Lending friends and family money

[HOZ]

Originally Posted by Table 5

Traveling the world and seeing new cultures is rarely a waste of money or time, especially in your youth. Personally, from the ignorance and sheer stupidity of a lot of your posts, I think you could use a little of that type of eye-opening trip yourself.

I think 1stlands post is spot on. And attacking the post because you don't like the poster is childish on your part with the ole " your such a redneck because you think learning about other cultures is not good but your wrong" canard. That was certainly not the point of his post! Someone who has begged money for this awesome adventure that has not put in an ounce of effort to afford it themselves is someone that needs a bit of reality in their lives. Seriously!!!

Some of the people that do travel truly need grounding in reality before they head off the the "hinterlands". As one that has been in Asia for a long while and has run into these people over and over again. Trips to Asia are not opening up these people eyes. It is closing them further. Seeing new cultures for these people tends to be a confirmation of their prejudices (of their own culture) for these people. They rarely get past the surface of the culture they are immersed in.

As well, Japan(other places as well) has a serious foreigner Peter Pan problem. They just never grow up. There are people that have been here 20 years that still dress and act like the day they arrived.

Added on...I did have a cousin that worked their butt off to afford a 6 month vacation to Europe ages ago but simply couldn't afford it in the end and afford their tuition for University too. More than 30 years ago. They couldn't afford the whole thing but they desperately wanted it. So they asked Dad. He said NO. Lots of crying a moaning. Eventually an uncle offered them the money on condition that they work it off for him. It would take 3-4 months of work to do so. Needless to say this person had to make a choice....And I know some people are saying why 6 months and why not work while you go?...welllll they did. They grew up and made a choice. They took the loan from Uncle and didn't work as they went because it was not safe in Mom's opinion (back in the day of the Soviet Union) paid it off and they went to Uni a year later.

[TorqueDog]

I am not a fan of lending money to people, but I have done it and here are my most recent experiences:

First example, we were walking to go to a meeting and a guy I work with spilled coffee on his shirt and needed to pick up a new one. As luck would have it, he left his wallet in our office tower which was now on evac./lock-down because of a leak from the air conditioner unit in the mechanical room. I spotted him $130 for it. He had the money back to me within 24 hours. He makes over $140k a year.

Another time, a good friend of mine wanted to buy my old HDTV for $300. He gave me ~$100 up front and said he'd get me the rest later. It took me pretending to be in a dire financial situation to get the money back. I had to lie and say that I had accidentally added too many zeros to paying my Rogers bill online and paid them $800 and needed the cash. In reality, I was just getting tired of waiting and not getting the money I was owed and knew that putting him in a situation to "help" me would make him more inclined to fork over the cash. He makes 'okay' money, but at the time tended to spend it on getting hammered with the rest of us.

And the most recent time, we were all going out to a bar and one of my buddies (who really talks a big game but not surprisingly has nothing to show for it) asked to borrow $60. This was in August. I still don't have the money despite he himself mentioning it a few times. I'm not expecting to get it back. I have no idea what he ACTUALLY does for work, but he seems to be able to dress rather sharp for someone who has so much trouble paying money back.

Moral? Be aware of the sort of person you're lending money to and their capacity to pay it back - when in doubt, don't.

And borrowing a couple thousand to go on a VACATION? I'd tell him I don't have RBC stamped on my forehead, go to a bank.

[THE SCUD]

Originally Posted by HOZ

I think 1stlands post is spot on. And attacking the post because you don't like the poster is childish on your part with the ole " your such a redneck because you think learning about other cultures is not good but your wrong" canard. That was certainly not the point of his post! Someone who has begged money for this awesome adventure that has not put in an ounce of effort to afford it themselves is someone that needs a bit of reality in their lives. Seriously!!!

Some of the people that do travel truly need grounding in reality before they head off the the "hinterlands". As one that has been in Asia for a long while and has run into these people over and over again. Trips to Asia are not opening up these people eyes. It is closing them further. Seeing new cultures for these people tends to be a confirmation of their prejudices (of their own culture) for these people. They rarely get past the surface of the culture they are immersed in.

