Dating Advice: Calling and texting etiquette

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

I won't weigh in on modern dating and texting etiquette, a subject on which I'm wholly ignorant. However, I do have to chuckle at the notion that Millennials are completely different from previous generations when it comes to the big life matters. They're not. The great majority of Millennials are going to get married and move to the burbs. The data on older Millenials (now in their late 30s) show exactly that. They're just hitting these milestones a few years later that previous generations.

And of course they're not the first generation to feel they're something new and different in the world. When my friends and I were 26, none of thought we'd get married, have kids, live in the burbs, and drive a minivan. No way we were going to live like our parents. We were different.

And yet at 31 we were almost all married, by 34 we lived in the burbs, by 37 we all had kids and drove minivans. And by 47, some were divorced. That's life.

Well if Cliff's anecdotal evidence says so, then it must be true. Let's wrap it up, gang. Nothing to see here.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

I won't weigh in on modern dating and texting etiquette, a subject on which I'm wholly ignorant. However, I do have to chuckle at the notion that Millennials are completely different from previous generations when it comes to the big life matters. They're not. The great majority of Millennials are going to get married and move to the burbs. The data on older Millenials (now in their late 30s) show exactly that. They're just hitting these milestones a few years later that previous generations.

And of course they're not the first generation to feel they're something new and different in the world. When my friends and I were 26, none of thought we'd get married, have kids, live in the burbs, and drive a minivan. No way we were going to live like our parents. We were different.

And yet at 31 we were almost all married, by 34 we lived in the burbs, by 37 we all had kids and drove minivans. And by 47, some were divorced. That's life.

While I’m not sure anyone said “completely different” (maybe they did, sure), there are pretty basic statistics that suggest significant changes in attitudes comparing recent generations with the boomer generation.

People are marrying less, marrying older, and staying married longer if they do decide to get married.

I know this was intended as some wholistic “silly millennials” narrative, what with the random minivan and suburb commentary thrown in, but marriage statistics should be fairly easy to review if you want to take your position beyond anecdotal.

Attitudes about things do actually change over time. Crazy.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Well if Cliff's anecdotal evidence says so, then it must be true. Let's wrap it up, gang. Nothing to see here.

“Me and my friends didnt do anything different of note, so nobody else ever will.”

It’s groundbreaking stuff.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

“Me and my friends didnt do anything different of note, so nobody else ever will.”

It’s groundbreaking stuff.

He sounds like my dad.

[CliffFletcher]

Your google broken?

Millennials are getting older. And as they enter the next stage of life — marriage, kids, higher salaries —Gen Y is beginning its exodus from busy cities, just like the generations that came before it.

https://www.cnbc.com/2019/09/29/mill...e-suburbs.html

https://www.businessinsider.com/mill...ty-city-2019-7

82 per cent of women aged 40 today are married or have been married. That's predicted to drop to between 69 to 77 per cent when the youngest Millennials reach 40. That's still a big majority. And most of that decline will be among poorer adults, as marriage is becoming an educated-class norm. Educated Millennials will still have high marriage rates by their mid-40s (over 75 per cent).

https://www.urban.org/sites/default/...ls-to-Age-.PDF

As Millennials Get Older, Many Are Buying SUVs To Drive To Their Suburban Homes

Just a few years ago, many car dealers and homebuilders were worried that millennials would forever want to be urban hipsters, uninterested in buying cars or homes.

But now, as millennials get older — and richer — more of them are buying SUVs to drive to their suburban homes.

The National Association of Realtors' 2017 Home Buyer and Seller Generational Trends study found that millennials were the largest group of homebuyers for the fourth consecutive year.

https://www.npr.org/2017/09/15/55123...suburban-homes

More than a million Millennials are becoming moms each year

While Millennials may be delaying parenthood, it’s not for lack of interest in eventually becoming moms and dads. Members of this generation rated being a good parent as a top priority in a 2010 Pew Research Center survey. Some 52% said it was one of the most important goals in their lives, well ahead of having a successful marriage, which 30% said was one of their most important lifetime goals.

Regardless of which generation they belong to, parents say having children is central to their identity. Among Millennials, six-in-ten (60%) said that being a parent is extremely important to their overall identity, according to a 2015 Pew Research Center survey. A similar share of Gen X parents said as much (58%), as did a slightly smaller share (51%) of Baby Boomers with children younger than 18.

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tan...oms-each-year/

[BigBrodieFan]

I just got engaged to a guy I have been living with for a little over two years. After my divorce 5 years ago I took some time, but started dating about a year after it was over.

I went on a lot of first dates.

I left a ton of first dates. I wouldn’t leave unless the person who met me completely misrepresented themselves before meeting in real life. In fairness I would warn men that I just wanted honesty with first off what they look like and secondly, if they were married/in a relationship. I had some doozies.. I had one guy show up for a date on his motorcycle and he wore a Canadian Flag on his head as a dew-rag to try to impress me.. I also had a guy shake my hand at a first meeting and at the same time, he cranked out a giant fart and told me it happened when he got nervous.. lol.. (funny now, but at the time I went back to my car and threw up)

I met my guy (I guess he’s my fiancée now!) in Houston on business and then lived in KC for over a year before deciding to move to Houston. When I first met him I was dating others still and didn’t realize how much I was going to love this guy.

