Dealing with Jealousy/Insecurity

[DuffMan]

the good news is, crazy girls are the best at sex.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by pylon

I am of the opinion all women are bi-sexual to a certain degree.

I understand there is a line of thought that all people are naturally bi-sexual (some more than others), and complete hetero-sexuality is to some extent learned or cultural behavior.

IIRC, European explorers encountered some native cultures that were more bi-sexual. There are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom too.

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by troutman

I understand there is a line of thought that all people are naturally bi-sexual (some more than others), and complete hetero-sexuality is to some extent learned or cultural behavior.

IIRC, European explorers encountered some native cultures that were more bi-sexual. There are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom too.

We are all descendents of the bonobo monkey/ape/chimpanzee.

[ffp204]

Some good info here, always helps to stand back at times and get a fresh perspective. Thanks guys.

After she yelled at me I told her to get the f out but stayed calm to avoid a huge fight. I allowed a very lengthy cooling off period and was disappointed to hear that she was still harping on the "lusting" after singers and actresses. It sounded like religious babble and it took all my will power to not laugh.

Anyways, she's still adamant that I am disrespecting her if I watch anything for the sole purpose of "lusting" after another woman. I'm a real ahole for not changing my behavior if it hurts her, etcc.

I've only been patient this long because I know everyone has their own reality and what is of huge importance to one person is meaningless to another. But this is over the top. The writing is on the wall, I know what I have to do. Real shame because she's a sweet girl, incredibly beautiful and has the best intentions.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by ffp204

Some good info here, always helps to stand back at times and get a fresh perspective. Thanks guys.

After she yelled at me I told her to get the f out but stayed calm to avoid a huge fight. I allowed a very lengthy cooling off period and was disappointed to hear that she was still harping on the "lusting" after singers and actresses. It sounded like religious babble and it took all my will power to not laugh.

Anyways, she's still adamant that I am disrespecting her if I watch anything for the sole purpose of "lusting" after another woman. I'm a real ahole for not changing my behavior if it hurts her, etcc.

I've only been patient this long because I know everyone has their own reality and what is of huge importance to one person is meaningless to another. But this is over the top. The writing is on the wall, I know what I have to do. Real shame because she's a sweet girl, incredibly beautiful and has the best intentions.

Ensure you are masturbating next time you speak to her.

[squiggs96]

Originally Posted by Daradon

A dated one who had a bit of a fetish with it. She'd often send me nude pics off the web of women she found attractive.

I finally understand why your custom user title says 'Has lived the dream!'

[ffp204]

Almost forgot the best part.

She's seeing a counselor who reportedly agrees with her 100%. Even if a partner does not agree with something they should stop that behavior if it's hurting the person they love. This counselor is apparently a man. So yeah, I'm in the wrong, what I'm doing is terrible and need to stop.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by squiggs96

I finally understand why your custom user title says 'Has lived the dream!'

but the tip of the ice berg.......in my humble opinion....

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by ffp204

Almost forgot the best part.

She's seeing a counselor who reportedly agrees with her 100%. Even if a partner does not agree with something they should stop that behavior if it's hurting the person they love. This counselor is apparently a man. So yeah, I'm in the wrong, what I'm doing is terrible and need to stop.

You know he is bending her over that couch, right?

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by ffp204

Almost forgot the best part.

She's seeing a counselor who reportedly agrees with her 100%. Even if a partner does not agree with something they should stop that behavior if it's hurting the person they love. This counselor is apparently a man. So yeah, I'm in the wrong, what I'm doing is terrible and need to stop.

WTF, either this is a religious based counselor or he is trying to get in her pants.

[Daradon]

Originally Posted by troutman

I understand there is a line of thought that all people are naturally bi-sexual (some more than others), and complete hetero-sexuality is to some extent learned or cultural behavior.

IIRC, European explorers encountered some native cultures that were more bi-sexual. There are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom too.

Yeah I've heard that too.

[OutOfTheCube]

My gf (now my wife) put on the Playboy mansion reality show that had topless Playboy models running around. And is setting the PVR for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. No complaints...

[pylon]

I think easy, anonymous access to online pron actually helps relationships. You can find relief from pretty much any ridiculous fetish you might have that you are not getting access to at home, without having to seek it out IRL and commit adultery.

I think her views on this might be a little backwards, in todays day and age.