As well, Japan(other places as well) has a serious foreigner Peter Pan problem. They just never grow up. There are people that have been here 20 years that still dress and act like the day they arrived.

Nice, subtle racism in a HOZ post. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the posts of our HOZ's life.

[HOZ]

Originally Posted by THE SCUD

Nice, subtle racism in a HOZ post. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the posts of our HOZ's life.

Ok...I'll bite.....

Explain the subtle racism.

[Pizza]

Originally Posted by THE SCUD

Nice, subtle racism in a HOZ post. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the posts of our HOZ's life.

I dont agree with HOZ's observation, there are plenty of Japanese and other Asians who come here and have adapted to dressing the same way as the locals and with the times. I dont think he's very observant of the ones who do.

At the same time, i dont think there's any racism in his post at all

[edmontonice]

Originally Posted by Pizza

I dont agree with HOZ's observation, there are plenty of Japanese and other Asians who come here and have adapted to dressing the same way as the locals and with the times. I dont think he's very observant of the ones who do.

At the same time, i dont think there's any racism in his post at all

I think he's talking about the other way around (foreigners in Japan, not Japanese in NA)

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by Nuje

In a nutshell, that's all. I know some people sometimes need a vacation, a break, whatever. But truly, the only time I lend my friends money is in dire situations, not when they want a vacation. Gotta pay rent, mortgages, etc. is one thing. Wanting to go to Hawaii is quite another. Right choice is no here.

I don't think the OP has stated whether this friend has earned money though some other way. I would look at it differently if the guy has helped me build a deck, landscape a yard, helped me move, etc. If this friend helped me with that, I might feel obliged to help him with his vacation costs.

[HOZ]

Originally Posted by edmontonice

I think he's talking about the other way around (foreigners in Japan, not Japanese in NA)

edmontonice is bucking a tread.

Honestly....reading comprehension is definitely down.

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by Wormius

I would look at it differently if the guy has helped me build a deck, landscape a yard, helped me move, etc. If this friend helped me with that, I might feel obliged to help him with his vacation costs.

I've helped a lot of friends move and don't expect them to fund (temporarily or otherwise) my vacation.

[Barnet Flame]

$130 for a shirt?

[Displaced Flames fan]

Never lend money to family or friends if you expect it to be paid back. Ever.

You don't have to tell them you don't expect them to pay it back, but you need to view it as a gift if you do it. Otherwise....big trouble.

[Displaced Flames fan]

Originally Posted by THE SCUD

Nice, subtle racism in a HOZ post. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the posts of our HOZ's life.

Yeah, Hoz is racist. He hates the Japanese.

[BBQorMILDEW]

As someone who's been on both sides of the coin, I got to say it's much easier being the lender then the lendee.

I am back in school and times are really tough, trying to juggle work, finances and school is much tougher than I originally thought. Course, i'm 29 and the last time I was in school was 8 or 9 years ago. My friends recognize my plight and are quick to help me out in certain aspects. Sometimes when we go out for drinks, i'll order a water, or a sprite and they'll just order me a beer.

Recently, my friend got married in PV, Mexico. I was asked to be in the wedding party and MC the ceremony. Since I'm in school , I couldn't leave on the regular, "Saturday to Saturday" I had to fly out on a Tuesday and come back on Saturday. Which was way more expensive.

I gave my friend two options. A: I give him 1000 and he paid for the rest. (total cost was 1500) or B: I don't go to his wedding.

Now, I've never asked to borrow money off anyone in my life before. So this was quite foreign to me, yes, I could've gone to the bank, but i'm just not in any situation to be borrowing money for a trip. So we talked about lending me money. Set an exact date on when he could expect the final payment and I got to go on the trip.

I have been back for about 3 weeks now and already i've paid him 200 dollars. I don't want to be that friend that just disappears when you owe him money. I've got too much pride.