After we had talked on the phone for about three months and had wonderful conversations, I started to really look forward to hearing from him. He did things like sending me flowers every three weeks or so, to my office. The flowers were always over the top with a beautiful card attached. I told him he didn’t have to do that but honestly, I loved it. I was so flattered. I remember he once said to me ‘I am staking my claim and I want the guys in KC to know they have some competition.’ Some women may have found that sexist but I was flattered.

After a little time I started flying to Houston once a month and he came to KC a few times. He gave me space, he was a perfect gentleman and he always let me know he was thinking of me but told me from the start he wouldn’t tell me what to do or how to live.

It’s the classic take-away- and there is no better way to get a woman to be interested in you if you stay controlled, non jealous, and as ambivalent as possible.

Point of the story for guys..

1) Don’t oversell yourself, just be yourself. If she doesn’t like you, her loss.
2) Don’t develop a standard that no woman can meet. So often men get an idea that they are going to meet a model and they are disappointed when her edited selfie isn’t the same as her in-person mug.
3) If you like her, tell her in a subtle, original way. Send her flowers, or a note, or something different with nothing to do with emAils and texting. Do something that makes you stand out in her mind, because online dates are a dime a dozen.
4) Don’t push her to quit dating other people, nor should you quit dating other people. If the two of you are a good match this should be a natural process. Wait for the right time and decide if YOU want to be exclusive first, and then discuss your feelings with her.
5) When it comes to NON online dating, and you find someone attractive, don’t be afraid to ask them out if you don’t know their relationship status. There is nothing wrong with saying ‘Hey, I find you to be very attractive, and I was wondering if you’d like to go out some time?’ If she said ‘Thanks but I am married’ then just apologize and let it go. Either way, you’ve flattered someone, and you just might get a yes.

Good luck out there everyone ❤️❤️

[afc wimbledon]

humans tend to pursue that which runs away

[Muta]

Originally Posted by afc wimbledon

humans tend to pursue that which runs away

This is especially true in a 100m dash

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

Your google broken?

82 per cent of women aged 40 today are married or have been married. That's predicted to drop to between 69 to 77 per cent when the youngest Millennials reach 40.

As Millennials Get Older, Many Are Buying SUVs To Drive To Their Suburban Homes

More than a million Millennials are becoming moms each year

Right, so, exactly what I said. A 5-13% drop in just this short blip is significant, and looking at the broader trends against the boomer generation, it becomes even more significant.

Again, I’m not sure what this conversation has to do with SUVs and suburban living. We’re talking about marriage and relationships, Cliff.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

Your google broken?

I don't think anyone said "no millenials" or "a majority of millenials" aren't doing those things, but they are doing them less than previous generations. Millenials are having less kids and less divorces, negating the need for larger houses and vehicles.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/artic...ate-to-plummet

Americans under the age of 45 have found a novel way to rebel against their elders: They’re staying married.

New data show younger couples are approaching relationships very differently from baby boomers, who married young, divorced, remarried and so on. Generation X and especially millennials are being pickier about who they marry, tying the knot at older ages when education, careers and finances are on track. The result is a U.S. divorce rate that dropped 18 percent from 2008 to 2016, according to an analysis by University of Maryland sociology professor Philip Cohen.

https://www.moneyunder30.com/are-mil...ing-fewer-kids

It turns out the statistics back Toys R Us up. Millennials are having babies at the slowest rate of any generation in American history. Birth rates among women in their twenties dropped by 15 percent between 2007 and 2012, according to the Urban Institute. Four years later 2016 brought a record low for fertility—the CDC estimates only 62 births per 1,000 women.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/josephc.../#16a0ec5c2058

Whatever the reason, the decision of Millennials to delay or forgo having children will have a ripple effect on wannabe Baby Boomer grandparents. No, I am not concerned about Donna’s desire for grandbabies. I am thinking about a far more practical issue – Donna’s financial security.

The majority of Baby Boomers' wealth is not in the bank, in a pension plan or in an investment portfolio, but in their homes. Despite the popular urban mythology of Boomer life in the big city, more than 70% of Baby Boomers are still living in suburban and rural areas. An increasing number of soon-to-retire and recently retired Boomers are looking to downsize and cash out the decades of equity they have amassed in their homes as a source of income and a chance to live the good life. But how can they cash out without any buyers?

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

Again, I’m not sure what this conversation has to do with SUVs and suburban living. We’re talking about marriage and relationships, Cliff.

I think I'm more surprised that he hasn't found a way to slip in a shot at the regressive left.

[Makarov]

Originally Posted by rubecube

I think I'm more surprised that he hasn't found a way to slip in a shot at the regressive left.

[CliffFletcher] Well, the only reason millenials are marrying later and having less children is that the regressive left labels anyone who marries young and has a lot of children as a racist. Also, declining divorce rates is a result of pandering to Islam. [/CliffFletcher]

[blankall]

I really never got the hate for online dating/apps. Does their existence prevent you from hitting on drunk girls at bars or creeping on girls at coffee shops. I get the love for doing things "the old fashioned way". I also get that many women don't want to be hassled in public.

