"Me Too"

[PsYcNeT]

Ya'll are weirdly dense.

I'm pretty sure that women were being harassed before the sexual revolution.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by Minnie

I did this. I had less issues when I waited tables than when I was on a shift on the front desk at the motel that the restaurant was attached to, but it helped, to a degree when waiting tables. It was more effective when I was working nights on the front desk, and the bar would let out and the men too drunk to drive decided to take a room for the evening. The majority seemed to think I was a part of the price of the room. The fake wedding set was an easy and non-confrontational way to respond - I'd just hold up my hand and flash the rings and generally they backed off. Occasionally, I'd have to go get the bouncers or a manager to come deal with them. We had a set phrase to use to indicate we were having an issue, when calling them in for assistance, so that again, it wouldn't set the guy off in any way, so he'd have no idea they were on their way to deal with him until they showed up.

Wow, sorry to hear. That surprises me. I would have assumed that being behind a separation would perhaps reduce some of the unfortunate situations. But perhaps this is part of it. To begin to realize what we don't know and also realize that what we know might not be correct or what is normal, shouldn't continue to be normal.

Merely 10 years ago, the attitudes and way people spoke were completely different. People were just starting to understand certain viewpoints regarding LGBTQ. Things that were common/normal then by the majority are often now much more considered abhorred by the majority. Perhaps this might be how we view things in 10 years regarding this very topic.

[HockeyIlliterate]

Originally Posted by OMG!WTF!

What a disaster. That is just so embarrassing.

Originally Posted by habernac

hockey isn't the only thing he's illiterate at

Originally Posted by Minnie

Hockey isn't the only thing you're illiterate on, clearly.

Originally Posted by cDnStealth

Talk about someone who just completely doesn't get it.

Shrug.

I suppose it is much more acceptable to write paragraphs about what a dolt one has been in the past, and how one will now change their ways, all in an effort to show what an enlightened and virtuous person one now is in a mostly anonymous and unaccountable forum, rather than question who it is that has allowed harassment to persist.

Spare me the virtue signaling.

[MarchHare]

^^ This post is terrible.

[Hockeyguy15]

Originally Posted by HockeyIlliterate

Shrug.

I suppose it is much more acceptable to write paragraphs about what a dolt one has been in the past, and how one will now change their ways, all in an effort to show what an enlightened and virtuous person one now is in a mostly anonymous and unaccountable forum, rather than question who it is that has allowed harassment to persist.

Spare me the virtue signaling.

Listen, if women don't want to be assaulted they shouldn't dress and act so slutty. Right guys? Guys?

[djsFlames]

The amount of #### I've heard from the past couple girls I've been with/close to about what they have to put up with almost daily transiting around town for work and school, and even while on shift at work tbh disgusts me. I'd drive my ex whenever I could especially to help her avoid early morning/late night transit across town.

A lot of dudes in this city with little to no class or decency. And in some cases it seems like they take the frustrations of their lack of success of their tasteless courting/wooing out on the next girl by being pushy or invasive.

Assume the girl is not interested unless she indicates otherwise. Many guys out there seem to love overstepping their bounds and can't take a damn hint. It's about as sad to witness as their delusional fantasies. If girls consistently aren't showing interest, maybe change something about yourself, your social personality or just your general demeanor. Because that's likely the primary reason for it.

[Peanut]

I apologize I derailed things a bit with the gendered discussion. Someone mentioned that maybe we, as a society, need to focus less on women's appearances and on women as objects. I was sharing my perspective (slash informal research) on some of the common genderized pitfalls that many of us fall into. Myself included, although I'm trying to be better all the time.

The specific discussion around "focus on appearances" of young girls - I didn't mean that people are crossing boundaries or being inappropriate (in the vast majority of cases). The issue is that it little girls are hearing, from basically everyone, all the time, Comments and compliments about their appearance. This does not happen to boys to nearly the same extent. So the logic is that we (society in general) are priming our girls and boys to understand that "appearances/looks" are vastly more important for girls & women than they are for boys & men. Which therefore ultimately contributes to the objectification of women and the emphasis on beauty and youth.

It really is a separate tangent from the specific message of "me too". But the point was the messaging to women that their appearance is penultimate starts innocuously and very young.

[Coach]

Originally Posted by 81MC

If my buddy looks sharp, or has good hair or has dope shoes or is classically handsome, you bet. But I rarely, never in fact, have told a guy I get lost in their eyes, or love the way they smell, or think they have a great butt. But I also never happen to find myself in a situation with a guy where any of those would be appropriate...you know, obviously because I'm a homophobic masogonist.