To sum it all up, I would give money to my friends in dire situations, only if they have a good track record though. If you're going to be treated like a bank, then you have to act like one. You know how they are with money, if their stupid with it, then don't give them a cent.

If their honest with you, and you both come up with a plan on payment, then trust them..

[flamesfever]

In the old days a man's word was his bond, and I don't think that applies as much today.

I think society has changed over the last half century, perhaps through an increase in materialism, affluence, litigiousness, etc. And I think one needs to be more cautious these days in lending money.

I recall being told about stories in the early Western Canadian oil patch, where a person would phone a friend or associate on Friday afternoon and invite him to take a piece of a well, explaining that the well would be down over the weekend, and there was a risk that it would be a dry hole. If the person said he was in, his share was secure should it be a producer. In the event it was a dry hole, a cheque was received Monday morning for his share of the abandonment. This was all done without a shred of paper.
Now you need an armload of signed agreements before you would attempt such a thing.

[TorqueDog]

Originally Posted by Barnet Flame

$130 for a shirt?

We're professionals, we don't exactly buy our business attire at Wal-Mart. It was the men's clothing store on the second level of Scotia Centre, beside West, before it relocated.

[Barnet Flame]

I wasn't saying you should go to Walmart just there is a fair spectrum between Walmart and $130 for one shirt. Having said that, bearing in mind the situation, I don't suppose you had a lot of time to get the best deal.

Though I hadn't recalled it at the time of my original post, I now recall an unfortunate incident involving a new silk tie and a Meatball Marinara that resulted in an emergency purchase of a £30 tie back when a pound was actually worth something.

[TorqueDog]

Originally Posted by Barnet Flame

I wasn't saying you should go to Walmart just there is a fair spectrum between Walmart and $130 for one shirt. Having said that, bearing in mind the situation, I don't suppose you had a lot of time to get the best deal.

Though I hadn't recalled it at the time of my original post, I now recall an unfortunate incident involving a new silk tie and a Meatball Marinara that resulted in an emergency purchase of a £30 tie back when a pound was actually worth something.

Yeah, we were pressed for time, not really an option to shop around.

[Cluelessboy]

Originally Posted by puckluck

So what is your guys policy on this?

Recently a friend asked to borrow money to go on a vacation he can't afford to go on. I'll usually always lend friends and family money as long as I think they are in a position to pay it back. This guy lives pay check to pay check and he is a good friend, but the money he's asking for is pretty significant(in the thousands).

The last time I let a friend borrow a significant amount of money it took him 2 years to pay me back and that was only after he recieved an insurance settlement. I think I learned not to lend money to people who really will not be able to pay it back.

He's pissed off that I'm not going to lend him money, but he wants money to go on a vacation that he can't afford to go on. I don't see how he is going to be in a position to pay me back anytime soon. If he needed money because he was gong to be evicted or to put food on the table I would lend him money in a heartbeat, but that's not the case.

I feel like I'm being a bad friend, but I also feel like I'm doing the right thing.

If hes pissed off then hes no friend at all. If I were you, id get rid of him, I know from past experiences, people like him are a cancer. He also needs to grow up, sounds like he still has the kid mentality.

[CaptainCrunch]

Bottom line is if this loser (And he is a loser for trying to go on a vacation worth several thousand dollars that he can't afford) is living paycheck to paycheck, he's never going to be able to pay you back, and he knows that.

He's taking advantage of you, cut him loose, he sees you as a bank that he won't be able to pay back and will accept lame excuses.

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by BBQorMILDEW

Recently, my friend got married in PV, Mexico. I was asked to be in the wedding party and MC the ceremony. Since I'm in school , I couldn't leave on the regular, "Saturday to Saturday" I had to fly out on a Tuesday and come back on Saturday. Which was way more expensive.

destination weddings are stupid. I wouldn't pay to go to one unless it was my own. It's like telling people we don't want anyone at our wedding. If you plan on going to another country plan on only having your spouse and immediate family there. If your friend thought you were going to pay for all this yourself while you are in school I would've told him to pound beach.