But they're Smart! S-M-R-T!!

[keratosis]

My then future wife, commented to me about how good radio reception
I received will travelling through a tunnel in my car. My reply was,
Thats because you put the tape in honey.

[Winsor_Pilates]

When I worked at HMV we used to set up a kiosk in the mall during Christmas. The kiosk was on the other side of the mall from our store and just sold top items.
This 1 guy came up to me at the kiosk counter and asked "do I pay for these here or do i take them upstairs to the store?"
I should have said go to the store to see if he actually had the honesty to go across the mall and pay for them.

-One of my best friends in high school mispelled his own name on an exam. His name is Brad and he wrote down Bard. We still call him Bard til this day.

-Today when I got home from work I had a glass of OJ and then my phone rang. I grabbed my phone off the counter and put the glass to me ear.

[Inferno]

Originally Posted by Dion

A few years back I was playing some golf in Arizona. I got paired up with this guy from Scottsdale and he proceeds to ask me questions about Canada and where I live. I just hit my driver and he asks if we still live In Igloo's. lol His next question was...."Why are you looking at me that way?

I went to college with a guy who said one year he went on a class trip to Florida and one night went to a 7-11 and the guy working there asked him where he was from. After he told him Canada the guy asked him if it was true we live in Igloos. His response "Yeah man, but not just any Igloo. It's those new high tech Igloos with electricity". The guy actually fell for it and he had to tell him we live in houses just like Americans.

[vanisleflamesfan]

I used to work at a (crappy) hardware store, so one morning the phone rings, I pick it up

Me: "Hello, (crappy hardware) store, how can I help you?"

Caller: "Yeah I was just wondering how long an 8 foot 2 x 4 is".

Me: "Ummm... I think that the 8 foot 2 x 4s are about 10 feet long..."

Caller: "Thanks".

[alltherage]

While I was in Kelowna with my girlfriend, i noticed that my car's interior left signal ticker was ticking really slow. This usually means that the signal light is burnt out. I get annoyed by little things like that easily, and I kept saying "Damn, this ticker is ****ing me off! I have to replace my signal light." when we pulled up to a parking lot, i left my car on and got out to test it and see which one needed to be fixed- rear left.

I didn't get a minute to do it in Kelowna, so we drove the 7 hours with a broken ticker (Me talking about how anxious i was to fix it every time we turned.) Finally a few days later i went WITH my girlfriend to CDN tire and fixed the light.

A few days after that, we were in the car, when she notes: "Hey! Your left ticker is ticking normally again!"

[alltherage]

Originally Posted by vanisleflamesfan

I used to work at a (crappy) hardware store, so one morning the phone rings, I pick it up

Me: "Hello, (crappy hardware) store, how can I help you?"

Caller: "Yeah I was just wondering how long an 8 foot 2 x 4 is".

Me: "Ummm... I think that the 8 foot 2 x 4s are about 10 feet long..."

Caller: "Thanks".

Oh, and hey, on this note, I work at a crappy Best Buy. (I know... I need money until I graduate college.)

Anywho, this is how a phone call went one day:

Me: Thanks for calling Best Buy, how can I help you?

Caller: Hi, can I talk to the electronics department?

Me: ..... .... .......This is an ELECTRONICS STORE.

I should call up a Safeway, and ask if i can speak to the Food Department.

[Buff]

I worked at Canadian Tire and there was a guy in the Auto Department that wasn't very bright (unfortunately he shared the same first name as me). I called him up, pretending to be a customer, and it went something like this:

me: Do you have any Fallopian tubes?

him: For what car?

me: 67' Honda Prelude

him: What was the part again?

me: Fallopian tubes

I could then hear him conversing with his supervisor:

him: What are Fallopian tubes?

supervisor (laughing): If you don't know I'm not the one who should be telling you!



I also got this guy on several other things. I had him looking for muffler bearings for a 1994 Ford Pinto, and the mechanic he was talking to had him believing that muffler bearings only existed for Honda's made in the 1950s.


I also had him looking for bumper stretchers and shock straighteners. People usually knew that I was ribbing him so they would play along with the joke if he would ask for some silly part.

