Successful Marriage Criteria: 90% Marry Once

[ernie]

Married in their 30s.
Married for 10 years.
Married when we were both 21. Known each other since 14. Started dating when we 17/16.

Did not live together in a common-law relationship before wedding.
Lived together for nearly 3 years. Engaged for the entire time with date set.

Had children.
First one on the way

Attended religious services.
Nope

Were university educated.
we both have Ph. D.'s

Believed that marriage was important for happiness.never would have married or even be in a relationship if I didn't believe that.

It's really about a few things: Marrying for the right reasons (i.e. you want to spend the rest of your life with one person etc.), working through conflicts, compromising and simply communicating. A successful marriage isn't some weird secret formula.

[Buff]

Originally Posted by Reaper

My wife and I lived together before we were married. However, we were engaged with a date set before co-habitating. Was living together before we were married a cop out? No. Did it show a reluctance to commit? Nope.

Well that is a bit of a different story. You were already preparing to make the lifelong commitment. You weren't co-habitating as a means of convenience or way of finding out if you can live with the person.

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by Buff

Well that is a bit of a different story. You were already preparing to make the lifelong commitment. You weren't co-habitating as a means of convenience or way of finding out if you can live with the person.

Ah, but we were co-habitating as a means of convenience in a manner of speaking.

We started renting the apartment together in the middle of February, I proposed in March, I moved in at the beginning of June and we were married the following May.

Leave it to me to have every statistical variance when testing your hypothesis.

[Eagle Eye]

My (GF at the time) wife and I moved in together while I was in school, I proposed to her the next summer. So we lived together a year dating and a year engage. We (I) had no problem with commitments and we talked about marriage while we were living together.

I hate when people generalize , how do you know why I moved in with my soon to be wife? Just because you (Buff) believe that it is a cop-out doesnt mean it is. If it is becuase of a religous belief, good for you I dont have a religous bone in my body and I could care less.

And

Married in their 30s.
Got married when I was 23 and my wife was 25

Did not live together in a common-law relationship before wedding.
Lived together for 2 years (1 being engaged) before getting married

Had children.
Have a 3 year old boy and baby on the way

Attended religious services.
Definitly not

Were university educated.
SAIT grad and my wife is a Mount Royal Grad

Believed that marriage was important for happiness.
Of course thats why we wanted to get married

[Ironhorse]

Originally Posted by Buff

You forgot when you got married? Sheesh, I never have that problem. (We had the date and our names engraved on the inside or our rings)

I think we did too, but I never take my ring off, so I can't read it...

I lived with my wife when she first joined me in my apartment, but when we bought a house we got engaged before moving in. Happily married going on 7 years now. We have 1 child, with another on the way. We have not stepped inside a church in a religious capacity since we were married (but were married inside of a church, since we both deemed that important). We both believe in having a happy marriage.

[MolsonInBothHands]

Originally Posted by Dominicwasalreadytaken

I'm not sure how living together for a year gives you the 'full story' on how a lifelong committment is going to go. It's only a year.

Well certainly, the 'full story' on my wife isn't complete until the hit I have on her is fulfilled. However, if you haven't got to know the person well enough after a year or two of living together, would you not agree that should be a good indication of what your decision should be? IMO, you need to encounter some real life day to day domestic challenges. A good dust up, and how you overcome it is a good measurement of how a life long partnership will exist.

I have had friends get engaged, and tell me, "Oh, we're sooooo, in love. We have NEVER had a fight." My wife and I just laugh at them, if you haven't had a fight yet, you haven't really started talking to each other yet." When my wife and I were going out, we were notorious for scrapping, and will still have some doozies, but we have out lasted everyone of our friends to date.

[Cube Inmate]

Originally Posted by Buff

Both. Only a small sampling of my friends who lived with their other half before marriage are still married. There once was a time when I wasn't opposed to it, but now I think it is a bad idea based on observations and my rediscovered religious beliefs.

Thanks for the answer. I can't dispute your observations...it is what it is, and your friends seem to match up with the survey results. Of those who lived apart before marriage, were they abstinent too? Based on religious morals, or other grounds? Of those who lived together...for how long? Was it their only shacking-up, or had their been other failed ones previously?

I've seen a pair of religious 21-yr-olds get married quickly just because they were anxious to be able to have sex. Frankly, if they respect the church's rules enough to abstain before marriage, then they probably respect the rules enough that they'll try to avoid divorce a little more fervently than a non-religious couple. In that respect, perhaps they're less likely to get divorced. Will they be happy in their long marriage? Maybe. Personally, though, I wouldn't want to be making a lifelong commitment partially on the basis of raging hormones. I'd rather commit (and will, next year) on the basis of "I love my life with you, and I want to continue it forever."

To each his own.

[Buff]

While I still believe that many people co-habitate before marriage because of a reluctance to commit, I will agree that there exceptions to the rule.