how to motivate and inspire your kids!

[bigtmac19]

Originally Posted by madisonbtb

could you strike a middle road? i'm not saying this could work for everyone, but when i flunked out of college the first time i went and had to move home. my parents charged me rent and before i could move out they made me save 3 months of expenses in a savings account so i could see how much everything would cost. i didn't have much negociating room. it was either school or work/rent. would something like this work for him you think? at least that way he is having to see what it costs, but you still have him there to kind of keep an eye on him.

Well I am definitely going to do the rent thing. I always had to pay rent at home, if I wasn't in school and working. Saving for 3 months of expenses is a good idea. He is trying to save for a car right now. We live in a small town with no other transportation to the nearest city. He recently had to turn down a job in the field he is most interested in, because he did not have transportation, and it would not work out to use my car. Paying insurance for a kid his age will definitely be a rude awakening, as it will be at minimum $300 per month.

[Flashpoint]

Originally Posted by madisonbtb

right now we haven't supplemented his free time without hockey with tv or anything, b/c he is too busy with homework. tv, ps2, & psp are the only things that have motivated him in the past. and that isn't something i want to keep reinforcing, if you know what i mean.

Why not? There are plenty of career opportunities for people interested in video games. I work in a game development company filled with them. Embrace his interests. Enroll him in competitive gaming. Encourage him to play multiplayer. Talk to his school and see if they have programming classes. Ask him to design a video game on his own.

Kids are into a lot of different things. If he was an obsessive reader, you would support it right? What if he really enjoyed movies? Would you buy him a camera and encourage him to make his own?

Get involved with gaming. It's fun, it's something you can do together, and it isn't a waste of time.

I make my living at it.

[madisonbtb]

Originally Posted by bigtmac19

Well I am definitely going to do the rent thing. I always had to pay rent at home, if I wasn't in school and working. Saving for 3 months of expenses is a good idea. He is trying to save for a car right now. We live in a small town with no other transportation to the nearest city. He recently had to turn down a job in the field he is most interested in, because he did not have transportation, and it would not work out to use my car. Paying insurance for a kid his age will definitely be a rude awakening, as it will be at minimum $300 per month.

rude awakening is right!! insurance and young boys don't mix. not to mention the cars they usually like are even worse on insurance. my husband bought a 64 ford galaxy for my son and him to fix up. he'll have to be responsible for gas and insurance, since we bought the car. its actually in really good shape. it will take some minor mechanical work, paint job and a new bumper and it would be good to go. the gas will kill the kid though. hehe. at least with all the steel, he should be relatively safe.

[madisonbtb]

Originally Posted by Flashpoint

Why not? There are plenty of career opportunities for people interested in video games. I work in a game development company filled with them. Embrace his interests. Enroll him in competitive gaming. Encourage him to play multiplayer. Talk to his school and see if they have programming classes. Ask him to design a video game on his own.

Kids are into a lot of different things. If he was an obsessive reader, you would support it right? What if he really enjoyed movies? Would you buy him a camera and encourage him to make his own?

Get involved with gaming. It's fun, it's something you can do together, and it isn't a waste of time.

I make my living at it.

it isn't "gaming" i'm against, but the other things it lacks that he really needs. like socialization and working as a team, listening to authority. he spends enough time by himself. it is a chore to get him to go out and play or ride a bike. heck when i was growing up, i fought like hell to stay outside longer. my son, although physically 13, socially he is more 7 or 8. so we kind of want as much outside interaction as possible so he can start to see what is appropriate for kids his age and how to relate with people. we've been kind of lax up to this point and let him go through his stages, but we really noticed other kids not really wanting to play with him b/c he wanted to do "baby stuff". he is getting much better but still needs work. so i'd rather find a way to get his reward somehow tied to other kids or just something that makes him interact with other people.

i'm not sure if his school even owns computers. i had to complain to the staff to get an answer why my son's history book stops at reagan. some things are great about his school and others are horrible. its almost sickening that we pay $1000 a month to send him to grade school. that is more than most private catholic high schools here.

but back to the psp, etc. it is still a minor reward system, but what i meant with supplementation earlier was that just b/c he quite hockey, that doesn't mean extra time to play video games. he saw it as hmmm if i get 1 hour a day to play video games and 4 hours a week playing hockey...if i quite hockey i get 4 more hours to play video games. ummm sorry kid, doesn't work like that.

[bigtmac19]

Originally Posted by madisonbtb

rude awakening is right!! insurance and young boys don't mix. not to mention the cars they usually like are even worse on insurance. my husband bought a 64 ford galaxy for my son and him to fix up. he'll have to be responsible for gas and insurance, since we bought the car. its actually in really good shape. it will take some minor mechanical work, paint job and a new bumper and it would be good to go. the gas will kill the kid though. hehe. at least with all the steel, he should be relatively safe.

