Honestly from my own similar experience and from talking to female friends, there is no proven formula. Some women want to text instantly many times a day and will lose attention if you don't text immediately. Other women find it clingy. At the end of the day, as long as you yourself are not being overly aloof, a truly interested woman will want to pursue the relationship with you. However you really have to read the room.
In the modern age most single people, who are dating, are probably dating multiple people at once. Don't expect any loyalty or monogamy until that's been firmly established. You will get ghosted as women persue other options.
I actually had three women that had ghosted me get in touch with me 6 months to a year after the ghosting, but by then I was already in a new relationship.
So to sum it up, it might be just them. People, of both genders, will ghost. Most people don't feel the need for a formal breakup after a few casual dates, or they may want to keep the possibility open for later.
All you can do is just try to read the woman as best as possible. Or maybe just do your own thing until you find someone that's cool with whatever you're doing.
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It's a numbers game. If you don't click, you don't click and ghosting is the easiest way to avoid drama - especially from the gal's perspective. If you have a good day on Tinder and match with 10-15 women, a corresponding woman will have matched with 5 or 6 times that number in men. And all those men are blasting her with DMs of varying quality and grossness.
Definitely. And if it was tinder/other dating site you met her on, as soon as you guys click give her your # and switch off tinder to texting ASAP. You don't want her to be checking her other matches/DMs every time you write her a message.
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It's a numbers game. If you don't click, you don't click and ghosting is the easiest way to avoid drama - especially from the gal's perspective. If you have a good day on Tinder and match with 10-15 women, a corresponding woman will have matched with 5 or 6 times that number in men. And all those men are blasting her with DMs of varying quality and grossness.
My advice, be funny.
Full disclosure, not a tinder user, but based on what the internet has taught me 10-15 matches a day is probably a dream scenario for most guys. Depends on the girls you are swiping but if you only swipe on the hottest girls and you’re unattractive/bad pics/bad profile you could go weeks with only a handful of matches, or worse, none.
Full disclosure, not a tinder user, but based on what the internet has taught me 10-15 matches a day is probably a dream scenario for most guys. Depends on the girls you are swiping but if you only swipe on the hottest girls and you’re unattractive/bad pics/bad profile you could go weeks with only a handful of matches, or worse, none.
Tall, fit, decent job, not a psycho.
All will get you far in the dating world.
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Well I must say it has been really interesting reading all these posts for a thread that I had started. Thank you to all who offered some advice, perspective and some good humor. A couple of points I wanted to clarify and expand on so people have a better idea as to some specific examples.
1) I am 34 and I am only really going after girls, women, females within 3-4 years of me.
2) It's not really an endless texting and flirting situation I am running into. It's more dying VERY quickly after only a couple of messages, usually within a day or two and sometimes strangely fast.
3) It's not getting ghosted after a date or two, I haven't actually even gone out these women at all. Other than our face to face interactions or first time meeting them, I haven't officially gone out with them.
Like I had said in previous posts, it's not so much of a problem I am experiencing, more along of a TREND I am seeing. I am having a tough time differentiating why a couple of these girls are ghosting me and others are very interested and thrilled. I am not doing anything different.
A couple of quick examples: I was at a wedding and at the same table was another women who I know but not very well. We talked throughout the evening drinking wine and then the wine was finished at the wedding for all the guests, she was disappointed. I told her I'd like to take her out for a glass sometime and asked for her number. She responded very nicely and with her number written down, great! I messaged her a couple of days later and asked when she was free for a drink and she responded with some excuses of being busy with work and some travel coming up etc. I got blown off right away, I get it, no worries. Why give me your number when I asked?
Another girl who I have liked for a LONG time but was always in a relationship with another guy suddenly became single. A mutual friend who she worked with mentions how interested I am and she passes along her number to him to give to me. I was a little shocked but excited. He straight up says "She's expecting YOUR CALL" In this case I should have called like Captain says but I texted. Asked her out pretty much right away since I actually know her. She ask's why I am interested and than blows me off. Mutual friend is convinced I "screwed it up" and when I show him the messages says "Wow, this b**** is CRAZY, she was adamant about giving you her number"
Another time I was alone at a coffee shop doing some work. The women sitting next to me asked politely if I could watch her purse, iPhone, laptop and other belongings as she needed to go to the washroom. I said yes, no problem. When she came back I asked her why she felt the need to trust a total stranger with such valuables and she said I seemed "like a great guy"
The ensuing conversation which lasted approx 90 minutes can only be described as amazing. It was a very high quality conversation that was deep, understanding, funny and thoughtful. We covered a ton of topics and were really clicking. If this had been a first official date at a coffee shop, this would have been wonderful and rock solid. Propped up by the confidence and click I felt during this conversation, I asked for her number and she gave it and seemed really interested.