I thought online dating was really amazing. It really streamlined the whole process. It was somewhere in between classical dating and speed dating. I was able to meet many different women and figure out what I was looking for much quicker.

Unless you have some amazing social circle that includes all sorts of single people - which would be very rare to find past age 30 or so - I can't see how "Real Life" dating is preferable in any way.

[Matata]

I might my SO with online dating and the best tips I got are:


1. Profile pic: do not smile, do not look at the camera, keep your shirt on. That stuff creeps women out. The best pic is to make it seem like someone caught you unaware while you're climbing a mountain or something.
2. There's almost no point in making first contact. Every girl gets like 100 messages a day. Just make a solid profile and let them make first contact. It's a slow burn (1-3 girls/month is a good month) but nearly all the success I had started with the girl reaching out first.
3. Hook up culture will erode your soul makes settling down more difficult. It's best to be avoided.

[blankall]

Originally Posted by Matata

I might my SO with online dating and the best tips I got are:


1. Profile pic: do not smile, do not look at the camera, keep your shirt on. That stuff creeps women out. The best pic is to make it seem like someone caught you unaware while you're climbing a mountain or something.
2. There's almost no point in making first contact. Every girl gets like 100 messages a day. Just make a solid profile and let them make first contact. It's a slow burn (1-3 girls/month is a good month) but nearly all the success I had started with the girl reaching out first.
3. Hook up culture will erode your soul makes settling down more difficult. It's best to be avoided.

I don't agree with #2. There are lots of very good looking women who don't get approached. The overall investment in sending out a message you don't get a reply to is very low. Just don't send out a generic message. Send out something that actually shows interest in the other person's profile.

[Muta]

As someone who dates / is happily single by choice in my mid 30s, I'll say this - if meeting people is what you're after, don't wait for someone to message / approach you. Be confident and do it yourself, first. Go for what you want and don't wait; just make sure you do it with respect. If you get rejected, don't worry about it and just move on. The key is to be outcome independent. Have an awesome, fulfilling life outside of dating and it's much easier to get to this point.

Twiddling your thumbs and sitting around waiting for someone to contact you isn't a good strategy, and it may never pay off. At least when you approach first (real life or online), you move the process along and don't waste your time.

[Matata]

Originally Posted by blankall

I don't agree with #2. There are lots of very good looking women who don't get approached. The overall investment in sending out a message you don't get a reply to is very low. Just don't send out a generic message. Send out something that actually shows interest in the other person's profile.

Very good looking women in online dating who don't get approached, does such a thing exist? I know things happen that way in the real world, but typically the hotter the girl, the more guys that think to themselves "I'll just send a quick message". For example, I know the DMs of instagram models are wastelands of pathetic male desperation.

I can only speak on my own experiences and I don't doubt reaching out first can end up being the right move, but the effort/reward ratio is brutal and guys should keep that in mind.

It's also good to keep in mind that even though women can be irrational and unpredictable, female desire is a primal thing and typically looks for the same 3 things:
1) Stability & Security: this one speaks for itself.
2) Excitement: they hate being bored and will hate you for being boring.
3) Comfort: she wants to know she can be her real self around you.
Actually fulfilling these requirements is difficult, but they are simple and relatively universal in nature.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by blankall

I don't agree with #2. There are lots of very good looking women who don't get approached.

https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/ok...ox-attractive/

The “most attractive” women receive five times as many messages as the average female does, with 2/3 of all male messages going to the top 1/3 of women. And women tend to favor the most attractive men, though the ratio is less extreme.

[Ark2]

Originally Posted by Matata

I can only speak on my own experiences and I don't doubt reaching out first can end up being the right move, but the effort/reward ratio is brutal and guys should keep that in mind.

I found that the key was to message many women with a message that is generic but appears to be unique and tailored to the recipient's profile. In my experience, it was something like 75% of women's profiles talked about how they love to travel, so I would send a message talking about travel. To them, it signaled that I actually read their profile and stood out from all of the "hey/hi/hello" messages that they got, but it enabled me to send out like 20 messages in half an hour.

I'm married now, but back in 2012 when I was dating online, if I sent out 20 messages on a Saturday, I would typically get 3-5 replies by the end of the weekend. That's probably a higher success rate as a man than what you would get if you just sat around waiting for someone to message you.

[afc wimbledon]

You lot are over thinking most of the online stuff, if you're profile is out there women that are interested may approach you but that doesn't stop you contacting women either, you can rely on both.

Sadly the thing that seemed to boost my online success was having a photo taken next to my Mercedes, turns out women can be just as shallow as men, they just have different objectives and a man who is financially secure is fairly attractive.

Online dating is no different from going to a club, you just have to keep plugging away, don't be to pushy, don't worry if you get shot down a lot as we all do, eventually you will find someone who likes the look of you or is just lonely and desperate enough, its no different from hitting on the less attractive friend when the last dance is being played.