Is your wife, girlfriend or partner ALWAYS exhausted???

[pylon]

I wish.

My wife is 41 and doesn't stop. Up at 6:00 or earlier every day to work out. Goes to work a 9-10 hour day, comes home, walks the dogs for 45 minutes, and sometimes works out again. Having a gym in the basement helps.

We go camping to 'relax'. Hey, I really would like to try a new hike. And by hike, it's not the typical social media cheater, let's go 1/3 of the way and take selfies for instagram and pretend we made it to the top... no, let's hike a frikking mountain and sign the register at the top.

Mountain biking is done in the literal sense. She's a frikking walking, breathing, Monster Energy drink. And most of her friends around the same age seem to be the same. Maybe there's some sort of generational thing going on. Or maybe it's the company she keeps.

In the end I don't mind as it keeps me fitter and mentally younger than I'd otherwise be, but sometimes it would be nice to relax, relax. Not "OMG THEY HAVE WHITE WATER RAFTING HERE DID YOU BRING A HELMET!?" relax.

[Street Pharmacist]

Originally Posted by Nyah

I'd argue that we (the modern women) are more like machines than older generations. In a lot of cases we still have to do all those things, and also maintain full time employment because houses aren't $10,000 anymore. Drive kids to and from sports/activities, maintain relationships and somehow try to find time for ourselves in there somewhere.



So, yeah. We're tired a lot of the time.

I actually think it's more than just this. With the advent of social media the effects of gender stereotypes become stronger. My wife's social media is filled with posts of happy mom's and happy kids and clean houses and other signs of successful stereotypically "female" lifestyle things. Meanwhile we have kids who argue and don't eat their vegetables and dishes from breakfast are still on the table when we get home from work and it's hard to be so hard on yourself so much for not measuring up to an unrealistic standard.

[chemgear]

Comparison still seems like the thief of joy (and rest).

Some of these stories about keeping up with kid activities and appearances with the neighbors sounds tiring just to read. Nevermind the mental destruction of social media.

Don't forget to rest and take care of yourselves!

[RichieRich]

Years back we made a conscious choice to limit the number of activities each week. So instead of trying to do it all, pick 1-2 important ones to do more frequently, and the rest can be once in a while (ie quarterly or less often even). I see some friends and work colleagues that have 2-3 kids and EACH kid has 3-4 activities/weekly and gets to the point where they literally have other people help drive kids around. Then they wonder why they're always at each other, why the kids are misbehaving, why the kids aren't doing as well as they could be with grades or socially, why they're always exhausted, etc etc... Throw in too much technology, notifications, social media, TV, etc etc...

So yeah, a lot of this is self-inflicted although few sit still long enough to actually think about it. Instead they complain. Nah man, it's good in our society to be "so busy". B.S.

It's amazing when you take most of that "filler stuff" away that everyone settles the F down, is more rested, is more fun to be with, is more spontaneous, has time to actually read a book or do a puzzle, or to practice other self care etc etc...

Anyways, time to take my own advice and go read or do something calming so I recover enough to be a weekend warrior again and go into next work week exhausted.

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by Street Pharmacist

I actually think it's more than just this. With the advent of social media the effects of gender stereotypes become stronger. My wife's social media is filled with posts of happy mom's and happy kids and clean houses and other signs of successful stereotypically "female" lifestyle things. Meanwhile we have kids who argue and don't eat their vegetables and dishes from breakfast are still on the table when we get home from work and it's hard to be so hard on yourself so much for not measuring up to an unrealistic standard.

Gotta get off Facebook especially. All you're seeing is people's greatest hits.

[Wormius]

But everyone is smart enough to realize that all of those immaculate homes and happy kids are not authentic, right? It’s all staged. Nobody is showing off their normal home with dusty baseboards or their shower with a pube-laden bar of soap next to two different brands of shampoo and conditioner.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by Wormius

But everyone is smart enough to realize that all of those immaculate homes and happy kids are not authentic, right? It’s all staged. Nobody is showing off their normal home with dusty baseboards or their shower with a pube-laden bar of soap next to two different brands of shampoo and conditioner.

It's worse than that. Authentic or not, people weirdly want to compare themselves to a 1000 headed angle of happy people.

I've had conversations with people who compare themselves to a 100 headed happy face. Of course they're going to be depressed. Not only are they comparing themselves at their worst to someone's best, they're comparing themselves to someone's best of 100 people. I don't understand why people fantasize about reaching an impossible goal like that.