When I called her to see if she wanted to go for another coffee she seemed disinterested and cold and blew me off. It was actually this example that kind of was the start of this trend of sometimes getting a number and than have it die very quickly for no apparent reason.
Like I said before, not something I am really concerned with, more perplexed. It's like I never got the memo on getting someone's number and getting blown off or ghosted right away. When I have been on the receiving end of someone's attention and been asked out, I will say sorry but I don't feel the connection. Straight up.
Sorry about another long post but I wanted to provide some greater context.
Last edited by curves2000; 11-23-2019 at 10:18 PM.
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I just have a rule, if you're in a relationship past a few dates, then frankly sure ask her out by Text, since you're already moving into the casual phase of dating. But I in the beginning absolutely refuse to ask a someone out on a date via text. It seems like its too 0 effort and you're hiding from the possibility of rejection behind your phone. Maybe that's just me.
All things in life come down to making a sale, not to rip off a movie, but either you sell her, or she sells you.
I'd be intrested in your answers to the question that she asked you "Why are you interested" That's a huge question, maybe by a girl with low self esteem that wants to be flattered. Or a girl with a huge defensive wall because she's been hurt in the past. Oh and by the way if a woman asks that question and you're a little bit drunk don't answer with "Because you're hot and I'm horny". Too honest man and it doesn't get you the answer that you want.
__________________
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Last edited by CaptainCrunch; 11-23-2019 at 10:42 PM.
Full disclosure, not a tinder user, but based on what the internet has taught me 10-15 matches a day is probably a dream scenario for most guys. Depends on the girls you are swiping but if you only swipe on the hottest girls and you’re unattractive/bad pics/bad profile you could go weeks with only a handful of matches, or worse, none.
That's generally because tinder wants you to buy their gold service, so they filter in the matches slowly. Before the tinder gold days, especially in new cities, 10-15 matches in a day wasn't really that hard. Now I liken it to crabbing; you put the traps/bait (likes) out there and come back in a day or two and see if you've caught anything.
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Well I must say it has been really interesting reading all these posts for a thread that I had started. Thank you to all who offered some advice, perspective and some good humor. A couple of points I wanted to clarify and expand on so people have a better idea as to some specific examples.
1) I am 34 and I am only really going after girls, women, females within 3-4 years of me.
2) It's not really an endless texting and flirting situation I am running into. It's more dying VERY quickly after only a couple of messages, usually within a day or two and sometimes strangely fast.
3) It's not getting ghosted after a date or two, I haven't actually even gone out these women at all. Other than our face to face interactions or first time meeting them, I haven't officially gone out with them.
Like I had said in previous posts, it's not so much of a problem I am experiencing, more along of a TREND I am seeing. I am having a tough time differentiating why a couple of these girls are ghosting me and others are very interested and thrilled. I am not doing anything different.
A couple of quick examples: I was at a wedding and at the same table was another women who I know but not very well. We talked throughout the evening drinking wine and then the wine was finished at the wedding for all the guests, she was disappointed. I told her I'd like to take her out for a glass sometime and asked for her number. She responded very nicely and with her number written down, great! I messaged her a couple of days later and asked when she was free for a drink and she responded with some excuses of being busy with work and some travel coming up etc. I got blown off right away, I get it, no worries. Why give me your number when I asked?
