Modern Day Casanova Ideas

[Phanuthier]

Originally Posted by alltherage

It doesn't just work on bar chicks, and thank you but no, my wife and I did not meet at a bar. We did, however, have a courtship where I "played games" ... she knows all about it now... and we have been in an awesome 8 year relationship ever since.

including the no sex just for kicks thing?

[ben voyonsdonc]

Begging will get you nowhere. You've apologized for breaking it off and indicated your interest in rekindling things. That is all you can (and should) do. No gesture or words will get you any further.

You don't have to write off the situation but you should be looking for other people who can make you happy. Don't do this as a means of getting back at her but do it for you and your happiness.

Let the chips fall where they may but you need to give yourself a chance to move on.

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by Phanuthier

including the no sex just for kicks thing?

I know this is a drive-by but I'm going to respond anyway.

You know, that was something we considered to keep it hot behind closed doors. We decided not to do it... thank God.

Sometimes contemplating something like that, (again, taking something away that you take for granted) is the best way to rekindle something.

Turns out we didn't need rekindling.

[frinkprof]

Originally Posted by alltherage

It doesn't just work on bar chicks, and thank you but no, my wife and I did not meet at a bar. We did, however, have a courtship where I "played games" ... she knows all about it now... and we have been in an awesome 8 year relationship ever since.

Now it's starting to come together.

You're 25 and have been in an 8 year relationship, at the start of which you "played games." That puts you at 17 when you last had experience with attaining a steady relationship with a girl.

I don't think you're in any position to speak from experience about being successful in getting adult women to be attracted to you or want to stay with you.

[Weiser Wonder]

Originally Posted by opendoor

I'm a little surprised at the reaction to ATR's posts. While I agree that's probably not the best course of action for this scenario, people are simply kidding themselves if they don't think they can be influenced by tactics like he's talking about.

There are tons of things like neurolinguistic programming and whatnot that people use in many situations (business, teaching, etc.) to influence others and exert control in situations. It's not a matter of making someone "fall for something" or tricking them, it's just using peoples' natural responses to situations to put yourself in the best position to succeed. There's nothing insidious or dishonest about it, it's just often one of the most efficient ways to do many things (make people like you, make people want to invest in your business, make people listen to you, etc.).

If people think they're above being influenced by such tactics because they're intelligent and mature, they're not being honest with themselves. Everyone has natural responses to different things that can be used by someone to help color your opinion of them. It doesn't mean we're stupid or insecure, just that we're humans.

No there's nothing dishonest or insidious about appealing to people's basest instincts to exert control over them, nothing at all. You seem due for some introspection.

Of course, I'm influenced by people who use these tactics, but I realize it eventually and either ignore it for the person's better qualities, or if it's bad just not be friends with them. I try at all times to interact with my friends honestly, because I realize the shallowness and paranoia that comes with friendships where manipulation is rampant.

[J pold]

Man this is a great thread.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by frinkprof

Now it's starting to come together.

You're 25 and have been in an 8 year relationship, at the start of which you "played games." That puts you at 17 when you last had experience with attaining a steady relationship with a girl.

I don't think you're in any position to speak from experience about being successful in getting adult women to be attracted to you or want to stay with you.

Yeah, hit my age and try to pick up a girl of a similar age using the Fonzie I'm kinda a jerk approach.

It doesn't fly at all. They're looking for something a little deeper, they've had a lot of experience dealing with guys that play the game.

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by frinkprof

Now it's starting to come together.

You're 25 and have been in an 8 year relationship, at the start of which you "played games." That puts you at 17 when you last had experience with attaining a steady relationship with a girl.

I don't think you're in any position to speak from experience about being successful in getting adult women to be attracted to you or want to stay with you.

Haha so what, you think I live in tunnel vision? Trust me... I'm still the designated wing man many, many nights... and I do a pretty damn good job.

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Yeah, hit my age and try to pick up a girl of a similar age using the Fonzie I'm kinda a jerk approach.

It doesn't fly at all. They're looking for something a little deeper, they've had a lot of experience dealing with guys that play the game.

Fair enough... but all I am saying is that women want what they can't have. Same as anybody else.

[Knut]

You sound like a buddy of mine that talks a big talk to all of us, and then goes home and follows his lady around like a puppy dog.

[frinkprof]

Originally Posted by alltherage

Haha so what, you think I live in tunnel vision? Trust me... I'm still the designated wing man many, many nights... and I do a pretty damn good job.

Being a wingman for your friends and attaining and subsequently maintaining a meaningful relationship with a woman when you are both over the age of 21 aren't the same thing. I stand by what I said. Seeing as how you have zero personal experience in doing that, I don't think you're in a position to act as if you have experience in doing so.

