Modern Day Casanova Ideas

[Weiser Wonder]

Originally Posted by alltherage

... It is extrememly difficult to know yourself, and even when people are enlightened to it, they often reject it.

"He who knows others is wise;
He who know himself is enlightened."
-Lao-tzu

hahaha. This is going to turn out well.

[Eastern Girl]

Originally Posted by alltherage

No... you're not showing her you're committed to her, you're getting her to realize her true feelings for you by giving her a taste of not being together.

No, I think that's just you manipulating her, by exploiting her own insecurities either about herself or being alone. It's a petty grade school, "How to be a player" type move.

I know you are a woman... but usually what women think they want versus what actually makes them tick is completely different.

Right.

Consider me enlightened now, thanks.

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by Weiser Wonder

hahaha. This is going to turn out well.

Yeah well... I knew one of the ladies would jump on it... but it's simply true in all of my experience. Not to be that guy but I have always had good luck with women and it always comes down to swaggar. People inherently want what they can't have... you gotta take it away from them or pose the threat that it gets taken away.

Everyone strives to be in control... but it's the chase of control they enjoy. Once you let her know it's not her game, you have the upper hand and you call the shots.

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by Eastern Girl

No, I think that's just you manipulating her, by exploiting her own insecurities either about herself or being alone. It's a petty grade school, "How to be a player" type move.



Right.

Consider me enlightened now, thanks.

Hey don't get all angry at me for this... women do it to themselves hahaha... maybe you think this is grade school... but it works, and really... if it is grade school, then who's to blame, the guy or the girl? The guy just knows she unwittingly wants it that way. Ultimately, it gets both of you to the goal of being together.

Honestly, women don't want some sob story door mat "man" begging them to take him back. They want the guy they can't have, who is confident and fun loving, who isnt afraid of women. They want him to give them special attention that no other woman would get. They want to "break down" his walls...

I don't think it's manipulation. It's having a good understanding of what motivates the opposite sex, and then executing. What's wrong with that? Is there something diabolical about it? Is someone going to get hurt as a direct result? ... I dont think so...

Show of hands, how many men here get hit on ten fold as soon as women know they are taken or married?

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by alltherage

The best way to get a woman's attention is not to give her very much, and to give other girls a little more. Like her hot friend.. or your own hot friend that she's always been a little bit jealous of.

Be kind of border-line dick, but show flashes of attraction. tease her in non-personal ways a little bit. Catch her off guard with some confidence and act like you're God's gift. Then a little tender touch here or say something nice with some eye contact... she'll be yours.

DO NOT BEG. REDVAN... That's a death wish.

I think mind games, like you're suggesting, could make matters worse. These two should be able to read each other like a book after 7 years.

IMO, honesty, and being yourself, will accomplish much more.

[MoneyGuy]

I married her.

[Weiser Wonder]

Obviously you are speaking about an aspect of human nature that is both in women or men. Everyone wants what they can't have, and there will always be that inkling inside anyone. Mature people though, can look past that and look for someone that actually treats them with respect and honesty.

ATR, you're right, this might very well get her back if she's emotionally vulnerable. But it's a little low and probably not good for long term success. But if your strategy works, the more mature wait it out approach would work as well. This approach is also more better for the long term success of the relationship.

Personally though, I'm at the point where if a girl tries playing obvious games with me, it's a huge turn off and I look elsewhere. So I think both men and women can get past the point of games having any real 'benefit.'

[Burninator]

Like most people said I would scrap the idea of a gesture to win her back. At this point she is either going to come back on her own or leave on her own. Pressuring her to come back will only lead to a third break up down the not too distance road. I think you will just have to give her time. Not only that, but you should give yourself some time. While right now you may really, really want to get back together with her, you actually may not want to. Giving yourself some time will help you differentiate the difference between missing her and missing a relationship. Those are very different things.

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

I think mind games, like you're suggesting, could make matters worse. These two should be able to read each other like a book after 7 years.

IMO, honesty, and being yourself, will accomplish much more.

Again, I don't look at it as mind games. I look at it as uncovering their true motivators. There is nothing wrong with knowing how someone ticks and catering to that. As long as you don't have any malicious intent obviously.

When you get down to it, everyone manipulates everyone all day every day. Telling your child they can't have ice cream until they have 2 more bites. Calling in sick to work because you need a day to unwind. It's all manipulation at the end of the day.

[Weiser Wonder]

That's rationalizing ATR. Manipulating children is obviously a no-brainer, because you know better than them. However manipulating adults is pretty low because you are not conducting yourself honestly and insulting their intelligence. You must know the feeling of realizing someone was constantly manipulating you, who you thought was a really good friend. It's a pretty terrible feeling. It shows a complete lack of respect.

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by Weiser Wonder

That's rationalizing ATR. Manipulating children is obviously a no-brainer, because you know better than them. However manipulating adults is pretty low because you are not conducting yourself honestly and insulting their intelligence. You must know the feeling of realizing someone was constantly manipulating you, who you thought was a really good friend. It's a pretty terrible feeling. It shows a complete lack of respect.

I don't agree. I think if it's to a better end then it is just fine. Like I said, women want what they can't have... so do men. So does anyone for that matter. Intrigue them and shut the door... they will come knocking. that's all I am saying.

[Boblobla]

Originally Posted by alltherage

I don't agree. I think if it's to a better end then it is just fine. Like I said, women want what they can't have... so do men. So does anyone for that matter. Intrigue them and shut the door... they will come knocking. that's all I am saying.

My advice is don't take relationship advice from this guy.

[Sliver]

I don't think it's rationalizing, either. It's a strategy that could work and it's fair game IMO. If she doesn't like this dude, she'll see it as a ploy. If she still likes him, it'll make her consider getting back with him.

