Got in trouble at work - Did I destroy my reputation or can I recover?

[nik-]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

But sallias has a good point, not everyone will be comfortable in doing it. I saw it years ago, when we all had to go swimming. A lot of employees were very upset over it and were stressed because management was trying to force it on them. But many didnt go because they werent comfortable with it.

These work events should be an activity that is open, in other words most people will be comfortable trying. I can list off a bunch that are more open and more ideal to a large group of people - go karting, poole, helping in a homeless shelter, pet shelter, etc. Its just like food, if you order food for the office, chances are...you're going to order common stuff that you know majority will eat.

Golf is no different than rock climbing when you see that both are niche hobbies, which years ago was another one of our staff outings. There are much more people today who have never tried rock climbing than golf. And rock climbing can be very uncomfortable for someone who is out of shape.

Sounds like the answer might be to not accept the invite then.

[troutman]

Articling at a big law firm can be a real nightmare around social events.

The students are required to perform skits lampooning the partners in front of the whole office. I had to play one partner in drag (not so bad actually).

We had to organize the big summer bbq at the senior partner's mansion.

We were "encouraged" to join the politcial party that the partners supported.

[WhiteTiger]

The way I look at it is that Management gets to command my time while I'm on the clock. I get to decide how my time is spent when I'm not on the clock. If I like my co-workers, they already know it because we will hang out without management requiring us to.

[The Ditch]

Originally Posted by WhiteTiger

The way I look at it is that Management gets to command my time while I'm on the clock. I get to decide how my time is spent when I'm not on the clock. If I like my co-workers, they already know it because we will hang out without management requiring us to.

You can do whatever you want but that could also mean you will be passed up for promotions and raises when management is looking to hand out such things.

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by Shawnski

I would look at it differently.

Golfing in a company event is the least intimidating way to try the sport. You may not succeed, but not one of your co-workers will look down upon you for trying, regardless of outcome. It is likely the opposite, they will encourage you and help you do better. If you are giving it your best attempt, people will respect you for that. Thus it is a great team building exercise.

In a nine hole best ball format, out of perhaps three dozen shots you take, only TWO are likely to have to be used (a couple drives). It isn't the end of the world if those two aren't good either. It's for fun.

Trying to do something that is outside your comfort zone shows way more of your character than hiding inside your comfort zone.

Ditto on the karaoke. I had never done it, until a team building event in Kelowna. The biggest wig at the event was one of the four on stage and right beside me. He and I shared one of the two mics. I didn't "feel" like doing it, but if there ever was a time to try, it was then as I was around people I knew.

So I belted out Frank Sinatra's "My Way" as best as I could, and the big wig put his arm around me half way through and said "You are doing great! Thanks for covering for me!". I laughed and we finished together with a flourish.

Our relationship was the better for it. He always knew that regardless of the task or challenge he threw at me, I would give it my best. And if I was severely overloaded, he would say "You prioritize what you think needs to be done and drop the rest." That team building exercise helped build trust and empowerment.

One should look at team building events such as golf/karaoke as opportunities, not threats. Go have fun. Everyone else is.

Believe it or not, despite being an introvert who doesn't enjoy workplace social outings AT ALL, I've nonetheless been identified as a rising star at my company, and they've invested tens of thousands of dollars in my professional development to send me to numerous management and leadership training courses. One thing I was taught in one of those sessions really stuck out for me in particular.

We were learning about different personality types and communication styles (e.g. Myers-Briggs, DISC, etc.), and the instructor told us that it's very important that we learn the behaviour types of our colleagues and direct reports so we can better interact with them on their terms. The reason he gave was this: "You've always been told to treat others how you yourself would like to be treated, but that's wrong. You should treat others how they would like to be treated."

The point being, not everyone acts and behaves and thinks the same way. What's fun for one person is not necessarily fun for someone else. Some people may be more prone to embarrassment while others just shrug it off or play it up for laughs. As a manager, I make it a point to never put my team members in a position that would make them feel uneasy unless it's absolutely necessary to get the job done or when pushing them out of their comfort zone a bit is good for personal growth (and attending after-work social activities most definitely does not qualify). If one of my employees ever approached me and said they don't enjoy golfing and would prefer not to participate in the company tournament, I would not tell them to suck it up and get over themselves. Instead, I'd ask for a suggestion on an activity they enjoy so they'd be more inclined to attend the next corporate event we organize.

