How Often Do You Poop?

[rockstar]

Originally Posted by GreenLantern

Every day at 2:00, its go time.

Same here. I don't even need a watch to know it's 2:00pm.

If I've been healthy, it's type 2-3-4. If I have been unhealthy, look out.

This thread might actually throw my routine off, as I am feeling a strong urge to poop right now, despite having gone just 88 minutes ago.

[The Fonz]

Originally Posted by Resolute 14

Put me in the group that wonders how a conversation like this even starts. Not over dinner, I hope...

Ice breaker on the first date.

"So....how often do you poop?"




Kidding obviously. I did lie when I said she was "a friend" though, she's been my girlfriend for 2 years. When you're with someone that long it's only a matter of time before you talk about strange things like this. Also, I'm the type of person that has no boundaries when it comes to conversation, I'm pretty open about everything.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by The Fonz

...I did lie when I said she was "a friend" though, she's been my girlfriend for 2 years...

Four pages in and the truth comes out. Well...


Did you consider that maybe:

- She isn't happy with you in the sack?

- You're a terrible chef?

- Awful singing voice?

- Road rage combined with near death experiences?

- Too much time posting on CP?

Any of the above might lead to some mad cases of bottling it up and becoming all toxic on the inside. .....

[Ford Prefect]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

Four pages in and the truth comes out. Well...


Did you consider that maybe:

- She isn't happy with you in the sack?

- You're a terrible chef?

- Awful singing voice?

- Road rage combined with near death experiences?

- Too much time posting on CP?

Any of the above might lead to some mad cases of bottling it up and becoming all toxic on the inside. .....

You forgot Climate Change Stress.

[ernie]

Originally Posted by hulkrogan

Every time I go on a trip I usually go quite a bit less frequently than home for some reason, even if I try, and eventually it comes out as a Type 1. Sometimes it's like the Type 1 is a damn for Type 5, and they all come rushing out once you get all the Type 1's out. Sometimes you only get one individual unit of Type 1 out and that's all you can get, and it's really frustrating. After the initial bout of Type 1/5 is dealt with I usually end up with Type 4 for the rest of the trip. Something I almost never get at home. Type 1, 2 and 5 definitely conserve the TP compared to 3,4,6 and 7.

Anyone else get travel poop syndrome?

Same thing. My theory is a bit of constipation due to sitting on airplanes, in cars, in airports for more than usual. Some babies can experience the some pretty painful constipation if in a car seat for extended periods of time. I chalk the travel syndrome to something similar.

This spring I traveled 5 to 6 days a week for 9 weeks in a row. Man did I feel like crap and like a needed a good crap or 10 when I finished up that stretch.

[Ford Prefect]

I'm the opposite with Travel Poop Syndrome ... my bowels seem to go all hyperactive and act like a blender, creating the dreaded Type 7, peeing-thru-your-arse type of poo. And rather than the frequency decreasing, it increases.

[Dion]

Now for something wierd



Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (aka TomKat) have kept 19-week-old daughter Suri well out of the public eye, but the world was given an unusual preview of the much-speculated over sprog with a bronze cast commemorating her first poop popping up on eBay.

http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgur...%3Den%26sa%3DN

[StoneCole]

when I was on the O-line, me and the center had a ritual called the "pre-game shiz". I'll leave it up to you to figure out what that means.

...but by the end we were trying to get the entire O-line in on it...finally near the end of the year we were able to do it. Problem was that none of the the guys washrooms had enough stalls to allow us to crap in our positions, so up to the girls washroom in A-Block we went, lined up tackle-to-tackle, 5 stalls across, and together we had the most epic pre-gamer ever...when it was all finished, on three we flushed: down, set, [flush]!

True Story (seriously!)

BRRRRRRROWNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS!

[Berger_4_]

I too have experienced TPS. It'd sucked. Thing was, it started out nice, not requiring a whole lot of pooping, but then as the trip went on it devolved into what Ford Prefect was talking about, but then evolved back into not having to poop a lot later. It was strange I tells ya!

I don't see the love for the Type 4 though. Those to me are some of the worst! You can never, ever get your ass clean after one of those.

Slightly off topic, I learned what a bidet was while on my travels. Those things look freakin' awesome! Didn't have the stones to try one out though.

