My wife & I are separating

[return to the red]

Originally Posted by CrazyCaper

Status update...

I have been separated from my wife for approximately 5 months now and have decided to go through with an "uncontested divorce". After doing alot of research, I feel this will be the best way to just put all the issues such as home ownership to rest. I was hoping this was going to be an amicable split with us remaining friends, but this will definitely not be the case. We've already discussed shared custody of the kids and are currently working on an agreement that will see each of us care for the children 2 weeks/month.

Has anyone else been through an uncontested divorce and can shed some light into how this will affect my life moving forward?

Thanks in advance for your insight and advice.

CrazyCaper

When you say "uncontested divorce" I'm not entirely sure what you mean. I know when I got divorced a few years back we sat down and hashed everything out ourselves and had a lawyer mediate the process just so everything was legal and in writing. Really I wanted it that way so that she couldn't come back and say "well you said this" when really I didn't.

Doing this though I found the best thing I could have ever done was expedite the process because as time went on her demands became more and more as she felt entitled to more and more.

I know it's different with kids but from a strictly divorce you vs her aspect, get it done quickly and start moving on

It's a tough road but in the end everything happens for a reason

[Phaneuf3]

Originally Posted by Starfishy

I have heard a couple posters on here say they intend on never getting married because of the costs, sometimes I don't think they realize how much having a family can be worth. I guess children are not for everyone.

IANAL so maybe someone can correct me if I'm wrong, but if you live with your partner for a long time they become a common law spouse and common law separations can get pretty well just as messy and expensive as a divorce.

Unless you're planning on living alone your entire life, the costs don't really factor into it, do they?

[Shazam]

Google "uncontested divorce".

[HeartsOfFire]

The OP would surely have gained the same experiences were he not ever married, as well. When you peel away all they layers of what it means to be married, Marriage is really little more than a few signatures on a piece of paper to make it 'official.'

Two people can live as a couple from adulthood to the graves, love each other with all their hearts, raise fine children, and have many adventures together without ever getting married. Nowehere is it written that in order to live such a life that Marriage is a pre-requisite. Rather, it's a social stigma bred from millenia of tradition. When you love someone so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with them, you get married, because that's just what you do. In the past, Marriage was just as much a tool as it was an institution. Marriages were cleverly used political and diplomatic tactics to improve relations between wary neighbours, to increase social status, and even for power.

In my current relationship, I stand to lose far more than I stand to gain if I were to get Married and subsequently part ways.

[return to the red]

Originally Posted by Shazam

Google "uncontested divorce".

Yah thanks but i'm more wondering about if my divorce would be concidered uncontested. We didn't seek legal council however we did use a lawyer to do all the paperwork and "guide" use through what we needed to do.

[HOOT]

Originally Posted by Shazam

Google "uncontested divorce".

Was I the only one who thought there would at least be a funny picture or something? Also I was surprised to see you can get divorced online, nothing like filling out a form online for those life changing events. I'm surprised Facebook doesn't have an app.

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by HeartsOfFire

The OP would surely have gained the same experiences were he not ever married, as well. When you peel away all they layers of what it means to be married, Marriage is really little more than a few signatures on a piece of paper to make it 'official.'

Two people can live as a couple from adulthood to the graves, love each other with all their hearts, raise fine children, and have many adventures together without ever getting married. Nowehere is it written that in order to live such a life that Marriage is a pre-requisite. Rather, it's a social stigma bred from millenia of tradition. When you love someone so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with them, you get married, because that's just what you do. In the past, Marriage was just as much a tool as it was an institution. Marriages were cleverly used political and diplomatic tactics to improve relations between wary neighbours, to increase social status, and even for power.

In my current relationship, I stand to lose far more than I stand to gain if I were to get Married and subsequently part ways.

Except as a common law spouse, your significant other is entitled to just as much as they would be if you were actually married. Assuming of course you have been living together for a year...

[username]

Originally Posted by Rathji

Except as a common law spouse, your significant other is entitled to just as much as they would be if you were actually married. Assuming of course you have been living together for a year...

That's not correct.......

[chemgear]

Originally Posted by Rathji

Except as a common law spouse, your significant other is entitled to just as much as they would be if you were actually married. Assuming of course you have been living together for a year...

Three?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adult_i...hip_in_Alberta

[HeartsOfFire]

That's correct, three years.

But after one year, we can jointly file our taxes as a common-law couple and Revenue Canada won't bat an eyelash.

[username]

Originally Posted by chemgear

Three?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adult_i...hip_in_Alberta

Well after just going through this I can tell you that a common law relationship doesn't really mean anything unless I person can prove that they have been unjustly enriched. I'm sure some of the lawyers on this board could verify that for us.

As I understand it, what's yours is yours. The only entitlement a common law spouse can have to "your stuff" would be if they can somehow prove that they contributed to your increase in weath. So if I own a house and my gf moves in, she's not entitled to anything unless she can prove that she contributed to increasing the value (paying part of the mortgage, doing renos etc).

At least that's how I understand it......

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by username

Well after just going through this I can tell you that a common law relationship doesn't really mean anything unless I person can prove that they have been unjustly enriched. I'm sure some of the lawyers on this board could verify that for us.