[Looger]

i had a very bored roomate once that phoned canadian tire to get price and delivery on a 1971 VW beetle lower radiator hose.

the guy phoned back later saying he couldn't find it in stock!

he was really bored, that roomate...

[Antithesis]

A big gag that used to go around when I worked at Co-Op was asking newbies to go find the 20kg bags of puffed wheat.

[KGB33]

In Grade 11 Biology we had to do this presentation and I got paired up with another girl,not of my choosing. It was about organisms but she kept saying orgasms. She couldn't figure out why we were all laughing.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Inferno

I went to college with a guy who said one year he went on a class trip to Florida and one night went to a 7-11 and the guy working there asked him where he was from. After he told him Canada the guy asked him if it was true we live in Igloos. His response "Yeah man, but not just any Igloo. It's those new high tech Igloos with electricity". The guy actually fell for it and he had to tell him we live in houses just like Americans.

The blantant ignorance of some Americans is quite shocking. I ran into another in Arizona who asked if we still had cowboys and indians. Not sure if it has to do with their education system but it became quite apparent how little they knew about Canada.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Antithesis

A big gag that used to go around when I worked at Co-Op was asking newbies to go find the 20kg bags of puffed wheat.

I used to work for Safeway and we sent the new employees looking for a 40kg bag of puffed wheat. We'd get on the intercalm system and would ask so and so to get that puffed wheat out of the backroom. A customer was at the till when I did it last and he cracked up laughing. Said it was funniest gag he'd ever heard of

[OilersBaby]

Originally Posted by Winsor_Pilates

-One of my best friends in high school mispelled his own name on an exam. His name is Brad and he wrote down Bard. We still call him Bard til this day.

-

OMG, one of my best friends in high school did the same thing and we also still call him BARD. You didn't happen to go to high school in Fort McMurray, did you?

[OilersBaby]

Originally Posted by Dion

The blantant ignorance of some Americans is quite shocking. I ran into another in Arizona who asked if we still had cowboys and indians. Not sure if it has to do with their education system but it became quite apparent how little they knew about Canada.

I don't blame the Americans, I blame the education system/media. I feel that in the last 7 years that I've lived south of the border, I've become "stupid" in terms of knowing anything about international news (unless it has to do with the USA). I have to make the effort to go online to read about things happening everywhere else..it's not always on the news or in the newspaper like it is in Canada. Plus, I went to high school in Canada and college/uni in the USA and I learned more about international affairs in my grade 12 social studies class than I did the last 7 years of living here.

But yeah, Im still able to convince people that in Fort Mac, we cross country skiid to school..or took dogsleds...or snowshoed...and that our igloos our really well insulated and keep us warm and toasty in -40 C weather.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by OilersBaby

I don't blame the Americans, I blame the education system/media. I feel that in the last 7 years that I've lived south of the border, I've become "stupid" in terms of knowing anything about international news (unless it has to do with the USA). I have to make the effort to go online to read about things happening everywhere else..it's not always on the news or in the newspaper like it is in Canada. Plus, I went to high school in Canada and college/uni in the USA and I learned more about international affairs in my grade 12 social studies class than I did the last 7 years of living here.

But yeah, Im still able to convince people that in Fort Mac, we cross country skiid to school..or took dogsleds...or snowshoed...and that our igloos our really well insulated and keep us warm and toasty in -40 C weather.

The media system is a valid point. I always thought it was odd that American cable companies never seemed to carry any Canadian channels. When my parents had a winter home in Phoenix it used to drive me crazy not being able to watch the CBC or CTV national news on a nightly basis. My sister is a teacher in the Denver area and has also noticed a difference in the education systems. She had all her schooling in Canada but ended up moving Stateside with her hubby. The pro America bias leaves her in disbelief. She has to go on the internet or phone home to see what's going on in Canada.

