CP Women/Dating Discussion Thread #841 & #842 - Page 8 - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

rubecube · 01-02-2008, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Antithesis

Why would she even ask you that? No matter what she says there is no way she'd be cool with the situation were the roles reversed, especially with the so-called friends' current romantic situation. Have you laid it all out for her or no?

The bolded part is what bothered me about this in the first place. Where would she get the idea that this is somehow acceptable?

4X4 · 01-02-2008, 12:11 PM

Chicks who are always hanging out with guys are tricky to handle. On one hand, they're great to be with because they're usually down for whatever (sports, pubs, camping) on the other hand it's pretty easy to get jealous anytime you can't go too. You know that she's likely the only girl and there are a few guys... I don't know if this is the case, or if she just happens to have this one best friend who happens to be a guy. Either way, you have to be able to trust her. Afterall, the world is half men.

I gotta say, it strikes me as weird that she mentioned it in such a casual way, as though it was perfectly normal. TTYTT, that would sort of bug me. It is quite an assumption, depending on how long you've been together.

rubecube · 01-02-2008, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4X4

I gotta say, it strikes me as weird that she mentioned it in such a casual way, as though it was perfectly normal. TTYTT, that would sort of bug me. It is quite an assumption, depending on how long you've been together.

She doesn't have a lot of guy friends. He's the only one as far as I know. We've been together for just over 2 months so that might've also been why it kind of caught me off guard.

J pold · 01-02-2008, 12:40 PM

My best advice and this may seem strange but I wouldn’t do a thing really to girls jealously is very unattractive

It also displays a lack of confidence in yourself when being compared to other men

Just brush it off like its no big deal and she will be the one left pleasantly surprised

4X4 · 01-02-2008, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

She doesn't have a lot of guy friends. He's the only one as far as I know. We've been together for just over 2 months so that might've also been why it kind of caught me off guard.

2 months is a little early to take it personally. Jpold is right... Just leave it alone.

rubecube · 01-02-2008, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4X4

2 months is a little early to take it personally. Jpold is right... Just leave it alone.

Well that's basically how it's going to go. I've let her know how I feel but I told her the decision was up to her.

RougeUnderoos · 01-02-2008, 01:00 PM

This issue wouldn't have something to do with the ulcer, would it?

rubecube · 01-02-2008, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RougeUnderoos

This issue wouldn't have something to do with the ulcer, would it?

LOL, no. This just came up yesterday.

Resolute 14 · 01-02-2008, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

The bolded part is what bothered me about this in the first place. Where would she get the idea that this is somehow acceptable?

Because they are "just friends."

This easily relates to the situation that led to my friend's marriage ending. He had a friend in Vancouver, a former girlfriend, whom he was talking to. A lot. My friend didn't like it one bit, but in his mind, it was perfectly alright because they were "just friends." Until the other girl ended her relationship. Within seconds, he ended theirs. Right up to the last time my friend heard from the a-hole, he was still trying to argue that they were "just friends".

And yet, he became very jealous when I moved in to help her after he left. He tried to turn the argument against my friend, asking why it was alright for me to move into support her, when she got so angry at him for his online relationship with the other girl. In my case, the difference is that we've always been friends, and will only be friends. There has never been anything more, or any threat of it. He was always after something more from the other girl, and ended a marriage when he thought he had it.

In your scenario, the guy's thought process seems rather obvious. He's known to be a cheater, apparently, and he's fooled around with this girl in the past. He's probably expecting to get some. The question is whether you trust your girlfriend's intentions. What he may want is immaterial if she no longer has any interest in him.

I'd tend to agree with 4x4. Sounds like she is asking for approval rather than permission. Seems like she's gonna do it either way. Either you trust her, or you don't.

REDVAN · 01-02-2008, 01:04 PM

You've only been dating 2 months, but depending on how serious that dating is, then you might have the right to feel the way to do, so as long as she knows your feelings.

That being said, since it's only been 2 months, if she does something to break your trust, then get rid of her right away.

rubecube · 01-02-2008, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REDVAN

You've only been dating 2 months, but depending on how serious that dating is, then you might have the right to feel the way to do, so as long as she knows your feelings.