Yes, aren't those old cars great for that. He doesn't care what it looks like however, as long as it gets him where he needs to go. He would be doing a lot of driving on country roads without a lot of traffic, so I would hate for him to get stranded! Anything that is cheaper on insurance is fine with him. He would actually like an El Camino, which I think is hilarious.

[madisonbtb]

Originally Posted by bigtmac19

Yes, aren't those old cars great for that. He doesn't care what it looks like however, as long as it gets him where he needs to go. He would be doing a lot of driving on country roads without a lot of traffic, so I would hate for him to get stranded! Anything that is cheaper on insurance is fine with him. He would actually like an El Camino, which I think is hilarious.

el camino, that is pretty funny. is there anyone in town that goes to where he needs to go? maybe he can carpool and kick them gas money in exchange. that way he would get the job that motivates him and he can still save for his own car and there are two of them in case something happens on the country roads.

completely understand about the safety issue. it is bad enough them out on there own, but in the middle of nowhere on the way to nowhere can be bad if you don't have reliable transportation even when the weather is good -- add snow and ice to the mix and that could be bad. that is why i mentioned the carpooling thing. there has to be another parent out there whose kid is driving by themselves would probably would love for them to have another body in the car for safety.

[burn_baby_burn]

Originally Posted by guzzy

The fear of repercussion. Put the fear of god into your children. Half of todays societal problems stem from parents being too easy and the fact our justice system is a complete hoax. Timeouts do not work. In some situations they are great. If your two year old picks their nose and wipes it on the neighbour kid, a time out is appropriate. If a two year grabs a flash ligh and cracks his cousin across the back of the head with it, then the kid should get a smack in the arse. I have a friend whose two small boys are hellions. They have the worse temperments I have ever seen of kids that age. One time he started hitting his mother, full out punching her and she gave him a timeout. I wanted to smack her for being stupid. What kind of example does that set for your children. If you hit a girl you might have to stand in a corner. That isn't repercussion. If you hit a girl, especially your mother you should get a smack across something.

Not all kids respond to physical punishment. I know my daughter doesn't. My brothers oldest son doesn't either. You could spank them constantly and it woudn't phase them. There are four personality types. Figuring out which one your child is might help in encouraging, motivating, or punishing them. But there is no easy fix.

[redforever]

Originally Posted by madisonbtb

it isn't "gaming" i'm against, but the other things it lacks that he really needs. like socialization and working as a team, listening to authority. he spends enough time by himself. it is a chore to get him to go out and play or ride a bike. heck when i was growing up, i fought like hell to stay outside longer. my son, although physically 13, socially he is more 7 or 8. so we kind of want as much outside interaction as possible so he can start to see what is appropriate for kids his age and how to relate with people. we've been kind of lax up to this point and let him go through his stages, but we really noticed other kids not really wanting to play with him b/c he wanted to do "baby stuff". he is getting much better but still needs work. so i'd rather find a way to get his reward somehow tied to other kids or just something that makes him interact with other people.

i'm not sure if his school even owns computers. i had to complain to the staff to get an answer why my son's history book stops at reagan. some things are great about his school and others are horrible. its almost sickening that we pay $1000 a month to send him to grade school. that is more than most private catholic high schools here.

but back to the psp, etc. it is still a minor reward system, but what i meant with supplementation earlier was that just b/c he quite hockey, that doesn't mean extra time to play video games. he saw it as hmmm if i get 1 hour a day to play video games and 4 hours a week playing hockey...if i quite hockey i get 4 more hours to play video games. ummm sorry kid, doesn't work like that.

I dont think flashpoint was just suggesting you let your son play video games all day long. What I saw him proposing was a more formal application of that, a group of kids trying to write a new program for a game, with some sort of teacher or supervisor. I can see a lot of good from what flashpoint is suggesting. Interaction among kids his age of the same interest, using his mind for programming and not just playing video games, and probably having to answer to authority too since I dont see anyone just letting a bunch of kids go wild on some pretty expensive equipment. And it might extend to his schooling too. I would think that with time he would see the importance of at least some math skills to help in his programming etc.

I am a former teacher, taught kids at the Junior High Level (grades 7 to 9), taught Math and Physics. You have to figure out ways to get the interest of kids. For instance with Math, I found some playing cards, adapted to the principles I was teaching. I let them "play cards" to learn some of the skills, some learn better that way than listening to the teacher. For some, it compliments what the teacher is trying to explain.

So dont be too "close minded" about some suggestions. They could be the key that opens further doors for your son.