[First Lady]

* WARNING * Graphic pictures may offend some and potentially not work safe.

http://www.ratemypoo.com/

[Ford Prefect]

Originally Posted by First Lady

* WARNING * Graphic pictures may offend some and potentially not work safe.

http://www.ratemypoo.com/

Ewww ... those are disgusting. Pretty impressive though.

[EVERLAST]

[/quote]


okay I'm a type 6 and sometimes it has corn mixed in.......I dont even eat corn!!!

[BlackArcher101]

Type 2 or 3 for me. If after a night of drinking draft, it's Type 6-7 with a few Type 3 mixed in with machine gun rate of fire.

[EVERLAST]

ooohhhh the SPLASH THE SPLASH!!!!!!!!!!

[BlackArcher101]

This thread cannot be complete without the **** list. (Censored as the Poo list).



THE DEFINITIVE POO LIST

* THE GHOST POO

The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there's no poo in the bowl.

* THE CLEAN POO

The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but there's no poo on the toilet paper.

* THE WET POO

You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels un-wiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with skidmarks.

* THE SECOND WAVE POO

This poo happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more.

* THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POO

Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poo." You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

* THE CORN POO

No explanation necessary.

* THE LINCOLN LOG POO

The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

* THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER POO

The kind of poo you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

* THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POO" POO

The kind where you want to poo, but even after straining your guts out, all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

* THE WET CHEEKS POO

Also known as the "Power Dump." The kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

* THE LIQUID POO

The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, burns your tender poop-chute.

* THE MEXICAN FOOD POO

A class all its own.

* THE CROWD PLEASER

A poo is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

* THE MOOD ENHANCER

Occurring after a lengthy period of constipation, this poo allows you to be your old self again.

* THE RITUAL

This poo occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

* THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS POO

A poo so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

* THE AFTERSHOCK POO

This poo has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

* THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POO

Any poo created in the presence of another person.

* THE GROANER

A poo so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

* THE FLOATER

Characterized by its floatability, this poo has been known to resurface after many flushings.

* THE RANGER

A poo that refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a piece of toilet paper.

* THE PHANTOM POO

Appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

* THE PEEK-A-BOO POO

Now you see it, now you don't. This poo is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

* THE BOMBSHELL

A poo that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either Inappropriate to poo (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near pooting facilities.

* THE SNAKE CHARMER

A long skinny poo which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position... Usually harmless.

* THE OLYMPIC POO

Occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Poo.

* THE BACK-TO-NATURE POO

This poo may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

* THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POO

An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't poo.

* PREMEDITATED POO

Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

* POOZOPHRENIA

Fear of pooting. Can be fatal! [Editor's note: shouldn't it be "Poozophobia"?]

* ENERGIZER vs. DURACELL POO

Also known as a "Still Going" poo.

* THE POWER DUMP POO

The kind that comes out so fast, you've barely got your pants down and you're done.

* THE LIQUID PLUMBER POO

This poo is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log poo.)

* THE SPINAL TAP POO

The kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

* THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY " POO

Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poos. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

* THE PORRIDGE POO

The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

* THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POO

When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

* THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POO

When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

* THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" POO

Also sometimes known as The Toxic Dump. Of course, you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.

* THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" POO

You sit there patiently, waiting for the last cling-on to fall because if you wipe now, it's just going to smear all over the place.

[BlackArcher101]

Since others where I work can't quite grasp the concept of a courtesy flush or forget too often, I made this for the toilets. You are greeted with it when the door is closed, staring right at you. Download full size here for printing (if you wish) http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/7...syflushlo6.jpg

[Clarkey]

You wouldn't believe the money I've saved on toilet paper since I got into the schedule of crapping @ 7:30 every morning at work. It's got to be at least $15 bucks in the last year alone.

[Machiavelli]

Oh man the Poo list killed me.

I'm still wiping the tears off my cheeks.

[BlackArcher101]

Originally Posted by Machiavelli

I'm still wiping the tears off my cheeks.

eerrrrrr, ok?

[Ford Prefect]

Incredible Poo List Black Archer ... you really now your sh*t.

A suggestion for an additional entry ... The Brick Poo, which is poo that's so hard you're afraid it might break the porcelain bowl.