Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[Monahammer]

Haven't been on much recently, because I am mentally fried but just want to say thanks to everyone who replied to my comment. Y'all are a great community and I value you a ton.

[Monahammer]

Originally Posted by Cowboy89

Same wife who unilaterally decided to quit her job and go back for her masters degree leaving you to solely fund the family's expenses without consulting you?

Yes, haha, this isn't even registering for me right now tbh. Then she also bought a $2,000 king charles cavalier this year. After I repeatedly said we couldn't do it. We already have two dogs. And had two cats.

But, she sold both kids on it in spite of my straight "no" and then put down a large deposit before she confronted me with it all again.

Now I am cleaning up three dogs #### in the back yard, while playing with the new puppy and getting up to let it out. All things that were supposed to be covered by other people... but of course I knew would fall to me.

Pretty similar to the Disney World process, except she also used my Sister and father on me with that one.

This year she has been soothing me by telling me that she'll be the breadwinner, my "sugar mama" and so on after she finishes school. I think she could tell how worn down and tired I am of all of it. She's playing with me though. She's saying those things and then the same night inviting someone (a "mentor" in the field) over to spoon her with hearts in the message.

I don't think my self worth has ever been lower. It has been really, really low several times this year but this time I feel like dirt.

Thank you all for letting me shout into the wind. I'm not seeking advice I just don't even know who I can really talk to about all of this. I'm embarrassed and hurt. I could talk to a therapist, I have talked to a therapist about this in the past. I just don't think it will help me a huge amount right now, talking about it is just making me more angry in the moment and I then have to spend a considerable amount of time calming myself down. I have been successful in remaining mostly calm. I do think I have an ulcer right now.

[Monahammer]

I think I have no spine. Literally. I think I have spent so long acquiescing to things that even when I offer a firm no it's just trodden straight over as if it hadnt been offered. I have been so long trying to appease that I don't have the ability to present real roadblocks, the outcome always seems to be that I will apologize and concede and try to make things right.

Even this. I didn't blow up when I found it. I calmly presented it to her, confirmed what I had suspected and previously even accused her of. Her first instinct was to get mad at me for "snooping." She backtracked on that pretty soon after, but my instincts have been to try and seek ways forward and through it rather than taking time to be mad. I don't know why that is.

[troutman]

Seek full custody, child support and spousal support.

She can have the dogs.

[Calgary14]

For anyone going through a divorce right now just know that it gets much, much, much better with time

[Cowboy89]

Originally Posted by Monahammer

Thank you all for letting me shout into the wind. I'm not seeking advice I just don't even know who I can really talk to about all of this. I'm embarrassed and hurt. I could talk to a therapist, I have talked to a therapist about this in the past. I just don't think it will help me a huge amount right now, talking about it is just making me more angry in the moment and I then have to spend a considerable amount of time calming myself down. I have been successful in remaining mostly calm. I do think I have an ulcer right now.

I feel for your situation. You're getting abused emotionally, financially, and maybe by second order physically. When there's kids involved, whatever option you choose to move forward with involves maintaining some kind of relationship with her. For the kids sake it probably also means treating her better in the process than she deserves as for better or worse she is their mom.

Love yourself, start viewing yourself as a 3rd party that you are in charge of helping. You are captain of your ship, do things that are necessary for that person even if it means making decisions and performing actions that are picking the least 'bad' options. You are worth saving!

[TorqueDog]

My blood is f-cking boiling for you right now.

Originally Posted by Monahammer

I think I have no spine. Literally. I think I have spent so long acquiescing to things that even when I offer a firm no it's just trodden straight over as if it hadnt been offered. I have been so long trying to appease that I don't have the ability to present real roadblocks, the outcome always seems to be that I will apologize and concede and try to make things right.

Even this. I didn't blow up when I found it. I calmly presented it to her, confirmed what I had suspected and previously even accused her of. Her first instinct was to get mad at me for "snooping." She backtracked on that pretty soon after, but my instincts have been to try and seek ways forward and through it rather than taking time to be mad. I don't know why that is.

I felt like this a lot in my marriage, and even the second paragraph where you keep your cool instead of getting emotionally charged and animated, that's me to a T, except I reached the point where it was about moving on and doing what was best for me rather than trying to fit this square peg into the round hole that was the marriage I was in.

I don't know if you mentioned it, but how old are you? All of this went down for me when I was 37, and one thing that helped me was knowing that no matter how old you are, you aren't so old that you can't hit the reset button on a few aspects of your life and come back better than you ever thought you could.

Use that calm, quiet disposition to think about how to protect yourself and how to improve things for you. It's unfortunately really obvious that the person you're with -- and possibly some of those around you -- aren't on Team Monahammer. Find the people who are... and get yourself a lawyer while you're at it. Personally, I'd refund the Disney trip and use that to pay for it.