my power, Green Lantern's light!"
Lisa On Ice was on the other day, watched it back to back on two different channels. Such a good episode.
The light switch on and off for Fight Fight Fight! Showering the loser with boos and taunts until my throat is raw... ahh so many good ones.
So much brilliance in that episode too. Homer going on about them both being losers at the end. That part is especially funny because at first Marge appears to think he's crying because the moment was so beautiful.
Wiggum being the one who screams "let's tear this place apart!!".
Any part where Milhouse gets slaughtered. "My teeeff."
The ads on the boards in the arena. I think one says "the 70s are back so let's drink like it" or something to that effect.
Did anyone watch this weeks premiere? What an absolute disgrace this show has become. They are even running some sort of stupid Twitter/social media contest to create a couch gag... just sad really.
In other news one episode I find that is highly underrated is "Bart Gets an Elephant"; usually I don't really like unrealistic episodes, but man there has to be more great jokes in that episode than almost any other. I swear there has to be a great line every 30 seconds.
Here are just a few of my favorites:
Bart: Uh, it's hard for us to leave when you're standing there, Mom.
Homer: [cheery] Push her down, son.
Homer: All done.
Marge: You're not done. I want you to throw away these old calendars
and TV Guides.
Homer: Are you mad, woman? You never know when an old calendar might
come in handy. Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what
tomorrow will bring? And these TV Guides: [fondly] so many
memories.
[opens one] "Gomer upsets Sergeant Carter"...oh, I'll never
forget that episode.
[imagines]
Carter: [annoyed] Pyle!
Gomer: Shazam!
Carter: Pyle!
Gomer: Shazam!
Carter: Pyle!
Gomer: Shazam!
Homer: Heh heh heh...Shazam.
Marge: Stop remembering TV and get back to work!
Homer: What's the point of all this cleaning? Are we so vain?!
Marge: Homer...it looks like it could gore.
Homer: Heh heh...it _does_ look like Al Gore.
Marge: I really think this is a bad idea.
Homer: Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory.
Lisa: He's hungry. Here you go Stampy: [holds a platter] eat it slow.
It has to last for --
[Stampy grabs it all at once]
You ate it too fast.
Homer: Maybe if we tied it down so it couldn't move it wouldn't get so hungry.
Homer: Uh, Milhouse saw the elephant twice and rode him once,
right?
Mrs. Van Houten: Yes, but we paid you $4.
Homer: Well, that was under our old price structure. Under
our new price structure, your bill comes to a total of
$700. Now, you've already paid me $4, so that's just
$696 more that you owe me.
Mr. Van Houten: Get off our property.
lackheart: All right, I'll be back in the morning to pick up Stampy.
Homer: Here's the keys.
Blackheart: Elephants don't have keys.
Homer: Well, I'll just keep these then.
Lisa: Mom! Dad! Bart and Stampy are gone!
Marge: Oh my Lord!
Lisa: I bet it's 'cause of that horrible ivory dealer, [accusing]
_Dad_.
Homer: That wasn't part of our deal, Blackheart. That wasn't part!
Homer: Forget it! That elephant cost me thousands of dollars.
Lisa: Dad, how would _you_ like to be sold to an ivory dealer?
Homer: I'd like it fine.
Bart: Even if he killed you and made your teeth into piano keys?
Homer: Yes, of course I would! Who wouldn't like that -- to be part of
the music scene?
Homer: I guess it wouldn't be right to sell Stampy after he saved my
life. And the boy seems to have some sort of relationship with
him.
Bart: Thanks, Dad.
Homer: On the other hand, who's to say what's right these days, what
with all our modern ideas...and products?
[Bart and Lisa look angrily at him]
All right, we'll give the stupid elephant to the stupid animal
refuge.
Kids: Yay! [hug Homer]
Bart: Uh, Mom? We're stuck to Dad.
Marge: Mmm, this is just what happened at the caramel factory.
[pulls them off]
Lisa: Ow, my hair!
Homer: Mmm, caramel.
idk if it was in this thread or another one but someone posted that there is a Simpsons reference for virtually every situation. Not the first time I've heard or even said that before and not even just about CP.
It is almost too easy to make at least one reference per day. It seems there really is a Simpsons moment for every single situation.
