My wife & I are separating

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally Posted by flamesaresmokin

Don't want to be a downer here but maybe part of this divorce has to do with the fact that instead of talking to your wife or family about this you are talking to strangers on a message board? Good lord.

Nothing wrong with looking for some 3rd party moral support or neutral points of view. I'm sure the situation is more complicated than "my wife wants to break up so I'm going to post about it on CP".

[flamesaresmokin]

Originally Posted by frinkprof

Is it not possible that he might be doing both? I know I have the ability to talk to be people face-to-face while also spending some time online discussing things with strangers.

The fact that someone wants to discuss their failing marriage with strangers on a message board is concerning. Especially when the depth of discussion is "get a good lawyer" or "she is probably cheating". How is this helpful to anyone? IMO this is one step away from asking someone on the street how to raise your children.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by flamesaresmokin

IMO this is one step away from asking someone on the street how to raise your children.

It takes a village to raise a child.

[frinkprof]

Originally Posted by flamesaresmokin

The fact that someone wants to discuss their failing marriage with strangers on a message board is concerning. Especially when the depth of discussion is "get a good lawyer" or "she is probably cheating". How is this helpful to anyone? IMO this is one step away from asking someone on the street how to raise your children.

There's been some helpful posts I think.

People use the internet/forums for all sorts of things nowadays. I think it is important to not trust it completely of course, but you can still discover some helpful tidbits and answers that you otherwise may not have, or had to pay for.

[BlackEleven]

Originally Posted by flamesaresmokin

The fact that someone wants to discuss their failing marriage with strangers on a message board is concerning. Especially when the depth of discussion is "get a good lawyer" or "she is probably cheating". How is this helpful to anyone? IMO this is one step away from asking someone on the street how to raise your children.

I suppose you take every piece of advice you're given? In that case, I advise you to quit posting in this thread.

[Phaneuf3]

Originally Posted by BlackEleven

I suppose you take every piece of advice you're given? In that case, I advise you to quit posting in this thread.

Right after I advise him to wire me all of his money.

[VladtheImpaler]

Originally Posted by flamesaresmokin

The fact that someone wants to discuss their failing marriage with strangers on a message board is concerning. Especially when the depth of discussion is "get a good lawyer" or "she is probably cheating". How is this helpful to anyone? IMO this is one step away from asking someone on the street how to raise your children.

I can see your point, but look at it from the OP's POV - he's just had a load of bricks dropped on him, and is probably confused and bewildered. In a situation like that it might be helpful to get some information from people who are not emotionally invested. Clearly, some people might say stupid things, but I think this is helpful to get some perspective and to "land on one's feet". He can talk to friends/family, but those people are (a) biased and (b) not necessarily informed. Alternatively, he can talk to a shrink/lawyer but that is expensive.

[return to the red]

Originally Posted by troutman

I wish people wouldn't pursue their divorces in terms of winning and losing. The collaborative system >>> adversarial system (but it takes two to play).

My ex and I did it the collaborative way and while it was extremely hard sitting there with my ex, whom i was totally in love with, hashing out the minor details it was probably the best. Of course in the end anyhow I made her pay all the legal fees and wouldn't budge on it because it wasn't me who wanted the divorce.

[Rerun]

Originally Posted by flamesaresmokin

Don't want to be a downer here but maybe part of this divorce has to do with the fact that instead of talking to your wife or family about this you are talking to strangers on a message board? Good lord.

Why....Do you think his wife will be able to recommend a good lawyer?

Nothing wrong with coming on here and asking for advice... we are after all... kind of like a family.

Plus... we have some very knowledgeable people here who are able to give excellent advice.... in some cases, probably better than he would get from his own family. I mean yes, family is family, but family doesn't always know everything and everything they know isn't always right.

Lets face it. The marriage is toast. Now its time to defend the castle.

