Is your wife, girlfriend or partner ALWAYS exhausted???

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

People in the corporate world get a lot more time off than they used to. In my dad’s generation they got 2 weeks vacation a year. And if you were ambitious, you didn’t take it all. No flex days. Taking days off for sickness marked you out as a shirker.

At the last couple places I’ve been at I’ve gotten 20 vacation days and 5 personal days, or 15 vacation days and 10 personal days. And earned days off to compensate when you work more than 40 hours a week.

I really don’t think many people in the workforce today would want to go back to the expectations of 30 years ago.

You’re absolutely right but 30 years ago you also didn’t haul around a personal computer literally everywhere you went, including on those vacation days and weekends and were not expected to respond to emails and take calls etc etc etc on those days off. So maybe that’s the trade off for companies these days.

Also companies aren’t keeping up with inflation on salaries / pay. So, guess the trade off is vacation days, etc. and who knows, maybe this is actually a better set up than previous.

[Manhattanboy]

My wife is always exhausted it seems.

Thankfully my girlfriend is not.

[blender]

After working as a carpenter for 15 years I switched gears and went to university to study English and writing, two of my passions and what I thought might be a pathway to law school.

After graduating with my Bachelors degree I ended up banging nails again because it was still the best money I could earn. But something was different. The critical thinking, organization, problem solving skills I had honed in university came into play, and combined with my vast experience building, I moved into site supervision, project management, estimating and eventually I was in charge of all construction activities for a decent-sized firm. A few years later, I'm a part owner of the firm.

It is still early days, but the door is open.

I feel that the combination of trades and post secondary education is extremely advantageous if you can apply it.

And yes, my wife is exhausted most of the time.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Well, people don't become execs until their 40s or 50s so how do you know if you'll become one. And say you and your husband have fairly equal job but then the wife becomes manager/exec. Does the husband suddenly back off? Does he no longer go for any promotions?

And I don't even view it as marrying down but how many low demand job guys or stay at home dads so you know? And is that still frowned upon in the facebook/instagram world of people's greatest hits that we've been talking about in this thread?

Yes when one spouse becomes a manager and has a better professional track than the other one gets prioritized. Yes the lower success spouse has to choose not to spend as much time working. The two women I know with C-suite jobs have husbands who changed into lower demand jobs. One an engineer who switched to 3 days a week and the other became a part time personal trainer.

[Slava]

Originally Posted by blender

After working as a carpenter for 15 years I switched gears and went to university to study English and writing, two of my passions and what I thought might be a pathway to law school.

After graduating with my Bachelors degree I ended up banging nails again because it was still the best money I could earn. But something was different. The critical thinking, organization, problem solving skills I had honed in university came into play, and combined with my vast experience building, I moved into site supervision, project management, estimating and eventually I was in charge of all construction activities for a decent-sized firm. A few years later, I'm a part owner of the firm.

It is still early days, but the door is open.

I feel that the combination of trades and post secondary education is extremely advantageous if you can apply it.

And yes, my wife is exhausted most of the time.

There was an article yesterday in the Globe and Mail about the declining number of people enrolling in the humanities that touched on similar sentiments. Because we’ve pushed so hard for STEM education, we have a significant number of technical workers but might be lacking on the qualitative side. It was really interesting, and maybe somewhat in line with your own experience here.

[blender]

Originally Posted by Slava

There was an article yesterday in the Globe and Mail about the declining number of people enrolling in the humanities that touched on similar sentiments. Because we’ve pushed so hard for STEM education, we have a significant number of technical workers but might be lacking on the qualitative side. It was really interesting, and maybe somewhat in line with your own experience here.

The problem with the humanities education alone is the lack of well-paying work at the end of it. When I graduated from university I found several jobs that were intriguing, but the pay was a joke and opportunity for growth was almost non-existent. Without the real-world trade experience to combine with, there just doesn't seem to be much there that will pay the bills.

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Well, people don't become execs until their 40s or 50s so how do you know if you'll become one. And say you and your husband have fairly equal job but then the wife becomes manager/exec. Does the husband suddenly back off? Does he no longer go for any promotions?