[TorqueDog]

I was expecting something way more interesting than "I didn't want to go to a company golf event so I re-RSVP'd late with no".

Next time, can you please do something along the lines of "sexual escapades with co-worker on desk of direct manager" or something?

In all seriousness, maybe the golf teams had been set and you were on the same team as your boss. It's annoying as hell to be short-handed in stuff like that.

"Unpaid work events are for suckers" is for the real suckers. Two people could be equal at doing the same job, but the quiet guy who sits in the corner, does his 9-5 and goes home isn't going to see the same advancement as the guy who is visible, attends events, etc. You are a brand. You have to market yourself, and company / networking events are a big part of that.

[neo45]

Sorry but it sounds like you aren't the right type of personality to be a sectetatry. If you are in administration you should probably be one of the more social people in your department. A good department admin is at every social event, its really part of the value that position brings to a department

[cDnStealth]

Originally Posted by WhiteTiger

The way I look at it is that Management gets to command my time while I'm on the clock. I get to decide how my time is spent when I'm not on the clock. If I like my co-workers, they already know it because we will hang out without management requiring us to.

I think the problem here is that he accepted the invite in the first place. Don't want to go? Be an adult and say you don't want to attend.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by fotze

Ya, but you had to be awesome to be a rising star. Idiots can get on that track much easier by being wicked at golf and getting hammered with the COO.

Corporations are realizing that they need a mix of people who are rainmakers, and people who do good work.

[WhiteTiger]

Originally Posted by cDnStealth

I think the problem here is that he accepted the invite in the first place. Don't want to go? Be an adult and say you don't want to attend.

Yeah, that's a big one to me, too. You accepted, you go. If you don't want to go, don't accept in the first place.

[Bagor]

Originally Posted by MarchHare

As a manager, I make it a point to never put my team members in a position that would make them feel uneasy unless it's absolutely necessary to get the job done or when pushing them out of their comfort zone a bit is good for personal growth (and attending after-work social activities most definitely does not qualify).

All a bit subjective in what is good for personal growth, no?

Couldn't it be argued that in this fella's case that a few extra curricular activities might be good for his personal growth? Might that be what his manager is doing?

[shermanator]

From reading this thread it sounds like you know you did the wrong thing, and you're trying to convince yourself that you did the right thing. You can either make it right with your boss or stick to your guns and face any potential consequences.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by fotze

Ya, but you had to be awesome to be a rising star. Idiots can get on that track much easier by being wicked at golf and getting hammered with the COO.

You have just describe my past two days......

[pylon]

Originally Posted by MarchHare

So you would be totally ok with a company karaoke night where everyone was forced to get up and sing in front of their coworkers? And if anyone said they don't want to do it because they're embarrassed, you'd just tell them to "get over themselves"?

For better or for worse, that's exactly how many people feel about company golf tournaments, but nobody ever says anything out of fear of damaging their careers.

I would go up, and embarrass the absolute hell our of myself on that microphone, and look like a giant asshat. But that is probably why the people that work under me, like me. I am not pretentious, and will take every chance I get to partake in a self deprecating activity in the name of good fun.

And as far as company golf tournaments go. As a guy who would be considered a decent golfer, I always make sure I pick the worst possible team of duffers play with. I never go into a fun company event with the idea of crushing the competition, I go with the idea of having a good time, and getting to know my playing partners on a personal level. I have had some amazing conversations and learned a ton of cool things about my co-workers just chatting in a golf cart.

Quit being so sensitive. Nobody is sitting there at a company golf tournament looking for gossip ammo "Oh, man did you see how terrible Steves short game was? That flying elbow of his definitely gives me concerns about including his input on the 2015 budget." The reason companies select golf, is because first and foremost, it is a highly social activity. The sport side of it is secondary.

[Table 5]

I can relate with the OP…this thread is pretty much why I left the traditional office/corporate world. I'm a pretty introverted person, and there was way too much glad-handing, forced fun, obsession about climbing ladders, and general office politicking that I just had absolutely no interest in. I would totally be the guy who was locked in his office working, while others were sucking up to the boss, and probably getting raises for it. I'm sure it cost me some sort of advancement at the time, but I've always been terrible at faking interest in things I don't like.