As I understand it, what's yours is yours. The only entitlement a common law spouse can have to "your stuff" would be if they can somehow prove that they contributed to your increase in weath. So if I own a house and my gf moves in, she's not entitled to anything unless she can prove that she contributed to increasing the value (paying part of the mortgage, doing renos etc).

At least that's how I understand it......

And if the house increased in value while she was there, she'd be entitled to her share of that increase, I think.

[username]

Originally Posted by Sliver

And if the house increased in value while she was there, she'd be entitled to her share of that increase, I think.

Only if she can prove that she contributed to it's increase in value.

If she just lived there, didn't pay a potion of the mortgage, didn't do renos etc then she's not entitled to anything.

Unjustly enriched......she has to be able to prove that her spouse was enriched and she contributed to it.

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by HeartsOfFire

That's correct, three years.

But after one year, we can jointly file our taxes as a common-law couple and Revenue Canada won't bat an eyelash.

Ok, thats why I was thinking a year.

Point still stands though, if you are talking about replacing a lifelong marriage with a lifelong live-in-girlfriend.

Originally Posted by username

Well after just going through this I can tell you that a common law relationship doesn't really mean anything unless I person can prove that they have been unjustly enriched. I'm sure some of the lawyers on this board could verify that for us.

As I understand it, what's yours is yours. The only entitlement a common law spouse can have to "your stuff" would be if they can somehow prove that they contributed to your increase in weath. So if I own a house and my gf moves in, she's not entitled to anything unless she can prove that she contributed to increasing the value (paying part of the mortgage, doing renos etc).

At least that's how I understand it......

I am operating under the assumption that someone living together, in the same manner a married couple would as was mentioned in the post I quoted, would be sharing their expenses including that of housing and its maintain, child care etc. This would then entitle them to the same portion of your joint increase as if you were married.

I have never been divorced, nor separated from a common-law spouse, so I might be wrong on these facts (or confusing them with US based precedents).

[Coach]

Its a shame your kids arent older. My parents got divorced when me and my brothers were all over 14 so we were able to come and go between parents as we pleased. IMO this is the easiest for the kids (also partially because they are older and understand the situation more). It probably results in some hurt feelings on the part of one of the parents, but it definitely helped me a lot knowing I could choose who I wanted to live with rather than having some random judge who has no idea about our family dynamics tell me where to go.

But best of luck with the divorce, its not an easy situation. Also from a kids perspective don't be afraid to tell them the truth behind what happened when they're old enough to be mature and understand relationships a bit more.

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by username

As I understand it, what's yours is yours. The only entitlement a common law spouse can have to "your stuff" would be if they can somehow prove that they contributed to your increase in weath. So if I own a house and my gf moves in, she's not entitled to anything unless she can prove that she contributed to increasing the value (paying part of the mortgage, doing renos etc).

At least that's how I understand it......

That's not a theory I'd want to test in court.

[troutman]

Alberta, Adult Interdepedent Partners

http://justice.alberta.ca/programs_s...ActAndYou.aspx

The Adult Interdependent Relationships Act was passed during the fall 2002 sitting of the provincial Legislature and becomes law on June 1, 2003.

This act amends several Alberta laws for people in unmarried relationships involving economic and emotional interdependency. The act covers a range of personal relationships that fall outside of marriage, including committed platonic relationships where two people agree to share emotional and economic responsibilities, and provides a legal definition for an adult interdependent partner relationship.

To provide equal access to Alberta law, the term “adult interdependent partner” has been added to several acts that outline the financial responsibilities and benefits of Albertans in both married and unmarried relationships.

An adult interdependent relationship may be considered when determining eligibility for benefits or obligations under a variety of Government of Alberta programs and laws.

[DownhillGoat]

Didn't want to start a new thread, figured it'd be better to bump this one.

Without too many details, my wife and I split last night. I've read through this thread a number of times and there's some great advice, just looking for a few pointers.

Can anybody shed some light on completing this ugly process without going through divorce lawyers/litigation? Not too interested in the scorched earth approach.

I'd prefer to go the route of collaboration/mediation. As for now we've got an idea on how to split the assets. I'm just wondering the best way to get an agreement in place to prevent things deviating from that in the future. It's fairly uncomplicated, no kids, both of us work. The only kink may be the year old house.

Also, if anybody has any info on getting some legal clarification it would be appreciated. We're looking at being separated while living in separate rooms in the same house for now, but I'm having trouble finding much clarification on how that's accomplished.

I'm trying to keep specifics out of the thread. Anything other than general info PMs would be great.

Before any comedians get in the act:

Q: Don't you have anybody offline you can talk to this about?
-No. Part of the agreement is she gets all the friends.

Q: Sweet! Can I get her digits?
- No, but here's her facebook page: http://tinyurl.com/y8ufsnp

Thanks to the CP collective.

[VladtheImpaler]

Sorry to hear it. Having done this twice, you will need a formal Separation Agreement for which you will each need to see a lawyer for "independent legal advice", to make sure it is legally enforceable. You can get a desk divorce after living separate and apart for 1 year (or lie ). The financial settlement becomes final 1 year after the divorce is granted.

[SportsJunky]

Details!