And I don't even view it as marrying down but how many low demand job guys or stay at home dads so you know? And is that still frowned upon in the facebook/instagram world of people's greatest hits that we've been talking about in this thread?

I noticed a huge change in attitude since the pandemic. I (male, late 30s) worked from home (self employed) prior to that, and got lots of judgemental looks at school pickup and grocery shopping during the day. Stay-at-home dad was definitely something people judged. I think it's less so now, because people are just as likely to assume you're on work-from-home.

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by Slava

There was an article yesterday in the Globe and Mail about the declining number of people enrolling in the humanities that touched on similar sentiments. Because we’ve pushed so hard for STEM education, we have a significant number of technical workers but might be lacking on the qualitative side. It was really interesting, and maybe somewhat in line with your own experience here.

I found it interesting in the article you mention, that the person who possessed both the technical skills, along with the soft skills that came from the humanities e.g. emotional intelligence, self awareness, relationship building, collaboration, etc. was so rare that such candidates are know in HR circles as "unicorns".

I experienced the big push in University back in the 1950s to make sure all graduating scientists, had some exposure to the humanities. As a result, I had to take philosophy which I found quite difficult, as it demanded a much different thought process to my thinking as a geology major. In hindsight I wish I had paid more attention to it.

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by blender

The problem with the humanities education alone is the lack of well-paying work at the end of it. When I graduated from university I found several jobs that were intriguing, but the pay was a joke and opportunity for growth was almost non-existent. Without the real-world trade experience to combine with, there just doesn't seem to be much there that will pay the bills.

Social workers should be earning double (min) to what they earn now. The pay for the work they do is totally ridiculous.

[Slava]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

I found it interesting in the article you mention, that the person who possessed both the technical skills, along with the soft skills that came from the humanities e.g. emotional intelligence, self awareness, relationship building, collaboration, etc. was so rare that such candidates are know in HR circles as "unicorns".

I experienced the big push in University back in the 1950s to make sure all graduating scientists, had some exposure to the humanities. As a result, I had to take philosophy which I found quite difficult, as it demanded a much different thought process to my thinking as a geology major. In hindsight I wish I had paid more attention to it.

Well it’s interesting, but I do wonder if the Liberal Arts degrees are enough to help with this short of shortfall? I realize it’s not a full-fledged humanities degree if you’re in STEM for example, but it’s not as though as you have no exposure at all.

[Wormius]

I am still wondering if curves has bothered to actually talk to his girlfriend yet to ask why she feels so tired at all the time.

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by Slava

Well it’s interesting, but I do wonder if the Liberal Arts degrees are enough to help with this short of shortfall? I realize it’s not a full-fledged humanities degree if you’re in STEM for example, but it’s not as though as you have no exposure at all.

I believe the STEM crowd could conceivably develop many of the skills that come from taking a degree in the humanities in University by taking a leadership role in one of the many charitable organizations. I think one tends to develop the confidence and knowledge of who they really are in the work they do in the service to others.

[blender]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

I believe the STEM crowd could conceivably develop many of the skills that come from taking a degree in the humanities in University by taking a leadership role in one of the many charitable organizations. I think one tends to develop the confidence and knowledge of who they really are in the work they do in the service to others.

Certainly an option, but I thin there is a tendency to underestimate the actual level of training and skill-building inherent in a liberal arts or humanities education.

Like any education or traing, it is ultimately only as good as you make it, so if you plan to just be present for 4 years and expect to get the same value as if you engage at a deep level and challenge yourself, you will probably not get much out of it.

I started university at 28 and I was shocked at how unprepared and disengaged some of my younger classmates were. I wondered many times what exactly were people thinking paying so much for something they didn't seem to care about.

[curves2000]

Originally Posted by Wormius

I am still wondering if curves has bothered to actually talk to his girlfriend yet to ask why she feels so tired at all the time.

I am actually single at the moment but the last couple of women I dated complained about it constantly. Their friends also did the same. It was a constant level of exhaustion.