[4X4]

I kind of feel bad for you parents that are the first generation to deal with the electronic age. I mean, I'm 28, so I had the nintendos and whatnot, but when I was 8-14 I (and my friends) much preferred riding bikes and playing hockey in the driveway. Then an hour of video games would round out a saturday. Nowadays, games are much more addictive (for various reasons) and social life can take place electronically. I have no idea what you parents are really dealing with.
Add to that all the online predators.... Must be tough.

Just thinking about it... When I was 13, my parents had to come outside with a lasso to get me to come in. You guys probably have to come into their bedrooms with a lasso to go outside.

[madisonbtb]

Originally Posted by redforever

I dont think flashpoint was just suggesting you let your son play video games all day long. What I saw him proposing was a more formal application of that, a group of kids trying to write a new program for a game, with some sort of teacher or supervisor. I can see a lot of good from what flashpoint is suggesting. Interaction among kids his age of the same interest, using his mind for programming and not just playing video games, and probably having to answer to authority too since I dont see anyone just letting a bunch of kids go wild on some pretty expensive equipment. And it might extend to his schooling too. I would think that with time he would see the importance of at least some math skills to help in his programming etc.

I am a former teacher, taught kids at the Junior High Level (grades 7 to 9), taught Math and Physics. You have to figure out ways to get the interest of kids. For instance with Math, I found some playing cards, adapted to the principles I was teaching. I let them "play cards" to learn some of the skills, some learn better that way than listening to the teacher. For some, it compliments what the teacher is trying to explain.

So dont be too closed mind about some suggestions. They could be the key that opens further doors for your son.

you make some great points. maybe i didn't understand what he was actually saying. i'm certainly willing to try it. would anyone have any suggestions on how to get him into a program like this? like i said, this isn't something he could do at school. . he wouldn't be eligiable to join a public school group and the catholic schools wouldn't have a program like that until high school. so it would have to be an outside organization. i wouldn't even begin to know where to start.

[redforever]

Originally Posted by madisonbtb

you make some great points. maybe i didn't understand what he was actually saying. i'm certainly willing to try it. would anyone have any suggestions on how to get him into a program like this? like i said, this isn't something he could do at school. . he wouldn't be eligiable to join a public school group and the catholic schools wouldn't have a program like that until high school. so it would have to be an outside organization. i wouldn't even begin to know where to start.

Well, first I would go to your school and try to describe the interests and personality of your son and explain to them that you are trying to find a program that will motivate him and challenge him along those lines. If your grade school does not have the answer, go to the highschool, I would try and talk to someone in the math and computer departments. Don't be intimidated. You can go to the highschool to find out information even if your son is not of that age yet.

Now, sounds to me like you are not very satisfied with supplies and equipment in your present school. You even said that you don't even know if your school has computers for their children. I was aghast when I heard that, would never be the case here of course, you might have further challenges if your school is indeed that challenged for what it can offer its students.

Anyhow, start there. I would also suggest you check out continuing education courses, other community courses, even try the university for information or leads.

And maybe pm flashpoint and ask him for further suggestions. He makes a living at it and can probably offer some other leads specific to your son's interest in video games.

[madisonbtb]

Originally Posted by redforever

Well, first I would go to your school and try to describe the interests and personality of your son and explain to them that you are trying to find a program that will motivate him and challenge him along those lines. If your grade school does not have the answer, go to the highschool, I would try and talk to someone in the math and computer departments. Don't be intimidated. You can go to the highschool to find out information even if your son is not of that age yet.

Now, sounds to me like you are not very satisfied with supplies and equipment in your present school. You even said that you don't even know if your school has computers for their children. I was aghast when I heard that, would never be the case here of course, you might have further challenges if your school is indeed that challenged for what it can offer its students.

Anyhow, start there. I would also suggest you check out continuing education courses, other community courses, even try the university for information or leads.

And maybe pm flashpoint and ask him for further suggestions. He makes a living at it and can probably offer some other leads specific to your son's interest in video games.

great suggestions. i think i might just send him a message. we have a technical college here, i can call and see if they know of anything. i went back and read flashpoints message again. i think i got hung up on the competitive gaming and writing programs by himself and not as much as the writing of programs with other kids in an organized activity. b/c that i would definately go for. the other two by themselves i'm not as sure about. competitive side, yes he would be playing with kids but just playing games (and maybe i don't completely "get" what this is, so feel free to correct me). and the other he would be by himself, although programming -- which i have no idea how to even guide him with that. but if he were to be with other kids doing programming, testing it out, working together -- i'm totally on board with something like that.