[I_H8_Crawford]

A couple ones I have:

When I was in University, I worked part time at the IBM Store - literally once a week I would get a customer in asking "Where are the cell phones? You're Telus, aren't you?"
Finally, the store was closing down and I was soon to be out of a job - buddy comes into the half-empty store and asks where the cell phones are. I reply "Well, we're not Telus, but IBM has developed a brand new cell phone using nano technology!"
Customer: "Really?!"
Me:"Yes! We install a receiver chip and mic in your head, and you answer the phone with your thoughts!"
Customer: "That sounds expensive! How do you install it?"
My tech was listening to the exchange, so he steps out with a power drill and gives the trigger a few pulls while pointing towards his temple and I say "It'll take him about an hour for you."
Customer glares at me and says "You're lying! You can't install that here! I would have to have it installed in the hospital, so tell me how much that would be!"
I laughed buddy right out of the store.

Another story, I worked selling cell phones. Customer comes up and looks at one of the dummy PDA phones. This particular phone has one of those screens that show a different image if you look at it from a different angle. Customer says to me "This phone is cool, but I can't use it!" Me:"Why not?" Customer:"This screen is all messed up, I can only see 2 things on it!" Me: Staring at the guy waiting for the punchline. Customer: "Do you see this? How do you use this screen properly? What kind of ######ed company makes a screen like this on their $700 phone?" Me:"Sir, I don't think it is the company that is ######ed..."

It's a good thing my managers liked me and my sales...

[Fozzie_DeBear]

A guy at my high school showed up at a football practise with his shoes on the wrong feet (new nickname "ret*rd"...nice huh?). Another guy asks during our (full contact) football practice "How many Steamboats do we give the QB?" (new nickname "Steamer")

My wife was working at Earls (West Hills) when the manager sent another waitress out to the other restaraunts in West Hills to get a cup of 'fellatio' because the kitchen was all out. Poor girl went to at least five places...

A buddy of mine was doing his Phd and was dating a girl for a few years...until one night they were watching the news and there was a report on the shuttle disaster, she then turns to him and with 1000% sincerity stated that she had no idea mankind had EVER been into space...that pretty much ended the relationship then and there...

[Flames_18_22_12]

Originally Posted by BlackEleven

Her: Where are those people from?
Me: Jamacia
Her: Both of them?
Me: Yes
Her: Well why aren't they speaking Jamacian to each other then?
Me: Why don't Canadians speak Canadian to each other then?

I have a story similar to that one. I was down in Arkansas playing baseball and I had a conversation with a ball boy that went like this:

Ballboy: Hey, where are y'all from?
Me: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Ballboy: Oh...Well why don't you speak Canadian?
Me: Pardon?
Ballboy: Speak Canadian for me.
Me: English is the dominant language where I am from.
Ballboy: But those figure skaters have an accent. (talking about Sele and Pelletier, this was shortly after they were ripped off at the Olympics)
Me: They speak French.

Frustrated, I just walked away after that.

[Gravitykillr]

I work in a post office and I'll constatly answer the phone "Hello Sarcee Postal Outet" and get the Repsonse of "could you put me through to the post office" or same opening and response of "I have a package there and i wonder if you've got it" or same opening and response of "Are you open today?" , the post office is actually in a 7-11 so I'll work on the store side sometimes and every year around christmas I'll get asked "what days are you closed?" my answer "we don't close ever not at all 24/7" response" really?" my response after the customer leaves "Moron of course I'm going to lie we close all the time" or on the odd occasion we do have to close generally on the night shift due to lack of staff we'll put up a sign "Sorry Due to Lack of staff we are closed until 5am" and next day guranteed we'll get some bright person come in an say "Last night I cam to buy smokes and you were closed, did you get robbed?" response "Nope we had a sign up, did you not see it?"

[Hack&Lube]

Originally Posted by BlackEleven

I think you said in another thread she was danish? I assure you, as a speaker of norwegian, the scissors thing is confusing... I mean its only one thing, why does it end in 's'?

I bet she gets confused about money too right? "I spent all of them" instead of "I spent all of it". And "how will you spend your monies" instead of "how will you spend your money"... confusing stuff, I tell you.

Does she understand the difference between a pant and pants? That's probably the easiest way to explain it. "Pass me my pant!" (uses scissor to cut a pair of pants in half).