Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[Titan2]

Originally Posted by skudr248

You're right, and I know that deep down but it's like accepting the fact that I can't for the entirety of my life is some deep routed issue that I have (which probably has some correlation to the things I wrote above, with me thinking why can't I have that if others can). I haven't been able to figure that out before, and break free from that, which I desperately want to. It's like I hold onto the good time's I had, and not being able to accept my new reality because it's not something I can control.

I was doing actually pretty well for 8 months prior to August, didn't drink at all, no desire to, and never had an issue saying no when people asked me if I wanted anything. I used running as my coping mechanism for stressors this year (highly recommend). Then the work reorg, toxicity at work, burn out, trying to go through IVF, an injury to my leg, all why feeling alone in it all made me snowball in August. Things got better for some time, and this past weekend was another episode where it all came to a blowing point and the wheels fell off.

As I even type this, my head is screaming to go to talk therapy and make it a point to talk to a therapist through these things so I don't continue to 'bottle it up' within me until the inevitable tipping point. Alas, first appointment is Nov 4th, and I'm dedicated work through all they complex issues. I need to make it a point to talk to others that will hear me out as well, so I really appreciate the folks that reached out via DM's. I may take you up on those requests to talk through things. Great community we have here.

I'll end it with this - One hard thing to swallow is my wife and her family here, everybody walks on egg shells around me like I am going to go on a full ripper if there is alcohol nearby, which really isn't the case. It's hard for me to communicate that and I don't think they really understand that and I did try before. It makes me feel really alone because I go into self preservation mode around them and don't really feel myself, which is followed by going into self isolation, and the cycle eventually rears its head again when all the other stressors reach a boiling point. That's another thing I need to figure out and how I can work through the challenges of restoring those relationships rather than my usual 'avoiding it' or 'running away' methods. I can't do that anymore in my life...

Thanks to all who listened and read through this.

I was going to say that AFC may have been premature about his warning but after hearing what you said about your wife and her family, maybe he is onto something. Only you know how bad it is, and it is crucial that you talk to someone about it. As for the other stuff, it does sound like you have anxiety, adhd or something similar. 'Imposter syndrome' is something lots of people struggle with. I too am a flight personality and avoid conflict and difficult situations. As I have said, therapy was a great help for me, but also don't forget your family doctor, if you have one. A therapist can't prescribe meds, although they can help you discuss what may be helpful which you can then discuss with your doc. I am not sure how hard is to get into a psychiatrist but your MD should be able to help with that as well.

For the work situation, start looking. It is easy to do a quiet search, and there is nothing more soul-destroying than a toxic workplace. I would also suggest considering a combination of ournaling and 'UOD' messaging to your boss. What I mean is keeping written track of what you are being asked to do, what you can do with the resources at hand, and what you are unable to prioritize at the moment due to time, resources, or other priorities. Report this weekly. I am working on A, B, and C. I have been tasked with 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5, but these are priority items, not as urgent as A, B, and C, etc. This helps you figure out what you should be working on, and creates a record for if/when they come for you. It is probably best to send it to your boss to keep them informed, but it is also seen as a request for direction, and if none comes, it is not your fault.

This may also help you feel you can take a bit of control over your work environment. Just a thought.

[afc wimbledon]

I made the suggestion to give up drinking not because it is necessarily the answer, but it might be, it is something we have control over, there's no waiting list to quit and other than in a few extremely rare medical cases not drinking has no downside, not drinking has never made things worse ever

[troutman]

Bartending and working in a liquor store has shown me how much alcohol is a significant problem for many people in society. So many people cannot drink responsibly. It destroys relationships, health and longevity. The growing scientific consensus is there is no safe consumption amount.

I’m not arguing for prohibition - not sure what the answer is. The current young adult generation does seem to be drinking far less than we did.

https://med.stanford.edu/news/insigh...ence-says.html

Even at low levels, alcohol can have significant effects on the body. A 2024 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association followed more than 135,000 drinkers age 60 and over and found that even moderate alcohol intake was associated with a higher death rate — with much of that increase seen in cancer and cardiovascular disease.

A 2024 report from the American Association for Cancer Research concluded that more than 5% of all cancers in the U.S. are attributable to alcohol use. The more alcohol consumed, the greater the risk of cancer, but the risks start with any alcohol consumption.