It's funny. Maybe it's just my group of friends who have been friends since childhood, but we regularly compliment each other to the point that it would definitely be considered harassment if they were the opposite sex or strangers.

Buddy's lost weight? "Dude, you're looking f***ing hot! Nice job man!"

Give a bro a hug? "Man, you smell nice. What cologne is that?"

All the way to pinching each other's butts, cat calling each other, making very homoerotic comments, etc...

Like I said there's a comfort level there from childhood friends that obviously gives us more freedom with each other, but I know that my Dad and his friends were absolutely never like that. Not sure what that means for our perspective on women and their role in that type of relationship (there are women, girlfriends, potential sexual partners etc.. all around during these types of things). We never objectify our female friends that way, but we would definitely comment if they look particularly well-dressed for an event or something. For example, a lot of my friends are getting married recently so when I see people they tend to be dressed to the nines. Tough not to compliment regardless of gender. If one of my university friends that I haven't seen in a year or so shows up to a wedding in a beautiful dress I will likely say hi, tell her she looks amazing and then proceed to ask her about what she has going on. I guess the argument could be made you can cut out the comment on their looks, but I mean we all put effort into how we look. I find it odd it could be considered wrong to make a passing compliment to a friend.

In a way I think that we objectify each other (me and my male friends) just to show a general attitude of openness. It's kind of a strange phenomena now that I sit here and think about it. This might belong more in the Bromance thread.

[PsYcNeT]

I might be in the minority, but I find the statement "You smell good" to be really off-putting and creepy.

Like, get your hands off her hair you weirdo.

[SebC]

Originally Posted by Wormius

Do we even need to compliment people on their appearance? Even as a guy, I hate receiving compliments on something that is otherwise so arbitrary and without having anything to do with talent besides occasionally combing my hair.

I can't believe I have to say this, but beauty is a positive attribute. And yeah, some of it is genetic - just like intelligence, kindness, compassion, and all the other traits that people are telling us we should value instead. Some of it is self-work - again, just like the other traits we might value instead.

As a result, I consider it arbitrary to dismiss someone's beauty, particularly if they've had to work hard to get it, but even if they're one of the lucky ones who didn't. But hey, nice humble brag there.

[81MC]

Originally Posted by PsYcNeT

I might be in the minority, but I find the statement "You smell good" to be really off-putting and creepy.

Like, get your hands off her hair you weirdo.

Maybe you need some more sensuality in your life .

[PsYcNeT]

Originally Posted by 81MC

Maybe you need some more sensuality in your life .

I dunno, like I'm the kind of guy that blurts things out without thinking a lot, and the times I've said it to my wife I feel like the next comment should be about how nice her skin would feel as a suit.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

It is curious how the unspoken assumption around the new morality is that it's only men who engage in sexual flirtation, or who have carnal and superficial appetites.

Ah yes, there's the classic CliffFletcher strawman we all know and love.

[northcrunk]

Originally Posted by PsYcNeT

I might be in the minority, but I find the statement "You smell good" to be really off-putting and creepy.

Like, get your hands off her hair you weirdo.

Man, you really don't like people.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by northcrunk

Man, you really don't like people.

No, I'm with him on this one. It's also creepy and off-putting when co-workers come up to you in the lunch room and tell you how good your food smells. Personal space, people!

[Weitz]

Originally Posted by rubecube

No, I'm with him on this one. It's also creepy and off-putting when co-workers come up to you in the lunch room and tell you how good your food smells. Personal space, people!

Seriously? If someone says your food smells good that creeps you out?

[afc wimbledon]

To a large degree its not what you say its how you say it that counts, if you can say it in a Benerdict Cumberbatch posh boy accent you can get away with almost anything without offence (trust me on this), that said there is a world of difference between 'may I say that's a lovely perfume you are wearing' as part of an overall conversation and walking up to a random girl at the bar and telling her 'you smell good'

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by Weitz

Seriously? If someone says your food smells good that creeps you out?

I've had co-workers who will literally lean over my shoulder or plate to smell my food while they do it, so yeah, that's creepy and weird.

[northcrunk]

Are the people who think someone giving you a complement is harassment anti-social? There's a difference between a complement and going full creeper.

[Weitz]

Originally Posted by rubecube

I've had co-workers who will literally lean over my shoulder or plate to smell my food while they do it, so yeah, that's creepy and weird.

Yah that would be weird. The way you described it initially had me shocked.