I have sent this thread to some friends who don't frequent CP and mentioned I brought up the topic online. They all laughed and are wondering if people's experience on CP mimics our mutual experience and our cultural experiences as well.

So far, it's been a mixed bag.

[Snuffleupagus]

Originally Posted by Manhattanboy

My wife is always exhausted it seems.

Thankfully my girlfriend is not.

If you want to see a quick energy boost for the wife just tell her about the girlfriend.

[Manhattanboy]

Originally Posted by Snuffleupagus

If you want to see a quick energy boost for the wife just tell her about the girlfriend.

Full confession was a joke as I’m not married.

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by curves2000

I am actually single at the moment but the last couple of women I dated complained about it constantly. Their friends also did the same. It was a constant level of exhaustion.

I have sent this thread to some friends who don't frequent CP and mentioned I brought up the topic online. They all laughed and are wondering if people's experience on CP mimics our mutual experience and our cultural experiences as well.

So far, it's been a mixed bag.

Yes, I think you said most of that in your OP, but did you ever bother to ask your gf at the time why she felt tired? Did your friends ask their SOs why they felt tired all the time? It just seems so bizarre that instead of trying to find out what was bother your SOs, you all kind of avoided it.

[flylock shox]

I don't know why childless women would complain of tiredness or exhaustion more than childless men but I totally get why women with kids would.

Men, generally speaking, aren't as well trained or inherently effective at looking after kids, meaning that even if careers pose an equal strain women tend to be in the leadership role in connection with child rearing and related domestic activities. And I'd say that's generally true even if the husband is highly engaged with looking after the kids.

The shift away from the old model of men working outside the home while women look after the kids has its obvious downsides, but had its upsides too. If it were just a matter of men and women splitting the one job and the domestic duties 50/50 it would probably be hunky dory, but the new model is far more likely to be two full time jobs plus some division of household responsibilities. That's pretty darned tiring for both partners.

[curves2000]

Originally Posted by Wormius

Yes, I think you said most of that in your OP, but did you ever bother to ask your gf at the time why she felt tired? Did your friends ask their SOs why they felt tired all the time? It just seems so bizarre that instead of trying to find out what was bother your SOs, you all kind of avoided it.

Yes I did, constantly. I was as perplexed as she was. It was a concern I had in our relationship as we were in a long distance relationship and if this was going to move forward, it would require travel back and forth to see each other's friends and family if we took the next steps. She was young, fit, ate well, ate good quality food, no substance abuse issues affecting sleep, slept plenty of hours, was considered medically healthy etc. This was a common theme with a few of her friends in her town as well.

As for My circle of friends, it was virtually the same thing and the same complaints in the same age group. Maybe people just complain more these days then previous generations? Someone in the thread mentioned how people always complain about being "busy" as a badge of honor these days, perhaps that is part of it now.

I will say, and conversations with friends/family from both genders confirm, the older generations are just able and willing to do a LOT more. These older women are like machines, they don't stop in all aspects. Just getting things done.

Since this has been brought up how many times amongst friends and people within my community, thought I would ask the general population about it on CP.

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by curves2000

Yes I did, constantly. I was as perplexed as she was. It was a concern I had in our relationship as we were in a long distance relationship and if this was going to move forward, it would require travel back and forth to see each other's friends and family if we took the next steps. She was young, fit, ate well, ate good quality food, no substance abuse issues affecting sleep, slept plenty of hours, was considered medically healthy etc. This was a common theme with a few of her friends in her town as well.

As for My circle of friends, it was virtually the same thing and the same complaints in the same age group. Maybe people just complain more these days then previous generations? Someone in the thread mentioned how people always complain about being "busy" as a badge of honor these days, perhaps that is part of it now.

I will say, and conversations with friends/family from both genders confirm, the older generations are just able and willing to do a LOT more. These older women are like machines, they don't stop in all aspects. Just getting things done.

Since this has been brought up how many times amongst friends and people within my community, thought I would ask the general population about it on CP.

So she didn’t know why she was tired when you asked her, and you guys just left it at that?