“The only perfectly safe amount of alcohol is none, but understanding your own risk factors can help you decide how much, if any, alcohol is acceptable for you,” agreed Humphreys. “If you stay within a drink a day and take some days off, that might be a reasonable level of risk for most people.”

While the idea of abstaining completely may feel daunting, there’s a growing cultural shift toward mindful drinking, or not drinking. Younger generations are drinking less and non-alcoholic beverages are becoming more popular.

“The alcohol industry spent decades convincing people that drinking was glamorous and healthy,” Humphreys said. “Now, more people are starting to see through that.”

[Jiri Hrdina]

Originally Posted by afc wimbledon

I made the suggestion to give up drinking not because it is necessarily the answer, but it might be, it is something we have control over, there's no waiting list to quit and other than in a few extremely rare medical cases not drinking has no downside, not drinking has never made things worse ever

I recently stopped drinking. Not because it was an issue for me, but because I want to extend my life. And Alcohol is unquestionably bad for us. Period.

The downside is I have this great collection of bourbon that I don't know what to do with now.

As you said, if the idea of not drinking is scary, you probably should stop drinking.

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by Jiri Hrdina

I recently stopped drinking. Not because it was an issue for me, but because I want to extend my life. And Alcohol is unquestionably bad for us. Period.

The downside is I have this great collection of bourbon that I don't know what to do with now.

As you said, if the idea of not drinking is scary, you probably should stop drinking.

Do you have friends or family that come by? That could be a good use for it. Good for you for giving up something you enjoy to extend your life. Not an easy task.

[CliffFletcher]

If you can’t drink without excess, or if you drink mostly alone, then it’s probably a good idea to give it up.

However, alcohol does foster face-to-face socialization, and social isolation is the biggest health problem in the developed world today. Getting together with other people, talking, laughing, and opening up is a good thing. It’s essential for a healthy life. For many, alcohol lubricates and enhances that interaction.

As for the health impacts of alcohol, there are many things we consume that are unquestionably bad for our health - cured meats, burgers, ice cream, etc. But in moderation, the pleasure they give us can be worth the marginal impact on our health.

[Jiri Hrdina]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

Do you have friends or family that come by? That could be a good use for it. Good for you for giving up something you enjoy to extend your life. Not an easy task.

Yes and also just thought of re-gifting some of it.
But it feels weird because its the element of "I've decided to no longer ingest this thing that is proven to be bad for us, but here you have it".

[Jiri Hrdina]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

If you can’t drink without excess, or if you drink mostly alone, then it’s probably a good idea to give it up.

However, alcohol does foster face-to-face socialization, and social isolation is the biggest health problem in the developed world today. Getting together with other people, talking, laughing, and opening up is a good thing. It’s essential for a healthy life. For many, alcohol lubricates and enhances that interaction.

As for the health impacts of alcohol, there are many things we consume that are unquestionably bad for our health - cured meats, burgers, ice cream, etc. But in moderation, the pleasure they give us can be worth the marginal impact on our health.

Well that's up to everyone to decide which stuff they think is worth doing.
But I challenge the rest. I agree lack of socialization is a huge problem. I disagree that alcohol is important to that. At the company I work at, we have consistent feedback from younger staff members that they don't like that alcohol is part of every company event.

[peter12]

Have you considered that this current crop of young people may actually be the least fun generation ever?

Having a couple of beers with the boys at a bar or in front of the TV is the best.

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by Jiri Hrdina

But I challenge the rest. I agree lack of socialization is a huge problem. I disagree that alcohol is important to that.

It’s important to a lot of people who currently drink - which is relevant to the question we’re addressing of whether people should stop drinking. It’s a safe bet that if every bar and taphouse in the city stopped selling alcohol, most would go out of business and most of their clientele would socialize less.

Originally Posted by Jiri Hrdina

At the company I work at, we have consistent feedback from younger staff members that they don't like that alcohol is part of every company event.

Yes, young people are drinking less. But they aren’t replacing after-work drinks with other activities - they’re simply socializing less. With co-workers and with peers in general.

