Dating a friends ex.

[#-3]

Originally Posted by MattyC

Talk to your friend. Regardless of his feelings, do what you want. But you're probably going to lose your friend over it either way.

My advice would be no, especially with kids involved. Unless you are really serious about being with her long-term, it's a bad idea.

I'd say pretty much this.

Unless your planning on settling in, probably a bad idea.

I would;

1) talk to her.

2) if she's into it, tell him before any dates.

3) be aware that he is not involved in their lives and if you are he probably will not be part of your life for long.

[polak]

Originally Posted by VladtheImpaler

Interesting topic. Much better than politics or terrorists.
Pylon, I am sorry, but you are simply wrong. Whether it's a Pylon issue or just bad luck issue. My wife is my best friend and vice versa. I would rather spend time with her than anyone else.

Why is it so black and white? Some days my girlfriend (who i live with) is the person I want to spend my time with, while some days nothing sounds better then hanging out with my buddies.

Unless you're one of those guys who blew off all of your friends for your wife/gf. Thats pretty ####ty to do too.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by MrMastodonFarm

Please not another GoFundMe, please Lord.

Gotta break in the IKEA furniture somehow.

[Amethyst]

Originally Posted by SuperMatt18

What would you regret more: losing this guy as a friend, or regretting that you never pursued what could have been a great relationship for you?

I think this is the best way to decide. He may or may not be okay with it, but you can't make an argument that is logical to convince him to be okay with it, because it's an emotional topic. No matter how logical anyone tries to be, emotion will come into the equation. Kids, cheating, and jealousy all point to an emotional reaction of some kind.

I have seen similar situations where it all works out and the people are together forever, but I've seen way more situations where it ends badly.

Only you know if it's worth taking the chance. My advice, if you think it over and you can see her being someone you would marry and spend your life with, go for it. If you just think of her as someone attractive, who gets your history and is fun to be with, it's probably not worth the hassles that are very likely to develop.

Added: If you go for it, let him know first, but don't ask permission.

[To Be Quite Honest]

People are pretty quick to believe that the OTHER guy is a horrible person. Being that you have a "stake" in this I'm inclined to believe the truth is more in the middle. I'm sure the mother hasn't been the most approachable super respectful ex-wife as much as he's been a distant horrible ex-husband. Also, if the two cannot communicate properly then why would you want to join in that drama? It baffles my mind.

[VladtheImpaler]

Originally Posted by polak

Why is it so black and white? Some days my girlfriend (who i live with) is the person I want to spend my time with, while some days nothing sounds better then hanging out with my buddies.

Unless you're one of those guys who blew off all of your friends for your wife/gf. Thats pretty ####ty to do too.

WTF are you talking about?

[steveo]

Originally Posted by VladtheImpaler

WTF are you talking about?

"Bros before hoes" I assume

[CalgaryFan1988]

Originally Posted by To Be Quite Honest

People are pretty quick to believe that the OTHER guy is a horrible person. Being that you have a "stake" in this I'm inclined to believe the truth is more in the middle. I'm sure the mother hasn't been the most approachable super respectful ex-wife as much as he's been a distant horrible ex-husband. Also, if the two cannot communicate properly then why would you want to join in that drama? It baffles my mind.

Where did I say the other guy is a horrible person? I said he wasn't a very good husband, doesn't mean he's a bad person. He's "distant" because he has a girlfriend in a different province so spends most of his time away. He sees the kids maybe one day a month.

I have no idea what she's like as an ex-wife. I don't even know what she's like as a girlfriend. I just know that I'm attracted to her, which doesn't happen for me very often.

I'm just taking things slow and see where the chips fall. Patience is a virtue or something like that.

[To Be Quite Honest]

Originally Posted by CalgaryFan1988

Where did I say the other guy is a horrible person? I said he wasn't a very good husband, doesn't mean he's a bad person. He's "distant" because he has a girlfriend in a different province so spends most of his time away. He sees the kids maybe one day a month.

I have no idea what she's like as an ex-wife. I don't even know what she's like as a girlfriend. I just know that I'm attracted to her, which doesn't happen for me very often.

I'm just taking things slow and see where the chips fall. Patience is a virtue or something like that.

1. They have a couple kids, he is not really in the picture, hardly ever around.
2. He was not a good husband, cheated a lot and stuff and he ended it.
3. I personally wouldn't care if the situation was reversed. (How gracious of you.)
4. He took her for granted..... His loss
5. I am a good guy, that's why I feel scummy. But something about her feels so right. (Apparently...)
6. I know it's not ideal, I didn't go out and look for it. (Yes you are. You're here looking for it)
7. Especially when he bad mouthed her for the last 8 or 9.
8. The ex in question is very possessive, so I'm leaning towards him not being cool with it.

