Family Issues

[CaramonLS]

Originally Posted by northcrunk

I really hate to say it but are you %100 sure the kid is yours?

Trout can probably shed more insight into this, but I don't think it matters anymore legally and there would be no reprocussions against her. You're better off never knowing or thinking about the answer to this question.

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by northcrunk

I really hate to say it but are you %100 sure the kid is yours?

yes

[albertGQ]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I cried, then I called my parents and talked to them, then I slept on the couch in the room and watched tv and tried to ignore her. On the plane home she asked me to forgive her and I said I had to think. About two weeks later I said ok, lets make it work but she decided to start trying to date her friend instead. I contemplated suicide and might have followed through if not for my son. It was a bad time.

Glad you didn't man. Especially with a special needs kid.

I have two little boys myself and I can't fathom abandoning them.

[Puppet Guy]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

Actually just before we left she was telling my sister she should get pregnant at the same time as my sister who was going to start trying for a child.

that's just creepy. Maybe she was using you to get your sister.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Puppet Guy

that's just creepy. Maybe she was using you to get your sister.

[Roof-Daddy]

Ugh. That story about New Orleans makes ME want to rage.

Hard to say how I would react in a situation like that, but I'm pretty sure I would have told her to head back over to "Johnny's" and stay there for the rest of the week.

That's a heartless, low life b!tch IMO.

[darklord700]

The more I read this thread, the more I can't believe your sis didn't take your side. The sooner you ditch your ex and get her out of your life and mine the better. Hope your fiance is a much better person than your ex.

[To Be Quite Honest]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I cried, then I called my parents and talked to them, then I slept on the couch in the room and watched tv and tried to ignore her. On the plane home she asked me to forgive her and I said I had to think. About two weeks later I said ok, lets make it work but she decided to start trying to date her friend instead. I contemplated suicide and might have followed through if not for my son. It was a bad time.

I met a bunch of men in similar situations. All emotionally destroyed and suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. The only difference was they never got to see there kids and the courts would do nothing. Lawyers cost $$$ that these men couldn't afford. I got sucked in because I felt so bad for them and I got pretty angry. It's so hard and it wouldn't be if people weren't so selfish. (My simplistic view)

The best thing one can do is have a line and do not cross it. This limit will help you when you need to educate others on what you will tolerate. Open the communication. Write a letter. Have some coffees with them and tell them what you will and what you will not accept. If your parents are on your side then it makes it easier. Then in the family get togethers you only have to be cordial. Hello and good-bye. It's also a great way to set an example for your children.

I drew a line for a family member and she crossed it. Continuously. Because she wouldn't respect my boundaries I told her that our relationship is over. My decision has stuck and I still feel great about it. The best part is that almost the entire family understands!

Verbalize the boundaries and take care of your business. I wish you nothing but happiness and success dissentowner.

As for the massive amount of gifts you ex sends. Space them out throughout the year. It will be a continuous positive surprise and show of affection for your son. Tell the ex that's what you doing though. Always be honest.

[Flash Walken]

Originally Posted by Peanut

Sounds like there is a lot going on and I'm not going to weigh in on much. The only thing I noticed is the theme that this woman "ruined your life" cropped up more than once. I don't want this to come out the wrong way but... This all went down in 2005? And you still hold on to her "ruining your life" at the end of 2013? And the fact that your family members stay in touch with the mother of your child doesn't seem outrageous to me, even if she did hurt you deeply back in 2005. But IMO, it's time to let the "she ruined my life" rhetoric go. She cheated on you. It's devastating, yes (believe me, I know). But it happens to people all the time, marriages end, it's really not unique. And it only "ruins your life" if you let it.

^I think this is the best advice in this thread.

Living well is the best revenge.

You've got a new Fiancee, time to drop that life destroying mantra, if not just for you, but for your future wife and yourself to start things off right.

[CaptainCrunch]

And that's why you follow the good Captain's advice

A few years of hump and dump is good for the self esteem and great in terms of no complications.

And all you need to remember is this line to get out of any relationship

"So is this where I pay you?"

[Dion]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I cried, then I called my parents and talked to them, then I slept on the couch in the room and watched tv and tried to ignore her. On the plane home she asked me to forgive her and I said I had to think. About two weeks later I said ok, lets make it work but she decided to start trying to date her friend instead. I contemplated suicide and might have followed through if not for my son. It was a bad time.

Glad to hear you chose life. Focus on your son and be there for him always.