Alcohol obviously isn’t for everybody. There’s a lot of bad consequences from alcohol consumption. But it also has some benefits that we’re losing as it declines.

[afc wimbledon]

'The kids' aren't socializing less because they are drinking less, they are drinking less because they are socializing less, 'the kids' aren't even socializing less in truth, my kids are constantly in conversation with 10 or 15 people all the time to a degree I couldn't have imagined when I was 17 or 18, they are just doing it online, whether this is a good or bad thing remains to be seen

[peter12]

Originally Posted by afc wimbledon

'The kids' aren't socializing less because they are drinking less, they are drinking less because they are socializing less, 'the kids' aren't even socializing less in truth, my kids are constantly in conversation with 10 or 15 people all the time to a degree I couldn't have imagined when I was 17 or 18, they are just doing it online, whether this is a good or bad thing remains to be seen

This is a very bad thing. The evidence, in fact, is absolutely in.

[Jiri Hrdina]

Originally Posted by peter12

This is a very bad thing. The evidence, in fact, is absolutely in.

The evidence is also in that consuming alcohol is a bad thing.

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by peter12

This is a very bad thing. The evidence, in fact, is absolutely in.

No, we are in the adjustment period, we have had the internet for a couple of decades effectively, right now we (especially old bastards like you and I) are judging only by the old rules that we see being broken, people breaking up via ghosting, people losing jobs because of the dumb crap they post online etc, in 50 or 100 years society will have adapted, new rules will evolve, peoples behaviors will adapt, only then can we judge (and anyway, good or bad there is sod all anyone can do about it, it is just reality)

[peter12]

Originally Posted by Jiri Hrdina

The evidence is also in that consuming alcohol is a bad thing.

But what Cliff is saying is absolutely correct. Moderate drinkers are healthier, richer, and happier than non-drinkers.

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/ar...cancer/681322/

Alcohol addiction is a scourge, but let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater. *Some* alcohol is very good.

[peter12]

Originally Posted by afc wimbledon

No, we are in the adjustment period, we have had the internet for a couple of decades effectively, right now we (especially old bastards like you and I) are judging only by the old rules that we see being broken, people breaking up via ghosting, people losing jobs because of the dumb crap they post online etc, in 50 or 100 years society will have adapted, new rules will evolve, peoples behaviors will adapt, only then can we judge (and anyway, good or bad there is sod all anyone can do about it, it is just reality)

Then why is your kids' generation extremely depressed, anxious, and isolated?

Like, the evidence here is overwhelming.

[Jiri Hrdina]

I'm not sure some alcohol is very good.
But would not say the same thing about social media? Is not "some" social media not ok?

[peter12]

Originally Posted by Jiri Hrdina

I'm not sure some alcohol is very good.
But would not say the same thing about social media? Is not "some" social media not ok?

I don't think children should be exposed to either?

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by peter12

Then why is your kids' generation extremely depressed, anxious, and isolated?

Like, the evidence here is overwhelming.

I'm not sure they are frankly, but I know violence in youth has dropped massively, that FASD is dropping massively as well I suspect in retrospect we will see social problems changing not increasing or decreasing

This new society will bring it's own issues but equally other issues will decline

[blankall]

Originally Posted by afc wimbledon

I'm not sure they are frankly, but I know violence in youth has dropped massively, that FASD is dropping massively as well I suspect in retrospect we will see social problems changing not increasing or decreasing

This new society will bring it's own issues but equally other issues will decline

Alcohol has already been replaced by something much worse, opioids. People, but especially youth, have much higher rates of opioid deaths, to the point it's decreasing the life expectancy of Canadians on average.

This notion that youth are living a healthier life simply isn't true. They are abusing drugs, generally, more. Opioid, cocaine, meth, random "research chemicals" etc.. Average life expectancy for a young person is decreasing rapidly.

You people are also getting fatter, less active, using nicotine more (vaping and pouch use outweighs decreases in cigarette use), etc...

Yes, the rates for young people abstaining from alcohol have increased from 24-30%, but that's likely not a sign a health. I think what we're seeing is a backlash by a minority to epidemics going on around them. The same is true of food. If you went by social media alone, you'd assume more people were eating healthy or alternative diets. However, on average, people are eating worse, including more fast food.