That being said, since it's only been 2 months, if she does something to break your trust, then get rid of her right away.

Yeah, if it had just been two months of casual dating then I wouldn't really care but it's been pretty serious.

zukes · 01-02-2008, 01:37 PM

I had this exact situation with a girl I was dating about 8 years ago. She had a two bedroom apartment and had beds in both. She explained it as her and her boyfriend lived there when they both went to school together. They had broken up and he moved back to where they were from after school. It had been a couple years since he lived there and she had a job in London.

She would "run into him" when she would go home to see her family but I didn't really think much of that. He didn't have any of his stuff there or anything so I had no reason to. The only strange thing was that the phone was still in this guy's name as was the cable. She changed the cable since I was pretty much living with her and added me as able to change things on it.

So one time, near Christmas she mentions that this dude is coming down because he has to get his school records and is staying the night in his old room. I flipped out, but as was said here, she was asking for approval, not permission.

He stayed the night and she managed to even give me a call that night to ease my fears.

So, some time goes by and we are still pretty much living together except when she'd go home to see her family for a weekend or two a month. One day, I head there in the morning (she worked nights) and was going to surprise her, I use my key and let myself in just as the answering machine comes on and it's this dude and the message went something like this, "Hey honey, it's been a long couple of weeks, can't wait to see you this weekend for our 7th anniversary"

I got out of there, left the key, left the place unlocked and called and soon as I got home and left a message that started, "Hey honey, it's been a long couple weeks" in question form. Then I ranted and raved like a lunatic for a couple minutes about her wasting almost two years of my life.

My advice, nothing good can come from this situation, get out. Well I shouldn't say nothing good, the sex was fantastic. This chick was sex crazed, but I guess that was was all I was there for, sex, and to have a dude around the apartment.

zukes · 01-02-2008, 01:43 PM

Quick follow up, shortly after this situation, maybe six months they had a stag and doe and this chick had the audacity to invite me through her friends. I thought about going and letting her soon to be husband know what had been going on and all the ways that I violated her but somehow I didn't (I was the scorned lover).

I chatted with this girl a few months back on facebook and they are married and have kids now and I'm sure this dude never knew about me.

4X4 · 01-02-2008, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zukes

This chick was sex crazed, but I guess that was was all I was there for, sex, and to have a dude around the apartment.

There you have it. All you need to know (or ask yourself) is whether she was asking for more than you were giving her. No different that a dude whose wife suddenly stops putting out. They'll get it elsewhere.

Dion · 01-02-2008, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zukes

Quick follow up, shortly after this situation, maybe six months they had a stag and doe and this chick had the audacity to invite me through her friends. I thought about going and letting her soon to be husband know what had been going on and all the ways that I violated her but somehow I didn't (I was the scorned lover).

Was this the wedding invitation?

jammies · 01-02-2008, 02:34 PM

^^^^^ haha that is pure GOLD!!!

jammies · 01-02-2008, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

Question #843....

My girlfriend's friend from Victoria is flying out in February to see her and she asked me if I was okay with HIM staying at her place and sleeping on her couch. Now normally I'd have no problem with this but she told me that two have fooled around together in the past. Am I in the wrong for not being cool with the guy staying at her place?

Tell her he can stay at her place and she can stay at YOUR place.

SeeGeeWhy · 01-02-2008, 02:47 PM

MOD edit: That's a bit much.

RougeUnderoos · 01-02-2008, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jammies

Tell her he can stay at her place and she can stay at YOUR place.

If I was in the same situation (as the girl) and I had an old female friend of mine coming to stay the night on the couch and a woman I'd been dating for 2 months told me how things were going to be, I'd tell her to get lost.

rubecube · 01-02-2008, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zukes

Quick follow up, shortly after this situation, maybe six months they had a stag and doe and this chick had the audacity to invite me through her friends. I thought about going and letting her soon to be husband know what had been going on and all the ways that I violated her but somehow I didn't (I was the scorned lover).

I chatted with this girl a few months back on facebook and they are married and have kids now and I'm sure this dude never knew about me.

According to my girlfriend this was strictly a two week fling wherwe they fooled around a couple times and decided they liked being friends better (this is where ICBS).