I'm not trying to belittle your relationship you have with your wife, how it came about, and how you still maintain it. The fact is though that it exists and started under very different circumstances than the situations you are trying to give your opinion on. Also not saying your opinion doesn't count, just that it doesn't come from the experience you seem to be implying it comes from.

[CaptainCrunch]

I think she's lost that loving feeling

[frinkprof]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I think she's lost that loving feeling

Damn. I hate it when she does that.

[Frank MetaMusil]

Originally Posted by frinkprof

Being a wingman for your friends and attaining and subsequently maintaining a meaningful relationship with a woman when you are both over the age of 21 aren't the same thing. I stand by what I said. Seeing as how you have zero personal experience in doing that, I don't think you're in a position to act as if you have experience in doing so.

I'm not trying to belittle your relationship you have with your wife, how it came about, and how you still maintain it. The fact is though that it exists and started under very different circumstances than the situations you are trying to give your opinion on. Also not saying your opinion doesn't count, just that it doesn't come from the experience you seem to be implying it comes from.

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by frinkprof

Being a wingman for your friends and attaining and subsequently maintaining a meaningful relationship with a woman when you are both over the age of 21 aren't the same thing. I stand by what I said. Seeing as how you have zero personal experience in doing that, I don't think you're in a position to act as if you have experience in doing so.

I'm not trying to belittle your relationship you have with your wife, how it came about, and how you still maintain it. The fact is though that it exists and started under very different circumstances than the situations you are trying to give your opinion on. Also not saying your opinion doesn't count, just that it doesn't come from the experience you seem to be implying it comes from.

That's fine... but I didnt pioneer these tactics, I just think they work. Check out that show, the VIP room. Sure the guys are just having fun in there... but they are also demonstating how easy the code of getting with women is to crack.

Anyways, what was meant to be a "devils advocate" and somewhat tongue in cheek string of posts has turned into a cluster $%#* and this thread is now horrible off topic. I apologize to the OP for de-railing it.

[VladtheImpaler]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Yeah, hit my age and try to pick up a girl of a similar age using the Fonzie I'm kinda a jerk approach.

It doesn't fly at all. They're looking for something a little deeper, they've had a lot of experience dealing with guys that play the game.

Yeah, who cares what a 25 year-old did to pick up women when he was 17? High school is over. I was at my finest in my mid-thirties, and it didn't involve games, but confidence. I was truly amazed what happened once I started truly believing in myself - I just developed an attitude of "I am going to fata you, most likely on the first date, so let's make the experience enjoyable", and, shockingly enough, it worked the vast majority of the time. To apply this lesson to the OP, I don't think begging or playing games is the answer - just be confident and straight up - something like, "I have grown up now, and I know this is what I want. If you are willing to make this journey with me, blah blah blah. If you are not prepared to give this chance, I understand and wish you the very best in your life."

[opendoor]

Originally Posted by Weiser Wonder

No there's nothing dishonest or insidious about appealing to people's basest instincts to exert control over them, nothing at all.

You seem do for some introspection. Of course, I'm influenced by people who use these tactics, but I realize it eventually and either ignore it for the person's better qualities, or if it's bad just not be friends with them. I try at all times to interact with my friends honestly, because I realize the shallowness and paranoia that comes with friendships where manipulation is rampant.

I never said I use tactics like that myself, so don't tell me I'm "do" for some introspection. I just understand that they work and that virtually everyone, no matter how much they may disagree, is influenced by them whether they know it or not.

It's like advertising. Everyone thinks they aren't affected by it, but they are, or it wouldn't exist. Some are less than others, but we are all influenced by it and it works for the most part.

[opendoor]

Originally Posted by VladtheImpaler

Yeah, who cares what a 25 year-old did to pick up women when he was 17? High school is over. I was at my finest in my mid-thirties, and it didn't involve games, but confidence. I was truly amazed what happened once I started truly believing in myself - I just developed an attitude of "I am going to fata you, most likely on the first date, so let's make the experience enjoyable", and, shockingly enough, it worked the vast majority of the time. To apply this lesson to the OP, I don't think begging or playing games is the answer - just be confident and straight up - something like, "I have grown up now, and I know this is what I want. If you are willing to make this journey with me, blah blah blah. If you are not prepared to give this chance, I understand and wish you the very best in your life."

In the end, it's basically the same thing. You projected an image of confidence and it worked because people are attracted to that, and that can be a "game" in itself. Social tactics and whatnot are merely a codification of that confident behavior. Most people who are successful socially use those tactics without even thinking about it.

[CaptainCrunch]

And don't forget . . . Be Handsome

[VladtheImpaler]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

And don't forget . . . Be Handsome

... and, don't wear sweatpants with good shoes... at least not on date #1...