Some years ago my sister's ex cheated on her. She knew what was going on and tried to save the marriage. The end result was a nasty divorce with the sad part being that my niece and nephew had to endure it. Dispite the bitter feelings she ha had at the time, she encouraged both to maintain a relationship with thier father. They were told not take sides in the divorce. It was and still is a difficult process when it comes to family events such as graduation events but she gets through it.

You can't change the past or who your ex is and those in your family. Rise above it all and take the high road. You need to make peace with your past to be able to move forward. You can't continue to bring with you the events of the past. It's a difficult process but don't under estimate the strength you have to move forward. Today and tomorrow can be anything you want and your life going forward should be a happy one.

[Hockey_Ninja]

Yeesh diss, I feel really bad for you man. You've been through a lot of #### in your life. And I thought my issues where bad.

[kipperfan]

I have to say, you have some serious balls dissentowner, and I respect the hell out of that. I have been through some tough times in my life but don't think I'd have the nerve to bare myself like you have, for all to see.

Very glad to hear you've turned the corner in your life and I agree with the general sentiment in this thread, cut ties with your sister and her husband, they're clearly fairly shi**y people and your life will likely be better without them.

[Husky]

Just cause they are family means jack all. Sucks to say.

[boogerz]

Originally Posted by Husky

Just cause they are family means jack all. Sucks to say.

Real talk. Just because you are "blood" doesn't mean you don't have a say in which family members you want to associate with.

Plus, aside from the fact that you should have cut them out the moment they kicked you out of the house to let your ex-wife stay with them, do you know why they like your ex-wife so much? If so, the answer is probably even more clear. If not, you probably should figure that out.

Birds of a feather flock together (usually)

[stang]

So crappy man!! You're doing better then me though...

I'd probably be in a New Orleans jail for murder.

Edit: actually I'd hope to be in a Canadian prison by now...

[PIMking]

I don't speak to two of my sisters, they are complete waste of good oxygen for the rest of us.

I don't care if they're blood or not, I'm a once chance only type of person.

The sooner you let them go, the slut ex and dumb ass aussie, and the bro in law and sis the better you will feel.

[flylock shox]

I'm not so sure you need to cut them out of your life entirely.

I get the sense that you've basically absorbed a lot of emotional damage over the last several years, and that for the most part you've internalized it, trying to be the "bigger person" in all the circumstances.

The problem with just taking damage all the time is that it creates certain perceptions and expectations, i.e, that you can continue to take it, or that you're not as upset as you actually are.

It sounds to me that you need to finally assert yourself. Be very clear, and very firm, about where you stand and what you will no longer put up with. Set your boundaries and mean it: if they are crossed, you will not tolerate it. It doesn't sounds like displays of anger are really in your nature, but it may take a good one to jolt your sister into a real understanding of where you're coming from, and the fact you're very serious about where you're going.

Once you've clearly established where you stand, she can decide where she stands. If she chooses not to stand with you, then the decision to end your relationship hasn't been yours, it's been hers.

But I think, before you abandon that relationship entirely, you should make it crystal clear how you feel, and how you need things to be. That way, if you end up having to wash your hands of the whole thing, you'll have done so honestly, and you'll know you did it for the right reasons.

It sounds like you already know what's right for you. Now the trick is to stand up and do it.

I bet you'll feel a lot better after. At least I hope so.

[prarieboy]

Hey Diss. Tough situation. I wonder if you can consider something for a moment.

It doesn't sound like your ex has made a ton of great decisions in the past. That probably won't change going forward because from what I can gather in this thread she is a very selfish person. The one thing she has done for you is give you a second chance at a life that includes someone else. This is a gift that you may not yet realize the value of. It might be time to forgive her for being a bad person. It doesn't sound like she intentionally tried to hurt you. She's just a thoughtless, selfish person. A not uncommon condition. Unfortunately these fun loving folks leave many others in their wake.

Back on topic I wouldn't go out of my way to spend to much time with your sister and her husband at this point. If they don't value you and your company so be it. There are way better people in the world to spend your time with. Spend that time with your parents instead. Odds are they won't be around as long as your sister. Your son also comes to mind. What about your fiancé or your friends, wouldn't they all make you feel better about yourself than people who side with or are fundamentally like your selfish ex?

Worry about the people in your life that worry about you.

[SHOGUN]

I want to give you a bro hug.. god I feel bad what you went through. The whole situation just shows how heartless some people truly are.