Living together before marriage

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Or do what I did, instead of always going for dinner, I'd invite the parents to my place for a Sunday of football, gambling, cigars and scotch. All you need to do is convince the woman folk that they belong in the damn kitchen.

To me, and maybe its just me, avoiding dinner for football is a lot different then avoiding brunch for church.

Are you religious? To me football and church are just as relevant. He obviously would disagree but can you give me a good reason why one should mean more than the other?

[JiriHrdina]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Are you religious? To me football and church are just as relevant. He obviously would disagree but can you give me a good reason why one should mean more than the other?

A weekly dinner is a chance to build and improve relationships that should be important to you if this is the girl you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

Maybe you can't make it every week - I get that - but drawing a think line in the sand over a football game is a little extreme.

I like my sports too but life stuff is far more important.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by JiriHrdina

A weekly dinner is a chance to build and improve relationships that should be important to you if this is the girl you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

Maybe you can't make it every week - I get that - but drawing a think line in the sand over a football game is a little extreme.

I like my sports too but life stuff is far more important.

We quite often have dinner with them during the week, too.

[jammies]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Are you religious? To me football and church are just as relevant. He obviously would disagree but can you give me a good reason why one should mean more than the other?

Football is MORE relevant than church. You can go to church any day, but can you get football any day? I think not.

I'm with rubecube all the way on this. Screw big daddy, stay at a hotel. You have to have the courage of your convictions - if you are determined that marriage is not for you, who is he to say otherwise? His daughter is the one who has to decide whether or not you are committed, not him. He should be giving you both his opinion, and then abiding by your decision even if he disagrees - he needs to understand that once your children become adults, control is not only no longer possible, it's wrong.

[Sinatra]

This relationship seems like too much of a hassle. More of a job that needs a lot of work to make it better.

[VladtheImpaler]

Ah, to be young again, when you could say ridiculous things and actually believe them. Rube, I'm twice divorced, spent the time when not married f'ing anything that moved, and am now finally happily married after hitting 40... I know young people don't believe anything old people have to say... but I'll give you one word of advice - relax. Don't take yourself so seriously. You'll get older, your views on marriage and relationships will change, probably several times. Your girlfriend does not mean it when she says she doesn't want kids. She may not know it, but she is lying. Her father is just acting like all fathers of daughters would - to him you are just some punk who is wasting his princessess' time. So, don't get offended, have dinner with him on Sunday, and relax - if you miss that Bengals/Browns game, the world will not end. I used to watch every sports event I could, but with every year that passes, I care less and less. Really, just relax - life is a lot more enjoyable, if you don't take everything as a great hardship or a personal affront. If you fight a duel every time you think somebody disrespects you... you'll eventually lose...

[Mad Mel]

Brain dump....

PVR football, she's lying when she says she's ok with not getting married, spank it in the shower (get used to it, marriage is coming), you pissed off for a weekend is better than a pissed-off father-in-law for life, 23 years old is a snot-nosed kid to her dad, "Who's your daddy?!?!" ass-slapping.

[CaramonLS]

Trout is right in this instance.

Honestly rube, if the only reasons are the ones you listed for not getting married, the best option for the future is to just get an iron clad pre-nup. That's your best solution right there if you want 'least messy scenario' if you and your gf decide to break it off. Yes, it is even better than Common Law.

[T@T]

I didn't read this whole thread but after 2 years I probably wouldn't care if I took a 3 day break sleeping with her...there's always the sneaky BJ in the bathroom routine.

[mikey_the_redneck]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

To me, and maybe its just me, avoiding dinner for football is a lot different then avoiding brunch for church.

Nah...sure it sounds bad, but one man has a passion for sports and the other a passion for religion.

Yeah, sports are "just games", but church is really "just a book club".......with what appears to be fiction only..

[Table 5]

This thread is a great read....especially since I'm reading it from my girlfriends parents couch and she's passed out, girl snoring, right next to me.

[J pold]

Man for all this effort she better be a freaking bombshell, 100% certified babe.

[Winsor_Pilates]

Originally Posted by rubecube

I work 5 days a week like everyone else, but when I come my girlfriend usually has control of the TV for the evening. That's fine with me because I don't really watch a lot of TV and she has certain programs she likes. On Fridays and Saturdays we usually spend a good chunk of the day doing things she wants to do, so I take Sundays for me. I don't think having one day a week to yourself is too unreasonable.

fall asleep and let her have the remote?

[DementedReality]

i never understood how my father in law let ME live with his 20 year old daughter THEIR basement for 2 years, our room right under theirs.

that was almost 20 years ago, we are married now, but i have no idea how he could stomach that. there wasnt even any discussion about it, they had a suite, so we moved into it.

i have an almost 11 year old daugther and i would not be ok with her sleeping in my house with a boyfriend (at an older age of course).

although, i would have suggested if you dont like the rule, rent a hotel room. you have done that, i think the Dad has an obligation to not hold a grudge, you are taking care of your business like a man and whether he likes it or not is simply one data point for you to consider in your decision.

[T@T]

Originally Posted by J pold

Man for all this effort she better be a freaking bombshell, 100% certified babe.

Remember, for everyone of them you see there's usually a guy tired of boning them.

[habernac]

rube, you'll have to forgive me if I'm mistaken, but weren't you the guy looking for any reason to break up with his girlfriend not too long ago?

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

Originally Posted by habernac

rube, you'll have to forgive me if I'm mistaken, but weren't you the guy looking for any reason to break up with his girlfriend not too long ago?

But why male models?

[Muta]

Originally Posted by Bring_Back_Shantz

But why male models?

They don't watch TV, allowing him to have the power and prestige of the remote control back in his own hands.

[SeeGeeWhy]

I haven't read everything in this thread, so I apologize if I repeat anything.

I believe that this response from her father is more of a reflection of the relationship between you and him, not you and his daughter.

You mentioned something about him not having the stones to approach you about it, but he might not even see this as an "issue". You, on the other hand, definitely do... so do YOU have the stones to approach him to work it out man to man? Getting pissed off and avoiding the issue is generally not a good or "manly" way to do things in my experience. It takes a man to face his problems and make peace rather than take a "do things my way or the highway" - just my opinion.

Like marriage or not, it sounds like you're intent on having a monogomous, long term relationship with this woman. You're common law at this point, so unless you're very specific with how you treat your assets there isn't much legally different between what you're doing and being married. Second, unless you're not fully invested emotionally in the relationship, leaving her would be just as hard as if you were married. Do you want to have children? Dude... for all intents and purposes, you are married. Just because you don't "have the papers" doesn't mean it will be easy to walk away for you at this point.

So, you want to have a good life with her and her family, or do you want to get pissy everytime her dad does something you don't like and never deal with it? If you sit down and have a chat, you still might not see eye to eye but I am pretty sure there will be more respect between the two of you. To me, having the conversation is the better way to nip this in the bud, as opposed to avoiding the conflict and making yourself more angry in the process.

You don't want to have a bad relationship with her parents going forward. Cutting a daughter off from her family is a BAD idea, and will definitely put more stress on your relationship with her than you want to have.

[Boblobla]

I lived with my wife for 2.5 years before we got married but whenever we stayed at my parents place we slept in separate rooms. Their house, their rules.