You and the woman are angels. He is a demon. (Paraphrasing)

The words you choose to tell your story leave specific ideas in everyone's mind. It's like your trying to get permission and justifying your actions through manipulation.

Other words you can use:
He's trying to rebuild his life after the loss of a marriage and he found someone that makes him happy in another province. It's a difficult situation for everyone.
They found the marriage less than fulfilling so they got divorced.

Your phrasing is telling. In the end, do what you want. Of those that took this road I know one good relationship and the rest we horrid experiments.

[CalgaryFan1988]

Originally Posted by To Be Quite Honest

1. They have a couple kids, he is not really in the picture, hardly ever around.
2. He was not a good husband, cheated a lot and stuff and he ended it.
3. I personally wouldn't care if the situation was reversed. (How gracious of you.)
4. He took her for granted..... His loss
5. I am a good guy, that's why I feel scummy. But something about her feels so right. (Apparently...)
6. I know it's not ideal, I didn't go out and look for it. (Yes you are. You're here looking for it)
7. Especially when he bad mouthed her for the last 8 or 9.
8. The ex in question is very possessive, so I'm leaning towards him not being cool with it.

You and the woman are angels. He is a demon. (Paraphrasing)

The words you choose to tell your story leave specific ideas in everyone's mind. It's like your trying to get permission and justifying your actions through manipulation.

Other words you can use:
He's trying to rebuild his life after the loss of a marriage and he found someone that makes him happy in another province. It's a difficult situation for everyone.
They found the marriage less than fulfilling so they got divorced.

Your phrasing is telling. In the end, do what you want. Of those that took this road I know one good relationship and the rest we horrid experiments.

I'm leaning towards not bothering FWIW.

The words I chose to describe him are honest, if somehow that makes you defensive...... Sorry? There is such a thing as a bad husband.

In no way am I saying her or myself are angels. If I was an angel I wouldn't be contemplating this and neither would she.

My wife and I were apart years ago and my friend asked if he could date her, I said yes. I wanted her to be happy. So yeah, I guess that makes me gracious.

[To Be Quite Honest]

I'm not defensive, it's an observation. I would never date a friends ex. It's silly, selfish and disrespectful. If there were no children it would be different.

I was thinking about saying "I'M NOT DEFENSIVE! YOU'RE DEFENSIVE!" as a joke but it would get lost in tone.

I am sorry to hear about your wife though. I do hope you find some drama free love.

[CaptainCrunch]

so is the one visit a month with the kids his idea or court mandated?

[CalgaryFan1988]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

so is the one visit a month with the kids his idea or court mandated?

They are supposed to have shared custody 50/50. His idea







.

[CalgaryFan1988]

Originally Posted by To Be Quite Honest

I'm not defensive, it's an observation. I would never date a friends ex. It's silly, selfish and disrespectful. If there were no children it would be different.

I was thinking about saying "I'M NOT DEFENSIVE! YOU'RE DEFENSIVE!" as a joke but it would get lost in tone.

I am sorry to hear about your wife though. I do hope you find some drama free love.

Thanks and no worries. I understand it might come off like I'm trying to make him the bad guy. Trust me, not my intention. Just shooting from the hip.

[Smartcar]

Is he paying child support?

[CalgaryFan1988]

Originally Posted by Smartcar

Is he paying child support?

Not sure what it has to do with the topic at hand and I don't want to jade people's perceptions on him any further, so I plead the 5th. Lol

[The Yen Man]

I know a couple that I'm really close with where the guy dated his best friend's girl after they broke up. I thought it would never work, but 10 years later, the couple are married with 2 kids, and the other guy is in a long term relationship with another girl. The two guys are still best buds.

I know this is probably the exception rather than the rule, but I just want to point it out it can work out. Might be pretty rare though.

[Smartcar]

Just that if he is, and you end up together he might be resentful that he's contributing financially to your household and it may cause extra friction. Not to suggest that if he isn't he's a bigger jerk.

[aaronck]

Does he read CP? Of so he might already know...

Really though, life is short. Do what make1s you feel good (or maybe sneak around a while and see how that goes. Could be really fun!)

[blueski]

How smoking hot is she? Is she a little hellcat in the sack? Why not take down three or four twenty somethings on Tinder in the next few weeks. Then compare her and the trouble it would be with those experiences. Get some perspective to help you with this difficult life decision.