[SportsJunky]

Originally Posted by DuffMan

http://www.nomarriage.com/

Now that is an interesting website.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by SportsJunky

Now that is an interesting website, for misogynists.

fyp

[Rerun]

http://www.fireyourwife.com/

FireYourWife.com
Pre-divorce guide for men preparing to divorce modern American women
Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Majority of divorces are initiated my women who usually get favorable divorce outcomes because they prepare. Fire Your Wife will help you understand things you can do while married to greatly improve your odds of getting a favorable divorce.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Rerun

http://www.fireyourwife.com/

Everything about hiding money and assets before divorce

Terrible advice.

[CrazyCaper]

Originally Posted by flamesaresmokin

Don't want to be a downer here but maybe part of this divorce has to do with the fact that instead of talking to your wife or family about this you are talking to strangers on a message board? Good lord.

I came to CP because I know alot of members have probably been through similar situations in the past and I need some perspective. Believe me, I've talked to my wife, my family, friends, psychologist etc. but it never hurts to have an outsiders point of view.

[Rerun]

Originally Posted by troutman

Everything about hiding money and assets before divorce

Terrible advice.

What about the other 9 points of advice?

-It covers the nuts and bolts of actions you can take in months and years before your divorce, as well as right before and during divorce.
-Things to do and not to do to get a custody of your children and not lose your house.
-Things to do and not to do to keep as much money as possible during and after divorce.
-Things to do to minimize your future payments to your ex-wife.
-Everything about hiding money and assets before divorce.
-How to document your wife's illegal and unethical behavior before filing for divorce.
-How to document other things your wife does that will help you during divorce.
-Unethical and illegal things your wife and her lawyer may do during divorce, including using children as hostages against you and falsely accusing you of sexual or physical abuse. And what you can do to protect yourself and possibly fight back.
-Tricks your wife and her lawyer will be using during divorce to unfairly get as much money from you as possible.
-I read most of the recent divorce books for women. Fire Your Wife includes an overview of important advice women get. The more you know, the better you can plan and prepare for divorce.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Rerun

What about the other 9 points of advice?

People who go down this path can expect years of expensive legal fees, stress and depression. I find these sites very misogynistic. There are no winners in the "scorched earth" strategy.

[username]

Originally Posted by Rerun

What about the other 9 points of advice?

What ends up costing a person more? Spending 5 grand on a lawyer to quickly end a divorce and be able move on with your life or plotting how to beat your ex in the divorce and causing all sorts of emotional pain for you, your ex and your kids?

It shouldn't be about money, that's just one small aspect of a divorce.

[malcolmk14]

Originally Posted by flamesaresmokin

Don't want to be a downer here but maybe part of this divorce has to do with the fact that instead of talking to your wife or family about this you are talking to strangers on a message board? Good lord.

I actually take offence to this. Even though I don't know any of the members on this board personally, people here can be very supportive and knowledgable. I've got some fantastic insight and advice from people on CalgaryPuck that I'm able to apply in real life that I would never receive from friends or family. Not because my family isn't supportive, but because a lot of them don't have the experience or expertise that some people on this site do. I don't think there's anything wrong with balancing "online" interaction and "real-life" interaction. As long as he's not ONLY using a message board as his source of support, which I'm sure he's not.

Sometimes typing out your problems and getting feedback from strangers is a therapeutic way of thinking through your emotions.

All that being said, I take most of what I read here with a grain of salt. Some people certainly have better advice than others. But there is good stuff to be found.

[Rerun]

Originally Posted by troutman

People who go down this path can expect years of expensive legal fees, stress and depression. I find these sites very misogynistic. There are no winners in the "scorched earth" strategy.

A guy I know who got screwed in the divorce settlement (she had a very good lawyer... he had an incompetent one) would beg to differ.

Whoever said women are the weaker sex never had to face a women in divorce court who was out to make her husband pay for all the perceived wrongs he's done her throughout their marriage.


... not saying all divorces go this way... but its better to come prepared than to leave it up to God and hope for the best. Don't show up to a gunfight with only a knife in your hand.... better to have a gun hidden in your pocket too... just in case.

[T@T]

Originally Posted by username

What ends up costing a person more? Spending 5 grand on a lawyer to quickly end a divorce and be able move on with your life or plotting how to beat your ex in the divorce and causing all sorts of emotional pain for you, your ex and your kids?

It shouldn't be about money, that's just one small aspect of a divorce.

right !