Struggle to Make and Maintain Friends/Relationships

[Geraldsh]

My core group of close friends are all dead except one, I haven’t seen or called him in 6 years but still consider him my best friend. Most others are work related friends faded away after retirement. When camping season opens up I intend to be more forthcoming and approachable to fellow campers.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Galakanokis

Call them. I left Calgary in 89, junior high. I went back in 2018 and called a bunch of friends I hadn't seen or spoken to since I left. Maybe a dozen or so of us went out and it was a great time and we still keep in touch and get together when we can. These were people I knew in elementary school and we got together as old ass adults. It was a blast. It doesn't hurt to try.

This is exceptional advice.

I used a tragedy in spring 2016 to re-connect with some old friends.

It turned a ####ing mess into an ongoing good.

[djsFlames]

Originally Posted by Locke

You're absolutely right.

I definitely enjoyed 'How I Met Your Mother' because it was a fun group of people around my age dealing with similar life circumstances.

And you see how things change as they get older and more mature and making changes in their lives.

How our Generation is growing up with young families is very different than how we were brought up.

Yeah, I was going to mention that show also.

Same kind of phenomenon with people.

Although I think Barney would be a liability to have as a close friend and Marshal/Lily are honestly annoying lol...imo.

True. The world being incomparably more expensive to live in today has vastly altered the lives of younger people. There's more relocation, financial dependence and people going back to school to keep up with demands.

It's actually getting to a point where it's bordering on impractical for young people without help & resources.

There's been a surge of common law partners (that aren't married) to alleviate living expenses. But also marriage is becoming less popular on the whole with the rate of divorce and our society being individually focused (people wanting to protect themselves/their assets).

[djsFlames]

Originally Posted by Geraldsh

My core group of close friends are all dead except one, I haven’t seen or called him in 6 years but still consider him my best friend. Most others are work related friends faded away after retirement. When camping season opens up I intend to be more forthcoming and approachable to fellow campers.

Oh man.. call up your friend!

Something I'll always advocate is showing appreciation to people that matter, cause otherwise they may never know/learn what they meant to you and thats something everybody should hear now and then in their life. As a guy, even just a casual check up, or saying "I was thinking back on that time that we..." can communicate that.

[topfiverecords]

Originally Posted by Locke

Hmm....my receptionist recommended one to me to determine what TV Character you most resemble.

I got 'Dexter.'

Is that good? I've never seen Dexter.

I believe that means you’re supposed to switch sides to the CRA.

[Galakanokis]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

This is exceptional advice.

I used a tragedy in spring 2016 to re-connect with some old friends.

It turned a ####ing mess into an ongoing good.

Sorry to hear about the tragedy but glad to hear something good came out of it. Old friends can quite easily be new friends.

Honestly, the years and distance can just melt away in an instant when some one just launches into " man, do you remember when we did..." and you get to hear old stories and then follow up with new ones about life, kids, work etc. An old friend became a hypnotist in Vegas and cruises, asking her how that came about was fantastic. Never thought I would have a conversation in my life around a real life hypnotist.

Deep down we are just dudes looking to connect and have a laugh and the time away doesn't matter.

[GordonBlue]

Funny story. I work with two people that were in my graduating class in high school, and we all worked together for about 10 years before we found this out.

Fairly big school and we were all in different cliques.

[blankall]

Originally Posted by djsFlames

Yeah, I was going to mention that show also.

Same kind of phenomenon with people.

Although I think Barney would be a liability to have as a close friend and Marshal/Lily are honestly annoying lol...imo.

All my real life "Barnies" all have substance abuse problems, are generally very selfish and toxic, incapable of forming long-term relationships with partners, and totally unreliable. I wish I had a fun single 40ish Barney friend who was drinking all the time but still had their life totally together. I have yet to meet that person.

[Macman]

Its hard to believe that people are having such a hard time making friends. Your neighborhood, community and work alone should be good for a few friends over that period of time, or no?

Even with a family you have to find a balance and look after yourself. A lot of good points already made here but it's why you need hobbies and interests.

And if you're going to volunteer you should be doing it because you actually want to help out and not have a motive, people sense that and it can be off putting like Jerry getting a woman's number of an aids walk list.

I mentioned it here before but self help books are great, you may have to read a few as they wouldn't all resonate with you and why I like Tony Robbins better than some other ones. No different than reading financial planning books.

When I look back on my own friendships, they all took time to develop, even the ones from work which are close to half my friends.

Also don't be so cynical and quickly reject social invitations even work ones because you'll stop getting invited if you never show up. Be a friend and you'll have friends.

[SportsJunky]

You know who else was a big fan of Bob Dylan? Steve Jobs, that's who. Guess how many friends Jobs had? Nada. Zip. Zero. Coincidence? Yes, probably.

[djsFlames]

Originally Posted by blankall

All my real life "Barnies" all have substance abuse problems, are generally very selfish and toxic, incapable of forming long-term relationships with partners, and totally unreliable. I wish I had a fun single 40ish Barney friend who was drinking all the time but still had their life totally together. I have yet to meet that person.

That's a hard balance to strike lol.

But in theory, it would be a fun friend to have.

Too bad single, heavy drinkers at 40 aren't usually having fun or keeping it together.

[Geraldsh]

Originally Posted by djsFlames

Oh man.. call up your friend!