Another girl who I have liked for a LONG time but was always in a relationship with another guy suddenly became single. A mutual friend who she worked with mentions how interested I am and she passes along her number to him to give to me. I was a little shocked but excited. He straight up says "She's expecting YOUR CALL" In this case I should have called like Captain says but I texted. Asked her out pretty much right away since I actually know her. She ask's why I am interested and than blows me off. Mutual friend is convinced I "screwed it up" and when I show him the messages says "Wow, this b**** is CRAZY, she was adamant about giving you her number"
Another time I was alone at a coffee shop doing some work. The women sitting next to me asked politely if I could watch her purse, iPhone, laptop and other belongings as she needed to go to the washroom. I said yes, no problem. When she came back I asked her why she felt the need to trust a total stranger with such valuables and she said I seemed "like a great guy"
The ensuing conversation which lasted approx 90 minutes can only be described as amazing. It was a very high quality conversation that was deep, understanding, funny and thoughtful. We covered a ton of topics and were really clicking. If this had been a first official date at a coffee shop, this would have been wonderful and rock solid. Propped up by the confidence and click I felt during this conversation, I asked for her number and she gave it and seemed really interested.
When I called her to see if she wanted to go for another coffee she seemed disinterested and cold and blew me off. It was actually this example that kind of was the start of this trend of sometimes getting a number and than have it die very quickly for no apparent reason.
Like I said before, not something I am really concerned with, more perplexed. It's like I never got the memo on getting someone's number and getting blown off or ghosted right away. When I have been on the receiving end of someone's attention and been asked out, I will say sorry but I don't feel the connection. Straight up.
Sorry about another long post but I wanted to provide some greater context.
Ultimately it doesn't matter why, assuming you don't smell, wear sweatpants and an oilers jersey or send a girl a dick pic with your first text, many, many, many decades ago finding a girl tended to mean asking a girl to dance at a party or club and you got shot down in flames 99 out of 100 times, you just kept banging your head against the wall though because we didn't have internet porn in those days so it was pick up a girl or nothing.
Every girl that has ghosted you had a different reason, from they had a fella already and just liked the attention or they didn't much like you but were being polite or things got busy at work, it doesn't really matter though, move on to the next one.
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You make it sound simple but you’ve instantly disqualified 95% of the population.
Think of how this would sound from a guy’s perspective. Oh I’m only looking for a girl who is attractive, skinny, can support herself financially and shares all my interests (sports, beer, video games, comic books, whatever). Dating is easy!
Not to mention tall, fit and decent job are all extremely vague. Those all mean vastly different things to different people.
You make it sound simple but you’ve instantly disqualified 95% of the population.
Think of how this would sound from a guy’s perspective. Oh I’m only looking for a girl who is attractive, skinny, can support herself financially and shares all my interests (sports, beer, video games, comic books, whatever). Dating is easy!
Not to mention tall, fit and decent job are all extremely vague. Those all mean vastly different things to different people.
Dating sucks. I make no bones about it. I'm glad that I am not a short dude.
That said, a dude can go far by just being fit and relatively interesting.
I have no problems communicating with my dates, I find my biggest problem is trying to get all the air out of them when I need to put them back in the dresser.
You say dresser, but if it was a good date you should run them through the washing machine first
Dating sucks. I make no bones about it. I'm glad that I am not a short dude.
That said, a dude can go far by just being fit and relatively interesting.
I don’t know if I’d say it sucks, but it can. Each person’s expectations I think play a huge roll in that part.
Again fit is a relative term but I think being interesting is important. At least in the context of the person you’re looking for. Interesting to you may be boring to me.
Someone mentioned funny earlier. That seems most accurate of all. I was just talking to a friend earlier this evening about the fact Colin Jost, Jason Sudekis and John Krazinski are married to ScarJo, Olivia Wilde and Emily Blunt respectively. Making a girl laugh gets you far.
Sorry curves this is all OT and not very helpful but best of luck. You may just be on a bit of an unlucky streak right now. Based on your most recent response I’d say keep at it and don’t lose confidence. No harm in trying to improve your dating/texting skills but try not to overthink it.
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There is also an incredible cynicism with women about the dating apps because they have basically become an open sewer.
I mean that runs both direction. The amount of trashy women I've run into on these things is kind of impressive really. Plus you also have to sift through the ones that are using Tinder, etc., just to collect more Instagram and snapchat followers.
I'm also going to give kind of a hot take here by saying that Canadian women or at least Vancouver/Victoria women are particularly flakey. Any time I've used these apps while traveling, they've been a pretty good way to meet women in other cities, and I find that women who come here from other countries are far more enthusiastic about meeting up and less likely to ghost than the local women I talk to on the apps. I couldn't really guess what the reason for that is but that's been my experience.