[Daradon]

Originally Posted by pylon

I think easy, anonymous access to online pron actually helps relationships. You can find relief from pretty much any ridiculous fetish you might have that you are not getting access to at home, without having to seek it out IRL and commit adultery.

I think her views on this might be a little backwards, in todays day and age.

Hmmm, I could see that going both ways. If you're keeping too much from your partner it's not good for either of you. Also, access to online material could encourage cheating and in some respects may be cheating as well.

I get what your saying if it's more of a lingering curiosity, or something that one doesn't spend too much time doing, but there are so many stories of things like this becoming an obsession too. Which does seem to happen more when you're trying to keep it hidden.

As for this specific case, there's obviously some unwarranted jealousy problems, but in many other cases, hiding sexual things on the internet isn't very healthy.

The best thing would be to find someone who you are compatible with sexually, whether you're vanilla or kinky. Yes, that can be difficult, but so is finding a person with similar interests or goals in other things.

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by comrade

Does that make it bettter?

It would make the reaction by the GF better, I would assume.

[To Be Quite Honest]

You need to look at it in the prospective of how you want to be treated. Correct her behavior and if it's something that can't be corrected then move on. Her issue is hers alone and sometimes pointing out the issues she is having sets a new perspective. Find some reading material that supports the situation and give it to her to read.

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by troutman

I understand there is a line of thought that all people are naturally bi-sexual (some more than others), and complete hetero-sexuality is to some extent learned or cultural behavior.

IIRC, European explorers encountered some native cultures that were more bi-sexual. There are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom too.

Kinsey's research indicated that all people fall in a scale from straight to gay. Very few people were at the extremes.

[BigBrodieFan]

Originally Posted by Rathji

Kinsey's research indicated that all people fall in a scale from straight to gay. Very few people were at the extremes.

So much really depends on outside influences and culture when it comes to 'labeling.'

In Southern Missouri, a guy is gay if he puts gel in his hair. In Southern Missouri, a woman who wears plaid shirts and has a mullet might be the town's beauty queen, but in Overland Park KS, some might label her as 'butch' or gay.

Nature vs nurture, societal preconceptions, etc. all contribute to labeling, but gay vs straight is very subjective.

My point- the therapist that says she is 'right'- do you know this for sure? She is telling you her therapist is saying that she is 100% correct to reinforce her insecurities? I don't know of any licensed therapist who would have any sort of clientele by being so biased and not even meeting the other party involved. My guess is that's BS, and she is just reinforcing her insecurities.

If you really like her, make a compromise. Tell her you'll stop watching porn alone as long as she starts to watch with you, or even take her to an adult shop and get her a BOB- she might need to relax a bit.

[Dion]

The number one reason so many relationships come to an end is not because one spouse cheats, one partner is abusive or overly jealous, or not even because one individual is disappointed with the other's behavior. Rather, it's because of the destructive behavior rooted in insecurity .

If one's self-doubt is the root of so many problems within a relationship, then why is it that most people close their eyes to it? The fact of the matter is that most people don't simply choose to ignore it; they just don't recognize that their feelings of insecurity cause their irrational behavior. Instead, they focus their attention on the behavior rather than the emotion driving the behavior.

For example, you might think that your girlfriend acts selfishly when she forbids you from attending your friend's birthday party, but in reality, she has nothing against your friends — she's just afraid that you might meet another woman.

Instead of addressing the problem right away, she'll ultimately assume the worst, refuse to communicate about the issue, and will choose to remain silent rather than resolve any issues regarding her insecurity. Problem is, by the time she decides to start talking, it'll be too late and chances are one of you will detonate in the other's face. And before you know it, you'll find yourself in a very unhealthy relationship.

http://ca.askmen.com/dating/curtsmit...ng_advice.html

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by BigBrodieFan

So much really depends on outside influences and culture when it comes to 'labeling.'

In Southern Missouri, a guy is gay if he puts gel in his hair. In Southern Missouri, a woman who wears plaid shirts and has a mullet might be the town's beauty queen, but in Overland Park KS, some might label her as 'butch' or gay.

Nature vs nurture, societal preconceptions, etc. all contribute to labeling, but gay vs straight is very subjective.

Kinsey's research has nothing to do with labeling, it has to do with what people do sexually or what they fantasize about.