[ken0042]

Originally Posted by 4X4

I kind of feel bad for you parents that are the first generation to deal with the electronic age. I mean, I'm 28, so I had the nintendos and whatnot, but when I was 8-14 I (and my friends) much preferred riding bikes and playing hockey in the driveway. Then an hour of video games would round out a saturday. Nowadays, games are much more addictive (for various reasons) and social life can take place electronically.

Two great points there. I also have to agree- and add a couple of differences between now and "when I was you age............"

- Video games in the 80's and 90's lasted for 5 minutes. There was none of this building up a character, getting to certain levels, etc. Building skill in a game meant knowing to only shoot up one Asteroid at a time; as oppose to random shooting. Which is as 4X4 says- just a bit of fun to round out an afternoon.
- Going out with friends required some level of planning. None of this calling on the phone to see where you are at- you needed to call the person at home ahead of time and come up with a meeting place. And if you had a habit of not showing up you would quickly lose friends. Perhaps that help us form certain responsibilities when we were younger.

One thing my parents did that helped my sister and I learn certain motivation; all of our chores had a dollar value. I remember cleaning the living room was worth $1, but cleaning the rec room was worth $1.50. From about grade 1 on I always had my own money. I remember in grade 3 I would take my entire allowance to buy jawbreakers- because the Macs would get in a box, and only some of them would have 2 good flavours in a pack. Then I would use the "good" packs as trade with my friends for things like hockey cards, etc.

Perhaps our generation had things best; enough technology to make things fun, but not so much to rule our lives.

[4X4]

Originally Posted by ken0042

- Going out with friends required some level of planning. None of this calling on the phone to see where you are at- you needed to call the person at home ahead of time and come up with a meeting place. And if you had a habit of not showing up you would quickly lose friends. Perhaps that help us form certain responsibilities when we were younger.

Such a good point... It's borderline ridiculous how easy it is to modify a plan at the last minute. I think it really fuels the procrastination fire. All it takes is a text message to ditch a friend or to find a different party when the one you're at isn't going the way you hoped. So why plan ahead?

[madisonbtb]

very true. it was completely normal to run around the neighborhood playing with other kids. as long as we were home when the street lights went on, then we were free to roam. if wasn't unheard of to get dropped off at the mall with friends for a movie or walk around. those things are so hard to do now. i'm constantly watching the websites to see which new sex offenders have moved into the area. (we have a number of them pretty close by). i think so much of what we did growing up is taken for granted. things kids today miss out on. maybe that isn't necessarily true for every kid, in every town, but certainly less common than it use to be.

[urban1]

How about the days before caller id? And no call waiting?

[redforever]

[quote=urban1;1021964]How about the days before caller id? And no call waiting?[/quote]


I refuse to get or use call waiting. Like how rude is that to interrupt someone live when the other caller might just be a telemarketer? If there is truly an emergency, the person trying to get hold of you will do so at another point in time.

Harrison Ford was once asked, are you up and modern in the new age technology too, like cell phones, internet, etc.

His answer was, he has all of those but rarely uses them. When asked why, his answer was, everyone should be entitled to down time, when you are NOT available to anyone at all. And he enjoyed his down time too much to be slave to all of the new technology.

[madisonbtb]

Originally Posted by urban1

How about the days before caller id? And no call waiting?

it actually worked in my favor
in high school and college (the 1st time i went and subsequently why i got kicked out) -- i was a big time hell raiser. my theory was i'm already 5 minutes late and in trouble, why not just stay out the whole night? but being the ingenious person i am came up with a brilliant plan. i would be at a party and i'd call home from the party. well when my parents picked up, i'd say "its ok, mom/dad. i got it". so as far as they knew i was at home, talking on the phone. to this day they never figured it out. it could still work with caller id, but then the parents know where they are calling from. no use getting another kid in trouble.

if my son wants to try and get away with stuff, he will have to come up with something better than his ol' mom.

[Berger_4_]

Originally Posted by bigtmac19

Paying insurance for a kid his age will definitely be a rude awakening, as it will be at minimum $300 per month.

I don't know what it is in Calgary, or for a 19 year old, but for a 17 year old with just the basic PL/PD, driving a 94 Mazda truck (hopefully not for too long now) and my insurance is only 1700 bucks or so a year...and that's with my one ticket I've gotten.

[madisonbtb]

Originally Posted by Berger_4_

I don't know what it is in Calgary, or for a 19 year old, but for a 17 year old with just the basic PL/PD, driving a 94 Mazda truck (hopefully not for too long now) and my insurance is only 1700 bucks or so a year...and that's with my one ticket I've gotten.

wow! that is actually cheaper than i would have imagined AND with a ticket on top? even for just liability, that seems pretty good.