Something I'll always advocate is showing appreciation to people that matter, cause otherwise they may never know/learn what they meant to you and thats something everybody should hear now and then in their life. As a guy, even just a casual check up, or saying "I was thinking back on that time that we..." can communicate that.

He’s like shroendinger’s cat now but I will drop in when I get the old motorhome rolling.

[karl262]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Isn't there a guy on here who owns a weed church or something where you can go and smoke big fat joints in a kind of Bohemian-cafe-style setting? If I was looking to meet people, that'd be my first stop.



But booze is great as a social lubricant, too.



Booze and weed together is ideal, though.

Yeah that's me! Thanks for the shout out.

I haven't been open much the last 2 months, I don't even have electricity there at the moment. Life changes and such.

Long story, but i think what really halted any success in getting members is that we opened in February of 2020, and i think covid was my fault because I pissed off the wrong god and it was all to sabatoge my new religion. Sorry about that.

Also didnt help that very early on, maybe the first 2 weeks of being open, Business licensing Bylaw undercover officers did a sting operation. The disguised agent informed me that he had heard of this new place on Calgarypuck and wanted to check it out. The secret agent business licensing bylaw officer was given a tour and asked questions regarding what basis am i legally operating. I'm always happy to answer that one, it comes up often as people seem to be curious. He did not seem interested to hear about our thoughts on consciousness. The disguised undercover bylaw officer donated money to our registered non-profit, was offered a donation receipt and declined. The undercover City of Calgary business bylaw agent then left with sacrament for home worship, 3 joints, thus ending this portion of the sting operation. Surveillance was constant. I don't know if there was a codename to investigate my weed church, I hope and suspect there was. The legal process is prohibitively expensive to fight even though you want to. Not fighting is also expensive because you rack up alot of billable lawyer hours figuring out its probably the best course of action, keeping in mind the business licensing bylaw fines amounts are part of the equation. In any event we've changed our practices so people can't just walk in and leave with sacrament. I'm in the process of rolling this new practice out to be in the good graces of the business licensing bylaw regulations. I'm struggling to get it going again to be honest.

It goes like this:
People coming to check us out can visit our permitted place of worship, open to the public. They can quickly learn our thoughts on consciousness and how our sacrament can be a useful aid in meditation on the subject. If it sounds good and you want to be a member of the flock I require a regular tithe starting at $10 a week, my square will setup autopay. Your gift to the registered nonprofit organization will help us spread the word! Praise the Plant!

Also, I was in a catholic church maybe 18 months ago, here in Calgary named Holy Spirit I believe. I couldn't help but notice they seemed to have a small gift shop display case with items for sale with prices. I did not notice a City of Calgary business license to the best of my recollection.

[blankall]

Originally Posted by Macman

Its hard to believe that people are having such a hard time making friends. Your neighborhood, community and work alone should be good for a few friends over that period of time, or no?

Even with a family you have to find a balance and look after yourself. A lot of good points already made here but it's why you need hobbies and interests.

And if you're going to volunteer you should be doing it because you actually want to help out and not have a motive, people sense that and it can be off putting like Jerry getting a woman's number of an aids walk list.

I mentioned it here before but self help books are great, you may have to read a few as they wouldn't all resonate with you and why I like Tony Robbins better than some other ones. No different than reading financial planning books.

When I look back on my own friendships, they all took time to develop, even the ones from work which are close to half my friends.

Also don't be so cynical and quickly reject social invitations even work ones because you'll stop getting invited if you never show up. Be a friend and you'll have friends.

I don't find it that hard to believe. It's easy to meet acquaintances, but can be pretty tough to meet people you can hang out with regularly. Preferably a group of people is better.

A lot of people don't seem to have time for new people. Even in this thread, you have multiple people stating they actively do not want to let new people into their circle and are content just laughing about old jokes with their long time inner circle. Multiple people giving advice like "call up your high school friends".....

[Macman]

n/m

[wireframe]

I find it very easy to believe that people have a hard time meeting friends. I notice that many adults and especially men often define themselves at work or at home but not by social connections and those fade out over time.


I'm actually one of those rare people who maintains many friendships and enjoys making new friends. My lifestyle is not for everybody but I will say a couple things. First, friendships take work from at least one side. Most people aren't ready to put in that work so you have to be ready to be the one doing the work. Second, you'll only meet a few potential best friends per year, so you need to pursue those people. Just get a phone number when you meet them and send a text. They probably liked you to and will appreciate it.



When you're in school, friendship is easy and natural. When your at work, it's the same thing. But when you go home after work, you need to work a lot harder to keep friends.

[TorqueDog]

Originally Posted by topfiverecords

I believe that means you’re supposed to switch sides to the CRA.

Tax accountant by day... also tax accountant by night, but tries to increase taxes owed by wealthy individuals and corporations attempting to exploit the tax code to an unfair advantage.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by TorqueDog

Tax accountant by day... also tax accountant by night, but tries to increase taxes owed by wealthy individuals and corporations attempting to exploit the tax code to an unfair advantage.

Not the Hero you deserve....just the one that you need right now.

[MoneyGuy]

I have three or four close friends and a lot of friends who are not so close. I’m more on the extroverted side. I suggest you strike up conversations and see where it goes. Look for opportunities and invite someone to coffee or for a beer.

[monkey brewery]

My wife and I have a saying, I'm her best friend, and she's my only friend.

If something ever happened to her, I would be devastated on many levels.