[Street Pharmacist]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Gotta get off Facebook especially. All you're seeing is people's greatest hits.

I'll give you her number. Perhaps you can convince her

[TrentCrimmIndependent]

Originally Posted by pylon

I wish.

My wife is 41 and doesn't stop. Up at 6:00 or earlier every day to work out. Goes to work a 9-10 hour day, comes home, walks the dogs for 45 minutes, and sometimes works out again. Having a gym in the basement helps.

We go camping to 'relax'. Hey, I really would like to try a new hike. And by hike, it's not the typical social media cheater, let's go 1/3 of the way and take selfies for instagram and pretend we made it to the top... no, let's hike a frikking mountain and sign the register at the top.

Mountain biking is done in the literal sense. She's a frikking walking, breathing, Monster Energy drink. And most of her friends around the same age seem to be the same. Maybe there's some sort of generational thing going on. Or maybe it's the company she keeps.

In the end I don't mind as it keeps me fitter and mentally younger than I'd otherwise be, but sometimes it would be nice to relax, relax. Not "OMG THEY HAVE WHITE WATER RAFTING HERE DID YOU BRING A HELMET!?" relax.

That sounds like it was fun for a month or two.

It's fine to be the sign the register types, but there must be patio beers in there too .. to bring balance

[TrentCrimmIndependent]

Originally Posted by Street Pharmacist

I actually think it's more than just this. With the advent of social media the effects of gender stereotypes become stronger. My wife's social media is filled with posts of happy mom's and happy kids and clean houses and other signs of successful stereotypically "female" lifestyle things. Meanwhile we have kids who argue and don't eat their vegetables and dishes from breakfast are still on the table when we get home from work and it's hard to be so hard on yourself so much for not measuring up to an unrealistic standard.

Yeah. Some people's lives are a perpetual photo op.

Looks like nice on the surface... in reality, probably ####ing exhausting.

[TrentCrimmIndependent]

Originally Posted by chemgear

Comparison still seems like the thief of joy (and rest).

Some of these stories about keeping up with kid activities and appearances with the neighbors sounds tiring just to read. Nevermind the mental destruction of social media.

Don't forget to rest and take care of yourselves!

Definitely. I think if you want to get the healthiest and most "whole" you've felt in years, phase out your social media activity, namely your attention to it. That's key because it's said that scarce posters who mostly just browse friends content may suffer from facebook depression (real term) more than any one.

The whole thing is a paradox in reality. The more you're focused/in on the "game" the more you'll feel like you're losing it, because of the hypersensitivity that you develop around it.

There will never be a shortage of people to make impressions on, and no shortage of upkeep to maintain whatever image you've established. But none of it's real/has any substance. It just creates an impression of social standing which is why it's hard for people to stop (but most people aren't actually even friends nor tangibly connected with their 2000 followers).

It also makes social relationships less fulfilling when you're already privy to being a fly on the wall to their past week/month/year since you've met up with them. So it leaves nothing to surprise and dulls catching up.

May also be smart to limit your time browsing CP. While it's not quite the same, I think a lot of the same effects happen with excessive engagement on here. If you're living through the forum in a way, what is said will begin to matter and have more effect on you than it should.

We literally see this every day in some thread.

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

It's worse than that. Authentic or not, people weirdly want to compare themselves to a 1000 headed angle of happy people.

I've had conversations with people who compare themselves to a 100 headed happy face. Of course they're going to be depressed. Not only are they comparing themselves at their worst to someone's best, they're comparing themselves to someone's best of 100 people. I don't understand why people fantasize about reaching an impossible goal like that.

For sure. Had a friend on facebook and it was all pictures of her husband and son and vacation to many many resorts. Then the pictures suddenly stopped for months. They had divorced.

[GirlySports]

Another thing, my single guy friends are really complaining about dating. Can't keep up with these girls. The guy just wants to date and spend quality time. The girl wants him to take her to all these places for selfies and photos to post in Facebook. I know a guy who was in a quite serious relationship and was thinking of engagement. The girl demanded at least a $10,000 ring to match her friends'. He dumped her.

I'm sure you guys here have experienced or heard similar things. This is what makes things exhuasting.

[Icantwhisper]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Another thing, my single guy friends are really complaining about dating. Can't keep up with these girls. The guy just wants to date and spend quality time. The girl wants him to take her to all these places for selfies and photos to post in Facebook. I know a guy who was in a quite serious relationship and was thinking of engagement. The girl demanded at least a $10,000 ring to match her friends'. He dumped her.