People like to work in different ways. Just because you don't like to get drunk and do zany things with your co-workers doesn't mean you are a bad colleague. Some of us just hate doing that crap, want work to be about work, and don't want to partake in all that team-building corporate bs.

[ChickenPho]

Originally Posted by WhiteTiger

Yeah, that's a big one to me, too. You accepted, you go. If you don't want to go, don't accept in the first place.

Easier said than done, much easier said than done. But the next time i get an invite for an event and the actitivity doesnt interest me, ill say no and see what happens. See how things unfold compared to this time around.

i can almost assure you, had I said no in the first place...I would still be questioned and forced to go.

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by pylon

I would go up, and embarrass the absolute hell our of myself on that microphone, and look like a giant asshat. But that is probably why the people that work under me, like me. I am not pretentious, and will take every chance I get to partake in a self deprecating activity in the name of good fun.

And as far as company golf tournaments go. As a guy who would be considered a decent golfer, I always make sure I pick the worst possible team of duffers play with. I never go into a fun company event with the idea of crushing the competition, I go with the idea of having a good time, and getting to know my playing partners on a personal level. I have had some amazing conversations and learned a ton of cool things about my co-workers just chatting in a golf cart.

Quit being so sensitive. Nobody is sitting there at a company golf tournament looking for gossip ammo "Oh, man did you see how terrible Steves short game was? That flying elbow of his definitely gives me concerns about including his input on the 2015 budget." The reason companies select golf, is because first and foremost, it is a highly social activity. The sport side of it is secondary.

That's great that you feel comfortable embarrassing yourself in a self-deprecating manner in front of your colleagues. Not everyone else feels the same way, and it's absolutely not because they're pretentious. Telling them to "quit being so sensitive" shows a complete lack of empathy on your part.

The corporate world is certainly becoming more amenable to introverts in recent years (largely thanks to the work of Susan Cain and others), but the ranks of senior management are still frequently dominated by brash, out-going extroverts who don't understand why introverts don't match their way of experiencing the world. You say that golf is a good corporate event because it's "a highly social activity". To your introverted employees, who make up anywhere from 1/3 to 1/2 of the workforce, that's precisely one of the reasons why they don't enjoy it. But the expectation is always that they should conform to the desires of the extroverts in the office! "You need to socialize with your coworkers to advance your career, so suck it up, come out of your shell, put on a smiling face, and hit the golf course whether you like it or not." Have you ever heard anyone ask, "What's a good workplace social activity that the introverted employees would enjoy?" Instead of having a golf tournament or a karaoke night or something similar, why not do something like a pub trivia contest? It still accomplishes the goal of workplace socialization and having employees work together in small teams in a not-serious competition, but it's an activity that is much more enjoyable to the introverts of your staff.

[DuffMan]

golf isn't the point, reneging on attending is the point, it could be bowling or paintball or curling or whatever.

[pylon]

Originally Posted by Table 5

People like to work in different ways. Just because you don't like to get drunk and do zany things with your co-workers doesn't mean you are a bad colleague. Some of us just hate doing that crap, want work to be about work, and don't want to partake in all that team-building corporate bs.

The thing is, you can do both.

I have taken part in a ton of things I hated, but still did in the name of the 'team'. Depending on the type of work environment, team building can be huge. In my industry, you cannot operate with a broken one. I work shoulder to shoulder with two other guys in my department, and the number one reason we have been together for 7 years, is because there are no egos, and we work 100% together.

And you don't have to be drunk and zany at company gatherings. I NEVER consume booze ever at any company function. Not even our Christmas party. Not going doesn't make you a bad colleague, but I would argue, stepping out of your comfort zone, and trying something new.... makes you a better one.

[Hockeyguy15]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Easier said than done, much easier said than done. But the next time i get an invite for an event and the actitivity doesnt interest me, ill say no and see what happens. See how things unfold compared to this time around.

i can almost assure you, had I said no in the first place...I would still be questioned and forced to go.

How is it easier said than done? If you said you'll go, you go.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you never answered the question people asked...Is there in fact a birthday you are going to?