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by Boblobla

My advice is don't take relationship advice from this guy.

Hahaha... Says the guy with pedobear as his avatar!

[Cowperson]

Originally Posted by alltherage

Again, I don't look at it as mind games. I look at it as uncovering their true motivators. There is nothing wrong with knowing how someone ticks and catering to that. As long as you don't have any malicious intent obviously.

When you get down to it, everyone manipulates everyone all day every day. Telling your child they can't have ice cream until they have 2 more bites. Calling in sick to work because you need a day to unwind. It's all manipulation at the end of the day.

You might find a world with as few personal secrets as possible would be a happier one than the world of constant manipulation you might be living in right now.

Maybe not as entertaining though.

Men and women both are capable of the behaviour manipulation you describe. One of my wife's nephews, now nearing 40, ending his second marriage to his second wacko, seems to be constantly trying to find his mommy and constantly being led around by the nose by the incredibly obvious manipulations of rather devious women. A few months after telling us he was leaving Canada for good, living on an island near his brother in southeast Asia and working rigs in Africa . . . . suddenly he's coming back to Alberta to live. Why? Because of his youn son by one ex-wife or daughter by the other ex-wife? No. Because he met a lady from his home town in Alberta out vacationing and now he's following her back . . . . and probably a bad ending yet again. He's a big tough guy but wow, grow a pair!!!!

So, I agree that actually works - if you're the manipulator - and Eastern Girl must admit that "Bad Boys," in spite of the obvious neon sign over their heads flashing "Danger, Danger!!!' seem to attract clouds of women, and it's not just the young. It could be through a lifetime.

But what's the long-term goal? I'd find it hard to believe passive-aggressive manipulation of the opposite sex is a contemplative way to eternal happiness.

I think our friend who started this thread is probably pooched on this opportunity but hopefully his Wah will gather the lessons learned so the next time works out better. And there's usually a next time.

Cowperson

[4X4]

Originally Posted by alltherage

The best way to get a woman's attention is not to give her very much, and to give other girls a little more. Like her hot friend.. or your own hot friend that she's always been a little bit jealous of.

Be kind of border-line dick, but show flashes of attraction. tease her in non-personal ways a little bit. Catch her off guard with some confidence and act like you're God's gift. Then a little tender touch here or say something nice with some eye contact... she'll be yours.

DO NOT BEG. REDVAN... That's a death wish.

I can't believe you're married. This is like junior high tactics. Know what else works? Pass her a note asking if she likes you and get her to tick yes or no.

[troutman]

None of this bad boy/player stuff works unless you are extremely good looking and/or extremely wealthy or famous.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by 4X4

I can't believe you're married. This is like junior high tactics. Know what else works? Pass her a note asking if she likes you and get her to tick yes or no.

I'd advocating throwing a rock at her myself. That is what we used to do in Elementary.

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by Cowperson

You might find a world with as few personal secrets as possible would be a happier one than the world of constant manipulation you might be living in right now.

Maybe not as entertaining though.

Men and women both are capable of the behaviour manipulation you describe. One of my wife's nephews, now nearing 40, ending his second marriage to his second wacko, seems to be constantly trying to find his mommy and constantly being led around by the nose by the incredibly obvious manipulations of rather devious women. A few months after telling us he was leaving Canada for good, living on an island near his brother in southeast Asia and working rigs in Africa . . . . suddenly he's coming back to Alberta to live. Why? Because of his youn son by one ex-wife or daughter by the other ex-wife? No. Because he met a lady from his home town in Alberta out vacationing and now he's following her back . . . . and probably a bad ending yet again. He's a big tough guy but wow, grow a pair!!!!

So, I agree that actually works - if you're the manipulator - and Eastern Girl must admit that "Bad Boys," in spite of the obvious neon sign over their heads flashing "Danger, Danger!!!' seem to attract clouds of women, and it's not just the young. It could be through a lifetime.

But what's the long-term goal? I'd find it hard to believe passive-aggressive manipulation of the opposite sex is a contemplative way to eternal happiness.

I think our friend who started this thread is probably pooched on this opportunity but hopefully his Wah will gather the lessons learned so the next time works out better. And there's usually a next time.

Cowperson

I agree. You know, I was kind of playing devil's advocate there so I hope I didn't truly offend anyone.

I think the "manipulation" is really just testing the waters. You can't expect to find a deep, meaningful relationship that way, but you can guage the other person's attraction to you that way.

You do have to be yourself, absolutely.. but yourself changes with your moods. Even if you feel like the sad sack sniffling, heart broken man... you will not find a woman that way unless she's looking for a vulnerable rebound guy.

You need to show facets of what she is looking for. If you have to "sell out" to do it, then she's not your type and it wont last. If you can show her an honest side of you that fits into her taste or what she is looking for, then go for it!

I think everyone plays games when initial contact is made... they don't call it the "dating game" for nothing.


However, in this case... I think my strategy would work, because 7 years is a very long time. The phrase "7 year itch" comes to mind. She probably feels like there are other opportunities out there, and maybe the relationship has become comlpacent.

I am simply offering my two sense of how to get her to realize that she does love him. Or re-spark those feelings by threatening them. Maybe it is manipulation, but I see nothing wrong with it, again, if it is genuinely for a better end.

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by 4X4

I can't believe you're married. This is like junior high tactics. Know what else works? Pass her a note asking if she likes you and get her to tick yes or no.

I've never, ever had problems meeting women, dating women, or getting along with women. If you can't believe I am married, and then in the same sentence belittle my "swagger" or whatever you want to call it... then you've answered your own conundrum!

And no, I'm not mr. good looking rich guy bag. I am just a guy who for some reason figured out "the game" and how it works for 9/10 women.

However I will give you guys that I am young. 25.