I'm sure you guys here have experienced or heard similar things. This is what makes things exhuasting.

I'm old so I might not know but I hope it was just one bad apple, my girlfriend and her friends are all about experiences and not material goods. As a general rule I'd hope that as you get older you realize that the "keeping up with the jones" isn't going to make you happy. And if your SO is all about material goods and appearances, in my mind that's a giant red flag.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Another thing, my single guy friends are really complaining about dating. Can't keep up with these girls. The guy just wants to date and spend quality time. The girl wants him to take her to all these places for selfies and photos to post in Facebook. I know a guy who was in a quite serious relationship and was thinking of engagement. The girl demanded at least a $10,000 ring to match her friends'. He dumped her.

I'm sure you guys here have experienced or heard similar things. This is what makes things exhuasting.

If you get in a serious relationship and don’t realize that your partner is that materialistic until you are thinking of an engagement ring you probably failed at evaluating your relationship.

Also a person in a relationship wanting to go out on dates isn’t an unreasonable thing. That photos or selfies occur on these dates isn’t unreasonable. It’s sounds like these people are just not compatible and essentially just find each attractive. I’d bet in the Instagram person that the relationship started based on attraction to the pictures they are now complaining about. This seems self inflicted rather than structural.

[GGG]

I think one thing that isn’t discussed much is mental burdan of doing things.

The example that comes to my mind is Elf on the Shelf. What % of the time was moving the stupid elf and figuring out what it was going to do was left to your wife? I always thought the thing was stupid but my kids loved it and my wife was the driving force behind doing it. I maybe did 2-3 per year so say 10%.

This is something that adds mental work, completely unnecessary and could be cut, but also brings a lot of happiness. Being blatantly sexist and including myself
I think this kind of thing disproportionately falls on women in relationships and the excuse used for non participation or lower participation is that it’s your thing.

So somewhere in there if your partner is exhausted taking on some of these mental burdensome tasks that they feel are important that you feel are unnecessary will reduce stress rather than just telling them to do less.

[TheIronMaiden]

Originally Posted by pylon

I wish.

My wife is 41 and doesn't stop. Up at 6:00 or earlier every day to work out. Goes to work a 9-10 hour day, comes home, walks the dogs for 45 minutes, and sometimes works out again. Having a gym in the basement helps.

We go camping to 'relax'. Hey, I really would like to try a new hike. And by hike, it's not the typical social media cheater, let's go 1/3 of the way and take selfies for instagram and pretend we made it to the top... no, let's hike a frikking mountain and sign the register at the top.

Mountain biking is done in the literal sense. She's a frikking walking, breathing, Monster Energy drink. And most of her friends around the same age seem to be the same. Maybe there's some sort of generational thing going on. Or maybe it's the company she keeps.

In the end I don't mind as it keeps me fitter and mentally younger than I'd otherwise be, but sometimes it would be nice to relax, relax. Not "OMG THEY HAVE WHITE WATER RAFTING HERE DID YOU BRING A HELMET!?" relax.

Sounds like we're in the same boat. I don't mind, its better than sitting around watching the news.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Oh man **** Elf on the Shelf.

We told our oldest that he was such a good boy that the Elf on the Shelf was assigned to other houses to watch kids and report to Santa. That Santa didn't need to have the Elf in our house.

[Winsor_Pilates]

Women are tired because they have to do everything now; be a mom, take care of a house & work full time.
A lot of men are useless tools who don't do much but play video games & smoke vapes all day too.

More women joining the workforce and getting into higher prestige jobs was appropriate for equality but people didn't consider the side effects to a women's ability to still raise kids or the dynamic of a household in general.

But now we're also at a stage where 2 incomes are needed to afford anything so people are stretched very thin.
I think someone here recently mentioned Elizabeth Warren's book The Two Income Trap.
The premise seems spot on.

[you&me]

I think the root cause of being tired all the time is a result of stress, as prolonged stress can lead to chronic fatigue and poor sleep and it becomes a perpetual drain.

I think a lot of the posts alluding to comparison being the thief of joy are bang on. Reading through this thread, it feels like a lot of stress is unnecessary and the result of too much self-imposed pressure to keep up appearances and the people with more of a DGAF mentality are on the lower side of stress spectrum...

I mean, Sliver hasn't posted in this thread, and by all accounts has the ingredients of a stressful life - kids, wife, running a business with employees relying on him, etc - but he also appears to live a very DGAF lifestyle.